bluewolf17 Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 I am 26 yrs old. My mom and dad have been married 30 years and are very happy. I am a daddys girl, 100%. My father and I are very similiar, and I feel like he "gets me". Both my parents have been very good to me, and I would say I had a very happy childhood. My problem stemming back to about 12-13 yrs old-I feel like I have no connection to my mom, and I feel really bad about it. She is a good mom. She gave me and my brother what she could. We were by no means spoiled. My mom taught me the value of working hard and earning what you get. But we had our needs met. My mom came to every volleyball/softball game. She coached some teams..etc. So why do I feel like I have nothing in common with her? I don't live at home, but I don't live far away. I visit my parents a few times a week and mostly chat with my dad. When I talk to my mom sometimes I just feel annoyed and I feel so guilty over it. I don't even know what to talk to her about! She doesn't follow politics, she doesn't read (except romance novels). I find myself feeling like I am not even her daughter. The only thing we have in common is my dad, and volleyball. When I try to tell her things about my life (how school is going, how work is, about my vacations, etc) she acts so disinterested. I feel like what I do is not important to her, and vice versa. For example, I got straight A's last term in college (and I work full time) so I was very proud of this. My dad praised me. My mom simply asked when I would finally be done. I went to Europe a few weeks ago. My dad wanted to see pictures and ask me about the food (were Italian, that's all we care about). My mom only asked me how much I spent. For you moms (or whoever) out there. Please give me advice. I really want to be closer to my mom. I don't want to feel annoyed and distant from her. I have told her that her indifference to me has bothered me, and in the past she just tells me that "I am so independent, why do I need to worry about you? You always have handled yourself the right way and I know you will always come out on top". She tells me she feels I don't need "praise" from her. It's not that I NEED praise, I just want to feel like she is my mom. It's sad when I form relationship with my friends, boyfriends, etc moms, and wish they were my mom Link to post Share on other sites
Author bluewolf17 Posted August 20, 2009 Author Share Posted August 20, 2009 No one ? Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 do something together that the BOTH of you might enjoy OUTSIDE the house or home setting. Get to know her as a person (and her you). That might shine a new facet on y'alls relationship that could be quite satisfying for you both. as for the lack of praise, some people just arent wired to give it, even though they are proud of you. Don't hold it against her, don't wish for otherwise, but find other ways to connect with your mom. I imagine at some point, it'll just roll off her lips of her own volition. I never knew how much my dad loved his children until last year, and that was the biggest gift he could ever give me. I knew he loved us, he just never put it into words. It was always him there to help us out financially, give us things, spoil us, etc, but never ever "I love you and your brothers and sisters so very much." so dont give up, but don't make yourself crazy thinking about it, okay? It'll come. Link to post Share on other sites
aznprincess Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 well, even if you are family, people are still people and people are different in many ways. I think that your mom is like my mom, she is proud of you i am very sure about this but she doesnt want to congratulate or commend you because she might think you might stop there and dont push yourself anymore.. The only advice i could give you is to just try and make conversations about the things she loves like example, reading romance books.. just say.. "hey, ive read this book and I heard its great.." be very patient though... or give her a romance novel. Goodluck! Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 My mother once said something very interesting to me: "Your father and I are not Parents. we're a couple with children". I'm not about to go into a long history, because this is not my thread, but my mother was always a good mum. But she wasn't a mother. She went through the motions, but I don't think her heart was in it. Don't get me wrong. She and I get along very well. And I have my own grown-up daughter, who is now expecting a baby of her own.... So I'm gonna be a grandma, heck yeah!! Motherhood is a difficult coat to wear, because many, many times women have had children because of tradition, convention and pressure. not necessarily because they really, really wanted them. More women nowadays are willfully choosing to NOT have children - but you know, there is still a social resistance to that, in parts.... I mean, do YOU want children, some day? And if so - Why? That's a very important question, you know.... So maybe your mum is someone like that. A person with children. Not a parent..... Does that sound in any way logical, or shall I shaddup....? Link to post Share on other sites
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