New Again Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 How women can REALLY say NO http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/08/20/tf.really.say.no.how.to/index.html I especially loved the line "Dating should never be 'hanging out.' Save that for marriage." Yes? No? Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 i like and i agree.... save hanging out for marriage! Link to post Share on other sites
Author New Again Posted August 20, 2009 Author Share Posted August 20, 2009 The article didn't really explore the ambiguous daters/hanging out thing much, but it makes sense. "Hanging out" is ambiguous...can you imagine how many fewer threads there would be here if people didn't just "hang out" instead of going on an actual date? Little trickier once you get into a relationship though Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 amen to both those points! i used the term 'hanging out' to mean a guy i had slept with- but never really dated.... maybe we would go to a bar, but not a "date" date. Link to post Share on other sites
Vet Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 It seems like women definitely do have a harder time saying no, probably because of social pressures for them to please everyone, so they wind up in situations that they aren't comfortable with, but are still unable to detach themselves from. A man is making unwelcome, uncomfortable advances, but the woman doesn't straight up tell him "NO"; instead, she tries to drop hints that men like these are too stupid to pick up on, so they continue. Vicious cycle. The ambiguous dater isn't a male-only problem however. A lot of younger women also have this "hanging out" tendency, and on top of that, the "let's be friends first" mentality. When I was dating, if a girl (and I use that word purposefully) didn't want to commit to a real, actual date, it was a clear indication that she wasn't worth dating. Link to post Share on other sites
Hkizzle Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 How women can REALLY say NO http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/08/20/tf.really.say.no.how.to/index.html I especially loved the line "Dating should never be 'hanging out.' Save that for marriage." Yes? No? Oh come on, saying no to leghumpers and weirdos isn't hard. It's saying no to the good looking charming confident coversationist, who are actually jerks that require the real skill. Link to post Share on other sites
Vet Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 Oh come on, saying no to leghumpers and weirdos isn't hard. It's saying no to the good looking charming confident coversationist, who are actually jerks that require the real skill. Life is not one of your pick-up artist books. Link to post Share on other sites
Hkizzle Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 Life is not one of your pick-up artist books. What's your agenda anyway? All you comments directed at me have only one objective. To piss me off. Especially when I wasn't even talking to you. Grow up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author New Again Posted August 20, 2009 Author Share Posted August 20, 2009 Oh come on, saying no to leghumpers and weirdos isn't hard. It's saying no to the good looking charming confident coversationist, who are actually jerks that require the real skill. Am I correct in assuming you're a man? Of course men don't understand why it can be difficult for women to say no - they don't have leghumpers and weirdos bugging them, and everyone calling them b*tches when they DO say no. Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 There would be less leghumpers if more women did the approaching. Men do the vast majority of approaching so just by sheer probability there are going to be more male leghumpers. I think women would gain some good perspective by doing more of the initiating. Link to post Share on other sites
Vet Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 What's your agenda anyway? All you comments directed at me have only one objective. To piss me off. Especially when I wasn't even talking to you. Grow up. My "agenda" is to bring a voice of rationality to the conversation. My comments to you have two objectives: first, to point out how asinine your infantile beliefs about male-female relationship dynamics that perpetuate this idea that men are game playing, sexually and socially dysfunctional simpletons only interested in putting notches in the old bedpost are, and second... to piss you off. You first. Link to post Share on other sites
Hkizzle Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 Am I correct in assuming you're a man? Of course men don't understand why it can be difficult for women to say no - they don't have leghumpers and weirdos bugging them, and everyone calling them b*tches when they DO say no. Well I'm a big guy so anyone that could actually physically do harm to me, especially in a sexual manner would have to be extremly strong. So yeah you're right, I can't relate in that manner. However, I have had women I am not interested in the least hit on me. The last time was on a friggin boat that could hold 20 people and I could get away. So yeah I do know how hard it is to say no, without being rude, or showing no interest and they don't get it. Link to post Share on other sites
Hkizzle Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 My "agenda" is to bring a voice of rationality to the conversation. My comments to you have two objectives: first, to point out how asinine your infantile beliefs about male-female relationship dynamics that perpetuate this idea that men are game playing, sexually and socially dysfunctional simpletons only interested in putting notches in the old bedpost are, and second... to piss you off. You first. For all your wisdom. You still need to GROW UP, because if you were grown up you wouldn't have felt the urge or need to make your other post. Link to post Share on other sites
Hkizzle Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 There would be less leghumpers if more women did the approaching. Men do the vast majority of approaching so just by sheer probability there are going to be more male leghumpers. I think women would gain some good perspective by doing more of the initiating. Approaching is ok. Approach something way out of your league is not. If I was at a big party and saw supermodels and movie stars, I wouldn't start leghumping them. Link to post Share on other sites
Thaddeus Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 There would be less leghumpers if more women did the approaching. Men do the vast majority of approaching so just by sheer probability there are going to be more male leghumpers. I think women would gain some good perspective by doing more of the initiating.+1. Tanbark's got it nailed. Never happen though. Nobody voluntarily relinquishes their power, and that's what this is about. Power. Pure and simple. Women want the power to say yes or no, and they won't give that up without a fight, regardless of their talk of 'equality' and whatnot. Link to post Share on other sites
Vet Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 For all your wisdom. You still need to GROW UP, because if you were grown up you wouldn't have felt the urge or need to make your other post. Grown ups, more so than children, need to call each other on their bull****. To be in line with the thread, I think we all need to learn when to say "NO". Link to post Share on other sites
Hkizzle Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 Grown ups, more so than children, need to call each other on their bull****. To be in line with the thread, I think we all need to learn when to say "NO". You weren't calling anyone on any bull****. My comment had nothing to do with PUAs. I just said it's harder to say no to an attractive man. You comment was totally irrelevant and showed you had a personal agenda and thus a maturity level way below what you perceive yourself to be. If anything, your comment was the first comment not in line with the thread. So again, grow up. Link to post Share on other sites
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