Love for married man..driving me crazy!!

[mj108]

I'm going to try to make this short...but there are so many things to tell. I'm 32 years old with no kids. I separated with my husband (we were together 7 years) in Oct. 2001. Divorced Nov. 2002. The reason of the divorce is because he was abusive. I found out later in 2002 that he was cheating on me. Anyway, I met a guy (from one of my friends) in April 2002. When we met---I never experienced a feeling like that before and he says the same thing. At the time, he was separated from his wife. She was cheating on him and being abusive toward him and was on drugs. He does have children with her. Anyway, him and I dated for about 8 months months. I even met his kids and I love them as my own. We never had a sexual relationship because we both agreed that we were both still married and should wait and take it slow. We did hold hands and kiss;however, we never took it farther than that. We did have an emotional connection & romance as well. He was always honest with me and told me that he could go back to her. He always told me he didn't want to hurt me. Then the call came....he called me in Jan. 2003, to let me know that he was going back to her. He told me he had to be there for his kids...that they were the innocent ones in all of this. He told me that his wife was trying to get off the drugs & make a change. He was all in tears and told me that he would never forget me and that he would always be here for me. He said I would always be in his heart and that he would never forget the day when he met me...the feelings...the emotion. I've been trying to get over him. I really do love him so much...but I know I need to move on. As soon as this happened...2 months later...I met a guy and I jumped into a relationship with him. I'm with this new person now and I believe I was trying to get over 'married' man and I jumped too soon with this new person. I'm trying so hard to get over this married man...but he's always in my thoughts, on my mind, and in my dreams. Well, now I've heard his wife is up to her old tricks and he keeps telling friends to tell me hello. He's been asking about me constantly and even called me. So, now I don't know what to do because I still have feelings for him. I know if him and I got back together---we wouldn't rush into anything...like before but I would have the fear that he could go back to her. We have been around eachother after him and I called things off. We still remained friends throughout everything but I never did let go. I know you all may say to not go around him...but that's not easy...considering the fact I introduce my sister to his brother (whenever me and married man were going out) and now they are getting married!!!!! So any advice? Please help me with this. Thank you!

[moimeme]

If he is planning on leaving his wife and getting a divorce, there's no reason why you should not take him back. I can see that a man might feel he had to stay with his wife in this circumstance (assuming he's being truthful about the situation). He is quite right not to leave his kids in her sole care; he may not divorce unless he can get full custody - but if he does, take him back.

[Arabess]

I've said this before....and will say it again.....SOMETIMES real love has to know when to walk away. You can love him from a distance till you get over it...but if he wishes to make his marriage work....there in no way you can justify interrupting it due to your personal feelings.

 

Now, if his second attempt with her doesn't pan out (and it may not)....then you two can try again. If you think he will leave you for her next time she wants him back though.....that's not an easy relationship to be in. Maybe it would be best to let the air clear and let him decide what he really wants before you get back involved.

 

You can't control love. Love has a mind of it's own. You can, however, control your actions and reactions. To save your heart....I think I would exercise GREAT restraint....to minimize a full blown affair with a man who is YET to make you his first choice.

 

You take care of yourself.....I know this is a hard road to travel.

[Tonysweetie]

That is a tough situation, first of all, if you truely love this man I don't see why you should give up. You do sound sure of yourslef far as loving him. I can understand why he went back w/his wife b/c of their kids together. But if he does end up divorcing her I don't see why you two coudn't get into a relationship and take things slow. Just be careful b/c he could have a lot of hurt and heartbreak that comes with this whole situation so maybe being friends for a while and let him get over his wife and spend some time with his kids then maybe a love can happen. I wish you the best of luck! God Bless!!!!!

[mj108]

I want to thank each one of you for giving me your advice. I'm just going to step back for awhile and let time be the solution. If I do bump into him at my sisters house, since my sister and his brother live together....I'll just be friendly toward him like I am everyone else. It is hard controlling emotions, which I know most of you know how that goes. I'm just going to leave it in Gods hands. If it is meant to be...it'll be, right? I'm just glad him and I didn't take it farther in the relationship because I know it would be much harder to walk away. Thanks to you all for giving me advice. It has helped.

[mj108]

Well, here it is in May 2004. Just wanted to check in to tell ya'll the details of what has been going on in my life and this MM situation. I moved in with someone...and ran away from MM. I thought I would forget about MM. I mean, I never had a sexual relationship with him...so I would forget, right? Nope! I couldn't forget. Anyway, I moved inwith someone (and you can read from all my other post what I've been going through with him). Anyway, I'm moving out. Not because of MM. but because how I've been treated here. MM is going through divorce now...I'm still in love with him. It's been over 2 years now and I'm still in love with him. Him and I have talked and even talked about being together but we both decided it's not right....we both have told eachother that we want to be together. It is so hard being patient. I want to be with him so bad. There have been times that we made plans but broke them because we know it's not right. I have spent time with his kids and they mean the world to me. Him and I were suppose to be together this weekend but decided..it's not the right time. He has to get the divorce. I told him I didn't want to be a rebound...he told me I wouldn't. My question is...how long should I wait? I feel like a little kid now...but I want to do what's right. I mean, It's been over 2 years now. We have not had any sexual thing going on ...other than a kiss. Should I wait until the divorce is final or should I not wait at all? He is separated now but I don't want to get hurt and him go back. I feel as though if I have sex with him, and then he goes back...it would hurt alot worse. Any advice?

[socalgirl]

Sounds like you are in quite a bind. I've been waiting for my BFs divorce for over a year. When we met back then, he told me that the divorce would be final very soon. I took his word and became completely involved with him-I fell in love hard! I've learned how frustrating and painful it is to be involved with a separated man. For me, it feels like he can't be 100% open to a relationship with me until his divorce is final, but I made the mistake of jumping in with both feet into a committed relationship with him. From my experience my advise to you would be to continue to date other people and avoid entering into any sort of committed relationship with him. If it were me I would probably see him, but try to remain detached. If you're anything like me and you decide to enter into a relationship with him, you'll begin to feel frustrated, hurt, sad, angry and resentful when the divorce seems to be taking FOREVER.