Overwhelmed and need space...

[beachbum84]

Okay so since you don't know me I suppose even those this his highly inappropriate to ask of strangers, I am going to anyways. Any advice would be helpful on this topic.

 

 

Before my H I had only slept with 1 other man. It always hurt, I dreaded it so much. Needless to say I rarely thought about it, and the longer in between the better for me.

 

When I first started dating my H I was quickly informed of how much of a ladies man he is, and of his 2 week rule. Basically he could tell within 2 weeks if the girl was compatible, worth his time, or whatever his criteria was. Due to that rule his longest relationship was 1 month. That made me highly nervous. I knew coming in that he was quite experienced and I was not.

 

Obviously I made it past the 2 week period and somewhere in month 3 we finally "did it". He was like no man I had every been around before. I didn't know what "horny" meant until I saw him. Stupid I know. I remember our first time vividly as I was scared, overwhelmed, and nervous. What if he didn't like what he saw when my clothes came off, what if I sucked at it? On and on. I actually apologized for things that were really stupid, but since I had not had a good experience I didn't know it was common. I actually was mortified that I became wet, and apologized. He laughed it off and I felt SOOOO Stupid. But after that night something started to change within me. My sexuality was all of a sudden awakened and I could tell he thouroughly enjoyed it. It was like I was his lump of clay to mold and make to whatever he pleased. Not in a negative way of course.

 

Well by month 2 of marriage I couldn't get enough of him. It was awesome. I never imagined that would have ever happened in my life. Well it all came to a hault when I became pregnant. I gained a LOT of weight, and even before the weight gain he just wasn't interested. He said it was weird, he didn't feel like it. Excuse after excuse. He swore it wasn't me, but it was a little weird how much I had changed. I could just tell I didn't turn him on, and it sucked, sooo bad. Then I discovered that he was viewing porn online while he was "studying". I was SO hurt. It confirmed that it WAS me, that I was so disgustingly pregnant that my H couldn't bring himself to sleep with me.

 

I just kept hoping that once the baby came I'd lose the weight and he'd desire me again. He was sorry for the porn, and swore he'd never look at it again. (I know I know) Well I did lose most of the weight, but sadly I just don't think I'll be able to ever get back down to the size 2 I was when we were first married. He was still cold in the bedroom. Desperate I suggested anything positions I was too embarrased to allow before, whatever. I wanted our sex life back. Nothing seemed to work for long. Again it "wasn't my fault", he was busy, the baby is up all night, we are both tired, he works and goes to school and is just exhausted.

 

We never go out anymore Feb was the last "date night" we have had, and before that it was in Sept of the previous year. I thought our vows were not to just that I would not seek sex from anyone but him, but that it was his duty to provide sex to me. I don't get it. I am so lost. So alone, so insecure now.

 

Who buys exoctic seeds, plants them, maticulously cares for them, pours their heart and soul into the thought of one day seeing them bloom. Then that day comes, and they are gorgeous. They wouldn't just quit watering them to watch them shrivle up and die. Right? I know lame analogy. But I'm tired and just not seeming to get my point across.

 

So I guess I'd like to know why he'd waste the time in getting me to come out of my shell, just to ignore me. And its not just that, he's not here, or just doesn't do it when he is, to hold my hand, give me hugs, kisses, cuddles.

 

2 months into marriage I felt sexy, vivacious, and so excited about our relationship. Now 4 years in I feel unattractive, lonely, and confused about our future.

 

What makes men desire their wife less? Is it normal for men's sex drive to lessen like this. I mean at his age, he is only 27. I fear I'm going to hear no, and that there is someone else. I've never feared that before. But as I type this now and have read so many other posts it just keeps popping in my mind and making me sick to my stomach.

 

Again, sorry for the inappropriateness of this lengthy question.

[Gunny376]

There's a old joke the circulates among men ~ "What's the most effective form of birth control ever deviced? A wedding cake?

 

The problem lies with him ~ indeed most of the problems of the marriage lie with him.

 

Tell me again why you want to be with this guy?

 

And from what I see of your picture in your avatar? If this marriage does go South, you want be single for very long.

 

BTW? Your being way to hard on yourself!

[LakesideDream]

There's a old joke the circulates among men ~ "What's the most effective form of birth control ever deviced? A wedding cake?

 

The problem lies with him ~ indeed most of the problems of the marriage lie with him.

 

Tell me again why you want to be with this guy?

 

And from what I see of your picture in your avatar? If this marriage does go South, you want be single for very long.

 

BTW? Your being way to hard on yourself!

 

 

So true Guns! So true. BTW Guns that meletonin stuff from wally's gives me wicked headaches. Yuck.

 

 

BB, It's not an innappropriate question. Like Gun's said, it's in his head, and I would have bet $100.00 that internet porn was going to make an appearance. Games and Porn go together like ham and eggs. IMO men who get into the porn insert a new dynamic into their relationships that's both destructive and unforseeable for most women. They literally burn themselves out on erotica. The porn is easier than talking to their mates, and enjoying a relationship. The porn never has a headache, or talks about bills, or diapers etc. It truely is a physiological addiction. Look at porn for 5 minutes, get erection, masturbate, feel good. No "downside" (at least to the man) good feeling. Classic positive reinforcement senerio.

 

It's not your fault BB, that IMO is what happens. If a couple are married with a good sexual relationship Porn is a solution for a problem that doesen't exist.

 

Sorry this is hurting you so much. It will seem like forever until it starts to get better. Fortunately once it's over, or near over you will have learned a whole bunch of new skills you need. Like Gunny I'd suggest that you are very firm with him, stay in control. After all you have the primary responsibility for your daughter. That's the most important factor in play.

 

It's up to him to catch up, get with the program. Young men like your husband can't usually think more than a few hours in advance, and usually have no clue what their actions may lead to. That's not good for you.

 

Again, Luck to you.

[Gunny376]

t

Young men like your husband can't usually think more than a few hours in advance, and usually have no clue what their actions may lead to. That's not good for you.

 

Niro!

 

PFC (Private First Class) S. A Niro! :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

 

My very own personal Beatle Bailey/ Corporal Killinger/ Gomer Pile! FU!

 

My own personslize, customiozed idiot that I was forced to haul around like a ruck sack carrying a dead horse for the last four years in the Corps!

 

Couldn't trust him with a MP3 (we're not talking a music device here ~ but a 'John Wayne' ~ a can opener) without doing damage to himself!

 

Don't even want to talk about Shore patrol, Bangkock, and 'Bennie-boys" and Niro!

[beachbum84]

Tell me again why you want to be with this guy?

 

Okay so I know I've had nothing but bad to say about him. Mostly b/c I was just venting. He isn't a horrible person. I just haven't taken the time to show his good qualities I suppose.

 

I want to be with him because...

 

He is very attractive, funny, witty, caring (or used to be), and a gentleman (or used to be). At first being with him was so exciting. With me being a Yankee I suppose there were many things about him that were so new and sexy to me. His accent (which I have gotten used to now and don't notice anymore, LOL), his gentlemen qualities~opening doors, pulling out my chair, complimenting me (I had never experienced that from boys back home). His was so charming. He and I could talk for hours and hours. We always were out doing something, whether it be drag racing his car, or walks in the woods, or movies, or whatever. I loved being in his company. His interests were much more "wild" I use that loosely than any of my prior BFs. He just seemed so different and exciting. I loved it. I couldn't get enough of it.

 

He is a good father to our daughter, he loves her dearly and despite his faults and my many complaints at the moment he is a good dad, and a good person. He is always there to help others with either car repairs, moving, or whatever. He is compassionate.

 

There are many reasons I would like to stay with him. But they are all for what/who he once was, and not what/who he is today. I used to love being around him, I felt safe in his arms, I could laugh all night with him. That has pretty much fizzled out and now I'm left loving a memory of him, and hoping he will find that man again. I don't know if that is possible. Perhaps he isn't interested in me any longer and that is why he is not those many pleasant characteristics any longer.

[beachbum84]

My amazing H requested on Saturday to be able to pick up DD this morning and take her to daycare. I didn't see the problem in that at all. We agreed that he would be here between 7:30 & 8:00 AM to get her. I work 20 mins away from home, so on days I need to take her I need to leave at 7:45 AM to get to work on time. He knows this since she has been in daycare since she was 8 weeks old and is now 2.

 

DD woke up 2nd day in a row looking and searching desperately for her daddy. She was so sad to find him not here again. I kept telling her to reassure her that he would be here to pick her up in a little bit. After her morning routine was finished instead of watching cartoons while I get ready (like she normally does) she was just sitting by the front door waiting. I knew for who. And she asked over and over again where is daddy, when will daddy be here. Well the time came and went and 8:00 rolled around with no daddy. I couldn't wait any longer for him to stand us up so I just packed her up and off to daycare we went. I am now late for work. Great!!!

 

She cried off and on the whole trip to daycare asking again about her daddy. I so wished I hadn't promised he'd come over. She was so devastated. I drop her off and she is crying and I couldn't take it. She wouldn't calm down and I had to leave her crying and screaming for me. It was awful. She never cries when we drop her off. With all the stress her cries and tears just broke me. I was bawling by the time I was back on the road to head to work now 15 mins late. Great!

 

Thats when the H calls all upset. Apparently he did come, just 20 mins late, and was fuming that I had left, and took her. He claimed I "set him up to fail" by leaving before he got there. But how was I to know he'd come. He asked to do this, we are NC right now so I didn't receive a heads up I'm late. And if I left the house at 8:20 I'd be 10 mins late to work. Either way I'd lose.

 

He was 20 mins late on Saturday to pick up DD as well, which again was the time he chose. I can't believe he'd do this. Seriously?!?!

 

While on the phone with him I was so angry that I told him his only 2 options from now on is a.) I take her every morning so she and I don't have to go through this again, or b.) He can pick her up tomorrow morning (as he now has requested, probably a bad attempt to make this right). I informed him if he pulled a stunt with being late tomorrow that I'd be going on my lunch to file for a legal separation and have the custody issue legal and black or white.

 

With all of that I show up to work angry, and late. I have to now tell my boss why I'm late. Simply telling him I had to drop DD off at daycare wouldn't work b/c aren't I used to that schedule already 2 years in? Wonderful. So even though I hadn't planned to inform him of my separation I had the joy of explaining that H & I are separated, he was supposed to pick up DD for daycare and stood us up. Which meant I last minute needed to take her and that is why I was late. Wow I'm so glad I had to tell him that. NOT!! OMG!! For crying out loud!! Is it that f###ing hard to be somewhere, anywhere on time? Especially for your daughter!! Put me aside, it isn't that he stood me up necessarily, but he stood our daughter up! WTF. That is not like him, I can't believe he'd do that. AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

 

My dad keeps telling me to make this separation legal for my own protection of custody with my DD. I really didn't think I'd have to. I really thought we were going to muddle our way through this and act in a responsible way if nowhere else than when it came to our beautiful daughter. We'll see tomorrow if that is possible I guess. Gawd I hate that he can't seem to get his s**t together.

[LakesideDream]

BB, It's all about power, and getting his licks in. It's silly and it's juvinile. I'm sure you realize that by being those 20 years late your Husband was having fun putting you out. Like I said earlier, he doesen't know what he's doing from hour to hour. He was willing to put your daughter out to put you out. That's school yard behavior. Middle school.

 

My suggestion is that you take your own advice. Go and file those seperation papers. Filing for seperation does not mean that you are committed to divorce. It only means that you are codifying the situation that already exists. If you husband cannot make adult decisions, make them for him. Put him on notice that if he's not mature enough to sit at the big persons table, he'll have to head over to the kids table.

 

You will only damage yourself by playing his game. You don't have that luxury. While your daughter doesen't know it yet, you are what stands between her and chaos. She will adapt. It will feel like it's breaking your heart for a week or so, but it has to be done.

[Gunny376]

Lose this clown already!

 

I'd fry his @zz if he were in the Marines!

 

My boss would fry mine out here in civilian la~la land! And when your dealing with parts per million that one extra 0 makes a difference when it comes to the EPA!

 

Same rules apply!

 

You don't get paid to make mistakes, screwup's

 

You get paid to get it right!

 

He might score an "outstanding" in the rack ?

 

But he's scoring a "unacceptible" everywhere else!

[happylife]

Good luck.

Feel like i've been there done that one.

Please try to sort it out now. MC would probably be the best way. We didn't sort out problems and now we are in a real mess 15 years later and problems lead to bigger problems and before you know it too much damage has been done.

It's hard when a man feels he is doing the right thing and is not appreciated. But as a woman i know its really really hard being left 'holding the baby' whilst he works to get what he wants.

I now have a 12 and 9 year old and he has never really been part of the family, another one of our problems. If i were alone with my two daughters then i wouldn't miss his input andthats for sure!

Sometimes i wish i had separated from him a long shile ago, maybe i would have appreciated him, maybe he would have appreciated me? unfortunately i had an affair and thats when it gets really bad.

Sorry i cant be more help but having made a big mess of my life i don'tfeel too qualified to hand out advice!

[happylife]

Lose this clown already!

 

I'd fry his @zz if he were in the Marines!

 

My boss would fry mine out here in civilian la~la land! And when your dealing with parts per million that one extra 0 makes a difference when it comes to the EPA!

 

Same rules apply!

 

You don't get paid to make mistakes, screwup's

 

You get paid to get it right!

 

He might score an "outstanding" in the rack ?

 

But he's scoring a "unacceptible" everywhere else!

 

 

I just love you Gunny!!!!! You sure speak as you find!

[happylife]

Just love that line your husband used...

"you set me up to fail"!!

Lost count the amount of times i've heard that gem form mine, the last time was when he left our 8 year old at the school gates because he forgot to collect her whilst i was working. Apparently it was my fault, i didnt remind him! ARGHHHHHH!!!!!!

[beachbum84]

Well I broke the NC rule this evening. But I had to. I called him to tell him 7:45 am is the latest he may pick her up M-F, since I can't trust he'll rememeber to get her, I can't wait around and be late for work. And also that I had talked with daycare and that he needs to pick her up before 5:30 the 2 nights a week he has with her. If he hasn't gotten her by then and hasn't checked in with daycare we are to assume he forgot to come get her and they will call me and I will be there asap.

 

Needless to say he was pissed, probably mostly embarrased. He couldn't believe that I couldn't trust him. I cannot let my precious child wait around wondering if someone is going to pick her up. And since he obviously didn't get her this morning and given his history I thought I was justified. Hopefully he realizes that he is continually screwing **** up here and that I am putting my foot down. Hurt me all you want, but don't F**k with my daughter! Enough said for now I suppose.

[happylife]

I really feel for you.

I have no help at all with my daughters, both of my parents are deceased and my sister lives 80 miles away. My H is the only one who can occasionally take the pressure off me, and even then the only time i ask him to is when i'm working. When i ask, everytime it goes wrong as mentioned in my last post on this thread. He lets me down and i now only book work in (i am self employed) when they are at school to avoid these situations when he lets me down.

Its lonely and isolating not to mention depressing when you feel you have no support. Especially when my H acts like he's doing me a favour and i should be grateful!

Shame you don't live in the Uk we could help each other out!

[Billy Bob]

My dad keeps telling me to make this separation legal for my own protection of custody with my DD. I really didn't think I'd have to. I really thought we were going to muddle our way through this and act in a responsible way if nowhere else than when it came to our beautiful daughter. We'll see tomorrow if that is possible I guess. Gawd I hate that he can't seem to get his s**t together.

 

Listen to your dad.. People can only swim against the current for so long. Your dad is looking out for you and can probably see things you are blind to.

[beachbum84]

So I had to call over to my Inlaws to leave a message for the H on their machine that UPS attempted to deliver his books for college today but needed a signature and now they will try again tomorrow and I left the time. Well his mom felt the need to call me about it. I have no idea why I left all the info on the machine. She told me she would have to have one of his brothers sit at my apt to wait on it tomorrow b/c H would be in college. I don't want them in my apt with all of what is going on when I am not here. GRRR... I didn't say anything though b/c I don't want to be difficult, I just hate it. AHHHH...

 

Then she wanted to discuss this morning, she felt I was out of line, and that "threatening her son about a legal separation and custody was out of line." Then she just said, "I am so angry at you right now I can't even talk to you." Then she hung up on me.

 

I guess I know why he isn't coming around. I can just see now what kind of advice he is getting. With his controling and ignorant mother just chirping in his ear he isn't going to give himself the needed time to decompress and see the situation for what it is and how severe it is.

 

I feel its a big deal when you don't pick your child up. But I guess I am just being "out of line" and "going over board". That stupid B***h is going to screw things up more than they already are. I wish she'd butt out!

[happylife]

yes, you certainly don't need her making things worse. You have not gone overthe top, it is a big deal not picking up a child. I totally get where you are coming from and feel your frustration.

[beachbum84]

So I emailed the MIL and nicely, but very directly told her to butt out if she knows whats best. I also told her that I don't care if she is angry, and that this isn't about her and her feelings right now. And that she will not be fixing this, and she will not tell me what will be happening in my apt or with any of my belongings. Phew. That felt good.

 

The H had the night off last night and spent it at the apt w/ DD. I was out helping my Aunt with chores. JOY. When I came home H wanted to talk. We agreed we talk as long as it remained civilized. Well shockingly we were very cordial and talked a lot, 3 hours.

 

The the topic of his mom came up, and we were not on the same side, of course. Well after he heard what I had to say he was confused. His mom had told him I was the one calling her. So he didn't see why I had a right to be so mad if I initiated the convos and she just gave me a piece of her mind. I whipped my phone out and showed him where she's been calling and calling and calling. He got silent. I took him inside and let him read the email I sent her (really just so he saw exactly what I said, before she had a chance to twist my words). He was shocked about the email (b/c no one puts her in her place, no one ever stands up to her).

 

We continued to talk about it when he must of had an A HA moment. He sushed me and then followed with this, "You and I have been discussing heavy, hurtful topics for well over an hour now, you have been level headed, calm, cool, & collective up until we started talking about what my mom has been doing to you. Since we have been discussing my mom you have raised your voice, paced around, chain smoked, and just been irate. I see now the negative affect she is having on you. I see how she is meddling. She lied to me about what you said, and lied saying you were the one calling. I'm sorry for letting her have such an interest in our marriage since the beginning. She really does stick her nose in a lot. She has just really riled you up, which is making it hard for me to calm you down so we can continue to talk. I am not mad about the email, it was needed. I'm sorry I didn't just tell her to leave you alone. But I will be talking to her soon, and I will be telling her to quit talking to you until we have this sorted out, and then never about our relationship, good or bad. She really needs to get her nose out of it."

 

THANK GOD! He came to his senses about his "everybody loves raymond" mom. Phew! I can't describe how awesome that felt to hear him say all of that and for him to notice all of that. Big step in a good direction.

 

He called school today and got the info about MC. We talked this afternoon about dates, and he is to be scheduling our first appointment sometime with in the next week. (depending on his work and school schedule of course).

 

We are still separated but it is feeling like there is light at the end of our tunnel. I am excited to see what MC will do for us. And I was very impressed with our convo last night. It was really weird to help him pack some more of his things, and then to say good bye to him. But we both agreed that if he comes back to soon we'll just fall right back into that rut we were in that caused all this to begin with. So no promises, but for now we are actively trying to save our marriage. And it is a good feeling. Still a lot of unknowns, but baby steps are being made.

[beachbum84]

So I was so impressed with his "changes" this week. I even was singing praises of him. What a fool I was. Yes we do have a m.c. apt for Monday, and not a day to late. I just feel so trapped right now. How much bs are you supposed to take before you can say I've given it a good fight and I just don't care to fight for it anymore?

 

He's been out for a week today, and in that week I have gone from angry, to irate, to calm, to hopeful, to annoyed, back to angry. I don't get him. He is so good about convinving me about how things will be different with his tongue. But he always falls short with his actions.

 

He watched the DD at our apt one day this week for 3 hours until bedtime. I came back to find permanent marker scribbled on 3 walls and 2 doors. He claims he didn't know she had it until it was too late. Well WTF were you doing that you didn't see her scribbling all over the house with permanent marker???? We live in a very small 2 bed apt there is no way he couldn't have noticed her doing that. Unless she was doing her own thing while he was smoking outside, or watching tv in the living room just ignoring her. And if thats the case then why did I leave the house to let you spend time with her?? He obviously wasn't spending time with her, if he had he'd notice that she moved a chair to the kitchen to climb on to open a drawer to retrieve the damn marker! AHHH!!

 

He has been late to pick her up every stinking day since we split. I don't get it. He brags about how his mom does his laundry and cooks for him, and how nice it is. Gee I remember doing that same junk and never hearing you ooh and ahh about it before. Punk!

 

All he has to do is wake up, be on time to get the DD, go to school, study, go to work, go to bed and do it all over again. I'm still handling the budget, the DD, the housework here, my job, the everything. He has hardly anything to do and still can't get here on time.

 

He tore through our shed and left **** everywhere today. I asked what that was all about and he was looking for a tool to fix his x-box. Wow. thats great, you have time to devote to your x-box meanwhile your family is falling apart. What a dumba**!

 

Sorry for the vent. Just so disappointed. I feel tricked. Tomorrow he's supposed to get the DD so I can change my brakes. Lovely huh. On top of everything else I am spending my Saturday replacing pads, rotors, and finding my exhaust leak from when he improperly put my exhaust back on over 2 months ago. What a sorry excuse for a man. I am hoping MC will point out that he needs to be a man. But I doubt they do that. I have no idea what to expect. But at this point it feels like we will need a mircale to make it together.

[Gunny376]

Tell him to enlist into the Marines, come home with an honorable discharge in four years and will talk about the marriage.

 

Seriously! He needs to grow up.

 

Joining the Marines (as originally suggested by Lakeside) would really be a good idea. (Or at least the Marine Reserves).

 

They will teach him responsibility, how to 'man-up'

 

Get an enlistment bonus for college, the 'new' GI Bill to go to college on, PX,

 

Commissary (grocery store on base ~ name brand groceries 30% cheaper than out in town + no sales tax),

 

You and the DD can go on TriCare (health insurance with little or no deductibles ($150 a year) and premiums (active duty doesn't pay anything) free prescriptions. $200,000 term life insurance which he can later turn to Veterans Life Insurance for less than $8 a month.

 

My boss's DGS age 20 enlisted in the Alabama Air Guard as get propulsion mech and is pulling down $21 and hour working full time at Maxwell in Montgomery. (Well $25 now that he's in Iraq for six to eight months.) He's only an E-4 at that.

 

Oh! And with two years of college under his belt ~ he could graduate from boot at least an E-3.

 

And Oh BTW? They're hiring everyday!

 

As far as him bragging about his Mom doing his laundry?

 

If I were you? I wouldn't be impressed until he did his own laundry!

 

It sounds as though he's got some endearing qualities, but he needs to seriously grow up, and learn some responsiblity ~ its sounds to me that he's been "babied" all his life.

 

As for as the DD? When they're that age? You can't take your eyes off of them for a second.

 

When they get older? And it gets too quite? They're up to something.

[beachbum84]

Today was rough. I really can't wait until next weekend. Saturdays are miserable for me since my daughter is with my husband most of the day. I've realized that I have allowed myself to be so consumed with being a mom and wife that I am nothing more than just those 2 things. With H gone, and then days when daughter is gone I am so lost, I honestly can't think of anything to do. All my friends are back home 1,000 miles away, I've lost touch with all them due to my life was too busy. That sucks.

 

Last week I spent 1/2 my day in conversation with my mom and then my dad, then I consumed myself with cleaning and organizing. I've cleaned and organized all week to the point I have nothing left to scrub. Today I fixed my brakes and figured out my exhaust leak. Then I had no idea what to do with my day. I had nothing, no one, so I came home and slept until my DD came back to me.

 

All I keep thinking about is how much fun I used to have with my H. How my life used to be full of friends, excitment, fullfillment, and love. I miss the old us, the us that couldn't wait to get off work to go have fun together and then come home and tear into each other like horny teenagers. I so miss those days. I've been so used to being busy with everyone else's needs or things they couldn't do I simply don't know what to do when I'm alone now. Its days like this that I think I've made a mistake. Its days like this that I wish I could have just overlooked it all again so the business would drown out the sorrow and lonlieness that seems to consume me lately. I know I asked him to leave so I know I am probably not allowed to cry the blues. But I just wished it never had to come to this. I just wished he could have always treated me like I was the air he breathed. I feel like I need someone to tell me I'm beautiful, worthy, and irresistable. I never felt like I needed to hear that before. But maybe thats b/c I just naturally heard it from my H back in the day. Oh how I hate Saturdays.

 

But next week will be better. Football starts again, Thank God! Roll Tide! At least there is something I can look forward to filling a 4 hour gap in my day. The saddest thing is to be watching the games alone, in 4 years this will be the first football season I won't be watching the games with him, or going to a game with him, or calling him at half time while he's at work to give him the score.

 

At times I just wished he loved me as much as I have always loved him. But I'm realizing that you can give you entire being to another and sometimes its just not enough. They may never reciprocate the support, love, and affection. And its days like this that makes me wonder if he'll ever come around, or if I'll forever be lonely whether I remain his wife or not.

[Gunny376]

The way you do this is one second, one minute, ~ one day at a time.

 

Try not to project to far forward ~ and try not to dwell to much on the pass.

 

Try to plan ahead.

 

Try to think of ways to fill your time when H has the DD. There are a lot of places and things you could do. You could join a church and become a member of the choir, volunteer at the animal shelter, visit folks at the nursing homes, just to sit with them and talk. They would like that.

 

With a DD ~ scrap-booking comes to mind, and now is the time to pursue any other hobbies you may be interested in.

 

Alabama, Auburn ~ SEC football! I can't wait to see how Nick and boys do this year? As well as Auburn ~ (I pull for them unless they're playing "Bama")

[Gunny376]

How ya donig Kiddo?

[peter roddick]

Hi

 

I am also go through from this condition. It is really very tough decision to take some time we are in the position that had we done good or still we can go back to remove all the things even this is really stupid to think because once you have done this again you need not to go for this. But i must say if any body thinking for this one's should have proper divorce advice in pre boarding file and deep think of it. Because after this their is no way to think back.

 

Thanks

Peter Roddick

[beachbum84]

How ya donig Kiddo?

 

Honestly, I wish I could escape. I wish I were boating today. Today is MC and I really hate not knowing what to expect. So we'll see.

 

He spent hours at the apt Sat night just tearing me down. Not sure about things at this point. Not sure if I even care to fight for us anymore after that night. Apparently I am the "thorn in his side", and that I have severe emotional problems combated with severe depression that requires medication. Apparently he is willing to go to MC so that they can tell me how delusional I am and how screwed up I am and so that they can prescribe me medication. He spent hours explaining how I never do anything for him, I'm never here for him, he's the only one taking responsibility for our life and future together. That I am the reason he fails so much, because I set him up to fail. Apparently I have brought him down in 4 years and that he out classes me, and on and on.

 

WOW, and WTF.

 

I realized after Sat that he sees life in this way: if he fails, I have failed. If he succeeds he succeeded, if I fail, I fail, and if I succeed, then he succeeded. I never realized that I was the root of all evil until Sat. NOT! I'm not going to lay down and take this shiet much longer. We'll see what MC brings today and I'll have to go from there.

 

Positive note is that I fixed my brakes. Woo-Hoo. Nailed down where my exhaust is leaking, but unfortunately it looks like it will need a new one. I sure hope flowmasters are in my future. I think my Stang would sound really sweet with flowmasters.

[beachbum84]

Oh while I was working on my mustang this weekend I couldn't help but wonder about and ponder about this. Maybe I am reading too much into this, tell me what y'all think.

 

The H has a 2000 Camaro Z-28, it always gets the best of the best. Money is no option when it comes to his car (even though we have little $). He goes through tires like water, and they are expensive but he always gets them no matter how broke it makes us. If anything is wrong with his car he fixes it as soon as he can get his hands on enough money to do so. He is meticulous about the normal maintenance on it as well.

 

I have a 2000 Mustang, and it is the red-headed step child. It goes thousands of miles past oil changes all the time b/c he doesn't want to do it, or doesn't think we should use the money for it that week or what not. Always something. It needed a full set of tires when we bought it, we held off b/c he promised me bullet rims and since they were a different size rim than stock it made no sense to buy tires at that second. I never got those rims, and now every tire is different from the other, they came from this ghetto tire shop in town that sells used tires. So they are all used, and all different brands. If my car needs some maintenance done on it he is always too busy, until I mention that I'll just get my dad to help me. Then once I bring up my dad he magically does it. Wow. I can do some stuff with cars, I am able to change brakes, oil, tires, simple things and whatnot. But I feel that he should do this.

 

My car always plays second fiddle to his because its not as nice he says, its not a v-8, its doesn't have the same value, and on and on. Is it wrong for me to feel like that attitude projects in many areas of our life together? I feel like he feels that he is more important than me in all areas, and for that I don't matter nor do my needs.