Overwhelmed and need space...

[PWSX3]

I would say get a divorce, he drives a "CHEVY".......End of story!!!!!

[Gunny376]

Oh while I was working on my mustang this weekend I couldn't help but wonder about and ponder about this. Maybe I am reading too much into this, tell me what y'all think.

 

The H has a 2000 Camaro Z-28, it always gets the best of the best. Money is no option when it comes to his car (even though we have little $). He goes through tires like water, and they are expensive but he always gets them no matter how broke it makes us. If anything is wrong with his car he fixes it as soon as he can get his hands on enough money to do so. He is meticulous about the normal maintenance on it as well.

 

I have a 2000 Mustang, and it is the red-headed step child. It goes thousands of miles past oil changes all the time b/c he doesn't want to do it, or doesn't think we should use the money for it that week or what not. Always something. It needed a full set of tires when we bought it, we held off b/c he promised me bullet rims and since they were a different size rim than stock it made no sense to buy tires at that second. I never got those rims, and now every tire is different from the other, they came from this ghetto tire shop in town that sells used tires. So they are all used, and all different brands. If my car needs some maintenance done on it he is always too busy, until I mention that I'll just get my dad to help me. Then once I bring up my dad he magically does it. Wow. I can do some stuff with cars, I am able to change brakes, oil, tires, simple things and whatnot. But I feel that he should do this.

 

My car always plays second fiddle to his because its not as nice he says, its not a v-8, its doesn't have the same value, and on and on. Is it wrong for me to feel like that attitude projects in many areas of our life together? I feel like he feels that he is more important than me in all areas, and for that I don't matter nor do my needs.

 

Leave him and marry me! Arrrgggg, arrrggg!

[Gunny376]

When it comes to marriage ~ the husband drives the 74 Ford Mavrick held together with bailing wire, duck tape, hope and prayer ~ while the wife and kids drives the new more dependable ride.

 

Thats the RULE and just how it is!

[Auroracoladybug]

Beachbum...I think you should marry Gunny...atleast he has his priorities right...

 

You are a resourceful person who would be a godsend to most men and you have just in the last two posts pointed out that everything in your marriage is about him and for him...go to MC just to prove him wrong (he won't go long once the finger points to him...that is what my H did) and dump his stupid self centered A$$ and while your at it if the tires are a fit for your car change them over!

[beachbum84]

When it comes to marriage ~ the husband drives the 74 Ford Mavrick held together with bailing wire, duck tape, hope and prayer ~ while the wife and kids drives the new more dependable ride.

 

Thats the RULE and just how it is!

 

LOL!

 

That will never happen in my house. He MUST have the car HE wants, no matter the cost, or the lay work involved, and he MUST only own sports cars, his status thing I suppose. In 4 years he has gone from a 97 Mustang GT, to a 2001 Mustang Bullit, to a 2000 Camaro Z-28. Me on the other hand, 95 Chrysler LeBarron, 92 Camaro Rs (what an embarrassing god awful car that was), to 2000 Mustang.

 

Someone ran a stop sign and hit him the 01 Stang, they totaled it. I was 4 months pregers and felt we should think of a different type of car, something more feasible. Gas was climbing oh so high, there wasn't many mustangs to be had near us, trust me I called 112 (and yes that is the real #) dealerships looking for his replacement car, it could only be a Mustang, it could only be black or silver, it must be a v-8, it must be 2000 or newer, it must be a manual transmission, it must be hard top, nothing else would do. I never could find one, and he was pissed. I've heard to I'm blue in the face that he "settled for the Camaro". I think its a pretty nice car, and does well at the drag strip so I don't see his disappointment. All the while my car was overheating severely and leaving me stranded on my way home from work until it cooled many times. We should have bought 2 inexpensive cars, and got better ones as we could afford them. But that was unacceptable to him. Thus his car has always been nicer, and mine has always been whatever we could afford that he wanted, b/c god forbid he ever have to drive my car he will not be embarrassed.

 

Can I even begin to tell you how embarrassing it was to be driving a purple 92 camaro with a horrible exhaust, you could hear me coming from miles away. The a/c never worked, and he wouldn't fix it, it got HOT in there in the summer in AL, especially once I was 8 months along. It was so low to the ground it sucked, I could barely get out of it while pregers. It leaked when it rained, the trunk wouldn't stay up by itself, and damn that trunk lid was heavy! Meanwhile my H parks next to me in his beautiful car, one with nothing wrong with it, it looks good, sounds good, drives fast, and calls attention for all the right reasons.

 

I feel we should have to suffer and sacrifice together, and then we can reap the benefits down the road together. But I suppose this whole post is neither here nor there, I'm just complaining about stupid petty stuff. Sorry.

[Gunny376]

OK! Its official!

Your married to an idiot!

 

No freaking way my woman is going to be driving around in a POS car with my toddler mistaken for the mosquito patrol!

 

I might have to hoof it fifteen miles, but my wife and toddler won't!

[beachbum84]

So the session started off awkward to say the least. Well the issue of him ignoring me and indulging in porn while I was preggers came up among other things, and it was really interesting to watch his reaction. He tried cutting me off a time or two and was told his turn would come. Finally I was able to air it all, it felt good, yet embarrassing at the same time to be telling it to a stranger. When she asked him how he felt about it, he responded like a jerk. She was appalled by his response, and thus started explaining how it is commonly hurtful for women to be ignored sexually, then find their husband has been turning to porn. And for me to be pregnant at the time struggling with my self image, and self-esteem to find that out then was a strong blow. All of a sudden you could see the shame set in. His tune totally changed, his snippy angry "I did nothing wrong" attitude changed to embarrassment and remorse. That moment showed me a glimmer of the man I said I do to 4 years ago.

 

He asked to come over after work last night, he stayed many hours and we talked and he sincerely apologized about many things that went on during my pregnancy. It felt so good to have him care that he hurt my feelings. It felt so good to finally hear him validate my feelings of abandonment during such an emotionally vulnerable scary, stressful time in my / our life. He left to go back to his parents and it was the first time I wanted to give him a hug goodbye since this whole mess came to a head almost 2 weeks ago.

 

So now I am feeling good and optimistic, however we started getting in a productive mood last week, and within days he flipped a 180 on me and I was the scum of the earth and he was holy than thou all over again. Is it normal to go back and forth like that during this process? I feel a little unsure of how long he's going to play nice this time. We have another session Friday so hopefully things are going to start mending soon.

 

Btw for anyone else who has been in MC, is it normal to go twice a week? Or does that mean my marriage is really just severely screwed up? I feel a little weird about twice a week. But heck if it gets us out of this place faster I'm all about that. I'd love to have my husband back if not soon, definitely before the holidays. I'd hate to think about spending a holiday alone without child or H. Ick the mere thought makes my stomach churn.

[2.50 a gallon]

beachbum

 

Gunny has it right you are married to an IDIOT

 

I too have had some hot cars in the past that I loved very much, including a 69 El Camino full SS package and 4 on the floor. That was my baby. Shortly after marriage I sold it, it was too hot of a car for my XW to drive. She came first, and should we have ever had a child, the child would have come first.

 

It sounds as if you H is still tied to his momma's apron strings, I doubt that he will ever change. I love and respect my mom, but when she crossed the line and critized my XW, I respectfully reminded my mother, the she was my wife and she had to be more resectful to her. Yes she is my ex, but when she was my W, nobody was allowed to disrespect her in my presence.

[beachbum84]

So he moved back on Saturday, kinda a weird day. Sunday was rocky and made me start wondering if he had come home too soon. Labor day was fun went boating with the DD and my family, of course he didn't come, stayed home to sleep and do homework. Whatever. Things have been up and down since Saturday but seem to be slowly leveling out. I'm chalking it up to getting back into the routine of things. But at the same time I sorta feel like I'm giving him excuses again. We'll just have to see. More MC today, that last session went surprisingly well. And we kinda had an Ah Ha moment. We used to get along when life was different, as in he and I had common time together, we did things together (out of the house), and were more exciting, care-free, spontaneous, and so on. He's planned a date tomorrow, so we'll see where that goes. He has requested 1 Saturday a month off, and that actually shocked me (in a good way of course). I feel like I am sensing and seeing baby steps in a good direction, and I have been trying too.

 

I've been trying to view our problems like weight gain. One doesn't get fat overnight, and when they finally get to the point of working at losing weight, it is never easy, and the pounds don't come off overnight. You may just lose a few lbs. a week for a while, but in time those few lbs. weekly really adds up to a major change.

 

Trying to stay optimistic, without being foolish. Kinda a fine line sometimes.

[beachbum84]

So I get to MC 5 mins early, no H. Okay Kim don't call him, he'll show, gotta give him the benefit of the doubt. Don't be a nag. 5 mins after our appointed time I call him to find out that he had just woke up, missed all his classes, and oops forgot about MC. WTF! I just hung up on him.

 

Counselor then wanted to meet with me since I drove 30 mins to get there and then obviously was upset by being stood up. Can I even express how embarrassing it is to be stood up at marriage counseling? What a new low point.

 

He shows up with 25 mins left to go. Not a good session, not a good day. Of all days for him to have off of work it would be tonight. Geesh I don't feel like going home and cooking him dinner and either A. pretending like this was no big deal to just save an argument, or B. get into a big argument over this.

 

I wish he could just act like the 27 year old man he is supposed to be. I wish he could be anywhere on time. I wish he took something seriously in his life. And above all I wish he fought for me. It feels like I am fighting for our marriage alone, and I'm pretty close to saying, "I fought a good fight, and now I am exhausted mentally, physically, emotionally, and I just give up."

[beachbum84]

He's been home 11 days now, and holy crap have things been up and way down. Our downs in the past 11 days have been the lowest points we've ever hit in 4 years. WTH? We have been very tight on $ awaiting his student loan refund check (since he screwed up, its 3 weeks late). I HATE being tight on money, I really really really do.

 

So Wed he stands me up at MC (well showed up for the last little bit-whatever). Thursday he was supposedly taking me out on a date (first one since Feb), and HE overdrew our checking account, so I had to cancel the sitter, and got to play Rock Band with him and his brother and his friend all night. Great, thats exactly what I wanted to do! NOT!

 

So then we've been waiting and waiting on this stupid check, its a lot of money and we desperately need it. It came too late on Sat. to be cashed so we ended up having to pawn 1 of his guns. LOL Poor frickin baby. Sorry quite pissed about the whole thing.

 

Well yesterday morning we get in a huge and I mean huge argument while I was trying to get DD ready for daycare and myself ready for work. He was pushing all the right buttons and I just flipped my s**t. I warned him to back off, shut up, leave me the hell alone and he just continued to needle me. So I ripped his check. Oops, I actually only meant to rip the top stub part to get his attention but my rage was to intense I suppose and I completely ripped a $5,000 check in half.

 

I couldn't believe I had done that. And to see his reaction was intense. He freaked to say the least. Ran back to the bedroom and pushed the door open so hard he broke it off the hinges and put a huge hole in it.

 

I usually am a level headed person, but when around him as of lately I just get so angry so quick. Looking at what I did, I wonder if that should be a sign. That maybe we just aren't good together anymore. Gosh I don't know. But I honestly can't stand that he's back. I mean we had a HUGE fight the other night b/c he didn't want to have sex (and never does). I mean I never thought that lack of sex would ever drive me to become angry, and then so angry that I actually would fight about it. I ended up just screaming at him that if he continues to not provide to me what he vowed he would then I am not left with many options. Again, I can't believe that I am so emotionally angry about all of this. I never thought I'd ever be this way. I am slowing turning into this horrible bitter person. I hate it. I hate myself. aahhhhhh!!!!

 

Oh and I usually never remember my dreams. And I have never been one to fantasize about men, I dunno I guess I'm weird. But my dreams are haunting me lately. My dreams are racy to say the least about these 2 different guys (one old flame, one hot friend of the H). I mean they are dreams novels could be wrote about, when I wake up and I see H lying next to me I have actually felt disappointed. How awful is that? I feel like I am turning into this crazy B****, doing things I'd never do, thinking about things that I'd never let cross my mind, fantasizing about men other than my H.

 

I feel like I am just withdrawing from him a little more everyday. And the scariest part is that some days it doesn't even bother me. Even though I know it should. Don't know what to do. Don't know what I'm doing wrong. Don't know how to fix this. God I'm so lost.

[beachbum84]

so how many separations end in divorce and about how many work it out I wonder? I have read a bunch of threads on here, and haven't found many success stories. Having a bad day and just needed some reassurance that I am not just wasting time, that there is hope. But it sure just feels like since our separation and then now back together that we are just stalling the inevitable. I hope I'm wrong. ugh...

[Gunny376]

He's going to have to grow up and be a man, take responsibility for himself, his life, his wife, his marriage, his family.

 

I wouldn't worry too much about the check. Go with him to the bank with the two halves and explain what happen, endorse it. Or ditto with student financial aid.

 

They've seen and heard it all before.

 

Personally, I think most of your problems stem from the two of you coming from two totally different families.

 

Sounds like his Mommy babied him a lot all his life ~ while in your family you were held accountablitie and responsible?

 

I had the exact opposite problem with the XHEX.

 

Anytime things got tough? Her and other members of her family simply walked away.

 

No responsibility?

 

No accountablity?

[beachbum84]

He's going to have to grow up and be a man, take responsibility for himself, his life, his wife, his marriage, his family.

 

Agreed. Counselor agrees too, H says he sees it to, its just up to me to wait long enough to see the changes. The hardest part is knowing when its been long enough...

 

I wouldn't worry too much about the check.

 

Yeah not a big deal, should have one in a day or two. Just made me a little shocked that I lost control. I've never been the type who is out of control, but seems like thats all I have been round him lately.

 

 

Personally, I think most of your problems stem from the two of you coming from two totally different families.

 

Sounds like his Mommy babied him a lot all his life ~ while in your family you were held accountablitie and responsible?

 

Again agreed. Again he agrees, and again I need to wait and see.

 

 

 

 

On a slightly positive note, he has a big work party next Wed. It's their year anniversary, so they've rented out this nice rest/club for the night. Dress code is pretty dressy, almost semi-formal. So I plan to go all out. Getting a new dress(not a mommy one either!), new heels, the whole nine yards. If all goes well I will be pretty smokin'. In hopes that if that doesn't get his attention, perhaps the attention from others at the party might get his attention. LOL. Maybe a little jealousy is what he needs to kick it into gear? I dunno. But either way I've been ditching the mommy threads and sexing up my wardrobe lately, hopefully he'll take notice. Kinda running out of options here, and just sitting around waiting to see results is just nerve racking. Maybe a few double takes from other men might bring a little reality to his mind that he gets to go home with that girl, but if he doesn't straighten up someone else might get to. JK. LOL. Well I doubt that, thats just me thinking to highly of myself. But it'd be nice to just get his attention.

[beachbum84]

Its been a weird week. I've been changing my wardrobe back to young and attractive in hopes of peaking husband's interest. But so far all the compliments I've been recieving are from the men I work with. At first I was enjoying them, but by today they feel a tad inappropriate. And replaying the awkward interactions with co-workers in my head makes me cry wondering why everyone but my H seems to notice a change in me, and seems to verbalize their approval and acceptance of it so freely.

 

Feeling unwanted / undesired by the one you said I do to is a horrible feeling. I guess I shall retreat to being Old Navy's posterchild. The attention I have been getting just feels empty and wrong at the end of the day since its not from him. I wish I knew what I could do to just get his attention, his undivided attention. If only I knew what he wants me to be, or do, or say, or whatever. Lost and lonely, and spending Friday night like always, sitting at home waiting for him to come home from work, but will most likely fall asleep before he arrives and wake up to the mundane existance of our shell of a marriage all over again tomorrow. God I just wish he'd make me feel like his woman again. I'd just do anything for that.

[Gunny376]

How you dress shouldn't be an issue at work ~ in so long as your in compliance with the workplace dress code. And I'm sure you were.

 

Any unwarranted attention from male co-workers should have been reported to the HR department, ( I know you don't want to make 'waves" ~ which is BS IMHO.) That's not to say, that a male couldn't nor shouldn't compliment someone on their appearance, a new hair style, etc?

 

But as I always told my Marines? "Let common sense prevail! and rule supreme!"

 

Everyone and I do mean everyone is entitled to "dignity and respect" in the workplace.

 

IMHO? Your DH is a complete, clueless, ignorant (as in just doesn't know) idiot.

 

Most of the men on this forum would give up a kidney or something of equal value just to have half the woman you are willing to try and save your marriage?

 

I see it! I really do!

 

He's standing on the train tracks!

 

And your off to the side, jumping up and down, screaming and shouting! Waving red flags, setting off flares, throwing rocks at him!

 

"There's a train coming! Get off the track!"

[beachbum84]

So MC was good today, we finally tackled the elephant in the room about how low our frequency is. When asked how frequent we both want I was only 1 digit higher than him. ~cool. But when asked why we weren't achieving our desired frequency all I got out of him was, "I'm too tired, I get home late, I wake up early, I don't have time". UGH

 

I hate that he blames everything on "being tired", I thought that is what women were supposed to do. HA HA. JK. Sorry.

 

Anywho, so I have tried, and tried and nothing ever seems to work for long. He says he wants frequency, yet he doesn't provide, or engage in frequency. So where do I go from here? I've tried awaiting for him dressed to kill, and he just blows me off, or pretends not to notice. I used to think it was b/c of the weight I had gained during pregnancy, but I lost that weight over a year and a half ago. I'm not drop dead gorgeous, but I'm not fugly either. I am at such a loss with this stupid topic. He rarely shares what he fantasizes about, but whatever he has shared, has always been provided for him. He doesn't reciprocate though.

 

So my question to the men out here is this. Are you commonly too tired to have sex with your wife? And if so what could she do to make it worth your while? How can I get his attention. I don't want pity sex, well scratch that, its been long enough I would take that from him. But I don't want pity sex every time. What am I doing wrong? I'm only 25, I feel thats too young to have a sexless marriage. Help!

[Gunny376]

Perhaps he should go and get a full own medical physical. I've only been too tired for sex, and even then I had been out drinking all day.

 

Learned then and there, "Mental note! Permanent file! NEVER, EVER TURN A WOMAN AWAY!!"

 

Got myself caught up in the Great Sex Draught of 1997!

 

But seriously? He could just have a low sex drive? Despite what the MC. Some men just have a lower testosterone level then other men. With testosterone being the hormone that drives the sex drive in both men and women.

 

What with the DD, your working, his working, and his attending school full time your just simply are going to have to make intimacy (both physical, non-physical, and sexual) a priority.

 

He's got time to play video games but not his wife?

 

Your more woman than he deserves.

[beachbum84]

Perhaps he should go and get a full own medical physical. I've only been too tired for sex, and even then I had been out drinking all day.

 

Learned then and there, "Mental note! Permanent file! NEVER, EVER TURN A WOMAN AWAY!!"

 

Got myself caught up in the Great Sex Draught of 1997!

 

But seriously? He could just have a low sex drive? Despite what the MC. Some men just have a lower testosterone level then other men. With testosterone being the hormone that drives the sex drive in both men and women.

 

What with the DD, your working, his working, and his attending school full time your just simply are going to have to make intimacy (both physical, non-physical, and sexual) a priority.

 

He's got time to play video games but not his wife?

 

Your more woman than he deserves.

 

 

Thanks for your response. But you didn't answer the what can I do question. There must be something I can do here. And btw, he used to have an extremely high drive in the beginning, when I got pregers is when he wanted me less and less to almost none. I thought it was my weight, but like I said, I've lost pretty much all of it, so I dunno.

[Gunny376]

Speaking as a man and from a man's perspective?

 

I would say women are too passive in initiating intimacy. Not all of the time, but I like it when a woman get aggressive and initiates sex.

 

"Stand and deliver" type of thing?

 

Perhaps instead of being suggestive, you might want to try and be aggressive.

[ryepatch]

some ideas. . .

 

A) watch porn together, if that's something you're ok with, or R-rated movies, or flip through magazines, whatever. talk about it. try to notice what he likes. blue eyeshadow? a certain position? try to figure out what gets him going.

 

B) try new positions, or scenarios, when you are doing it. say "it would be really hot if we. . ."

 

C) it could be performance anxiety if he's tired. sometimes intercourse isn't the only way, it can take a lot of energy if he's tired and that's what's expected. try less physically taxing things.

 

there's plenty of advice out there on this subject. sorry of this was too explicit. . . thought i'd get you started.

[beachbum84]

Thanks for your reply

 

some ideas. . .

 

A) watch porn together, if that's something you're ok with, or R-rated movies, or flip through magazines, whatever. talk about it. try to notice what he likes. blue eyeshadow? a certain position? try to figure out what gets him going.

 

I'm not comfortable with A, not that I am judging anyone who is.

 

 

B) try new positions, or scenarios, when you are doing it. say "it would be really hot if we. . ."

 

Since the beginning I've been willing to and have done B. Not often he suggests a new one, and we always try it. When I make a suggestion it either is ignored or oddly enough "kills the mood". Not sure why it back fires on me.

 

C) it could be performance anxiety if he's tired. sometimes intercourse isn't the only way, it can take a lot of energy if he's tired and that's what's expected. try less physically taxing things.

 

Good food for thought. Thanks for the advice.

 

I've been trying to add spice to the bedroom. My biggest hurdle is just getting him to want to. I used to think if only I lost more weight, if only I were sexier, if only I were this or did this. But I am running out of things to change with my physical appearance. I guess its time for me to think outside of the box. But to be honest I can't help but get frustrated by this at times and start feeling angry about it and think it shouldn't be this difficult to get my H to want to have sex with me, am I really this undesirable.?. But I'll keep taking notes and keep on trying. Surely there is something I can do, or something I'm not doing. Just gotta figure it out I suppose. Honestly he seems too young to have simply lost interest in intimacy. I just wish I knew how to fix this.

[beachbum84]

Speaking as a man and from a man's perspective?

 

I would say women are too passive in initiating intimacy. Not all of the time, but I like it when a woman get aggressive and initiates sex.

 

"Stand and deliver" type of thing?

 

Perhaps instead of being suggestive, you might want to try and be aggressive.

 

Thanks Gunny. I guess I thought that would provide an opposite effect, but I'll give it a shot. Who knows maybe that will work. *crossing fingers*

[ryepatch]

Thanks for your reply

 

 

 

I'm not comfortable with A, not that I am judging anyone who is.

 

 

 

 

Since the beginning I've been willing to and have done B. Not often he suggests a new one, and we always try it. When I make a suggestion it either is ignored or oddly enough "kills the mood". Not sure why it back fires on me.

 

 

 

Good food for thought. Thanks for the advice.

 

I've been trying to add spice to the bedroom. My biggest hurdle is just getting him to want to. I used to think if only I lost more weight, if only I were sexier, if only I were this or did this. But I am running out of things to change with my physical appearance. I guess its time for me to think outside of the box. But to be honest I can't help but get frustrated by this at times and start feeling angry about it and think it shouldn't be this difficult to get my H to want to have sex with me, am I really this undesirable.?. But I'll keep taking notes and keep on trying. Surely there is something I can do, or something I'm not doing. Just gotta figure it out I suppose. Honestly he seems too young to have simply lost interest in intimacy. I just wish I knew how to fix this.

 

it's probably not about your physical appearance, nor about how he feels about you. the thing is to make sex exciting so that he looks forward to it, and it doesn't seem like a difficult task. i'm speaking from experience; although it didn't save my marriage, it's something my wife and i struggled with for a couple years. it's not about you being undesirable, at all. my wife is extremely attractive, but the day-in, day-out of a marriage takes the excitement out of it. when we started adding new stuff to our routine and deemphasizing intercourse, we started to really look forward to it.

 

as for you, there are small things you can do during sex to add twists to the whole thing. you have to be willing to take risks, and laugh them off if they don't work. communicate about everything as much as you can. try to just talk about sex as much as possible. maybe read some erotica for ideas, or go buy a book or take one out of the library. i know it's alabama and it's not as easy as in some other places, but i'm sure there are resources. or search online. . .

 

i'd help you more, but i'm afraid of being too graphic and embarrassing you or weirding you out. you can PM me if you want, or try to post in one of the other forums. good luck!!!

[beachbum84]

it's probably not about your physical appearance, nor about how he feels about you. the thing is to make sex exciting so that he looks forward to it, and it doesn't seem like a difficult task. i'm speaking from experience; although it didn't save my marriage, it's something my wife and i struggled with for a couple years. it's not about you being undesirable, at all. my wife is extremely attractive, but the day-in, day-out of a marriage takes the excitement out of it. when we started adding new stuff to our routine and deemphasizing intercourse, we started to really look forward to it.

 

I never thought about it like that before. I guess I haven't let myself think that maybe it could have gotten to be a "difficult task" already, but perhaps it has just gotten mundane. I suppose maybe its not my physical appearance, yet when you are rejected like that by your SO it makes you feel in adequate in that dept. Perhaps I just need to find the right spice to add into the mix.

 

as for you, there are small things you can do during sex to add twists to the whole thing. you have to be willing to take risks, and laugh them off if they don't work.

 

Good advice. I am so willing to try new things, but feel so embarrassed if they don't exactly work out. Perhaps I need to learn to let it just roll off my shoulders easier.

 

communicate about everything as much as you can. try to just talk about sex as much as possible.

 

Sounds so easy, yet he is so weird about that topic. He seems embarrassed if or when I talk about it. It seems to actually invoke the reverse reaction out of him.

 

 

i'd help you more, but i'm afraid of being too graphic and embarrassing you or weirding you out. you can PM me if you want, or try to post in one of the other forums. good luck!!!

 

LOL! I got you, I'm blonde, but not that blonde. he he he. I get ya loud and clear. Thanks for stopping in awkwardville for a few moments to answer a question I know I shouldn't have asked. But who should one ask these things to? Friendly helpful strangers who don't really know me here felt the least embarrassing, so thanks for being so honest, even though it may have been inappropriate of me to ask in the first place.