Sounding off....

[Groovy]

Dear society, thank you for your prejudgement, lack of understanding and ability to look the other way when domestic abuse happens.

 

Thank you for thinking I must have gotten myself in this situation or that I want to be here. Maybe that I like attention and you wonder why I don't just leave. I may not have the money to go anywhere, I may be afraid I will only get hurt or that I haven't already tried. Maybe I have slowly had my self esteem cut over years where I think I deserve to be here. Maybe I am out of that relationship and trying to live up to your expectations to function like a happy human, work efficiently at my job with perfect attendance, be a good parent and bounce back from confusion, broken trust, alienation, fear and nightmares that will be with me after he is gone. Knowing he can return and show up anytime. Thank you to the law enforcement that needs documented established patterns of threats that I need to prove and by then it may be too late. Thank you to friends and family who make up poor excuses for horrible behavior. Is that an attempt to minimize and make me feel better? Thank you for the few who say they understand when they do not know what it is like.

 

I can accept this but I cannot forgive it.

[tinktronik]

Dear society, thank you for your prejudgement, lack of understanding and ability to look the other way when domestic abuse happens.

 

Thank you for thinking I must have gotten myself in this situation or that I want to be here. Maybe that I like attention and you wonder why I don't just leave. I may not have the money to go anywhere, I may be afraid I will only get hurt or that I haven't already tried. Maybe I have slowly had my self esteem cut over years where I think I deserve to be here. Maybe I am out of that relationship and trying to live up to your expectations to function like a happy human, work efficiently at my job with perfect attendance, be a good parent and bounce back from confusion, broken trust, alienation, fear and nightmares that will be with me after he is gone. Knowing he can return and show up anytime. Thank you to the law enforcement that needs documented established patterns of threats that I need to prove and by then it may be too late. Thank you to friends and family who make up poor excuses for horrible behavior. Is that an attempt to minimize and make me feel better? Thank you for the few who say they understand when they do not know what it is like.

 

I can accept this but I cannot forgive it.

 

I have been where you are. I had to lose everything but my self to get away. I am sorry you are in this situation. If you need an experienced shoulder, I am here.

[Angel1111]

I think the real lesson here is that other people's opinions shouldn't control our lives to the extent you describe. I've been where you are, had nightmares that had me sitting bolt upright - crying and screaming. I left when I had no job, no money, no hope. It didn't matter - I just got away from him. No one can know your life or your feelings better than you - and, having said that, don't let anyone ever put you in the position of explaining yourself. I know what it's like to have your soul crushed beyond recognition. But I can tell you that it usually comes down to us to make the decision and find a way to get out. Abuse is a sickness that, to the one who's abused, has a tremendous effect and walking away is one of the hardest things you'll ever do. But, the truth is, once you get away from him, in a couple of years, you'll ask yourself, "What was I thinking???"

 

It would be nice to have others to depend on, to defend us, but for some reason this rarely happens. Take your focus off of others and just get yourself away from that jerk who has turned you and your life upside down. Don't worry about what other people do or think. It's not important.

[Groovy]

I got away from him a long time ago though it still haunts me. And when people tell me they understand that is BS. It opened my eyes to these people I didn't understand before. It was hard for me and I am independent, no kids and have cash flow. What it would be like without that would have been twice as hard.

 

But I still get tired of watching the media or friends involved in it and hearing people jaded self absorbed views after some women has her collar bone crushed, a broken jaw, gets killed or pushed out of a vehicle and left in the street (which happened last week across the street and she broke bones her body as he speed away). The latter probably sparked my rage. And every women has stayed for another reason, fear of getting hurt more, feeling like they are worthless, not taking things seriously until it is too late. And then there are other things thrown in like they fell in love and trusted this person and many times with that man or woman are good or may have kids together. Or they may not even realize abuse in other forms of control through money, insults, etc.

[Tayla]

This reminds me of the Song "Nobody knows the troubles I"ve seen , no body knows my sorrow". Seriously how demeaning to think that people don't have empathy or an understanding of domestic abuse unless they experienced it. I can tell you outright, one doesnt have to be an alcoholic to see the abuse they do unto themselves and those around them. One doesnt have to be a victim to know the pain that is inflicted. I watched all these things growing up and it AFFECTS a person deeply.

And yes, as a survivor of marital domestic abuse I did have to come to terms with my poor judgment and my ineptness to seek help early on. In counseling the skeltons come out and its brought forth that CHOICES were there, and instead I chose poorly in staying. I had to come to terms with that, not the abuser. So I am sorry for anyone that goes thru that, and doesnt seek help early enough on. The weight of guilt and making excuses for the abuser can end. Its when enough is beyond enough.

It is my strong belief that abuse is conditioned from childhood on...the message to some of us is clear.....Others have a right to harm us..parents allowed to smack ,spank,shove, slam

teachers allowed to isolate and berate you in front of classmates,

officers-shoving you , anyone of authority ...because they are the elders. Violence begets violence. Its a learned behavior and one that needs to cease. It starts with one voice, and many positive changes in behaviors and attitude.

[Angel1111]

It is my strong belief that abuse is conditioned from childhood on...the message to some of us is clear.....Others have a right to harm us..parents allowed to smack ,spank,shove, slam

teachers allowed to isolate and berate you in front of classmates,

officers-shoving you , anyone of authority ...because they are the elders. Violence begets violence. Its a learned behavior and one that needs to cease. It starts with one voice, and many positive changes in behaviors and attitude.

 

This is probably true most of the time but I can tell you for a fact that I didn't come from an abusive home and yet I married an abusive man. It makes no sense to me as to why I did that. I've pondered this for a long time and the only thing I can figure is that because I was raised in such a happy home, I tend to be very naive about people and don't realize that some people just simply have rotten natures. This was probably my only saving grace, though, and why I left him as quickly as I did.

 

Still, the thing I remember the most is that despite the many, many years of my childhood and adulthood that I had of non-abuse (I was 38 when I married the abuser), I was amazed at how quickly I 'forgot' that frame-of-reference while I was in that horrible relationship. I remember having to remind myself of what life was really like beyond that time and space because he all but destroyed it inside my head.