A strange evening indeed

[monkeyking]

hi all. I'd really like some impartial advice about whats going on recently with events in my life. Probably best start at the begining then... sorry if its a bit long

 

about 3 months I split up from my ex. We wasn't together long, about 3 months, but we knew each other before that and have had the same friends for over 10 years. We had great chemistry, and i really, really liked her. Then she suddenly kind of froze, and started pushing me away and we broke up. We've bumped into each other around at mutual friends maybe 4 times since. the first time was ok, but the week after there was a little too much contact (texting,etc) which made me think she may still have feelings (we didn't text each other before, only had contact at social gatherings) but with each succesive meeting, she become more distant, avoided eye contact, was a bit snappy with me, etc. It all came to a head when she told me she felt suffocated when we was in the same room. So I backed off, cut off all contact for a couple of weeks. I have to admit, i still had a lot of feelings, but was in no way pushing them onto her, or talking about them.

 

We've both just moved into new flats, so i text her last week to congratulate her and see how she was getting on, etc. things were ok, so we text again later in the week, and she came around with mutual friends to visit. Things were ok, pleasant even, but she was still avoiding eye contact and looked a little uncomfortable.

 

Now tonight, i recieve a text from her, asking if I want to come around, hang out. I tried not to read anythings into it, but hell, you know how it goes. I wasn't expecting anything, but i must admit, i wanted it. So i went, and we got on great again. Talking turned to flirting, and then we kissed for a bit. We both agreed it was a bad idea, and she said that while she would enjoy it if we spent all night kissing, she didnt want sex, or anything more.

 

I should've left at this point, but..... we carried on making out for the next hour. All of the original chemistry was still there. i was happy, she seemed happy. It felt passionate, lots of eye contact, etc. Then all my feelings surfaced......

 

we had a bit of fight, but was still actually holding each other while we did it (?) She was getting annoyed at me, saying 'why do i have to make a big deal about everything' 'why cant it be a simple case of having someone around on afriday night and having a kiss? didn't you ever do that'. I thought yes, but not since i was a teenager. and not with an ex! i left that sort of thing behind about 10 years ago.(she's the same age btw). When i mentioned that we have history, what did she expect, she insisted that it had nothing to with tonight, and i was blowing things out of proportion.

 

So, anyway. I just dont get it. Have i really been an over emotional weirdo? Maybe it's me, but i wouldnt invite an ex over like that if i didnt want more from them? I certainly wouldnt kiss them. Why wouldn't she push me away when she was telling me she didnt want more and was fighting? or pull me back when i was about to leave angry? Im really confused by all this.