A man retreating?

[mammax3]

After an especially intimate night/evening, why might a man seem to need some space?

 

It's been a few times that after we have a night of sharing both physically and emotionally he seems to retreat. It makes me feel as though he's demonstrating that he's not interested or that I've said/done something through the course of the night that he doesn't like.

 

I would bring it up to him, but we're only casual and don't want to be all chasing him asking him dumb questions if it's something that's quite common in men.

 

thanks for you input.

[Rudderless]

It could be any of a number of things, but that's not something as a man I understand. For me if I'm interested in someone and I have an intimate night/evening with someone I generally don't want to disappear for a bit. I think you need to give more information on the specific situation to get some good help though.

[OpenBook]

Don't bring it up with him. Just be busy the next time he comes around... too busy to see him. He'll get the message.

[jenfrizt]

yeah better not chase him with that question... maybe his just hiding something.. which he cant tell you yet.. don't bother on him much just let it go

[D-Lish]

I've known guys that retreat after intimacy. I think it erupts out of feeling exposed and vulnerable, so they take a step back to get their bearings. I know I react to vulnerability in the same way - it can be scary.

[freestyle]

You said the relationship is "casual". This may be his way of keeping it at that level.

[You'reasian]

After an especially intimate night/evening, why might a man seem to need some space?

 

It's been a few times that after we have a night of sharing both physically and emotionally he seems to retreat. It makes me feel as though he's demonstrating that he's not interested or that I've said/done something through the course of the night that he doesn't like.

 

I would bring it up to him, but we're only casual and don't want to be all chasing him asking him dumb questions if it's something that's quite common in men.

 

thanks for you input.

 

Take the initiative. Talk to him face to face to see where he's at.

 

If he blows you off, its casual, you've lost nothing and you can do just as well (if not better).

[mammax3]

Thanks for your opinions and perspectives.

 

D-lish, that fits with what I know of him - and i think i can give him some room on that, if he were to be open with me and tell me that he does like me, but just sometimes needs space (or whatever). Given your comment regarding your reactions, how possible would that be to put feelings out there like that - to tell someone that it's too scary to have all these emotions laying bare? Would that heighten that sense of vulnerability?

 

Freestyle, I think you may be right. I don't really like your answer, though

When sharing intimacy like that, why would you want to keep it casual?

 

This does sound like I need to talk to him about this, You'reasian, I agree. Maybe only in terms of defining what 'casual' means.

 

I do like this man. He knows it, I tell him and I say all sorts of warm gooey things to him, but he doesn't say much - and then combined with the retreating, and his non-initiative communication... I've been justifying it and rationalizing, but when I spell it out like this - it really doesn't seem as though he's interested in me.

 

That's hard to swallow, because when we're together I really really feel as though he does, and he's not a player.

 

Would that be confusion on his part - would you guess? - or am I just non-intuitive about the motives of a man?

[LucreziaBorgia]

When sharing intimacy like that, why would you want to keep it casual?

 

Some people like to get the very best like that whenever they want, without having to worry about commitment or obligation.

 

Just because someone is intimate with you like that, does not mean they want to make a relationship out of it.

 

I would advise going the cautious route on this one. I am older, single (divorcing) and have a child, and this happens more often than not - because the men love what I have to offer, but they just don't want to have to deal with the whole package, so to speak. In my case, they save the girlfriend stuff for younger women with less baggage.