Soul mate missing out on something?

[Angel23]

I was with someone who I know is my soul mate for 5 years. We met at our first job while we were in high school and have been together ever since. We've gone through a lot together and we've made some mistakes in our relationship, but our communication was so strong that I thought we could work through anything.

 

In the last year or so I think I may have brought up weddings too much because a lot of my friends are getting married. I thought I made it clear to him that I was not ready to get married and I would wait until he was ready because he's totally worth it. I don't know if that is what scared him or not.

 

About 6 weeks ago he broke up with me completely out of the blue. Nothing was going wrong. I had graduated and started a new job, he had a job and was working on finishing school and we were finally in adulthood and starting up the lives that we'd wanted. This break-up came as a total shock to me...I could barely make it through work and I am still struggling with it every day.

 

He's told me that he needs space and he wants to see what else is out there because he thinks we are both too young to be in such a committed relationship. I don't know why it took him 5 years to figure that out. We weren't even living together, so I don't think it was such a big committment.

 

I want him back and I know the odds are against me. I truely believe that we are meant to be together. Did you ever have that feeling that something just fit? That it just makes sense?

 

Does anyone have any advice?

[donnist]

whoa.. that was abrupt. Me, being a guy, wouldnt be afraid to hear nor talk about marrige if Im in a relationship with someone I love and want to be with. Maybe it was the talk that scared him... maybe not. His mind is definitely some where else. Im assuming you guys are no older than 24 yrs of age. He may have been influenced by someone or something for him to think otherwise and so instant. My advice is give him what he feels he need. He wont stray far from what feels like home and then you will get your answer.

[Angel23]

I've gone through so many emotions in the last few weeks that I don't know how I feel anymore, but I do know that I love him. I know that if he wants to come back it's going to be difficult on my part to believe that he won't leave again, but in the end I know it will be worth it.

 

There were certainly times that I thought maybe someone or something had convinced him to break up with me. In some ways that makes sense, but for a long time none of his friends had girlfriends and now they are all working on committing to someone else. So, now he's going to be the friend without a girlfriend (not that you should be with someone just because other people are). And, when we were in college we were having some problems because we did try living together for a year and then the second year just decided to live with friends. If there was ever a time in our relationship that I thought it was over, it was then. At least we would have had one more year in college to meet other people and hang out with friends.

 

There are of course other things that complete this saga...he's dealt with depression (relatively mild) for a while, but I've always stood by him without question. His brother struggles with a drug addiction that could make him confused, but again, I never questioned him or his feelings.

 

We are only 23, but I'm a believer in finding that one person who makes you feel like you're on top of the world and not losing them. I've never been the kind of girl to "see what's out there" and have multiple partners and fall in love only to have my heart broken over and over and over again. I don't have that desire, which is another reason why I am having trouble relating to how he claims to feel.

 

I have a lot to say about this, but I am glad that this forum exists. I'm getting so sick of talking to the same people about this. I need some new perspectives (especially from guys who may be able to understand him).

[dutch]

I tell you what, I'm in a similar situation right now. My girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me 6 months ago (please check out my post), and to keep a long story short, I know I must feel the same way you do. I don't think your ex can forget about what you two had. If it's only been a short time since the break up, give it another week or two, then find out if he is still "in love" with you. If so find out what's REALLY bothering him. It's worth some effort to at least see if anything is there, since your relationship is probably the biggest investment of your life. Now if he's going to be a prick about it and not give you squat for insight, then something is wrong, he's not being honest, and he's not the same guy you started to date. I realize there is more than one person you can be happy with, and I know you realize it too. Sometimes things just don't work out. I'm not saying things won't work out with you two, but we all need to be realistic. Do what you think is the best, go with your gut feeling. Because he loved you for being you. You can't go wrong, only he can.

[mixedup1]

Let me tell you, this has been the hardest lesson for me, and I still havent let go but the saying; ' If you love something let it go, if it doesnt come back, it was never yours' or something to that effect....well, its true, the pain is awful, but the best thing is to let him know how you feel, and unfortunately there is nothing else you can do. My wife of 18 years, left me, had and affair is still having it and I feel the way about her as you do your boyfriend. But I pushed and pushed, cause she is my wife, however that made her distance herself even more. Well, if I would have just let her know how I felt, left it alone, we would probably be back together. I can't let it alone, and well, I don't know if we will ever get back because I have done some stupid things in my quest. She doesnt see it like I see it, and well, it's harder than hell to let go. He will be back if he really loved you. I never had an affair on my wife, I didn't even get tempted it seems. I am just that type of person, I window shop, sure but I dont touch the merchandise. Give it some time. We were 23 or so when we first met... love feels the same and hurts the same no matter what age. But yes, you are young, it seems like the end of the world, but believe me, things work themselves out if you don't force it. Good luck, I wish you the best, I really do.