tigressA Posted August 23, 2009 Share Posted August 23, 2009 I posted this in the dating forum but only got one response, maybe I'll have better luck here. I'm recently single, and a close guy friend of mine is as well. His situation with his now-ex was rather toxic. We've been friends for over 2 years; we were FWB for a couple of months after we first met until I broke it off because he didn't want to be in a relationship at the time and I did. Later, when he was with someone else, he told me he was sorry for not giving me a fair chance because "You're a great girl--you're smart, you're generous, confident, obviously very attractive, and I didn't give you the total respect you deserve". I've always had deep feelings for him and now is the first time in over a year that we're both single at the same time--the last time, we hooked up again on two occasions. I'm going back to college in his native area in a week and he's already told me to let him know when I'm back so we can hang out, and I plan to. I really care about him and I want to give being coupled-up a real shot since I think we would be great together. We differ a bit on values. He's a pretty devout Christian, music director at his church, while I'm Agnostic but have always been open to learning about various religions; and he's politically conservative while I'm liberal, but it's never posed a problem for us before. We both have a lot of common interests; we wear our hearts on our sleeves. We have so much fun together; we can easily talk on the phone for an hour or more at a time and we make each other laugh. I know he still finds me attractive because he always has a sincere, specific compliment for me whenever he sees me (for anyone who asks, that's me in my avatar). Thing is, I feel like I have a decent platform with which to work already, but I don't know how to work with it or make it work for me. Anyone have any ideas for me? Can this transition from friend to girlfriend work, or is it impossible? Have you been in a situation like this? If so, how did it turn out? Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted August 23, 2009 Share Posted August 23, 2009 I think it is entirely possible. However, like any relationship, it's only possible if he feels the same way and if he is ready to commit to you on the same level. You just have to be careful not to get yourself into a toxic FWB situation with him with the hopes that the sex will alter him into a serious relationship. I know you are fully aware of the dangers, but at the same time strong feelings for someone tend to melt our brains. I know, I'm putting my brains back into my head right now. I think the best shot you have is to remove sex from the equation. At least in the start. Make him commit to you on a much deeper emotional level. You already know that the sex will work, now it's time to judge the other factors of a successful relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
FreddieMay Posted August 23, 2009 Share Posted August 23, 2009 Hi tigressA, I hope you dont mind if I give u my opinion.. The first time, he didn't want to be in a relationship with u, but then he got into relationship with someone else ?? And now that his relationship with that someone else is over, you want to have relationship with him ? Do you think now he's ready to be in relationship with u ?? If I were you, I would wait.. He was the one who didn't want the relationship. If he wants you now, I am sure he would make a move. Coz he's aware of your feeling for him. Let him do all the work, for now. Let's see what he wants. If he wants u to be his girlfriend, nothing can stop him... right ?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author tigressA Posted August 23, 2009 Author Share Posted August 23, 2009 Hi tigressA, I hope you dont mind if I give u my opinion.. The first time, he didn't want to be in a relationship with u, but then he got into relationship with someone else ?? He didn't want to be in a relationship with anyone at the time, period. When he did get involved with someone, it was more than 4 months after things ended between us, and a relationship I had had just ended (It was a really rough breakup; I had had a miscarriage after when I didn't know I was pregnant. The night it happened, I called my friend, could hardly form sentences, and he was over in 10 minutes, right from saying goodbye to his girlfriend at the time. He stayed with me until 3:30 A.M. and he had an 8 A.M. class that day--and a project due for that class that he still hadn't finished). Then I got into another relationship and besides our brief breakup last year, that lasted until a few weeks ago. During much of that time my friend was single, but then he met someone last summer and was involved with her until just recently. Link to post Share on other sites
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