LauraD Posted November 18, 2003 Share Posted November 18, 2003 I have no right to be angry or jealous. However, I am these things, in addition to feeling like I'm no better than the **** on my shoe. I was with my S.O. for years. He was my first for every darn thing. He broke up with me when we were younger and less mature. We reconciled, and were in love all over again, through college. We took a break two years ago, which was initiated by myself. He was understanding and loving even though I had been a complete B. Then, this spring, I realized I needed to experience other relationships. I felt as if I was too young to stick with him forever without at least trying. So, I ended it. We've been apart for months. Lately I've realized that there's no one in the world who can replace him. He's a part of the family. Then, I saw him coming out of his house, leaving with two young ladies I'd never seen. We've spoken since and he told me he has a new relationship. Well yay. I feel like such a freaking fool. I gave him up. I have no right to be angry. He's doing what I set him free to do. It's not OK to rehash the situation over and over. I think I really messed up. So. Can anyone spare a few wise words to help me through my self-imposed exile from this nice guy's life? Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted November 18, 2003 Share Posted November 18, 2003 I don't know if this will make you feel any better, but it seems to me that your story illustrates an important point: when you're feeling restless, your relationship might be an obvious choice for change, but that doesn't mean it's the right choice. You had a good thing and you decided to drop it just in case something better came along. Would you have done the same thing if it was a good job, or a good apartment? Just dropped them because you were feeling like you needed to try out other jobs, live in other apartments? On the other hand, if you had really put thought into the decision when you made it, and there were specific things about the relationship that gave you pause, then breaking up was the right thing to do, even if you're having regrets now. Either way, it'll get better. I don't believe there's just one person out there who's right for each of us. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted November 18, 2003 Share Posted November 18, 2003 Do you think it's possible that after you saw him with another woman and later he admitted he was in an other relationship.....you are having feelings of angst because the person you thought you could fall back on is no longer available? Jealousy can be a wierd emotion....and mask itself as love. Maybe it would be a good idea to go back and evaluate why you chose to break up in the first place. If you can remember why....perhaps it will help you to accept that you can't be together with him at this time. If he was "perfect" for you.....then you wouldn't have broken up with him. I imagine it's hard to deal with regret though...no matter if you can rationalize it or not. Are you going to talk to him or just let it go? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LauraD Posted November 18, 2003 Author Share Posted November 18, 2003 Midori, I mulled over the options for months...and months. I loved him, but there were differences between us that seemed to speak for themselves. Thanks. I know you are right that there is more than one person for each of us. It's a matter of meeting new people I suppose. Arabess, Yes I do believe that my strong reactions are rooted in fear of losing the one person who I loved for so many years. He made me feel like one in a million. Now that I've hurt him, I think he has moved on perhaps for ever. You are right, jealousy feels like love right now. Passionate emotions get all tied up in both. Only jealousy is such a horrible emotion/action/behavior. I hate that I am acting childish and jealous. I am just jealous that the bond we had is over, and I had everything to do with it. Worse than that, he's giving everything he has to someone else. My jealousy says, she doesn't deserve it. She doesn't understand him. She doesn't/can't/won't ever have what he and I had. Our firsts were shared ones. Good times and bad, we learned what love meant together. As stupid and lame as it sounds, I am saying, yes, I gave this person up, but I cannot bear to witness someone taking him away. We plan to speak this week. We've corresponded a little, and I've made amends to the best of my ability to salvage a friendship. But I'm not going to show him my jealousy. I'm not proud of it. Nor do I have the right to infringe upon their new relationship. I don't like knowing that the further it unfolds, the further he grows from me, in all respects. Sad times. Link to post Share on other sites
toots307 Posted November 18, 2003 Share Posted November 18, 2003 Hey Laura, I really feel for you and I hope that one day you will be able to get past your jealousy and see that the man you care so much about is happy now - sucks it's not with you but if you truly do care about him than you will want him to be happy. Maybe the new girl is really great. I'm reading a book right now called 'Are you the One for Me' by Barabara DeAngelis. Perhaps you should try reading it. It really is helping me learn so much about my own love choices - it may help you too. Link to post Share on other sites
trying Posted November 18, 2003 Share Posted November 18, 2003 keep moving forward...one step at a time Link to post Share on other sites
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