Ann Bradford Posted May 30, 2000 Share Posted May 30, 2000 hey all! i was wondering if there was anyone out there that could offer me some advice. although there are many details and stories that go along with my 'problem'..i will try to sum it up as best i can. my high school sweetheart and i went out of nearly 2 years. when college came around, things got really tough. he ended up breaking things off with me and getting together with a girl in his dorm. there was a lot of hostility and tension between us after. we went from being together 24/7 to never even talking. we didnt see each other or talk for a year after. anyways, they have been broken up since this past summer. since we have the same circle of friends..we have all been hanging out these past few weeekends..(we all just turned 21 so we are all about going out). ryan, my ex, constantly flirts with me and drops subtle hints that he would like to hook up with me. the past 3 weekends, actually, we have ended up back at his house...with a bunch of us. he jokes around with me and we wrestle and flirt, and sometimes cuddle.but we havent hooked up at all. i love hanging out with him and fantasize about us being together again all the time! my friends know how much he hurt me in the past...and are not too keen on me sweating him yet again. i just cant seem to help the way i feel. i can feel something between us..that i have never felt with another guy before. im not sure what i am looking for out of all of this. i guess what i am wondering is....would it be okay to hook up with him, meaning kissing, etc., shold i make the first move? i really want to just kiss him to see if there is still that special something between us. i really feel like there is a lot of unfinished business between us two! he is a great guy..fun to be with....and nice. he would never try to take advantage of me or anything like that..he seems a bit reluctant to make the first move. i thnk he is afraid to jeopardize our salvaged friendship! when we go out, which is usually in a group of about 10 people..i always catch him watching out for me..and things like that. when we are together, we are usually drunk. we are constantly flirting and have never really discussed our breakup, although he apologiged to me once over the computer. if anyone out there has a similar situation or can offer me some advice..i would really appreciate it!! thanks a lot!! =) Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted May 30, 2000 Share Posted May 30, 2000 The relationship between you and this guy seems to be highly situational. If he happens to be around you, all is well. If he goes off to college, he stops talking to you altogether and takes up with another lady. Now he's back in your crowd and it's real convenient for him to laugh and flirt with you. If you can feel real secure with suck a fickle guy whose feelings seem to run pretty shallow, I say go for it. But prepare yourself for another broken heart. We teach people how they can treat us. If you take him back with open arms, you have basically shown him that he can stray at anytime and return to you with no problems. And your previous break-up wasn't a friendly one. You said there was a lot of hostility and tension. This doesn't sound like a guy most women would be itching to get back with. Give this a bit more thought!!! Aren't there some other guys around you might be interested in getting to know? Maybe this is a situational thing for you too. Link to post Share on other sites
Ann Bradford Posted May 31, 2000 Share Posted May 31, 2000 tony- i totally understand what you are saying, however, i really cannot help my feelings. i get so excited just knowing that i am going to be seeing him on the weekends that i cannot even concentrate. when we are together, there is no other place i would rather be. i guess i just can't undestand how this could be so wrong if it feels sooo right?! ughhhh! why do we girls always go back to/want the guy who tore our heart into millions of pieces? although, i must say..i view our previous breakup as a blessing in disguise. i was able to go off to college, hang with the girls, and talk to tons of guys! it just seems like maybe now we are older and more mature.. ahhh...i am so confused... ps: thanks for your advice; i appreciate it! =) Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted May 31, 2000 Share Posted May 31, 2000 Ann: You girls aren't the only ones who do this. Men go back to women who have ripped their hearts out before all the time. Basically, it's an addiction to the chemicals that whirl around in our brain when we come in contact with certain people. We just plain feel good. Heroin, crack, cocaine, etc. can make people feel euphoric...but they also kill. You sound like such a very sweet lady. I really want you to be happy. So please approach this with caution. Just because you both are older means absolutely nothing. The same dynamics that drove you apart before still exist, I promise you. We just love to forget the bad stuff...and that may be good. But when those chemicals that are driving you crazy for this guy neutralize once more, the hostility will most likely surface again...unless you really really work on it. I do pray that it does work out for you. Be careful!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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