always the first one to initiate communication... anyone know that frustration?

[jumi]

Hey,

Any of you familiar with the frustration of feeling like you're always the first one to initiate an email or a chat? I'm upset with myself that I let this bother me, so I hope that by speaking my mind here I can calm myself down.

 

It would just be a nice gesture for him to send me the uncalled for email instead of a reply, to know he is thinking of me. But the thing is, I know he loves me and I love him very much and we do talk every day so it isn't like he is slacking in communication, just doesn't really initiate it.

 

I feel like I am over-analyzing. I just want to get over this so it doesn't bother me anymore. This issue is just clouding my mind and creating unnecessary stress for me, but I am struggling reasoning it out and coming to terms with it in my mind.

[carvidep]

I've gone through this. No worries, you have a right to feel uncomfortable. My current guy is great about initiating contact, which is awesome! Try *forgetting* to e-mail yours once. He might send you a message that isn't a reply. Also, there's no harm in talking to him about it. He won't know how you're feeling until you tell him.

[Thaddeus]

Personally, I'm a big believer in each person taking responsibility for themselves in a relationship.

 

Sounds like you've certainly done your part. Time for him to do his part.

 

Now, it's possible that he doesn't initiate contact because, as you said, you're in contact every day (aside: isn't that a little much?) and you've always been the one to initiate so he has no real need to.

 

Carvidep is right, best to talk with him about it. He may figure that since you do all the initiating, that's the way you like it.

 

But just so you know... guys (generally) aren't big on just yakking for the sake of yakking. Most of our communication is results-oriented. That is, say hello, get to the point, say goodbye. We (guys) generally don't call "just to chat."

[jumi]

I think this also stems from my own insecurities, because if he initiated msgs then I'd know he wants to talk to me and is interested in what I say. I have self doubt a lot about how fun of a person/gf I am, just always have been that way in thinking about myself. im almost positive that he'd email me if he hasn't heard from me in a couple days, but I don't think I could bring myself to cause him to worry like that (by "forgetting" to email him)

 

*sigh* I think at this point I am creating an evil out of thin air here. sometimes I thoroughly believe I am overlooking how amazing this relationship really is and Im taking that for granted.

[hoping2heal]

So then let him know he can help soothe some of those insecurities a little bit. I.E by initiating contact, let him know "this is what makes me feel like you're interested in me." Let him know so he can help you.

[alixlewis]

YES!!! Happens to me ALL the time! I also know he loves me lots and he does want to talk to me but he always waits for me to initiated our instant messaging conversations or send the first text of the day and it annoys me so much! But I know it's for the same reason I want him to do it first- he wants to see how much I'm missing him and am thinking about him. It would just be nice if it was reciprocated from time to time that's all...