Is 12 too young to do your own laundry?

[quankanne]

12 is NOT too young for him to be learning certain skills, whether or not his daddy likes it. My husband said his dad taught him to cook at a young age, pointing out that he would never miss a meal for lack of a cook. And he does most of the cooking in our home.

 

actually, laundry lessons are the best to start with: They learn about separating clothes and why it's bad to mix colors or wash certain things at certain temperatures. And if you get them to understand that part of doing laundry is folding (or at least separating the clothes of what needs to be hung up immediately and what can wait for folding), you're way ahead of the game.

 

if he complains, tell him this is for his benefit, that when he gets older and goes to college, he doesn't have to worry about dirty clothes or finding some sap to do them.

 

 

Did the sock monster show up less often?

oh yeah, otter, you're gonna have to warn him about this

[alphamale]

My 12 year old son, could, but he doesn't fold well, he kind of wraps instead! So rather than do his own laundry he has other chores. He takes out the trash, empties waste paper baskets, unloads the dishwasher and loads it if there are any dishes, he can cook simple meals, and he cleans all of the windows on the doors each week. He also dusts once a week but I pollish. !

shouldn't he be studying instead?

[jerbear]

Did the sock monster show up less often?

oh yeah, otter, you're gonna have to warn him about this

 

This is one of those life lessons where it is easier to teach than they learn themselves.

 

Oh yeah, don't forget to keep the load balance otherwise it might signal the sock monster.

[Trialbyfire]

What my parents did was to put a separated laundry basket in each of our rooms. One side was for the lights, the other, the darks. This way, not only did you have to sleep with the smell of not doing your laundry, you also learned how to separate the basic stuff. We never used bleach though, since they didn't believe in it, for assorted reasons.

[Touche]

Why did that make me laugh, TBF? Like bleach is a lifestyle choice or something. So they didn't believe in bleach. How about the bleach alternative lifestyle?

[Trialbyfire]

But it is a lifestyle choice, in a strange way. They chose not to get stressed about our misuse of it, on clothing!

 

In all seriousness, they were also concerned about the impact of bleach on the environment.

[Touche]

But it is a lifestyle choice, in a strange way. They chose not to get stressed about our misuse of it, on clothing!

 

In all seriousness, they were also concerned about the impact of bleach on the environment.

 

I know, I was teasing. It just made me laugh for some reason. I think I'm still a little loopy from all those strong painkillers. Actually, I never use bleach either. For some reason our city water in our old house had a really strong bleach smell...ugh. I don't even use bleach in the pool.

 

Anyway, sorry to go off-topic so much on here BO.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

shouldn't he be studying instead?

He would rather be playing on the computer but your talking about less than an hour a week done a tad each day. Less time than he spends on the john!

[Trialbyfire]

I know, I was teasing. It just made me laugh for some reason. I think I'm still a little loopy from all those strong painkillers. Actually, I never use bleach either. For some reason our city water in our old house had a really strong bleach smell...ugh. I don't even use bleach in the pool.

 

Anyway, sorry to go off-topic so much on here BO.

If you're not going to use the painkillers, send them to me!

 

Sorry BO but I didn't want her to throw the painkillers away.

[Touche]

If you're not going to use the painkillers, send them to me!

 

Sorry BO but I didn't want her to throw the painkillers away.

 

Why, TBF I'm shocked! So THAT'S what's wrong with you. I knew you were too perfect. You're a pill popper! I'm joking, I'm joking..seriously when would you need them? You're fit as a fiddle.

 

Actually, I put them away since I read I may be prone to having a repeat episode now and I can't get a refill unless I go back to the doctor which I'm not planning on doing any time soon. I have 9 left. It's a comfort to know that if this happens again I won't be suffering like I did Friday night before finally going to the hospital. Because I tried everything I had at home and nothing worked. Even Alleve which I've taken maybe 3 times in my life. That stuff usually knocks me and any pain I might have right out..not this time. Even that didn't make a dent in my pain. But yeah, the Percocet worked like a dream. And I'm keeping them all to myself.

[Trialbyfire]

Why, TBF I'm shocked! So THAT'S what's wrong with you. I knew you were too perfect. You're a pill popper! I'm joking, I'm joking..seriously when would you need them? You're fit as a fiddle.

 

Actually, I put them away since I read I may be prone to having a repeat episode now and I can't get a refill unless I go back to the doctor which I'm not planning on doing any time soon. I have 9 left. It's a comfort to know that if this happens again I won't be suffering like I did Friday night before finally going to the hospital. Because I tried everything I had at home and nothing worked. Even Alleve which I've taken maybe 3 times in my life. That stuff usually knocks me and any pain I might have right out..not this time. Even that didn't make a dent in my pain. But yeah, the Percocet worked like a dream. And I'm keeping them all to myself.

As someone who's allergic to even something as mild as codeine and flies high with extra strength tylenol, percocet would probably make me pass out!

 

This is a good idea. Hopefully you've passed the stone but who knows. Drink more water, young lady!

 

BO, the other thing to make it easier on your stepson, to start doing his own laundry, is to buy clothing that doesn't require being ironed, which can be worn straight out of the dryer.

[Lostgurl]

I had to do my own laundry as soon as I could see over the washing machine.

 

Do you think 12 is too young to do your own laundry?

I don't think so. Just yesterday, My 10 year old asked me if she could flip the laundry. I said sure and told her how, she went right along and she did it right. I thought that was great.

[Touche]

As someone who's allergic to even something as mild as codeine and flies high with extra strength tylenol, percocet would probably make me pass out!

 

This is a good idea. Hopefully you've passed the stone but who knows. Drink more water, young lady!

 

BO, the other thing to make it easier on your stepson, to start doing his own laundry, is to buy clothing that doesn't require being ironed, which can be worn straight out of the dryer.

 

OH wow! Really? Then yeah, this stuff would absolutely knock you out on your keister. And yes, I'm sitting here with my zillionth glass of distilled water with lemon mixture. At least it tastes good.

 

Yes, that's a good suggestion that TBF gave you BO...and if that doesn't work just threaten him with a good beating! I'm kidding!!!

 

Hoo boy..i better get my butt to bed. Good luck with this BO. Just be patient. I know it will all work out for you.

[blind_otter]

shouldn't he be studying instead?

 

I was expected to study and do my chores. Any grade less than an "A" was unacceptable - but so was smelling bad.

 

SS has been asking if his uncle's house is too far from his school. He hates the rules that exist in my house and is starting to hate me. I don't allow myself to get angry towards him, but it is so frustrating. I do admit that sometimes, when he leaves the house to go to a friend's house or to his grandparents, I will do primal scream therapy.

 

The reason I asked is because I found out that he has been wadding up and stuffing all his clean folded and organized laundry into this one shelf in a cabinet in his room. I had been wondering over the past 3 months where the hell all his clothes were going, and I even asked a few times. He would just shrug, or say "I DON'T KNOW!!" in a petulant voice, which I suppose he knows by now I will just leave the room and stop talking to him when he acts like that.

 

He's lucky he wasn't here when I found all that stuff - it was all his clothes, underware, socks, sheets and pillowcases and blankets for the bed. I had also been puzzling over where all my sheets have gone. Jerk. Even when I discussed this issue with him, he just dissembled and made excuses and insisted that his Dad already knew where he was putting the clothes. While H insists he did not know, that's effing beside the point, isn't it? I ask you to organize your clothes according to the manner in which I did it initially - socks and underware in one drawer, shirts in the next, shorts in the third and pants in the last. Easy peasy. All he really had to do was place the folded items in the correct bin.

 

I am taking the cabinet out of his room. He still has a dresser. Prior to this he didn't have to hang up any clothes - now, he will.

 

But I don't think he can handle the laundry. He can't even washing a dish by himself, even when I am standing over him instructing him on how to rub a sponge. He doesn't know how to use a broom. This child doesn't even cut his fingernails - he lets them break off or bites them off. He's never had his fingernails cut before.

 

This is just so sad.

[Meaplus3]

I think 12 is a little to young to start doing your own laundry. IMO, the early teenage years would be more appropriate. My oldest is 9, and I just started giving him some light chores to do. He can now run the vaccum.. and picks up his room and will make his bed. These are simply my personal thoughts.

 

Mea:)

[New Again]

For the females in my family: when we turned 10 we were expected to separate our own laundry, and do one communal load of laundry a week.

 

By the time we girls were...14 we were doing all our own laundry.

 

My mom did my brother's laundry until he was 18, and then she still did it every time he was home from college.

 

So no, I don't think 10 is too young.

[Lucky_One]

I think 12 is sort of young for some things. You say that you found all the sheets and blankets for his bed. Does he have to change his own sheets? That is pretty hard for a kid to do, because pulling the corners just takes a lot of strength and experience to get it lined up right. So my kid and I do his bed together, so that he knows HOW to do it and can do it by himself one day.

 

And when we take the sheets off, I usually just wash and dry them, and put them back on. If I put a clean set on immediately, then the newly washed set would go into the linen closet instead of into someone's bedroom.

 

But he helps me put the sheets on my bed, and then we do his bed. Together.

 

My son doesn't do laundry much, but he is pretty busy with schoolwork, athletics and chores. He will throw his dirty uniform in the washer along with the dirty clothes for that day when he comes home from a game, but usually is in bed by the time it needs to go in the dryer, so I do it. I also have more time during the day than he does, so I usually wash and fold his stuff. He will do a load if I am on the road or something, but laundry is "my" task for the most part.

 

He is SUPPOSED to put his clothes away in the correct drawer, but I have found clean, folded stuff on the floor in piles (or on the floor of his closet). He's just not INTO that at his age and cognitive level. He has also brought me clean, folded clothes in his dirty laundry, where it was on the floor and got mixed up with his other stuff. Now THAT ticks me off!

 

B-O, I am not sure of the entire background here, but it seems like there is a LOT of anger and resentment on both parts (and throw in some jealousy on his, too, as he may feel that your attention/affection is always on the baby). Him living with his uncle might seem great to you, but I suspect it would put a LOT of pressure on your marriage.

 

Do y'all do any sort of family counselling? Where you can talk about family expectations (like laundry) and discuss it without yelling, so you can work out reasonable compromises, etc?

[Trialbyfire]

BO, the easiest way to shortcut a lie like this, is to have a family discussion about it. This way, whomever is lying, will be called on the spot by the other. It's not an impossibility that your b/f did know, to an extent but not to the degree that it was happening. Why remove a cabinet you can easily check, here and there? Instead, let him earn trust and approval by accomplishing, at first, little tasks.

 

There's a power struggle going on. As the adult, how will you find a way to stop the power struggle and turn it into a functional child/parent relationship?

[Touche]

I like TBF's idea of a family meeting.

 

You're going to have to talk to your b/f about this and have him take more control here. I hear your frustration. Frankly, i was a little surprised that you said "jerk." This tells me that you're losing a little control here. And trust me, I don't blame you. This is a very, very tough position to be in.

 

As much as this boy is frustrating you and testing you now, please keep in mind that he's just a little boy. His mother, for all intents and purposes, rejected him. This has to affect him. Just stay in control. Vent here and don't let up on the bf. Try not to lose control with the boy.

[missdependant]

I started at 8 or 9, and these days I've become an expert on the subject.

 

I would say no.

[blind_otter]

I think 12 is sort of young for some things. You say that you found all the sheets and blankets for his bed. Does he have to change his own sheets? That is pretty hard for a kid to do, because pulling the corners just takes a lot of strength and experience to get it lined up right. So my kid and I do his bed together, so that he knows HOW to do it and can do it by himself one day.

 

He's 12 and is as tall as I am and nearly weighs as much, so I don't think his strength is an issue. He knows how to do his own sheets and has been doing that on his own since before I knew him, when he had a much smaller bed.

 

And when we take the sheets off, I usually just wash and dry them, and put them back on. If I put a clean set on immediately, then the newly washed set would go into the linen closet instead of into someone's bedroom.

 

Thanks for sharing your method. I usually give clean sheets on laundry day, and ask that the dirties be put in the wash while I sort the clothes. Because I have a toddler, I do laundry every other day.

 

 

Him living with his uncle might seem great to you, but I suspect it would put a LOT of pressure on your marriage.

 

It does not seem great to me, please read my posts before making assumptions. It was actually something I found quite distressing and was the motivation for making the post.

 

Do y'all do any sort of family counselling? Where you can talk about family expectations (like laundry) and discuss it without yelling, so you can work out reasonable compromises, etc?

 

Yes, we have been seeing a family therapist for 6 weeks. Previous posts regarding my situation detail these facts.

[blind_otter]

BO, the easiest way to shortcut a lie like this, is to have a family discussion about it. This way, whomever is lying, will be called on the spot by the other. It's not an impossibility that your b/f did know, to an extent but not to the degree that it was happening. Why remove a cabinet you can easily check, here and there? Instead, let him earn trust and approval by accomplishing, at first, little tasks.

 

I am removing the cabinet to allow SS to continue having a modicum of privacy in his own room. I don't want to be going in there to check on everything every day. Part of learning responsibility involves being given the space and being held responsible for things.

 

He doesn't need the cabinet - it was entirely empty except for the wadded up laundry. He has another dresser that was COMPLETELY EMPTY - the one with drawers that are labeled to make it easier for him to organize things.

 

I chose my battles. I am not going to continue wasting energy fighting with him about putting his clothes away. At least if there is no extra cabinet in there, I can just open the door and glance in to see if the clothes are put away, rather than opening up drawers and going through his things.

 

I had no privacy growing up and it was difficult for me. This is important to ME - that I respect his privacy.

[blind_otter]

I like TBF's idea of a family meeting.

 

You're going to have to talk to your b/f about this and have him take more control here. I hear your frustration. Frankly, i was a little surprised that you said "jerk." This tells me that you're losing a little control here. And trust me, I don't blame you. This is a very, very tough position to be in.

 

As much as this boy is frustrating you and testing you now, please keep in mind that he's just a little boy. His mother, for all intents and purposes, rejected him. This has to affect him. Just stay in control. Vent here and don't let up on the bf. Try not to lose control with the boy.

 

Oh come ON, Touche. I'm venting HERE. I am not telling SS that he is a jerk, but when he talks back to me and throws temper tantrums and calls me a bitch, yes, he is being a jerk. Sorry if it offends anyone that I call a spade a spade.

 

Good Lord if I can't vent on loveshack, I don't even know why I post here anymore.

 

And he's not my BF, he's my H now. Being that I am not jazzed about marriage, it's not a big deal to me at all and I don't consider it to be any different from our previous relationship.

[blind_otter]

Anyways, thanks for the responses. I didn't read any of them prior to handling the situation and it worked fine.

 

SS, as all tween children, has varible emotions. Yesterday suddenly I was his best friend because I made chicken quesadillas for dinner and packed him a lunch for school tomorrow because his school lunch is gross. I do nice things like cut the crusts of his sandwiches and he asked nicely if I would make him one of our special sandwiches. I put a little note in there to cheer him up, because transitioning to 6th grade is hard - new bigger school, bigger kids, bigger bullies, more complicated material to grasp and more rules.

 

It's not a power struggle. It's just a kid who is hurting who is acting from that hurt. I understand that and accept it, so I'm not trying to take control of anything. It's a process that is frustrating, I vent, I need to vent to people besides's my H....

[Touche]

Oh come ON, Touche. I'm venting HERE. I am not telling SS that he is a jerk, but when he talks back to me and throws temper tantrums and calls me a bitch, yes, he is being a jerk. Sorry if it offends anyone that I call a spade a spade.

 

Good Lord if I can't vent on loveshack, I don't even know why I post here anymore.

 

And he's not my BF, he's my H now. Being that I am not jazzed about marriage, it's not a big deal to me at all and I don't consider it to be any different from our previous relationship.

 

Of course you can vent, silly. I think you over reacted a bit to my post. You know i know exactly how this feels. I was only pointing out a potential little red flag..nothing more.

 

I think you're doing a great job! I've always thought so. This is really not for everyone. Most can't handle it but obviously you can.

 

Oh and sorry, didn't know you got married. I'm kind of surprised but very happy for you. I think it's great that you did. This boy is testing you. And you're passing all the tests. One day he's going to look at you and tell you how much he appreciated all that you've done for him. My stepson first told me that when he was just 15. The rewards are great. It's all worth it. You may just end up being the best thing that happened to him, BO.

 

And yeah, he's going to be a jerk. Please, don't take what I said the wrong way. If you want to come here and say he's being a jerk then do so.

 

And congrats on the marriage.