Vet Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 Frustrated&Sad: I'm from a little farm town in Missouri actually, moved to Texas about 10 years ago. I'd say I've been struggling with relationships and meeting people the entire time. My relationships can best be described as unhealthy, almost to the point where I am controlled by the woman. My male friends think it's pretty sad, they know I want better but refuse to do anything about it. I'd say the low confidence and esteem is dead on. I wouldn't be caught dead eating at a restaurant alone, going to the movies alone or clubs, etc. At best, I go to a friends swimming pool alone and that took a bit of courage. If my guy friends can't do anything, I sit at home. I refuse to go out alone. I'm a good looking, fit guy, but something just doesn't click in that department. Sucks! Is something you're interested in changing? Have you ever initiated contact with a woman without having one of your friends by your side? It doesn't really sound like you're at the place yet where finding women who are decent, caring, and loving is your real problem. You need to become more independent first. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jprez1980 Posted August 24, 2009 Author Share Posted August 24, 2009 Yes, definitely is something I want to change. I've never approached a woman or asked her out unless my guy friends were there. The exception is online dating, of course that is no problem for me. But the girls I have met online have not been my type and are usually full of issues (not that I'm not....we all have issues...some more than others). Link to post Share on other sites
Vet Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 Yes, definitely is something I want to change. I've never approached a woman or asked her out unless my guy friends were there. The exception is online dating, of course that is no problem for me. But the girls I have met online have not been my type and are usually full of issues (not that I'm not....we all have issues...some more than others). Well, honestly, if you feel like online dating is easier, why not just go that route? Just because you haven't met ones that have been your type doesn't mean that there aren't more fish in the sea. If you just feel like that's not an option, realize that most women don't get asked out very frequently outside of a bar or club. If you're genuine, polite, and respectful of her personal space, more often than not, they will give you their number after you spark up a conversation. The most pressing matter is you though. The next night you've got alone where you're bored and would normally go out with your friends if they weren't busy, go out anyway. Go to a book store, go see a movie (why wouldn't you go alone? You're in the dark!), go get a bite to eat (it doesn't need to be a sit down restaurant), just go out by yourself. Get used to it. Don't even worry about talking to people, but don't shy away from it either. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 jprez, don't take this as an insult but as something to consider. I have two close friends, who are married to each other. Our affectionate nickname for her is that she's the Queen, the Queen of all of us princesses, that is. If you knew us all, you would understand! Anyways, she's the dominant one (albeit very feminine one) in their relationship, whereby he would do anything for her. She's very social and so is he except that he needs her to motivate and plan events and things to do. In return, since she doesn't enjoy driving, he drives her whereever she wants to go, if it's outside of her comfort area to drive. She has to have creamo for her coffee, so if we're at anyone's home that doesn't have creamo, he goes out to get it. Milk will not do. She lost her Tiffany ring. He replaced it. The two have been together for 15 years, married for over a decade. They're both sincerely happy with each other, still completely in love. While we all bug him about how much of a pushover he is, he doesn't care. He's happy the way it is, since she's providing what he wants and needs. She loves him as is, and wouldn't trade him for anything. And yes, she puts up with his foibles too. Neither bitch about each other. Just some food for thought, when considering what's functional/dysfunctional and what to look for in a partner. Link to post Share on other sites
bac Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 It is only my opinion. It looks like your testosterone level down. You need to increase your sexual drive to overcome your issues. My advice is to watch porno daily and do m..... at least 3-4 times per day. It will increase your sexual drive to the right level, so can get what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 It is only my opinion. It looks like your testosterone level down. You need to increase your sexual drive to overcome your issues. My advice is to watch porno daily and do m..... at least 3-4 times per day. It will increase your sexual drive to the right level, so can get what you want. Any particular form or genre of porn you recommend? Link to post Share on other sites
loveslife Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 Have you heard the saying, if you always do what you've always done you'll always get what you've always gotten..... There's also a good one - insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. I think you need to shake up your routine. If what you're doing isn't working, try something new. You can always refine things as you go along. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jprez1980 Posted August 24, 2009 Author Share Posted August 24, 2009 testosterone level being down? Really? I don't think thats an issue. I have a healthy sex drive, I jog/bike and workout...all of which raise testosterone correct? Not sure how watching porn would help.... Certainly your post was a joke right? Link to post Share on other sites
bac Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 testosterone level being down? Really? I don't think thats an issue. I have a healthy sex drive, I jog/bike and workout...all of which raise testosterone correct? Not sure how watching porn would help.... Certainly your post was a joke right? In fact, it was not a joke. I had very similar problems like you have for many many yrs. Then I decided that I need to take action and give myself a chance with men. So, I took some books and worked on my sexual drive, and female's orgasm issues. In the books, I was told I had to watch porno and m... . So I did everything. And it worked out well. When I let myself into my sexuality, men became totally into me, perhaps because, I finally became into men. Some people suppress their sexuality because they believe that it is not the best part of them. As for jogging, working out, they increase your aerobic capacity that is helpful for stamina. Link to post Share on other sites
Gemini09 Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 Wow, I thought that had to be a joke as well, but didn't say anything before. So it would help him find a decent, caring, loving woman if he was more horny? :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
loveslife Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 Wow, I thought that had to be a joke as well, but didn't say anything before. So it would help him find a decent, caring, loving woman if he was more horny? :lmao: I think that's meant to imply that he would get out of the house on his own more if he has more - uh - motivation. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 I normally can't figure out where bac's advice comes from but who knows, she might have something here. Testosterone affects confidence and self-esteem levels. It's why some men are capable of picking up chicks without trying very hard. It's why some men are better in boardroom battles and more aggressive on a daily basis. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamergrl Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 I also think it's easier to meet people when you're in a better frame of mind with yourself. I'm not saying you aren't happy with yourself OP, but maybe you could stand to relax a bit? I used to have a horrible time meeting new people... then when I just let go more, the invites came pouring in. Then I had problems keeping up with all of it. Link to post Share on other sites
MadDriver Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 It is only my opinion. It looks like your testosterone level down. You need to increase your sexual drive to overcome your issues. My advice is to watch porno daily and do m..... at least 3-4 times per day. It will increase your sexual drive to the right level, so can get what you want. I am a MAN, and I'd advise other MEN reading this to be very careful about this sort of advice coming from a WOMAN (bac is a woman). First of all, I disagree with your diagnosis that the problem is his testosterone level. Second, if even the problem was the testosterone level, the last thing you want to do is keep stimulating the poor fellow to the point of release -- testosterone is a key component of semen, and level in the body fall upon ejaculation. It takes 7 days of abstinence for it the come back to peak levels again in a man. Basically, bac's advice makes no sense. Link to post Share on other sites
Gemini09 Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 I can see how a more aggressive personality would benefit a guy in asking women out, but I don't think this necessarily has to do with testosterone levels or sex drive. My ex had a very high testosterone and sex drive, and he also had low self-esteem issues and problems meeting women. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 Only a medical doctor can give anyone a definitive answer by testing for testosterone levels. At least bac has thrown out a differing perspective, one that no one in this thread has thought of. While her "cure" is something she did for herself and should be taken with a grain of salt, like any other home cure, and this issue might not be applicable to jprez, perhaps other men and women can utilize this information. Men, don't be threatened by any post that challenges virility. It's stupid to believe that it couldn't happen to YOU! It might. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 OP, would you agree that you've faced similar challenges in meeting/attracting women as well as 'keeping' one? If so, there's some fundamental psychology at work. The fact that you appear to attract women who are 'not your type' indicates this. Try this. Forget about meeting a woman. One weekend each month, for the next six months, do something or go somewhere different than you've ever done or gone before. You're up for traveling? Let's go to Singapore.... Dubai.... Moscow. Just go. Open yourself. I do this all the time (not recently because divorcing has made me poor) and the process changed the way I viewed myself, as well as women, and I find myself with a lot more potentials as a result, without even trying hard. You've got an edge; you're much better looking Try something novel. Did you know you can walk into most any nursing home and visit the old folks there? Those old folks have families, and they are looked after by nurses and aides, many of which are women. Even locked facilities, like my mom's, are open to you. Just sign in, smile, and make someone's day. No training required. Never know who you might meet, perhaps someone who appreciates a sweet and caring man, like yourself OK, have fun. Life's short... make it count... Link to post Share on other sites
dreamergrl Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 Any particular form or genre of porn you recommend? I vote 70's porn Link to post Share on other sites
loveslife Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 I vote 70's porn Ahhhh "Deep Throat," a classic. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamergrl Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 Ahhhh "Deep Throat," a classic. I saw a 70's porn once. He had side burns on his pickle.... Link to post Share on other sites
loveslife Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 I saw a 70's porn once. He had side burns on his pickle.... Ewww another indelible image!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 Yeah, the John Holmes, Kay Parker era for sure.... Link to post Share on other sites
BobSacamento Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 Go shopping at the mall. That's something you can do alone and not feel like a complete and utter loser. Sometimes you need a purpose rather than picking up women in order to not feel like a loser. At least that's how I do it lol. I feel ya man. PS Your butthole friends better be attempting to set you up or they are truly worthless. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamergrl Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 Ewww another indelible image!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahahahaha That was kinda evil of me. Link to post Share on other sites
loveslife Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 hahahahahaha That was kinda evil of me. Well, I'll get ya back for that, missy. Just when you least expect it. hahahahahahahahaha;) Link to post Share on other sites
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