Shelly83 Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 Newbie here! So I have been involved with a particular guy for almost 6 yrs now. Our relationship has gone from being committed to each other and living together...to being committed to each other but not living together...to having an "open" relationship and not living together...and now I'm not quite sure where we stand. Background info: He was 25 when we met and I was 20. I was his first EVERYTHING. Kiss, girlfriend, sex...etc. He was not my first anything. He is an introvert who is super shy, which is why he hadn't had any experience in dating before we met. The first time we broke up (and moved out) was because he wanted to "see what else was out there" and date other people. Each time we've seperated it has been because he wanted to "see what else was out there". But the damn ironic part is he NEVER goes through with it. He doesn't go on any dates or even talks to anyone. We stay involved and things end up getting serious again and it feels like we are back on the track of a "future" together. But then 6 months to a year later he is back to his "I want to date other people" routine. I feel strongly that the reason he does this is because he honestly wishes he had more dating experience and not just ONE girl. He is now 31 and he says he often thinks about us getting married. Be he doesn't want to get married while he still has his doubts about me being "THE ONE". He says without having been with anyone else, he isn't sure if I'm the best out there. I fully understand where he is coming from and support his wanting to "see what else is out there". But he NEVER actually does it!!! I don't know if it is because it's too hard for him to find someone else (being so shy and introverted), or if he is too lazy, or if it is actually an issue of him not really wanting to take things to the next level with me, but him also not wanting to lose me, and so he is stuck in limbo. *sigh* Has anyone else ever gone through this? He joins websites like "Myspace" and such to browse other women's profiles...but doesn't take that extra step to contact them. He just browses. Almost like a form of porn (or the lazy way of checking out women instead of going out in public to look at women lol). I just wish he'd get it over with already and date someone else! I wouldn't want to think he settles for me because he's too lazy to find someone else and I'm "convenient". Ok, enough rambling on my part. Anyone have any thoughts they could share? Link to post Share on other sites
deux ex machina Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 I would really start pulling away from this man. How are you feeling about him these days? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shelly83 Posted August 25, 2009 Author Share Posted August 25, 2009 I still feel like he's the man for me. Each time we've taken a "break" to date other people, I went out and dated other people. Haven't met someone yet who makes me feel the way he makes me feel. Even when things are rough for us or we're going through a hard time, he's someone I want to stick with it. Everyone else I've just walked away from, not interested in sticking around when things got rough. It's different with him though... Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 Not once did you mention the word 'Love'...which tells me he's just a habit for you, something familiar you want in your life, because you've grown used to having him there. he knows you, your foibles, your likes and dislikes.... hell, the effort involved in breaking in another guy! he's obviously 70% elsewhere... disinterested.... you guys need to go your separate ways. Or just agree to be room-mates/FWB..... and seek no committed attachment. Link to post Share on other sites
hedarah Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 I think you should tell him you love him if you so and like the butterfly poem help set him free write girls emails on myspace for him. Say what hes trying to do maybe some girls will wanna go on 1 date with him if he doesn't go thru with it hes yours. Evan if he does go onmany dates if he gets with i say 2 or 3 women then comes back to you if your broken up you should give him a chance. But deffinitly dont remain attached to him while he does this just break up help him find a few women to date you date your guys then see where hes at, but help him do it if you really care for him.... maybe itll give him that push to pop the question! Link to post Share on other sites
InLimbo2 Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 You are rationalizing. The first time you do it's reasonable, then the 2nd time you are doing it against the 1st time, etc - by the time you get to where you are - around the 34567890th time - you no longer have a concept of what's rational. Been there, done that. Any man you think of marrying should KNOW that you are The One. If he says he doesn't know after 6 years - he's lying - he knows you aren't the one - you are just convenient for him to come back to when his own shyness fails him in gaining that woman he'd rather be with. Stop worrying about 'the box' he's in - his shyness is his own problem - worry about you - and wasting 6 years on a guy who's told you that you aren't 'good enough' for him and he's looking for someone better while you hang on the sidelines. Newbie here! So I have been involved with a particular guy for almost 6 yrs now. Our relationship has gone from being committed to each other and living together...to being committed to each other but not living together...to having an "open" relationship and not living together...and now I'm not quite sure where we stand. Background info: He was 25 when we met and I was 20. I was his first EVERYTHING. Kiss, girlfriend, sex...etc. He was not my first anything. He is an introvert who is super shy, which is why he hadn't had any experience in dating before we met. The first time we broke up (and moved out) was because he wanted to "see what else was out there" and date other people. Each time we've seperated it has been because he wanted to "see what else was out there". But the damn ironic part is he NEVER goes through with it. He doesn't go on any dates or even talks to anyone. We stay involved and things end up getting serious again and it feels like we are back on the track of a "future" together. But then 6 months to a year later he is back to his "I want to date other people" routine. I feel strongly that the reason he does this is because he honestly wishes he had more dating experience and not just ONE girl. He is now 31 and he says he often thinks about us getting married. Be he doesn't want to get married while he still has his doubts about me being "THE ONE". He says without having been with anyone else, he isn't sure if I'm the best out there. I fully understand where he is coming from and support his wanting to "see what else is out there". But he NEVER actually does it!!! I don't know if it is because it's too hard for him to find someone else (being so shy and introverted), or if he is too lazy, or if it is actually an issue of him not really wanting to take things to the next level with me, but him also not wanting to lose me, and so he is stuck in limbo. *sigh* Has anyone else ever gone through this? He joins websites like "Myspace" and such to browse other women's profiles...but doesn't take that extra step to contact them. He just browses. Almost like a form of porn (or the lazy way of checking out women instead of going out in public to look at women lol). I just wish he'd get it over with already and date someone else! I wouldn't want to think he settles for me because he's too lazy to find someone else and I'm "convenient". Ok, enough rambling on my part. Anyone have any thoughts they could share? Link to post Share on other sites
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