How can I let my girlfriend know that I want her to go further?

[Romantico]

Hey there! This is my first message so bare with me if i sound confused. lol.

OK my girlfriend and I have been together for about 2 and a half months. We're both 16. After two months, we hit second base. Well more like half of it really.

 

We were making out and she like game me a "sign" to tell me that like it was OK to got "in there" and that it was fine with her. So i fingered her.

 

Now its been two times that I have done it to and its perfectly fine with her...but lol I'm thinking of how I would/could give her a "sign" or SAY SOMETHING (probably better) to see if she's willing to "return the favour". Plus she hasn't touched me down there neither yet, so ...u know? Any advice?

[SoleMate]

Ummm...maybe nobody here wants to get you guys in trouble. We sure don't want to read any more "Ohmigod her period is late IS SHE PREGNANT????" posts. You're both 16 and you may not realize how easy it is to slide down that slippery slope and find yourself doing exactly what the "Health and Family Living" instructor warned you about.

 

So here is the plan:

 

1) Talk about sex with her. Yes. If you're man enough to stroke her genitals, you're also old enough to be responsible and talk to her about how far and how fast you both want to go, and how to be safe while doing it. If one or both of you just can't manage this conversation without dying of giggles or embarassment...then guess what? You're too young.

 

2) Get and use protection for whatever activities you have planned. Post here for specific advice if you need it.

 

3) To get her to stroke your genitals, which I think is what you're asking...try either asking for it with words, "I'd love it if you'd stroke me here", or even perhaps take her hand and place it where you want. Start with this on the outside of your clothing, and it's good to work up to it with thigh caresses that get higher and higher. (That's what women love, BTW.)

 

4) Don't go any farther than you've already agreed to in #1.

 

5) Don't be too sensitive or take it personally if she seems a bit shy or squeamish the first few times. The male penis is an object of fascination and fearful legend to teenage girls - kind of like a cobra in your pants.

 

Hope this helps.

 

(Please read some posts about the suffering of those young couples who suspect an unplanned pregnancy. Sex is a two sided coin - the AGONY and the ECSTASY. You can minimize the agony with some brainwork.)

[Romantico]

So should I talk to her first...or like while talking about something, be like "I have a question" and then ask "How far would you go with me..." hmm that doesn't't sound that great. But are you saying that I should/could ask her first?

 

Or if I just don't so like could I ask her something like what you suggested...or maybe "You maybe wanna try it to me?" while making out after I had done it to her again?...

[UCFKevin]

It's a tricky situation. Asking about something like that might be offputting and could kill the mood, then again she might really respect that you asked. I dunno. Maybe just go with the flow and if she says stop, just stop.

[Romantico]

So I should just like ask her about how far she would like to or would go with me eh? I think it'd be better too...

[SoleMate]

Sigh. OK. Here it is:

 

(as you're talking/snuggling in a private place, but not getting too steamy)

 

BOY: You now, you're so beautiful and I really feel great when we're together like this.

 

GIRL: Yeah, it's nice.

 

BOY: I love kissing you and touching you.

 

GIRL: You do??!! I never would have guessed! (soft laughter)

 

BOY: Oh yeah, I do. (tickle tickle caress)

 

GIRL: You're so cute. (snuggle)

 

BOY: Have you ever thought about going farther with me? Because I sure have with you, and I really wanted to talk to you about it.

 

GIRL: (nervous) Well....

 

BOY: I want to make sure that we don't do anything crazy.

 

GIRL: Yeah, me too. I don't want to get a reputation.

 

BOY: Some day, I'd love to [fill in the blank] with you. It would be a dream come true.

 

GIRL: ???

 

I don't know what she'll say. It could be anything. Work up to it and watch how she reacts. Ask her about her feelings and concerns. Take them seriously. What the heck, you could actually grow closer with this kind of conversation.

 

I wouldn't talk her ear off, but there are practical matters like when and where and making sure that protection is used. And she may just not be ready - she may say no - you have to listen and respect that.

 

I know that most teenagers just dive into sex in a graceless bellyflop that can be quite painful. I'm just pointing out that you have a choice.

 

Good luck and PLEASE DON'T GET HER PREGNANT!!!! Thank you.

[Romantico]

Alright "SoleMate" you don't get my question at all. I'm not talking about sex!

[SoleMate]

Dear Romantico -

 

You young, innocent boy you. I could just hug you if it weren't against the Loveshack rules.

 

You weren't talking about "sex"? You were talking about maybe teaching her to throw pottery?

 

"Fingering" her IS sex. Granted, it's not intercourse, but it's sex nonetheless. Sex = Activities that provide sexual gratification and involve stimulation of the genitals.

 

My point was, that once you start kissing, touching, grinding against each other, full intercourse may come faster than you think if you are not careful. It's amazing how easy Mother Nature made it for us to slip into this behavior...

[lynnedays]

My advice... don't say anything.

 

Look, people go there when they are ready to go there. She will start feeling there tentatively...then more aggressively, etc. as she gets more curious and more confident and more ready to do it.

 

Asking how far she wants to go with you... after only two months... is the wrong question to ask. I would have gotten scared off at 16 ..thinking the guy was asking/wanting/waiting for sex already--and wanted a set answer that he would be getting it at some point.

 

So my advice to you, as a girl, who is 21 and remembers being 16, don't say anything--don't pressure her. Just like your finger found it's way there slowly...her hand will find it's way to you...slowly. I mean if you really can't wait.. you can maybe when your making out and her hand is somewhere... kinda try to guide her hand to that area...and then once you get it there... let her hand go. That might speed up the process.. but I would still let her explore and discover at her own pace.

 

~Lynne

[Romantico]

How do i know if she is giving me a sign that she is ready to "return the favour" ?