Shygirl15 Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 I met my BF's girls (11 and 14) for the first time this past weekend, and we ended up spending the weekend together. This was not my idea. I personally would have preferred to have the initial meeting very brief, however my BF insisted and I eventually gave in. Both girls appeared to be polite and the little one was very interested and followed me all around the house which was very sweet. She also played my son all the time and referred him as her "little brother" which was sweet. The 14 yr old was mostly quiet and distant. Whenever I initiated conversation with her by asking questions, she would answer but then stand up and move to the kitchen/bathroom/bedroom/anything to shut down the conversation. So I eventually gave up and left her alone. We didn't speak at all except for goodmornings, goodnites, and goodbyes. So apparently I'm not on her favourite list which is fine, but I really want to break through to her. Anyone with great advice on how to do this? Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 The hardest advice is: Let her be. Teens have a keen sense of when someone is trying to butter them up. They perceive the *new partner* as a threat to their relationship with the parent. The way to ease into the relationship is the same way you did with the kids parent. With caution With due regard for their other responsibilities. My (evil) step mom was a text book of how she TRIED so hard to win us kids over so that our Dad would marry her. He swore he wouldn't marry anyone that didn't consider his kids a priority. She pretended right up til the wedding day, after that we were shadows in "HER" house. Please let the kid decide when its safe for them to trust you...just as you need to have that trust that they wont disrespect you . Its a give and take and it needs to be genuine and not forced. Overall I was pleased that it went fairly well for the first meeting. I agree that an overnight might not have been the way to establish a foundation. Hopefully slow and steady quality times will bring her to acceptance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shygirl15 Posted August 25, 2009 Author Share Posted August 25, 2009 Tayla, thanks much. I guess I will just give her space and let her come to me. It's going to be challenging treating the two differently however, because the younger one is easily approachable, very friendly and clearly likes me. I understand that most women would try and appear sweet in the beginning like your evil stepmom, however that's not the case for me. My BF is my son's best friend and I can clearly see that he genuinely cares for him. I just wish to have the same relationship with his daughters. We'll have them again for Labor Day weekend and hopefully things will improve a bit since we already know one another. Link to post Share on other sites
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