jennie-jennie Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 Well, the wife has a history with him. The wife has a vested interest in the marriage. The wife may have a family with him. Sure, many OW probably get excited when DD happens because they believe that now the man will come to her. But that doesn't happen in the majority of cases. The W is welcome to the bastard. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 2sure hang in there. Our thoughts are with you. So so sorry he did it again. Big hugs. Link to post Share on other sites
jennie-jennie Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 Man, I love you all - I really mean that. I'm living in hell right now, but I think that the strength and encoragement and advice Ive been getting here for so long is ...well, I guess I accidentally found this place and all of you for a reason. I'm strong enough to get through this. Of that I'm sure. My H's newest infidelity is not something I am ready to even verbalize but something I did kind of see coming. Bizarro. I'm going to post about it... But to be honest, I'm kind of not reallyt myself. I'm here now just because I dont want to drink. 2sure, I have been where you are now. I am so sorry for you. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 The W is welcome to the bastard. So why is he a bastard after DD? Why isn't he a bastard when he is boning the OW? Is he only a bastard when he picks his wife/family over the OW? Link to post Share on other sites
PhoenixRise Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 2Sure I am so sorry that you are in this pain. Whatever has happened, it doesn't make you foolish and it doesn't mean that all the wisdom you have lovingly shared here should be negated. Take care of yourself and take some time if you need to. But please come back. We need you and we are HERE for you if you need us. Stay strong 2Sure. Phoenix. Link to post Share on other sites
jennie-jennie Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 So why is he a bastard after DD? Why isn't he a bastard when he is boning the OW? Is he only a bastard when he picks his wife/family over the OW? Well, I believe the Other Women on this thread were saying they would drop the MM at once if he had another OW, while the BS usually takes the bastard back on Dday. You apparently forgot that we were talking about a MM who had not only an OW but an OOW as well. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 My one and only experience with the role of OW: My sophomore year of HS and after dumping my first semi serious BF, I found this cute artist guy in the art large project work room during a study hall. I went after him and asked if he had a GF. He said he and his last had broke up a month prior and told me her name. I had gone to middle school with her but had not kept in touch with her. He was okay at first, but kind of flaky. My ex had been the kind to follow me from class to class and call me every night after dinner so I figured it was nothing but different personalities - my ex had been annoying afterall. But it never picked up even after intimacy; in fact got worse. I complained and he was better for a week and then, back to being disappointing the next. He invited me to a party he was throwing. I had christmas shopping plans with some friends so I said I'd come by later in the night, but I intended to leave him a break-up letter on his dash instead.... At the mall, I noticed this girl watching me hard and she looked familiar so I asked her what her problem was. She told me why she looked familiar. It was the girl I'd gone to middle school with and my soon to be ex's ex. BUT NO! They had been together for a year! I could tell when I walked up to her that any fight she had intended for me was half hearted; she seemed scared of me. I felt horrible for her and offered to take her to him as she didn't know about his party. We took turns making his night less than celebratory and she crashed at my place afterwards. I still talk to her and it has been almost 20 years since then! Why do any of you keep holding on to this anger at each other for these $4!t heads to where you'll even knowingly help them do this to each of you?!? I was a 16 year old hoodlum and understood how pointless that is! Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 No, I didn't. Link to post Share on other sites
jennie-jennie Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 fooled once: "No, I didn't. :D" :sick: Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 Man, I love you all - I really mean that. I'm living in hell right now, but I think that the strength and encoragement and advice Ive been getting here for so long is ...well, I guess I accidentally found this place and all of you for a reason. I'm strong enough to get through this. Of that I'm sure. My H's newest infidelity is not something I am ready to even verbalize but something I did kind of see coming. Bizarro. I'm going to post about it... But to be honest, I'm kind of not reallyt myself. I'm here now just because I dont want to drink. 2sure, I am sorry your having to go through this again. I wish you strength, we are here for you. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 Man, I love you all - I really mean that. I'm living in hell right now, but I think that the strength and encoragement and advice Ive been getting here for so long is ...well, I guess I accidentally found this place and all of you for a reason. I'm strong enough to get through this. Of that I'm sure. My H's newest infidelity is not something I am ready to even verbalize but something I did kind of see coming. Bizarro. I'm going to post about it... But to be honest, I'm kind of not reallyt myself. I'm here now just because I dont want to drink. You are more than strong, you have been an inspiration. I would definitely go out for drinks with you. Take care of yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 Man, I love you all - I really mean that. I'm living in hell right now, but I think that the strength and encoragement and advice Ive been getting here for so long is ...well, I guess I accidentally found this place and all of you for a reason. I'm strong enough to get through this. Of that I'm sure. My H's newest infidelity is not something I am ready to even verbalize but something I did kind of see coming. Bizarro. I'm going to post about it... But to be honest, I'm kind of not reallyt myself. I'm here now just because I dont want to drink.2sure, post plse. While I know you don't feel like talking about it, it really helps to get it out. I know how you feel, having been married to a serial cheater. ((hugs)) Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 And 2sure dont let your pride get in the way of getting it out. Wanting to drink means it feels all bottled up... you need a release other than alcohol (sorry to preach). Look we all think you are fabulous so no need to be embarassed or think you are foolish. You gave him rope. You didnt expect him to hang himself. You did everything in your power to make the marriage stronger and rebuild trust. The fact that he took advantage of that is NOT a reflection on you. Its a reflection on him. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 Uhm...she's trying not to drink, NID. Just sayin'. Touche, you say you have never been cheated on. She is talking about a different kind of drinking that she is trying to avoid. A social drink is totally different from what she is wanting to avoid. In fact, a social outing is probably what she really needs right now. I did the drinking she is trying to avoid. Nothing social about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 The W is welcome to the bastard. funny, they aren't bastards while you are sleeping with them Link to post Share on other sites
jennie-jennie Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 funny, they aren't bastards while you are sleeping with them Once again, we were discussing MM with TWO other women simultaneously. My MM has had very few sex partners at all in his life. He certainly would not entertain the thought of having two OW at the same time. Believe it or not, he just is not that kind of guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Gamine Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 So why is he a bastard after DD? Why isn't he a bastard when he is boning the OW? Is he only a bastard when he picks his wife/family over the OW? I suppose he isn't a bastard if he is serving his purposes. I guess one can get very cranky if they aren't getting it anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 I suppose he isn't a bastard if he is serving his purposes. I guess one can get very cranky if they aren't getting it anymore. LMAO! Gamine, I love reading your posts, regardless if you are posting for comic relief or for more serious reasons. Link to post Share on other sites
Gamine Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 LMAO! Gamine, I love reading your posts, regardless if you are posting for comic relief or for more serious reasons. Right back at ya, Donnamaybe.... Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 I suppose he isn't a bastard if he is serving his purposes. I guess one can get very cranky if they aren't getting it anymore. Exactly Gamine Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 Touche, you say you have never been cheated on. She is talking about a different kind of drinking that she is trying to avoid. A social drink is totally different from what she is wanting to avoid. In fact, a social outing is probably what she really needs right now. I did the drinking she is trying to avoid. Nothing social about it. Me too, unfortunately, I'm thrilled that she's avoiding that pit to no where. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 Me too, unfortunately, I'm thrilled that she's avoiding that pit to no where. I think I told the story here about the girlfriend that found out about the affair because the OW was pregnant and was telling everyone who the father was. We sat outside the OW's house in the car. We all knew each other. We all 'thought' we were friends. My GF wanted to beat the crap out of the pregnant OW/former friend. I kept her from doing that. She wanted to drink. I kept her from doing that too. She ended up sobbing the whole time in the car. She just needed someone there with her. She had done the same thing the night before, only alone, and I imagine it only felt worse for her to feel so alone. Years later when I found out about my H's EA, I turned to the wine given to me for Christmas. D-day was two days after Christmas. Merry Christmas, right? I would certainly go out for a drink with 2sure. I'd just make sure that she had plenty of Ginger Ale and maybe some tissues or a sledge hammer - whichever she felt would be more appropriate. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Spark1111 Posted August 26, 2009 Author Share Posted August 26, 2009 NID, there were times after DDay, I felt like I wanted to go to bed with the bottle; that there wasn't enough booze in the world to drown my sorrows. Only problem was that new cannon ball that had taken up permanent residence in my stomach, the one that hurt all the time, wouldn't let me. GOD does and can work in mysterious ways. Link to post Share on other sites
Gamine Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 Okay, so a couple of the OW have weighed in and have given a 'thumbs down' to being cheated on with another OW. I wonder. What if the OW discovered (post d'day, confession, evidence, etc...) that their MP was actually a sex addict? And that the affair tied into the satisfaction of this compulsion? Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 NID, I hear you. I really didn't mean to jump on your or anything. Anyway, just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you 2sure, if you see this. Please let us know how you're doing. Look at all the people here ready to be there for you and support you. That right there should tell you how special you are. Touche, I never felt like you jumped on me. Honest. I was just clarifying my position. Link to post Share on other sites
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