Desperately Confused?

[Mags77]

To make a very long story short. My boyfriend and I just got back together 6 months ago. The breakup, which, was during my b-day and the holidays (not to mention) was really hard for me to swallow. I was devastated. We broke up because of an outburst that I had a couple of months prior. I hurt him pretty bad.

 

It was alot of anger that I had building up against him for alot of reasons. One being that for 3yrs. he had promised me that we would get married, bluh, bluh. bluh... and he bought a house w/out me having a say in it. He claims that he had asked me to move in w/ him, but when I said I would rather be engaged first, he had his best friend move in. And at first things were fine, until he was spending more time w/ the friend and it as though he had no plans for me in the future. So because of this I was angered and one night iI let all out.

 

After the outburst, it was clear that we both needed to be apart. I knew I had to be separated from him, bec. of the way I was feeling (being angry and all) and he said he need to think things threw. During this time I was heartbroken, I didn't know what to do w/ myself and lost interest in almost everything. And it seemed as though he was having a good time partying etc. I also have to mentioned the fact that during this breakup, he would callme, see me for my b-day and the holidays w/ gifts in hand. So not just being devastated, I was also confused.

 

Well, one thing led to another, and I was actually making myself sick over the crying and getting mad at myself for always running to his every call. So I started to get on w/ my life and ignored his calls and even started dating again. I was doing ok.

 

As soon as he got the news I was w/ someone else, he came running back. Once again promising me everything, things would change the friend would move out and he was ready for a commitment. So because I love him I was thrilled to be back together w/ him.

 

Now it has been almost a yearwe have been back together.The friend moved out (which was ugly) and I moved in, in June. But during the breakup, he also was seeing someone else and I had found out he slept w/ her. This infuriates me, even though we were broken up I can't get over the fact that he was intimate w/ someon else. I think about it alot. Even though he said he got back together w/ me because he loves me and I'm the one.

 

So I guess my quetion is, Will I ever get over the fact he slept w/ someone else?Should I even be mad? After all this, am I the one? And if he hasn't proposed yet will he ever, even though he always says "its coming, don't worry"? I am so confused anymore, I don't know weher I should keep waiting w/ this anger over my head or move on?

[midori]

Originally posted by Mags77

So I guess my quetion is, Will I ever get over the fact he slept w/ someone else?Should I even be mad? After all this, am I the one? And if he hasn't proposed yet will he ever, even though he always says "its coming, don't worry"? I am so confused anymore, I don't know weher I should keep waiting w/ this anger over my head or move on?

 

I think you can get over the sleeping with another woman if you want to. You two were split up, after all, and you yourself were dating -- even if you weren't sleeping with the guy(s) you dated. Guys -- some guys at least -- can be much more casual about sex, that is, they can have sex with women they don't have strong feelings for. And some guys use sex as a get-over-the-ex tool. Some women do that too, I'm sure. So the sleeping with another woman thing shouldn't be that big a deal. If it was in the bed the two of you share, throw away all his sheets/bedclothes, and buy new ones. Maybe that'll make you feel better.

 

I think the more worrisome thing is the fact that the two of you don't see eye-to-eye on the marriage issue. Is it going to happen or not? Maybe you should take matters into your own hands and ask him. Take him out to dinner, or whatever, and pop the question. I know that some guys would balk at having the initiative taken away from them, but really, he's had plenty of time. You just need to figure out if it's important enough to you that you'll leave him -- for good this time -- if he says no. Because issuing an ultimatum ("ask me by Christmas or else") or popping the question yourself amount to the same thing: you're asking him if he wants to get married. If he says no, or ignores the ultimatum, you've got your answer.