Lucky_One Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 You don't want to hurt HIM? Or you don't want to hurt anymore? I think I read a typo or something in your post. Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetcheripie Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 Right now we have hired a "mediator" . It was H 's idea because he says he wants to do things: 1. Make a more solid post-nuptial contract so that I feel financially protected and 2. The wheels are in motion regardless of which direction I choose. He thinks these things, among others, will make me consider staying with him. What he doesnt know is that I have my own attorney and have been acting on her advice. That is great - I am very proud of you! Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 Well, you know I told him the last D-Day that if it happened again, I would bury him. Professionally. He is a public servant, if you will. But now that it so completely over, I really feel he will eventually do that to himself. Even if I cant be sure of that...I just dont have the ambition anymore to ruin him. I just dont care to, i just want out. I want this part of my life over. But then again. Consequences right? I feel almost obliged to reveal him...not out of spite or revenge but ...obligation. Consequnces and all the other things that should be done when there is infidelity...do they really apply when there is no hope of recovery? Still...to do so might cost me more than its worth to myself and daughter. I'm not voting for him again though I f'g tell you that. Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 What he doesnt know is that I have my own attorney and have been acting on her advice. Or that I have everything from his secret laptop and his secret cell phone burned on a total of 6 discs. That's the way to show him who he's messing with! Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 Hugs, 2sure. I cant help but feel like: WTF is wrong with me that he picked ME to do it to?? Maybe ONE of the answers has to do with what is RIGHT with you; that you are strong enough, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, to somehow deal with and get through this. What is RIGHT with you is that you will not resort to murder, mayhem and/or suicide...and 'Divine Intervention' knew that when it got you two together. Maybe? Sending Strength and Guidance. And loads of BIG hugs. Link to post Share on other sites
PhoenixRise Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 Well, you know I told him the last D-Day that if it happened again, I would bury him. Professionally. He is a public servant, if you will. But now that it so completely over, I really feel he will eventually do that to himself. Even if I cant be sure of that...I just dont have the ambition anymore to ruin him. I just dont care to, i just want out. I want this part of my life over. But then again. Consequences right? I feel almost obliged to reveal him...not out of spite or revenge but ...obligation. Consequnces and all the other things that should be done when there is infidelity...do they really apply when there is no hope of recovery? Still...to do so might cost me more than its worth to myself and daughter. I'm not voting for him again though I f'g tell you that. :lmao: 2Sure. you are a smart woman. You will know the right thing to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 Thank you for posting and letting us know what happened. I have to say that I am outright scared for you. You are not living anywhere near your H right now, are you? Are you making sure to talk to each other only from a distance? meaning a distance of several miles at least...or through mediators-attorneys. You sound over the edge (very undestandably so, I do not mean to criticize as I am sure that I would be a verydangerous threat if I ever were in your situation and I did crazy things for much less). I am worried that you could either damage yourself very badly or physically hurt your H very badly. I would not feel sorry for him one bit, clearly. But it would be you paying the ultimate price, while you have been through enough and need to heal. Take care of yourself... Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetcheripie Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 Also, remember he is in self protection mode now too. From what I have read he is a smooth talker and if he acts like he is trying to protect you and do this nicely blah blah blah - listen to your attorney. She will have a clear and reasonable head and be there to protect you. I totally agree that it is best when seperations are amicable and everyone does their best to get along - especially when kids are involved. But living a secret life is pathological. You need to protect yourself no matter what you decide to do in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 I'm not voting for him again though I f'g tell you that. Omigawd...I just about peed my pants!!! You da' bomb, 2Sure Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 You know, I'm thinking you and some other posters might be right. I may not be objectively seeing myself right now. I might not be getting better. Maybe I'm just numb. I have not showered since...I dont know. I'm going to take a nap and think about going someplace for the weekend. Maybe just get a room at a nice hotel with a pool. Swim, eat and sleep. Is that a good thing to do? My D is at her Dads this weekend Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 That's an excellent thing to do. Close to the Golden Door? Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 You know, I'm thinking you and some other posters might be right. I may not be objectively seeing myself right now. I might not be getting better. Maybe I'm just numb. I have not showered since...I dont know. I'm going to take a nap and think about going someplace for the weekend. Maybe just get a room at a nice hotel with a pool. Swim, eat and sleep. Is that a good thing to do? My D is at her Dads this weekend Okay. Maybe you're not getting any better. Maybe you are. You sound like you are in a very, very deep and dark place. The thing to do would be to call your Dr.; not a hotline, your Dr. and be honest with him. Then follow the steps he advises. Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetcheripie Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 Well, you know I told him the last D-Day that if it happened again, I would bury him. Professionally. He is a public servant, if you will. But now that it so completely over, I really feel he will eventually do that to himself. Even if I cant be sure of that...I just dont have the ambition anymore to ruin him. I just dont care to, i just want out. I want this part of my life over. But then again. Consequences right? I feel almost obliged to reveal him...not out of spite or revenge but ...obligation. Consequnces and all the other things that should be done when there is infidelity...do they really apply when there is no hope of recovery? Still...to do so might cost me more than its worth to myself and daughter. I'm not voting for him again though I f'g tell you that. LOL! Definitely protect yourself and your daughter. He already has ruined it for himself. He hurt you. Eventually that will ruin him. The facade is over and that will eat at him for the rest of his life. He will become sad, bitter and angry unless he gets serious help fast. But it is nothing you can do for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 You know, I'm thinking you and some other posters might be right. I may not be objectively seeing myself right now. I might not be getting better. Maybe I'm just numb. I have not showered since...I dont know. I'm going to take a nap and think about going someplace for the weekend. Maybe just get a room at a nice hotel with a pool. Swim, eat and sleep. Is that a good thing to do? My D is at her Dads this weekend Now your thinking! By all means do take some time away for yourself. My goodness you need that after finding out all you have. So my vote is for you to do it.. and enjoy each and ever minute! Mea:) Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 You know, I'm thinking you and some other posters might be right. I may not be objectively seeing myself right now. I might not be getting better. Maybe I'm just numb. I have not showered since...I dont know. I'm going to take a nap and think about going someplace for the weekend. Maybe just get a room at a nice hotel with a pool. Swim, eat and sleep. Is that a good thing to do? My D is at her Dads this weekend It sounds like a good idea...as long as you are not on your own. Can you get someone whom you love or whom you trust (like one or more close friends or relatives) to go with you? Link to post Share on other sites
PhoenixRise Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 You know, I'm thinking you and some other posters might be right. I may not be objectively seeing myself right now. I might not be getting better. Maybe I'm just numb. I have not showered since...I dont know. I'm going to take a nap and think about going someplace for the weekend. Maybe just get a room at a nice hotel with a pool. Swim, eat and sleep. Is that a good thing to do? My D is at her Dads this weekend Absolutely. Get a massage too. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 Hmmm. Well, no. I dont want to take anyone...but if I start to feel the way I did...I told my sister who is my best friend about it just this morning. My face still burns from saying it out loud. Thank you all. I'll post later. This has really helped. The poop thread too. Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 You know, I'm thinking you and some other posters might be right. I may not be objectively seeing myself right now. I might not be getting better. Maybe I'm just numb. I have not showered since...I dont know. I'm going to take a nap and think about going someplace for the weekend. Maybe just get a room at a nice hotel with a pool. Swim, eat and sleep. Is that a good thing to do? My D is at her Dads this weekend 2sure You dont have to do anything you dont feel like doing. If you dont want to shower dont. You dont have to see yourself objectively right now, not while youre numb, and its ok. That will come with time and you will naturally be able to re-evaluate everything. No need to force it. You have so much running though your head right now, and it might take a while before you can think straight. Let it flow naturally. It does help to say it out loud though, even if it makes you sick to do so. If you can get yourself to a hotel on a beach, that might be a good idea. Knowing how sick your H is though, and knowing that it has nothing to do with you, I think you will heal faster than normal. I have never felt heartbroken for anyone on this site before this. Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 Sending you cyberhugs............ I haven`t been on LS very long, but I will repeat what others have said........ Your posts are very thoughtfully written and compassionate. You`ve given of yourself here, so hopefully we can now give back to you.............. Never forget you are a beautiful person. Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 What might also help is for you to write emails getting your feelings off your chest, and you can choose to send them, or not send them. In your case, I think he deserves every scathing word you can throw at him. Link to post Share on other sites
The Collector Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 He's either mentally ill, a narcissist sociopath, or just scum. Grieve your wasted years and effort and look forward to your new life. And take him for every penny you can get. But no more poop ok? It could harm your custody and alimony chances for a start. Link to post Share on other sites
AlektraClementine Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 But no more poop ok? 2sure. I love your posts and I'm glad you're a part of loveshack. I don't know if you're at all like me, but sometimes you need girlfriends. Once, during a time when I was going through a really tough situation and was shunning my best girlfriends, 3 of them ignored my protests and showed up on my doorstep with 4 bottles of champagne, 4 flutes, and a bag full of Trader Joe's. I opened the door with matted hair and tears in my eyes. By the end of the night, I was laughing and singing. Call up your gal pals...they can be pretty invaluable during times like this. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 Even if I cant be sure of that...I just dont have the ambition anymore to ruin him. I just dont care to, i just want out. I want this part of my life over. He'll self-destruct eventually. Of that you can be sure. Look after yourself, get strong, nurse yourself back to a healthy place and just sit back and watch him ruin his own life without you having to lift a finger. Do what you said. Take off for a few days to somewhere peaceful and relaxing. This will help you process the shock that you have just sustained. What is also tragic is that he is going to target other women who won't have a clue as to his real, twisted identity. It makes me sick just thinking of it. 2sure, you know, of course, that you are better off without him. I know the pain is overwhelming but you will one day, and very soon I think, be grateful that you finally discovered the truth about him. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 Big hugs 2sure. Go to the hotel have a massage, take a few deep breaths. You will get through this. You are a beacon not a victim. If nothing else this is an anonymous forum and saying the things that make your cheeks burn and make you break down and cry is safe (subject to the public forum bit). You arent going to see us at cocktail parties, or a fundraising dinner. We are faceless support. When you are ready, let all the people who you have helped be there for you. If nothing else, its a dress rehearsal for dealing with it in public - holding the emotions associated with it all can be as draining as the knowledge. Glad you are close with your sister, so you have good IRL support. You arent seeing things clearly insofar as you arent giving yourself credit. If you didnt see the evidence its because it was hidden. Well hidden. I mean WTF did you forget you have the disks? You are a marvel. Never forget that you collected all that information and are still here in one piece and havent killed him. (that would be bad as your daughter doesnt need her mom in jail) The sh*t doesnt seem quite as bizarre now that more of the facts are out. Hes lucky you didnt Bobbit him. Lots of love Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 And as for "doing the right thing" subject to your attys advice would suggest (1) dont do anything that will impair your settlement; (2) if hes going to implode dont hasten that until you have your money and you and your daughter are no longer shown in the pictures as "his family" and have become a footnote (he was previously married to 2sure) You and your daughter have a life ahead of you - the facts will come out. There is no one right answer. The important thing is that you and your daughter dont feature in the publicity. The media fest that could accompany this could be difficult and its not something you need to go through while you are dealing with the divorce. He may also be more amenable to a settlement when you are not trashing him publicly. Once you have your piece of the pie, there is nothing to stop you from telling the appropriate people. The other thing is that some of them may know. In political circles everything is known by someone although one person may not know everything. You know PR. Seems to me that as you walk into the sunset, your PR may be better if you are the dignified wife in the eyes of the public - not the "stand by your man" (been there done that") wife but the exwife who says no comment, we are no longer married so it is no longer my business but I sincerely hope he gets the help he needs. He*l once its all over you could send an excerpt from a disk to whoever you want. You and your daughter will survive this and come out stronger. The fat lady hasnt sung yet. The end is not yet written. Link to post Share on other sites
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