Why do men look at other women?!

[harmfulsweetz]

I can and have admitted that I agree with you on some points, men should at times, be far more attentive and considerate of the people they love, or claim to. But when are you going to concede your ideas stretch way too far and are way too generic to actually hold truth?

[harmfulsweetz]

People can debate, and in actual fact, we have tried to bring the thread back to what it is meant to be several times. Fair enough, I didn't say no one agreed with her, I said from what I have read on this thread, only a few do. Most will admit that she doesn't answer the OPs question at all, or help the OP, only pushes her opinion of a generic world of men, onto others. There's nothing there that enriches the discussion in terms of actually helping the OP. So why not set up a generic thread?

[Houndsoflove]

I dont know why people are jumping on Jersey for having her own opinion. She makes some valid and interesting points that I think it would benefit both sides to consider what she's saying. This thread has existed in many forms before, and there's a reason it becomes such a heated subject. I don't either side is wrong but I think there is a bigger picture. While its natural for both women and men to look at people of the opposite sex, there is something to be said for respect and looking out for the person who is with you, and, on both sides, to handle the looking with tact. I've been the girl some chicks boyfriend has been checking out/lightly flirting with while she was right there, and it never looks good for her. No one ever wants to look like the fool. I dont believe this type of matter boils down to 'men will always look, no matter what time of day or night, no matter who they're with, they will not and should not curb themselves, how their actions effect you doesnt matter, deal with it.' that seems pretty cruel and uncaring. Jersey is right in that that does seem to be the prevailing message on these types of threads. And the right of the man looking/ogling/leering does seem to take priority over the partner. We live in a higher functioning society, were capable of choosing how to act in a respectful manner. Yes, he is with you, but youre also with him, standing by his side, and a man should be mindful of that.

However, if your guy is decent, and you flip out over the few times you see him looking-that is kind of unreasonable. There are attractive people all over the world and everyone will take a look.

[Houndsoflove]

I also think some of what Jersey is saying goes beyond the scope of this forum and thread. Overstimulation, the effects of porn, socialization into a very, very male-centric society, etc. Theyre all underlying issues that effect how we think and function, but that's not the point of this thread.

 

Reading this thread is a bit like listening to a couple having a fight that never gets resolved. Haha. They think they are talking about the same thing, but theyre not and everyone's coming from different places or theyre talking about the same thing, but from enough of a different angle that they dont get one another. I don't agree with everyone on this thread, but I think most people have expressed a valid point, but one point isn't good enough to umbrella a topic such as this, and I think the totality of the points expressed has created a larger picture.

 

Looking = okay, natural, everyone does it

Ogling/staring = implies desire and is not okay to your partner

Leering = acting like pervert

 

Obviously drastic simplification going on, but boiled down that's basically where it all starts right? Everyone looks, if youre tripped up over the occasional once over then you'd be doing yourself a favor by building up your self esteem. We all look! Everyone has looked and been looked at. case closed. It's everything that comes after that where the problem arise.

 

 

Ok So yesterday I went boating with my boyfriend and friends. One girl was wearing quite the string Bikini and basically was naked. later that night when I was with my boyfriend I asked him what honestly goes through his head when he sees a girl like that... I expected him to say yeah she's attractive she has a nice body nice boobs... I get that men look but instead his response was " honestly I looked quited a few times, thought about how nice they would be to touch and How I wanted to touch them" This hurt me a lot because I thought I was the only one he thought about Touching... this fact made me feel special and bonded with him and now that I know that he thinks about touching other women I feel less special to him. Even though he assures me I am the one he loves and wants to be with it still hurts and I don't know if I am just WAY over reacting or if this is something we need to work out.... PLEASE any advice would be appriciated.

 

This is obviously terribly insensitive on his part, but there is truth. This illustrates Jerseys point pretty spot on. It's the truth that all of us ladies know and dread. We all "know" that men/women will at one point or another fantasize or think about someone else, but to KNOW is different and hurtful. Here is my overall perspective: for men, it's different. Men can experience "sex" in a number of ways. There's porn(and a lot of it), very sexualized movies and imagery everywhere from movies, posters, ads, music videos, commercials, tv, etc(almost all geared toward the gratification of men), tons of blockbuster movies where guys get the message "bone as many as you can" with literal montages of naked ladies falling into bed, boobies a-flying. And all this imagery screams LOOK AT ME! Hey, it's advertising. And almost everything in this world, media-wise is advertising. Though they may not be reality, images like that absorb into a society and effect how we think, feel, and see.

Who knows at this point what nature really is. Can anyone say with certainty how we would think if it was just us, the trees, and our hunting spears, never knowing anything else, nothing trying to influence us. But this is our nature, this is the world in which we grew up in, it's media-saturated and its natural to us. It's great for the dudes and maybe not always so great for the ladies.

 

When there's a sea of ladies, boobies, body parts as far as the eye can see(digital or other wise), and a constant rotation of female bodies in public media alone, it's not exactly hard to feel part of the rotation. I think that's where a woman's desire to feel "special" comes from. Ultimately it's who we are that interests the guy, but once you see your dude eyeing t&a(and if he actually tells you that he thinks of feeling them up), you know that she has exactly what you have. Yes, we know that were people, and many of us are extremely awesome and funny and great to be around(and also sometimes a pain in the ass). We want to be appreciated for who we are, and yes there's a reason you chose us and we chose you, but considering the "competition", we also want to feel like the most glorious thing to ever grace your presence, the hottest t&a youve ever had your hands AND eyes on.

 

It may not be a perfect opinion but that's how I see it.

[Jersey Shortie]

I am really glad you chimed in with your own thoughts on this Hounds..very well said. And thank you.

 

 

I've been the girl some chicks boyfriend has been checking out/lightly flirting with while she was right there, and it never looks good for her. No one ever wants to look like the fool.

 

As someone that also has been on the receiving end of being checked out and being with the guy checking someone else out, it doesn't ever feel good to be the girl that is actually with a guy while he is noticing the attractiveness of another woman. Especially since guys DO say how sexual they are. When men stress how visual and sexual they are and how often they think about sex, and then you see your guy looking at other women, it puts on alarm bells in your head. Whether he is going to cheat or not. It sets off certain clear indicators. I think alot of women end up feeling like fools in the midst of all the media and real options that men often have. And yes, women have options too but I honestly believe deep in my heart that it isn't at the same level and extreme that mean have. And that is why it can be quite threatening.