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Just had an email at work from MM. Opened it stupidly and it reads:

 

"Please can we talk. I promise I won't try and 'win you back' as you have made the right decision for you but after all we have been through can we not meet face to face. I love you".

 

What do I do? What does he want to talk about if this isn't about winning me back. Or is it? Do I owe it him - we were together for two years after all.

 

This is confusing me and upsetting me. I haven't replied.

 

Shall I ignore and block his future emails? That is my gut reaction.

 

My heart is racing but not in a good way.

 

Thank you friends.

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Just had an email at work from MM. Opened it stupidly and it reads:

 

"Please can we talk. I promise I won't try and 'win you back' as you have made the right decision for you but after all we have been through can we not meet face to face. I love you".

 

What do I do? What does he want to talk about if this isn't about winning me back. Or is it? Do I owe it him - we were together for two years after all.

 

This is confusing me and upsetting me. I haven't replied.

 

Shall I ignore and block his future emails? That is my gut reaction.

 

My heart is racing but not in a good way.

 

Thank you friends.

 

Best thing is maybe not to meet him coz even though he is not trying to win you back, I think your feelings for him will come pouring out once you see him. When you do see him, the conversation will turn to the relationship you two had.

 

Please try your best, I am going through the same thing coz MW wants to break up but still keep the connection. It is very confusing and upsetting so please don't do it!

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Best thing is maybe not to meet him coz even though he is not trying to win you back, I think your feelings for him will come pouring out once you see him. When you do see him, the conversation will turn to the relationship you two had.

 

Please try your best, I am going through the same thing coz MW wants to break up but still keep the connection. It is very confusing and upsetting so please don't do it!

I agree with Jacky.

 

What's to be gained by meeting with him again? What good could possibly come of it?

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Confused4Now

Well I wouldn't...but when you sent your email did you tell him what were your expectations to him were if he wanted back in your life? Cause for me it was things which showed actions and I was clear on that.

 

And if you did let him know what are you willing to settle for? I mean really?

Stay strong work on yourself....Go see a therapist it worked great for me. Early on all I did was Externalized everything for my MW. Now he says its all internal now.....work on you and focus on you. PERIOD!!!

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I said in my email please do not contact me again.

 

I have just contacted my IT department who have blocked his address from mailing me - wow I feel all empowered!

 

I can't meet him - I will end up sleeping with him - sounds cheap but I know I will. I don't want him anymore, he is unavailable.

 

Woop Woop Get Me!

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I said in my email please do not contact me again.

 

I have just contacted my IT department who have blocked his address from mailing me - wow I feel all empowered!

 

I can't meet him - I will end up sleeping with him - sounds cheap but I know I will. I don't want him anymore, he is unavailable.

 

Woop Woop Get Me!

 

good honesty! i love it! and good job not responding - AND blocking his email... expect that he will mail from a different location and address now... he will most likely get desperate and try to find all kind of ways to manipulate you and win you over.

 

i'm so glad that you are seeing the results that power placed in the proper place has a very good effect on a person! nicely done. this is hard - but so worth it! stay strong!

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OUTSTANDING!!!!!!!!!!

 

Seriously...many people don't "get it" as quickly as you have!

 

Block him, and prevent him from sucking you back into all of this!

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keep in mind he may send you flowers and/or gifts... just send them back. that will send him a clear message too.

 

he wants to see you mainly because he knows it will make you feel weak and give in, this is why it was so great that you didn't do the face to face meeting. nothing could be gained by f2f except from his perspective to manipulate you.

 

keep in mind that a worthy, available man will be willing to give much more of himself to you. you deserve the whole man - not just a fraction that he's offered.

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whichwayisup

Congrats! You've really taken steps to do full on NC.

 

"Please can we talk. I promise I won't try and 'win you back' as you have made the right decision for you but after all we have been through can we not meet face to face. I love you".

 

Uhh, he says he won't try to win you back, yet he says I love you. How is that helping? OFCOURSE he is/was going to try to win you back.. What else is there to say? He's still married and has no plans on leaving his wife.. There's nothing left to be said..

 

Stay strong and be proud of yourself!

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I say throw it in the trash unopened. He wants a response from you. He needs a response from you. Anything would be confirmation of what "you had" and the power he felt he wielded over you.

 

He swears he's not trying to "win you back" but I call bullsh*t on that. He wants to see tenderness in your eyes. He wants you to tear up thinking about what used to be. He wants to use your memories AND your senses against you. Meeting face-to-face gives him the opportunity to give you every mixed signal possible.

 

He will tell you that he's staying married or not sure when/if he can leave. That signal says he's unavailable for what you really want and need. But if you cry, he'll jump out of his seat to comfort you. Wrapping his arms around you would say "somewhat available". He'll tell you he couldn't do the things you want because "he's married". But he'll convince you to do the things that HE WANTS because he's "somewhat available and willing to ignore his being married" when it suits HIM.

 

I hate it when these guys do this. He wants his control back. Good on you for taking YOUR control back.

 

Great job with the IT department! That's some serious NC.

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ladydesigner

I look up to you in how strong you are. Keep up the outstanding work in maintaing NC. Don't respond to him, he IS trying to reel you back in, otherwise he would respect the NC that has been put in place.

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I look up to you in how strong you are. Keep up the outstanding work in maintaing NC. Don't respond to him, he IS trying to reel you back in, otherwise he would respect the NC that has been put in place.

 

this is what jumped out at me. he's totally disrespecting your boundary by emailing you. he's the type of MM that will push through any boundary you set up just to get his way. keep reminding yourself - he's not available... therefore i'm not available to him.

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Dont meet him. He has nothing to say he hasnt already said and while he may not SAY hes trying to win you back, why else would he want to meet you? If he had something he wanted to say, he can say it in an email.

 

Keep it up you are doing great

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Set the email down and back away slowly.......................

 

On second thought, take a deep breath, and run like the wind- in the opposite direction!

 

I`d like to recommend going to Google and looking up, "Emotional Manipulation". Read some articles. His contacting you is a textbook example.

 

Good luck to you.

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I am going through the same, my xmm shows up weekly.... cries, and cries, I feel bad for him but I know, he is not capable because of his mental problems. Its not always about what they want, it about what they can do. In some cases they just cant, it may be finances, kids, or in my case mental issues, but it really does not matter. The fact is still the same. They are stuck!! Its heartwrenching to see their pain. You get sucked in again. Whatever your mm reason is, they are his issues, not yours. And as long as he has his "issues" do not see him .Tell him if he ever solves these issues and is single, he may contact you, but till then NO! Good Luck... I know its tough, and he will keep tryig, even harder if you push him away... be prepared.

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Mino you raise a really good point. It doesnt matter WHY someone is unavailable.

 

In jail and on death row, mentally incapable, emotionally incapable, married, gay, feeling stuck in their current situation, the fact is they are unavailable much as they wish things were otherwise.

 

But listening to them cry over it doesnt help you to move on.

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Hey I know I am pretty good at passing this advice, but I admit, I let him in . I sit and listen and watch him cry...but its tiresome, I feel emotionally drained after one of these episodes, and I feel it always knocks me back a few steps. Like he keeps me stuck with him. Though in the last sessions, I must say, was the first time, were I didnt feel the empathy for his tears. I felt more angry at the fact he cries to me. Where in my opinion he should be back in therapy and on meds. Looking back that helped somewhat. I just need to follow my own advice, and keep the door Shut.

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Thank you friends.

 

The ONLY reason I think I am doing ok with this is that over the past year I have lurked on this thread and ready every single post that has ever been posted....yeah yeah sad I know! Well what else did I have to do when I was hanging around waiting for a text/email/calll!

 

I read every post and every response and thus have started to see the pattern following an OW finishing with a MM. You really have informed me and saved me and given me strength. I am not saying I won't wake up tomorrow and feel like death, after all it's 2 years out of my life but today I am in angry mode and that's carrying me through.

 

I have to be honest with you though I may sound strong but every couple of hours I can feel myself welling up and this afternoon got that inability to breathe thing again. Being at work and having to hold it together (I am a junior doctor) means I can't let those emotions surface and it is helping.

 

In the middle of the night I woke up and was all weepy, came straight on here and read some 'inspiring' threads - particularly those from FooledOnce, Owl, DevilInside and jj33.....they fixed me and I went back to bed.

 

Thanks so much guys. Will keep you posted.

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Hang in there IG

 

You will get there; one minute at a time.

 

As the days go by, you will feel empowered and free!

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