Infusion Posted November 19, 2003 Share Posted November 19, 2003 Recently I found out that my girlfriend and her close friend were thinking about getting piercings (piercings for ear cartillage). I must say I was a little shocked because I never thought she would ever think about it. I know people who have had this experience and all I hear about is that it is truly a lot of pain. The only reason she is doing this is because she is soon going to be 18 and won't need parental permission for piercings, and also because her friend came up with the idea for it (sorta like something to do when parental permission is not needed). I happen to know a few people who have piercings, and all I can say is that I feel very uncomfortable around them because they are very different to me and I can't imagine my girlfriend being like that. Even though i have known those people for quite some time now, I can never overcome the fact that they are so different and that i can't be comfortable around them. In fact, they are not really good friends of mine because we share such different outlooks on life. I really hate to be uncomfortable around her and hate to have her go through that pain. Also, I am sure that her parents would go through the roof if they ever see her with her piercing, but she never gets along with her parents though. Yes, I know it's just for the cartillage of the ear, and yes I might be old-fashioned in some ways, but to me it means a lot to have her the way she is now, and I really love her enough to not want her to go through that. I think she only wants to do this for the 'fun' of it and i know she might regret it later. I have asked her why she wanted to have the piercing and she could not tell me why, saying 'must there be a reason to everything?' Is there anything I can do/say to convince her otherwise? Would it be better to tell her online or should I tell her face to face? I think I would need good enough reasons for this because she and her friend are quite close and I need to have enough convincing power to make her rethink what she wanted. Any help is appreciated, thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
yogi-mon Posted November 19, 2003 Share Posted November 19, 2003 If she wants earings, so what?? like every girl i've ever met has earings. whats the deal? its one thing if your hanging a chain from your ear to your nose........... Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted November 19, 2003 Share Posted November 19, 2003 I think if you are distressed over "ear cartillage".......your relationship is more shallow than youmay wish to admit to yourself. Hell......it's JUST an ear!!! AND.....may I add.....you aren't her Dad. If you want to continue with this particualr girl.....chill out.....and let her explore who she is. Link to post Share on other sites
gobain Posted November 19, 2003 Share Posted November 19, 2003 Are we just talking about one piercing here? Maybe you should ask yourself why it makes you uncomfortable. What is it about someone with piercings that makes you feel that way? Why are they so "different"?Its obviously something you haven't discussed with her before now. But honestly, I don't see the big deal. Its her body and her choice. You can't impose your aesthetic values on another human being - girlfriend or not. You can only tell her how you feel about it and respect her choice. If she doesn't respect your honesty or opinion (not that that means she wouldn't do it despite respecting your point of view) then you have to evaluate why you're together. Maybe there is a "difference" after all. Hope that helps. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Infusion Posted November 19, 2003 Author Share Posted November 19, 2003 It's true, you are right about what you say and I am aware of that. I am not saying that I wont love her as much if she decided to go with her choice, all I am saying is that I prefer her the way she is and I just want to let her know that it might make me feel uncomfortable should she go with her choice. What I am asking for here is what I can do to change her mind, because I know she does care about my opinnion but whether or not she'll listen is a different story. And another thing is, that friend of hers is a guy too, so i can't help but feel a little jealousy somehow even though it's me that she loves. Link to post Share on other sites
gobain Posted November 19, 2003 Share Posted November 19, 2003 All you can do is tell her how you feel. Its HER choice. Not yours. And if you try to hard to get her to not do it, she'll resent it and probably do it anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Infusion Posted November 19, 2003 Author Share Posted November 19, 2003 OK, I think you are right, I really should give her a little more choice, I guess all I am going to do is tell her how I feel about it and respect her decision. I dont think I should make such a big deal out of this after all, it's only one cartillage piercing that she is talking about, as she thinks that piercings are sick in general... i know, it is a little odd how she thinks about it. I think in the end though it's how her parents feel about it (they might want her to remove it) and that's why i think it's not neccessarily worth it (for nothing). Anyways, thanks for your input, it cleared up some things for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Infusion Posted November 21, 2003 Author Share Posted November 21, 2003 I am back with an update (after telling my girlfriend about how I felt). It was very surprising i must say.. because as soon as I mentioned it, I didn't even need to convince her and she said that she wont get piercings. I am guessing maybe she wasn't too into the idea to begin with. Link to post Share on other sites
Periegh Posted November 21, 2003 Share Posted November 21, 2003 Dont' sweat the small stuff...... Take people for what they are, not what YOU see. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
nicolas Posted November 21, 2003 Share Posted November 21, 2003 hey, Its nice that you told your gf how you felt, but at the same time... i think that you might've been a little selfish. If you read what you said, you said that you dont' make good friends w/ ppl just because they have peircings... that's a little bit discriminant... I mean I feel a little bit akward being the only colored person at my girlfriends house during Thanksgiving dinner... but that doesn't stop me from going, or making friends w/ caucasions. I think you need to be a little more open minded, but don't get me wrong values are good, just don't try to hard to impose them on other ppl. Link to post Share on other sites
nicolas Posted November 21, 2003 Share Posted November 21, 2003 hey, Its nice that you told your gf how you felt, but at the same time... i think that you might've been a little selfish. If you read what you said, you said that you dont' make good friends w/ ppl just because they have peircings... that's a little bit discriminant... I mean I feel a little bit akward being the only colored person at my girlfriends house during Thanksgiving dinner... but that doesn't stop me from going, or making friends w/ caucasions. I think you need to be a little more open minded, but don't get me wrong values are good, just don't try to hard to impose them on other ppl. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Infusion Posted November 21, 2003 Author Share Posted November 21, 2003 nicholas, What you said was correct, and I definitely agree. I might've been a little confusing in my wording, but I think I am just thinking this way because I feel a concern for her (since I know that 1. her parents would be totally against it, and 2. it's probably more of a peer-pressure thing than something she decided to choose to do herself. and 3. I guess it's because I know she's not the type to even think about getting piercings since she is definitely not into that stuff and I know it very well , so I was a little worried nevertheless that maybe there's someone or something that's pressuring her.(ie, maybe that friend of her's, who I don't know very well at all and I am trying to be very cautious) In essence, the worry comes more from the potential that she may be influenced by her friend (who is still very subtle of a person to me) to become a totally different person because of peer pressure than from the piercings themselves. It's just that I feared the worst, but maybe I could be paranoid in some ways. I am sorry if I made it seem a little discriminant, because that's not how I intended it to be at all, that would be the last thing on my mind (by the way my girlfriend is causcasin and I am not, so there's definitely no problem about in terms of being discriminant) I was really touched though about how much my opinnion means to her! Link to post Share on other sites
nicolas Posted November 22, 2003 Share Posted November 22, 2003 hey, it's cool, we all worry bout our loved ones. hahah so i guess we differ on points of views there, the way i see things, for me, telling ppl not to do stuff may or may not have an affect. I think of it this way, even if they dont' do it, they might regret not doing it and one day do it anyways. However, if u just let them do it the first time and they find out just how unpleasant it is, then they are less likely to do it again heheh see what i'm saying, it's just like how babies have to put everything in their mouths, ppl learn better from expeirience rather than being told. but yap, still input from ppl is always a big help! hahah so maybe we're both right in some ways see ya around and i'm very happy for you and ur gf! Link to post Share on other sites
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