Angel1111 Posted September 10, 2009 Share Posted September 10, 2009 i did really **** it up. she said she needed a lil space, i freaked. she said just gimme some more space, i freaked. she said please SPACE and i gave her a week, and grabbed my **** like a lil kid and then still called her. so she finally said its over. i see it now. i bought into the remorse and the drama. sucks. This happened between me and a guy I once dated for awhile. I told him that I needed one day a month to be by myself. I'm the kind of person who needs my space and I go nuts if I don't have that. Plus, I was newly divorced and trying to cope with being a single mom so I had a lot on my plate at the time. He took my words to mean that I wanted out of the relationship and that I didn't love him. We had the most passionate and loving relationship that I was floored he would even think that. One day a month. After he sulked for a few weeks, I finally ended it with him. When you're with someone who genuinely needs space and don't give it to them, it's the kiss of death. Link to post Share on other sites
lordWilhelm Posted September 10, 2009 Share Posted September 10, 2009 Buddy, this did not happen because of what you did in one week. She is not coming back and you need to let go. Now go do something with your life! Link to post Share on other sites
Author NSW768 Posted September 10, 2009 Author Share Posted September 10, 2009 My friend, when a girl says this, it means she wants to go out and see what else is out there--plain and simple. She wants to meet other guys, date other people, and wants to experience other things. She does not want to get back together, and if she ever says she does, she'll eventually change her mind. When you read that, what does it mean to you? This is not a rhetorical question but rather one that is important to answer... i know this is all true. the thing is i ****ed it up. i mean i keep blaming myself but i did. if you read that letter in bold from like page 2 she is apologizing for doing the same thing to me last year but to a lesser extent. that time i just played it cool, but it did take her cheating on me, and me saying im done with the relationship for her to come back. i feel like im waiting for the same letter but this time its not coming. i was possessive and afraid of losing her. and i eventually did. if i was cool and relaxed i might still have a chance but i guess it wasnt meant to be. there probably is another dude anyway. its very hard for me, i know i have to find things in life now i love as much as her, i just loved her so much, really the only thing i enjoyed in this mundane life. i really dont think she is coming back and thats really sad for me. its like my brain will not except her not being there because she always has been. i just took her for granted and acted like a pycho bf which i never was, all because i thought i could and still see her. i guess i learned a lot about myself. GOTTA MOVE ON Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted September 10, 2009 Share Posted September 10, 2009 So, you miss her horribly? You find yourself thinking somewhat obsessively about her? Wondering if you loved her more than she loved you? Wondering if you will Ever get over her? You are not alone in this, NSW, if you turn on the radio and listen to any love song, you will hear the same longing, remorse, and regret over a lost love! It's HARD to get over someone you love... but, it is Human Nature to pine and long for a lost love. So -- you are just doing what we as emotional human beings are programmed to do -- to miss our mates when they are gone. You bonded with her, and now you miss her terribly. I hope you can take some comfort from this reassurance, that you are reacting in a normal, HEALTHY way -- that yes, you miss her, but with Time, you WILL get over her. The pain will fade, and while you may still feel some sadness at having lost her, most probably you will just be left with the good memories. Grieve, and you will move on and find a new girlfriend, and this experience will have taught you to be a better boyfriend with the new woman Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted September 10, 2009 Share Posted September 10, 2009 i know this is all true. the thing is i ****ed it up. i mean i keep blaming myself but i did. if you read that letter in bold from like page 2 she is apologizing for doing the same thing to me last year but to a lesser extent. that time i just played it cool, but it did take her cheating on me, and me saying im done with the relationship for her to come back. It doesn't matter what you did or didn't do. This blame is just eating you up and killing you, and it's a waste of time. It's causing you to believe that if you have done something different, or if you had done a lot of things different, she wouldn't have left. I know the signs and I'm telling you that yes she would have. First of all, whenever someone cheats on you, there are serious problems. Period. End of story. Something is wrong. It may not be the relationship itself - it may be that they just don't want anything serious at that time. Just because you lasted another year after she cheated doesn't mean it was going to last forever. A lot of people do this in relationships - they end it, then they get back together, then they end it, they get back together, they end it, etc. Because it's hard to break the tie. But she wants to break it with every fiber of her being because she needs to do this for herself. She needs to spread her wings and see life on her own. Even if you were able to coerce her into being with you, this monster would rear its ugly head in another year or two or 10. It would come up again and you'd be right back where you started. She is too young to settle down with anyone and you need to recognize that and accept it - because that's how she feels. All the other stuff you're coming up with is just noise. Blame, taking her for granted, cheating, love. They're all irrelevant. She wants out. That should be enough for you. It doesn't mean you have to like it. It just means that you need to respect it and let her go. I'm sorry, though. It's one of the most painful things you'll ever do, I know that. But you do realize that you have no choice, right? You will heal from this, I promise. You will. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NSW768 Posted September 10, 2009 Author Share Posted September 10, 2009 It doesn't matter what you did or didn't do. This blame is just eating you up and killing you, and it's a waste of time. It's causing you to believe that if you have done something different, or if you had done a lot of things different, she wouldn't have left. I know the signs and I'm telling you that yes she would have. First of all, whenever someone cheats on you, there are serious problems. Period. End of story. Something is wrong. It may not be the relationship itself - it may be that they just don't want anything serious at that time. Just because you lasted another year after she cheated doesn't mean it was going to last forever. A lot of people do this in relationships - they end it, then they get back together, then they end it, they get back together, they end it, etc. Because it's hard to break the tie. But she wants to break it with every fiber of her being because she needs to do this for herself. She needs to spread her wings and see life on her own. Even if you were able to coerce her into being with you, this monster would rear its ugly head in another year or two or 10. It would come up again and you'd be right back where you started. She is too young to settle down with anyone and you need to recognize that and accept it - because that's how she feels. All the other stuff you're coming up with is just noise. Blame, taking her for granted, cheating, love. They're all irrelevant. She wants out. That should be enough for you. It doesn't mean you have to like it. It just means that you need to respect it and let her go. I'm sorry, though. It's one of the most painful things you'll ever do, I know that. But you do realize that you have no choice, right? You will heal from this, I promise. You will. thats very tough for me to digest because it seems very true. i just dont know what to do next. i know i have to focus on myself and blah, blah, blah, but i always imagined all the great things i would do, that she would be by my side. its weird, and i really am wondering what she is thinking right now. like does she miss me at all? i guess its all pointless. i need a distraction and i dont have one. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamergrl Posted September 10, 2009 Share Posted September 10, 2009 thats very tough for me to digest because it seems very true. i just dont know what to do next. i know i have to focus on myself and blah, blah, blah, but i always imagined all the great things i would do, that she would be by my side. its weird, and i really am wondering what she is thinking right now. like does she miss me at all? i guess its all pointless. i need a distraction and i dont have one. At this point, you are choosing not to have a distraction. You are the only one that can make this easier to manage. You can either sit around and mope, or get out and move on with your life. Accept what is and deal with it. Link to post Share on other sites
bayouboi Posted September 10, 2009 Share Posted September 10, 2009 I've been there. At first you have to force yourself into other things no matter how difficult. Get yourself to the gym, it's one of the best self gratifying things you will find. I lived by fake it till you make it and it worked for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NSW768 Posted September 10, 2009 Author Share Posted September 10, 2009 i just kinda breezed through the whole thread again and something about this made me not so sad "then she said" the truth is that i just need to be selfish now and need to be alone to figure out what i want in my life. this is the time to do that. i want you to be happy and there are so many things that u and i have that i so badly dont want to lose but its not a perfect world so im going to have to accept that" so i said "great find those things and have a good life"something about that, maybe like it wasnt my fault. like she was going to do it nonetheless. i think thats what is holding me back is me looking at the calender and saying on this saturday i shouldve said this and on this Wednesday 2 weeks ago i shouldnt have called her. but you cant go back and i need to move on. its so weird though. just knowing they wont be there anymore. so weird i mean you get in a groove where you say hi in the AM and you see something funny on tv and you text and you try out new restaurants or you tell them what happened at work, and when you suddenly lose that, its like does anyone care about me? will anyone ever care again? Link to post Share on other sites
dreamergrl Posted September 10, 2009 Share Posted September 10, 2009 i just kinda breezed through the whole thread again and something about this made me not so sad something about that, maybe like it wasnt my fault. like she was going to do it nonetheless. i think thats what is holding me back is me looking at the calender and saying on this saturday i shouldve said this and on this Wednesday 2 weeks ago i shouldnt have called her. but you cant go back and i need to move on. its so weird though. just knowing they wont be there anymore. so weird i mean you get in a groove where you say hi in the AM and you see something funny on tv and you text and you try out new restaurants or you tell them what happened at work, and when you suddenly lose that, its like does anyone care about me? will anyone ever care again? You are not listening at all. Quit dwelling. Quit going over everything in your head. The reason why you feel like crap about this is because you refuse to move on. At this point you should be past grieving, and trying to occupy yourself. It's like how everyone told you NC, but you broke it, and put yourself behind on moving on. You are preventing it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NSW768 Posted September 10, 2009 Author Share Posted September 10, 2009 and i think the other thing is, which im avoiding talking about is the sex. L was really the first girl i ever had a sexual relationship with. i mean i wasnt a virgin when we met, but all the other girls before her were flings , 1 night stands, awkward hookups and sex devoid of emotion. i mean we actually made love and it was great and its just really sad to see that part of your life leave. im sure i could go out tonight and get laid, or at least get some #'s but thats not the type of dude i am. i grew up in a great household and loved the monogamy and the idea of spending your life with one person. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamergrl Posted September 10, 2009 Share Posted September 10, 2009 You are not listening at all. Quit dwelling. Quit going over everything in your head. The reason why you feel like crap about this is because you refuse to move on. At this point you should be past grieving, and trying to occupy yourself. It's like how everyone told you NC, but you broke it, and put yourself behind on moving on. You are preventing it. and i think the other thing is, which im avoiding talking about is the sex. L was really the first girl i ever had a sexual relationship with. i mean i wasnt a virgin when we met, but all the other girls before her were flings , 1 night stands, awkward hookups and sex devoid of emotion. i mean we actually made love and it was great and its just really sad to see that part of your life leave. im sure i could go out tonight and get laid, or at least get some #'s but thats not the type of dude i am. i grew up in a great household and loved the monogamy and the idea of spending your life with one person. Still not listening. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NSW768 Posted September 10, 2009 Author Share Posted September 10, 2009 ok. ok i get it. ill stop my bitching for the day (hopefully forever!) and make some plans. also look into some gyms. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamergrl Posted September 10, 2009 Share Posted September 10, 2009 ok. ok i get it. ill stop my bitching for the day (hopefully forever!) and make some plans. also look into some gyms. I think you'll be more productive with this if you make the choice for it to be forever. Not just hopefully. Make the decision to not dwell for good. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NSW768 Posted September 14, 2009 Author Share Posted September 14, 2009 just thinking about this last month and what i clingy douche i became. wow Link to post Share on other sites
dreamergrl Posted September 14, 2009 Share Posted September 14, 2009 just thinking about this last month and what i clingy douche i became. wow Dude, for real. It's over. Move on. Get past it. Quit freaking dwelling. Link to post Share on other sites
Rebellious Posted September 14, 2009 Share Posted September 14, 2009 possibilities: 1) She's blowing you off. 2) She's giving you drama bull$hit & f u c k i n g with your head. 3) She really needs space, like when you have to come up for air:bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
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