GF needs Space. wtf am i supposed to do?

[EricaH329]

Sorry to hear about your situation. She is drifting away and you can feel this. It's not your imagination. She is probably not cheating. She may have considered it and feels she shouldn't be with you and thinking such thoughts. She probably does feel she needs to try something different and to have different experiences as an individual. She feels restrained by the relationship now. I know this is not what you want to hear. She obviously does love you very much but is not in love any longer or able to continue with the way things are.

 

I don't think that you can make any difference here by changing. You are merely reacting to the fact that you are losing her. Both of you are still young and this is partly why she feels the need for freedom and change. She really doesn't want to hurt you but cannot continue either as that would be dishonest and would result in resentment and fights (which is what has been happening). The best thing you can do is to accept she is going.

 

It is always possible that you will get back together one day when she's been out in the world and learned more about it, but it would not be a good idea to hang on to this hope. You may not feel it now, but there are alternatives out there for you too. It may seem an impossible and undesirable idea at the moment, but it is true nevertheless. You will experience a certain relief in letting her go, but no doubt it will be painful for a while. I promise you it will get better and you will look to another relationship in the future. Seek support from friends and family; you don't have to cope with this alone. Talk a lot, think a lot (this is unavoidable), see a counsellor if possible, cry as often as you need to and let this work its way out of your system. You will come through it renewed and wiser. Once again, I'm sorry it's gone this way but it's no-one's fault. People grow emotionally in different directions sometimes. It can happen slowly or quickly but I know it still hurts like hell.

 

I think this is the best advice that could have possibly been given to you.

[NSW768]

got a lil tipsy and called her. she didnt pick up. i left a message sayong i would love to get my stuff tomorrow.

 

she texted back she would call me today.

 

4 hours later.

 

**** this, i think im just going to end it when she calls. l

 

being in limbo is to hard for my heart. im up and down all day long.

[NSW768]

so we finally talked she said i could come by and get my stuff, but that she would be there after 5pm, and if i wanted to i could go then.

 

so i im going to be in the area at about 2 and she wont be there, or i could go home and go back up, and see her and get the stuff. she sounds like she wants to see me. i think it would be good closure at least to goo see her. but just grabbing my **** without seeing her would be something else too...

 

what should i do?

[dreamergrl]

I knew you'd call. And I don't believe for a moment it was because you were tipsy.

[EricaH329]

What type of 'closure' is it that you are looking for? She's already explained to you what she needs. And her actions are obviously proving to you that she means what she said. Seeing her is just going to make it worse.

 

But, you are going to do what you want to do and what you feel is right anyway. All we can do is sit back and watch you make mistake after mistake and try and throw you some sort of lifelines along the way.

 

You are in your highest moment of weakness right now. I did the same thing, contacted my ex, during that time also. In the end though, it only made everything for myself worse. But, i'm just like you, have to learn things the hard way.

 

It's not a good idea to go when she is there. We've all basically said so. It's up to you whether to take the advice or not.

[NSW768]

u guys would be proud. i didnt see the last 2 posts b4 i left to move my sister in.

 

i was going to move her in (my sister), then come home, and then go back up when L came home to get my stuff.

 

fortunately, i just went to L's place on my way back. had to call her to let me in the complex, but all i said "hey can you let me in" beep, in , grabbed my stuff. out

 

so i think i finally played it right. i guess.

[dreamergrl]

u guys would be proud. i didnt see the last 2 posts b4 i left to move my sister in.

 

i was going to move her in (my sister), then come home, and then go back up when L came home to get my stuff.

 

fortunately, i just went to L's place on my way back. had to call her to let me in the complex, but all i said "hey can you let me in" beep, in , grabbed my stuff. out

 

so i think i finally played it right. i guess.

 

That's great! I'm glad you went in and out and didn't make a show of it. Now you have no other reason to talk to her. So keep NC

[NSW768]

im sad today though. i really wish i saw her last night...sigh

[dreamergrl]

im sad today though. i really wish i saw her last night...sigh

 

This is why we advised you not to go. But you did, so now you need to keep up with the NC, or you'll be dragging this feeling out longer.

[NSW768]

i know im not going to contact her .

 

just sad though

[NSW768]

i think im learning from this is to not let another person define you.

[gordon_gc]

well, to some extend, i'm living the same situation dude.

 

She wants her space, she pulls away from u and of course, because you both created an habit of having eachother on a constant basis (physically or text or whatever), it's hard to understand the silence which in return makes you freak out.

 

Trust me, I'm exactly in the same situation. I trust her when she goes out, I don't mind when she does but not to the extend where she doesnt give any news...at all ! All i ask is a quick text 'i'm all good, thanks baby' or whatever and when u don't get the usual (when she is all affectionate,ect...) it makes you wonder and flip out ! it's normal.

 

The worst about it is that I understand your situation but can't seem to accept mine either. The best thing to do...as most already stated, is to take it one day at a time and CUT ALL CONTACT.

 

Now, I know what you are thinking...if i cut all contacts, how will i know if she is ready to give it another shot and what if she gets annoyed of the whole he-doesn't-get-back-to-me and decide to move on. Well, it's the hard part. Hopefully, IF she wants to give it a shot, she will try hard enough.

 

Don't hesitate to write what you feel on the post. I know it helps a lot. I know it helps me a lot

[NSW768]

i gave the **** in and called her this morning in the food store.

 

she said she was waiting for me and wanted to call to and wanted to talk.

 

she said she really still needed time still, same story as b4. i told her she can take all the time she needs and then i asked if she was still IN love with me.

 

she said thats what she had been thinking about. she isnt sure.

 

so i said then its over. im not going to be with someone who doesnt want to be with me. she called me back and said its over for now.

 

she then texted me. first am i going to be ok. i said " i cant make u love me. i cant make u want to be with me. am i sad, yeah. ur my best friend and i wanted to spend the rest of my life next to u. but if u want something else im not going to force anyone to be with me. im still very confused. i hope ull come back to me but i dont think thats going to happen."

 

then she said" the truth is that i just need to be selfish now and need to be alone to figure out what i want in my life. this is the time to do that. i want you to be happy and there are so many things that u and i have that i so badly dont want to lose but its not a perfect world so im going to have to accept that"

 

so i said "great find those things and have a good life"

 

then i texted back "i dont understand how you canwant me to go to the movies wwith me and stare into my eyes and then never want to see me again. its just sad. we should try but we wont. ive accepted it."

 

then she said " im sorry. i am not saying those times werent good or meaningful. i dont know how to explain anymore"

 

so i said " ur not in love anymore. its fine. il be great. u stay good. ill always love you. good bye."

 

and thats it. i feel not that bad.

[NSW768]

just texted:

 

if you ever want to try again, just call me. ill stop bothering you now.

 

she:

 

i will

 

 

me now = going to cry i think

[EricaH329]

just texted:

 

if you ever want to try again, just call me. ill stop bothering you now.

 

she:

 

i will

 

 

me now = going to cry i think

 

Alright, i'm not going to sit here and respond to what you just did. All I want to know is, are you done yet? You are putting yourself through much more pain than you need to be.

 

Now, you are going to need to move on. Cut off all contact with her. I don't care if she sends you a text back "I just don't know what to do." The circle will continue. Erase her number from your phone. Erase her e-mail address, screen name on any form of instant messaging application, if you have myspace or facebook... delete *and* block her from those. Take down any pictures that you have of her online. Anything you actually have of hers, or anything that reminds you of her, put into a box... seal it up... and put it in the far back of your closet/attic/basement. (Some people like to throw it away, i'm more of the type to store it).

 

Now that you've gotten that out the way, reconnect with your friends. Go out and have some fun. Try out a new look. Get that new outfit that you've been wanting to get but don't think it's your style (ok, i'm getting a little girly on you, sorry).

 

Focus on your positive attributes. Remember why you are such a great person.

 

You will get through this. "Nothing lasts forever" including the pain and hurt you are feeling right now.

 

Turn this into something positive. Do the things you've wanted to do, but haven't. Travel. Meet new people. And remember to stay positive. This will pass.

[NSW768]

i knew you guys would get on more for that last line.

 

my dad popped in to my work (he was in the neighborhood, i didnt call him) and he cheered me up a good amount. said there would be other girls, and now i can really focus on things in my life. and if she comes back then thats even better. but she prolly wont.

 

anyway, already made plans for tonight. but id hate to see this thread go.

 

should i call her again?

[gordon_gc]

 

should i call her again?

 

Are you efing serious ? You wrote a text to her saying "if you ever wanna try again, just call me. I'll stop bothering you now" And here you are asking if you should call her or not ???

 

OK, L I S T E N !!! I'm going through a rough patch too. My gf needs her space and it's not easy to handle. ANYWAY, few years back, I was in the exact same situation as you and the best advice to listen to is the one above !!! My exgf tried calling me, texting me to know what I was up to (it was just guilt). If she really wanted to try again, she would have simply wrote an email with what she really feels and looking at it now, I'm happy I stuck with no contacts.

 

DELETE HER NUMBER AND EVERYTHING THAT REMINDS YOU OF HER. TRY THE EBST YOU CAN NOT TO MENTION HER NAME minutes after minutes, hours after hours, days after days.

 

I know exactly what you are feeling. Sometime unpowerement when you do the right thing (giving her the space) then guilt and major remorses. It's normal. Think about it, what you've done so far hasn't really work. It might be time for a change of plan FOR NOW and that plan is cut all contact and focus on YOU YOU YOU.

 

I'm not saying you will get over in a week but you will get over it at some point. YOU WILL !

[gordon_gc]

oh, and get your copy of "NO MORE MR NICE GUY" from Robert Glover. It will help. You need help. You can't do this all by yourself.

[NSW768]

i was joking about call ing her again. ya know to keep the thread going.

 

sarcasm is tough on a message board.

 

still, in hindsight, i wish i played this whole thing better.

 

im not saying necessarily she wouldve come back if i did something different here or there, it just amazes me how this whole thing spiraled in less then a month. i mean a month ago we were on vacation loving each other as much as ever.

 

i do wish i did some things different, but i cant take all the blame.

 

 

im ok right now, sadness comes and go, but i am relieved to be over rather then in space land, which might be the worst feeling ever.

[12ape]

Pull out and keep your guard up.

[gordon_gc]

yes, sarcasm is a dangerous thing here !!!! lol

 

But, yes, seriously, get hold of that book. I'm sure it will help realising a few things so you can adjust your behaviour and avoid the spiral mode like it happened in a month.

[xpaperxcutx]

i was joking about call ing her again. ya know to keep the thread going.

 

sarcasm is tough on a message board.

 

still, in hindsight, i wish i played this whole thing better.

 

im not saying necessarily she wouldve come back if i did something different here or there, it just amazes me how this whole thing spiraled in less then a month. i mean a month ago we were on vacation loving each other as much as ever.

 

i do wish i did some things different, but i cant take all the blame.

 

 

im ok right now, sadness comes and go, but i am relieved to be over rather then in space land, which might be the worst feeling ever.

 

Uh no, not a good joke. I thought you deleted her number? Seriously, you need stop all contact with her, the more you text or message her, the more you appear desperate. Nobody likes someone who whines about the past and continuously ask whether the other person loves them or not.

 

You still haven't haven't learned to let go of the idea that the two of you are going to get backtogether. The only reason most breakups hurt is because the dumpee still has feelings. If you can't learn to let go of the idea that she will come back, in 9 months time you'll still find yourself pining for her.

[NSW768]

yeah i do still think well get together. i need to get past that.

 

i just feel like i ****ed this up so bad. i mean the whole reason this thing happened was that one week where i tweaked.

 

**** i need to start getting over her. im going to start. i need to start. just so many regrets for my perspective.

 

i should write a book, "how to lose a girl in 20 days"

[dreamergrl]

You will not get anywhere by continuing to call her. If you truly want to stop the bs with her, then stop talking to her. If not, then just say so and deal with the drama you're inviting.

[boogieboy]

it just amazes me how this whole thing spiraled in less then a month. i mean a month ago we were on vacation loving each other as much as ever.

 

.

 

Dood, I told you in page 2, she was done with you months ago. She just now found someone to replace you.

 

I told you that you had ignore her to let her miss you, if you kept contacting her that wouldnt happen. But you couldnt resist, and you had to blow it up. I hope you got what you wanted.

 

What is really selfish on her part is she wouldnt say "its over", to keep you hanging on.