lostforwords Posted November 20, 2003 Share Posted November 20, 2003 Please give me an example of this where self denial was admired Mother Theresa Ghandi Buddha Christ Saints Will that do? Oh and their admirations of self denial were pertinent in the same boat as us commoners????? I mean in ordinary people.... im sorry but unfortunately i have never turned water into wine.... nor have i entered into saint hood, lets keep this at a level where we dont bring religious figures into it please..... im talking at a level moimeme if you could just slowly lower yourself off the horse and give me examples of ordinary people...... i guess what im trying to say is your still not selling me on your self righteousness..... I dont buy all the crap of socially/morally acceptable.... and i still see you throwing stones off your big pony..... im sorry if i dont model myself after these people however...... i am only human..... Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted November 20, 2003 Share Posted November 20, 2003 Where is the part about denying, ignoring, taking the other spouse for granted That is the part which causes the taken-for-granted spouse to insist on counselling or divorce. give me examples of ordinary people I reiterate: YOUR ARMED FORCES There are still some 'commoners' who do still try to practice these values; they're just, unfortunately, a dying breed. Link to post Share on other sites
lostforwords Posted November 20, 2003 Share Posted November 20, 2003 I reiterate: YOUR ARMED FORCES is that the whole army or just part of it?... see..... i guess you can only give an assumption or a generalization..... so your holier than thou virtues against adulterers has worn thin...... and im not convinced. so while youve tried so hard to cram your thoughts down peoples throats and pass judgements in your sometimes patronizing ways.... i will never be convinced you have any viable proof to back dat azz up.... Link to post Share on other sites
lostforwords Posted November 20, 2003 Share Posted November 20, 2003 Please give me an example of this where self denial was admired actually it was self DENIAL not sacrifice..... VERY BIG DIFFERENCE Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted November 20, 2003 Share Posted November 20, 2003 Apparently you missed this last time around. Let's try again: You seem not to be familiar with the meaning of 'self-denial': quote:self-de·ni·al (slfd-nl) n. Sacrifice of one's own desires or interests http://www.dictionary.com Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted November 20, 2003 Share Posted November 20, 2003 Rainbow, sometimes 'support' consists in telling someone the truth as you see it. That may upset them - but you do no favours by sugar-coating the truth. If all you wanted was people to applaud and cheer you, this was definitely the wrong place to look for that because there is a variety of views here. I'm sure there is an adulterer's support group someplace. If you want, I'll even go find one for you. Here you go: http://divorcesupport.about.com/library/weekly/aa063099.htm http://www.gloryb.com/ http://groups.yahoo.com/group/support_for_the_other_woman/ Not so sure about the first one but the other two are definitely the sort of support you are looking for. Link to post Share on other sites
Author amerikajin Posted November 20, 2003 Author Share Posted November 20, 2003 Bark, The "right way" to drift from your partner means that if you really have no interest in your partner, either do something about it or get a divorce. Don't add to the misery by getting an affair. I know it's not always easy to see through the smoke in a marriage and people do get involved in affairs, but ideally, that's the right way to drift away from your parnter. The "wrong way" is to cheat. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted November 20, 2003 Share Posted November 20, 2003 Amerikajin - better duck. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted November 20, 2003 Share Posted November 20, 2003 I’d like to be the first to poke holes in this “don’t want to hurt my spouse” excuse. I’ve grown quite weary of hearing this lame defense used as the last resort by those hiding their true intentions behind some false front of sentiment. Where was the concern for their partner’s feelings when they decided to enter into an affair in the first place? While some may not be able to control their emotions, the decision to act upon them and fan those flames was both intentional and deliberate. The undeniable truth is; if one genuinely does not wish to cause someone else pain, then they find the intestinal fortitude to resist temptation and avoid nurturing these situations in the first place. It doesn’t take a genius or a saint to cut through all the BS and figure out that lies do not prevent hurt. Rather they perpetuate it. And an honest person never fears or hides from the truth. I suspect the ‘real’ reason why most people choose not to disclose their affair to their partner has nothing at all to do with “not wanting to cause more pain.” Instead, they are avoiding their own pain…fearful that once their partner has been presented with the all the facts, they might make the enlightened decision to abandon the cheater and their ‘comfortable’ relationship/arrangement. They’re afraid for themselves…that they might risk loosing their children, their comfortable home and their financial security. They are fearful of being looked at differently by those who know them best -- those family members, colleagues and friends who have bought into the lies and the illusion. They’re worried that their indiscretion or ‘mistake’ might ultimately cost them their reputation and social standing. We humans are no different in our endless pursuit of personal happiness and self-fulfillment. But there are still those of us who are unable revel in our joy, success and accomplishment if it has come at the expense of another. And one does not have to engage in an affair to understand the complexities. Some of us learn by simple observation and deductive reasoning; our lessons provided every day in the shattered lives around us. As for me, I’m off to find my hip boots. Cause the virtual crap in here is getting mighty deep. Link to post Share on other sites
lostforwords Posted November 20, 2003 Share Posted November 20, 2003 You seem not to be familiar with the meaning of 'self-denial': quote:self-de·ni·al (slfd-nl) n. Sacrifice of one's own desires or interests http://www.dictionary.com CORRECTION: you seem to be the one who is actually NOT familiar: self-sac·ri·fice (slfskr-fs) n. Sacrifice of one's personal interests or well-being [color=red]for the sake of others or for a cause.[/color] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- self-sacri·ficing adj. see there IS a difference....... next time im hoping you refrain yourself from using a condescending tone, however, i dont use your big fancy words doesnt mean im not getting the damn message..... and just because self-denial is defined with the word SACRIFICE in it doesnt mean its the same thing..... but hey thanks for the lesson today ) Link to post Share on other sites
Author amerikajin Posted November 20, 2003 Author Share Posted November 20, 2003 No need to duck, moimeme. I wasn't trying to take shots at Bark. In fact, I can respect a man who has come forward to say "I'm not a bad guy, but I was wrong for what I did. That was bad judgment on my part. I hurt someone, and I won't do it again." As I've said before, I don't like sitting in judgment of people as a whole unless I really know them. I don't know Bark, so it's not for me to say he's good or bad, though I have no reason to believe he's anything other than a good person on the whole. The times when I've had harsh things to say on these forums is when I see people trying to defend the indefensible with lame-ass excuses. And I especially get harsh when I see people who post looking for feedback, and then getting ornery with me when I tell them something they don't want to hear. All of that said, I know I'm no God or saint myself. I've been guilty of bad judgment, just as others on this forum have been. And like them, I've been held to account for it. There were people who stepped in and said "Look dude, you need to wise up." And I've done my best to do that. I think that's about the most you can ask for from a person. That they sincerely do their best, atone for their mistakes, learn from them, and move on to become better people. Link to post Share on other sites
bark Posted November 20, 2003 Share Posted November 20, 2003 I don't like sitting in judgment of people as a whole unless I really know them. I don't know Bark, so it's not for me to say he's good or bad, though I have no reason to believe he's anything other than a good person on the whole. Music to my ears. I hope others are listening. Thanks for starting this provocative thread. Link to post Share on other sites
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