Sold our wedding presents on ebay

[overseas2004]

My husband and I have been having many problems in the last 16 months. All of it started when my child was born. My husband came here from Europe when he married me. He since then has not held down a full time job, has spent my money recklessly, has intermittently refused to help in the household or has complained about helping. I tried to talk to him nicely about these things, when that didnt work I tried to tell him not so nicely. NEither worked, although many attempts were made at both. At one point he got a part time job, but because of a fight with me, he took off for Europe. Ten days later when he came back he was informed that he lost his job. He got his mom, who lives on a small pension in Norway to send him money. She has been a great enabler for his bad behavior for quite some time now. So he opened his own bank account and squirreled that money away for his own use. He spent twenty thousand dollars in six months. He bought expensive cameras, watches for himself, camcorders, food that he liked..... whatever his little heart desired. He even got me a gold chain and a cross. And he did contribute a bit to the household, but nothing overwhelming. He got the baby diapers and paid off some of her medical bills.

 

Six months ago he started sleeping in his own room. I let it go on, thinking somehow it would get better. I let it go on because of my daughter. I figured that I would stop the fighting and just live with him like a roomate and that at least she would have a dad. But I knew that our time was running out.

 

So there we were living like two seperate lives, like some roomates. Seperate beds, seperate bank accounts, we dont talk to each other etc.... I guess because he didnt have any money anymore, he decided to go downstairs and pull my stuff out of storage and sell it on ebay. He sold some of my books and some of our wedding presents.

 

I am not asking advice on what to do. I know what to do and I have insisted that he leave. He tried to fight it initially, but finally bought a ticket. He is leaving back to Europe on Sunday.

 

Despite all the problems, I am devastated by all of this. Its hard to explain why. I dont think I love him anymore. I just have these feelings of loss since we lived through so much together and had a gorgeous and extremely smart child together. She is a joy.

 

I am in deep dispair that my daughter wont have a father. I have read so many articles about how children in single family homes dont fair so well. I am well off economically, but she adores her dad. I am sure that this will not be good for her.

 

I would love to hear from anyone who has been through this before and welcome any words of wisdom, compassion and assistance. Please just try not to be judgemental. I am going through a hard time now and need some kind words and reassurance. I didnt let it last long. The bad times have only been about 16 months long.

[TaraMaiden]

Ok, well, I admit I was going to come in and make a funny comment about the toaster not working, but I realise now this is desperately sad, and I feel deeply sorry for you.

 

Quite apart form his appalling behaviour and attitude, on the practical side, he has, as you must know, absolutely no right to dispose of things in that way. On a legal level, half of that money is yours. how dare he dispose of things in such a cruel and cavalier manner?

Where is he from in Europe?

if you say France or Italy, it figures. I should know.....

 

Look after yourself legally. Just because he's going back to Europe, it doesn't mean he can absolve himself of all contact and responsibility.

do something - FAST!!

 

What a sh*iThead.....

 

I am so sorry for you, really... But you must do something to safeguard your daughter's security.

[Eve]

Its time to move on.

 

*Hugs*

 

The lengths that you went to to save this relationship could only ever have worked if this person wanted it to. You gave him more than enough opportunity. Sadly it sounds as though you have been used but can bounce back. What I have learned is that our birth families are not always our true families. I had problems with my girls dad. It was like my having his chldren became a negative bond for him. He couldnt treat me as a woman anymore, just a mother. Placed in the 'mother role' I was supposed to put up with his crap, just like his mother endlessly put up with it. Please... as if!! I kicked his ass out of my nice home. Anyhow, my girls have grown to love and respect their stepfather and even have traits from him! The past is now firmly the past. You will meet someone else in time. Make sure that he is as open and giving as you are. Accept nothing less than this. In time you will heal. Do what ever you can to promote the healing process and please please please be good to yourself.

 

Thankfully life goes on.

 

Chin up girl. Everyone has at least one bad relationship. Make sure you have good support around you from family and join various groups. Enjoy your time with the little one... it goes so quickly. My daughters have fab memories of when it was just us together.

 

Remember, you are not alone.. you are 'with yourself' and can do this. I dont even think about my ex anymore but wouldnt change the past if I could because I have two wonderful gifts come from a pretty awful situation.

 

Take care,

Eve xx

[overseas2004]

Thanks to all of you for the encouragement. I am doing well. Its nice to have him out of my life and my daughter, is only 16 months old. Hopefully I will meet someone so that she has a dad.

 

Oh and he isnt from Italy or France. But trust me, I have lived in both places. My ex is a one of a kind.

[overseas2004]

Oh I forgot to mention that we dropped him off at the airport and lived our first day as a single mom and baby. My daughter did two incredible things today. First in the morning she patted my head and then kissed me repeatedly. In the evening, I was carrying the groceries in and I told her that she needed to help me. I was just kidding. She reached out her little hand and tried to help me carry the bag. I wept with joy.

 

It was nice to wake up without the a**hole here.

[caliguy999]

not having a dad could be better than having a dad who's a jacka$$ and a loser

[TaraMaiden]

What is happening about your future with your child?

is he going to pay child support?

Maintenance?

How are you dealing with that?

 

Are you ok?

[Trojan John]

It looks as if he's from the Nordics. They have a pretty decent child support enforcement if you choose to go after him.

[SoulSearch_CO]

Wow. I am really sad to hear this. The thread title drew me in because of total disgust. I'm really glad you're not putting up with his garbage.

 

My mom raised 3 kids on her own. And every single one of us is well-adjusted and healthy. No serial killers. Yes, it was rough sometimes to not have a dad (just being honest), but she was such a great mom. Looking back on things as an adult - she worked her ass off for us and I'm overflowing with gratitude for her. She's one of the strongest people I know. It can be rough, but it can be done. You sound like a strong woman and she sounds like a wonderful kid. Best of luck to you guys.

[Eve]

Oh I forgot to mention that we dropped him off at the airport and lived our first day as a single mom and baby. My daughter did two incredible things today. First in the morning she patted my head and then kissed me repeatedly. In the evening, I was carrying the groceries in and I told her that she needed to help me. I was just kidding. She reached out her little hand and tried to help me carry the bag. I wept with joy.

 

It was nice to wake up without the a**hole here.

 

 

Take things day by day.. by day. You will look back on all of this and realise that he was simply taking energy from you as a mother to feed himself. One day he will regret his selfishness but that is not your fault. Sounds as though the little one is as sensitive as you. What she did is just too cute for words!!!

 

Enjoy each other and try to find goodness in the simple things. I hope you have someone to talk to in real life about all of this as you move on with things. Of course, please keep posting on the forum in the good times and in the bad.

 

.. You are a brave lady, some live out a whole lifetime in what you have just left behind. Well done you!

 

Take care,

Eve xx

[overseas2004]

I am not going to go after him for child support because he has no money now anyway. He is from a country called Serbia, not the Nordics. His mom is a refugee in Norway and she sends him money from the public assistance she recieves.

 

I am an executive of a large company so money is not an issue for me and my little one. She will be well taken care of.

 

I do have some friends but most of them are single women who dont understand why I havent left him when this started 16 months ago.. Its hard to explain to these single women friends of mine why I tried to keep my marriage together. Most of them are super critical even though they put up with all kinds of s**t in the short term relationships they have. Its like there is no understanding at all for trying to keep a family together for the sake of the child. When he sold my stuff on ebay I guess I just realized that he wasnt on my side anymore and it would be pointless to pretend we were a family.

 

I do have one friend. she has been great. she comes over once a week and spends the night to be with us. she came over after he left on Sunday and that was nice. My mom has been a good listener and she b*tches with me alot which helps.

 

Thanks to all of you so much for your kind words. It really helps, especially the stories of how you have been through it in one way or another.

[sb129]

Hey- sorry to hear about what you went through.

 

Sounds like you are a strong woman who is a great mum, and you are doing the best thing by your daughter.

 

I can't believe the disgusting behaviour your ex subjected you to- however, if I had to trade wedding presents for a more peaceful life without that jerkoff in it, I would consider it to be a fair trade.

Its just stuff after all- he has robbed himself of something far more precious. (Being a good father to your daughter).

 

Another bonus is that your daughter will grow up without him in her life as a "role model".

 

All the best to you- and well done for being strong enough to get out. I know its hard, I have been in a disastrous R that took me nearly a year to get out of. When you finally do it, it is so liberating!

[overseas2004]

It is liberating but there are days or moments sometimes that are rough. Today she asked for him and sighed deeply after she said daddy. I went into the other room and started to bawl. Its so unfair to her. She is such an angel. Plus my lawyer told me that he may be able to get the house, which terrifies me. I saved my whole life for this place and its my haven. I am so scared, because he is low life money grubbing P_Of_Sh. He tried to raid my bank account before he left but I stopped him. So there is no telling if he is going to try to go after me for the money that is left there for my daughter.

[Eve]

It is liberating but there are days or moments sometimes that are rough. Today she asked for him and sighed deeply after she said daddy. I went into the other room and started to bawl. Its so unfair to her. She is such an angel. Plus my lawyer told me that he may be able to get the house, which terrifies me. I saved my whole life for this place and its my haven. I am so scared, because he is low life money grubbing P_Of_Sh. He tried to raid my bank account before he left but I stopped him. So there is no telling if he is going to try to go after me for the money that is left there for my daughter.

 

I cant advise on legal issues but there are some legal professionals here who more than likely could. I am sure that you are in good hands with regard to any legal advice you get in real life though. What little I know is that the home should be protected because the little one lives there so you may have to give him some sort of monetary settlement based on how much equity is in the home. Your lawyer will know what to do. Obviously he doesnt deserve this in a literal sense but I dont think there is anything that you can do about this. Me? I would just see it as part of the process of realising his true goals and let it be. But I believe that life balances things out in one way or another and somehow you will get that money back. This is probably a stupid belief but I have let things go in the past and then received something far far better.

 

Anyhow, you are in the better situation really because you can earn more money afterall and start again. He is quite simply a leach. I was wondering if you have considered moving? Maybe its time for a fresh start? A new adventure for you and the little one. I was just thinking about how sometimes if we are too visible how its easy to be manipulated. In essence, he knows where to find you very easily whenever he wants. A fresh start could be a distraction for you and a way to carve out a new routine with your daughter. Maybe you could even move closer to someone who is a good support for you? Obviously you may be perfectly happy where you are! and this is fine...

 

Regarding the low point just experienced, I think its important to feel things. So even though moments such as what you described with the little one may sting, I think it is evidence in many ways of a healthy heart. He really has not treated you both well ...

 

Give it time. You are nearly done with this.

 

Chin up.

 

Take care,

Eve xx

[overseas2004]

the last two days have been really hard. I cant believe it but I finally started to miss him. My daughter and I have been on our way to Key West for hte past two days. It is a vacation we planned before we broke up. My pain started when we got on the plane and his empty seat was there next to us. Then on the drive down here, it was tough as well, since the three of us have been down here last year together and it was my daughters first swim. It was a happier time and as we drove down, tears welled up in my eyes.

 

I guess it is normal. i dont know. I know that I am not wrong for the action that I took to get him out of our lives, but it hurts. I think of some of the good times we had and I wish that it could be different.:lmao: