8 year relationship ended

[zx9rc1]

Please could you help me and offer some advice?.

I have been with a lass for near 8 years, I am 37 and she is a very mature 25 but she has ended it and said she is never going to be my girlfriend again.I was 30 when we met and she was 16.We had a house together and everything. We loved each other very much. The issue was that I had years of depression as I was abused as a child and I didnt get any help with it in adult life or as a youngster so it made me a bad person to live with. I was deeply paranoid, had mood swings (not violent though) said deeply hurtful things to her, I had no self esteem so I was too shy to take her out as I felt bad in public and I didnt do the things on the house I promised I would..it was a complete dump and disgusting to live in. I would never go to hers for Christmas and I always had my Dad round (the abuser) as I was scared of him and felt a duty to have him there. I was a perfectionist so nothing was ever right in my eyes what she did so I berated her. but it wasnt always this way. I showed her good things too, like I got up and made her tea every morning before work and I washed her in the shower and painted her nails etc. 2 years ago she left me for the first time but kept in touch and I went and got help and thought I was getting better and told her that so she came back to try again staying at the weekends, however I wasnt better and 8 months down the line I got ill again and started all the same things again. We had a txt argument. She said I was just like my dad..so I called her fat and swore at her a lot

After that we still saw each other and txtd till a month ago when she then said she wasnt coming back and that it was too little too late. She had come to all my bbqs and gone out with me once after the txt war and I had also been round hers on many an occasion. She has been to see my daughter and got me presents. We exchanged gifts at xmas etc. She hasnt had anyone else in that 2 years and still hasnt, I know as I am great friends with her Mum Dad and Brothers and see them a lot. I went to counselling again in that 2 years and got better and have been for many months, I go out am very laid back..I have spent 40k on the house and singlehandley made it into something really special all for her, new kitchen bathroom carpets garden etc etc..its really impressive now. Anyway when she said she wasnt coming back I said I cant just be her friend and said I didnt want to see her unless it was as a relationship as I think I am completely not the person I was before. On the 2 occasions she came to get her things 6 weeks ago she cried, didnt want me to find someone else when I mentioned it and said not to rub in the fact she wasnt going to see me again, she hand fed me sweets the last time I saw her. She laid on our bed and cried her eyes out and I asked her you still think a lot of me dont you and she said yes and cried more. I have done no contact for 7 weeks as the last 2 years she hasnt seen the change in me or doesnt want to believe it or is afraid I will hurt her again...but I am 100% sure I wont. I love her and want her back but I dont need her anymore as a pillar to hold me up. She is ignoring me now as I texted her to say that I had found some more of her stuff. I dont know what to do really. I wrote her a letter 7 weeks ago to explain why I wasnt the same and to apologise but she said to leave her alone. This was before she came to get her things. I am at a loss and need some advice please anyone?

[NopeNah]

Either send her the items you found or give them to a friend to return for you. Hate to say it but, it's best you start moving forward in your life as this looks to be over. Go back to NC. Goodluck!