vinversive Posted November 19, 2003 Share Posted November 19, 2003 [font=arial][/font][color=black][/color] I have been in a very serious relationship for quite some time now. He is wonderful, loving guy. We live about 1,000 miles apart. I have been seeing him a lot due to the holidays. Actually, I will see him again soon. I do love him very much. This was never called into question (it still isn't.) Now, onto my cheatee. We work together on a project that requires us to spend a great deal of time together. It started out as flirtation. Recently, it went a little further. Not sex, but definitely crossing some lines. This is another problem. This guy is younger and less experienced in the world than I am. I don't want to hurt him either. What to do? Somehow, in all of this, I feel like my exploitation is okay. I still love my boyfriend. I still want to be just as serious with him. But I also would like to continue to see the other guy while I am here. Am I trying to have my cake and eat it too? Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted November 19, 2003 Share Posted November 19, 2003 Make a choice. Either stick with one or the other. You're going to hurt both of them if you continue to do it this way. Don't be selfish. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted November 19, 2003 Share Posted November 19, 2003 Am I trying to have my cake and eat it too? Isn't this a HUGE no-brainer of a question? I'm guessing you just want somebody to say 'hey, go ahead - take up with several men to get your goodies'. Problem is, if it's permission you want, you should get it from the men involved since it is their feelings that will be wounded when they find out (and they always do). Bottom line: any circumstance in which you choose your own happines when it means possibly hurting someone who cares about you is a circumstance in which you are indeed being selfish. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted November 19, 2003 Share Posted November 19, 2003 Somehow, in all of this, I feel like my exploitation is okay. Explain this please. Just how is it okay? Is it okay if your bf that lives 1,000 miles takes up with a younger woman? Why? Why Not? Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted November 19, 2003 Share Posted November 19, 2003 If the relationship with your "younger guy" is purely sex.....does he know this? Or does he think he is in a monogamous relationship with you? If you haven't been honest.....where does that leave him on judging life and love in the future? You KNOW you are going to end up dumping him....so I would think considering HIS feelings would be the main factor here. As far as the guy waiting for you.....hmmmm....better think about what Hokey said..... Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted November 19, 2003 Share Posted November 19, 2003 personally, i probably would, with dude 1,000 miles away, a girl gets lonely.... i would definately stay safe, and i would not lie if away man asks if anything went on, maybe not detailed... but just do what you want, or what you thuink is the right thing to do. it is your choice. Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted November 19, 2003 Share Posted November 19, 2003 i mean obviously you are feeling some remorse or you would ask what was the right thing...so maybe you should not go any further with coworker guy. if you need explain that you are in this other relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author vinversive Posted November 20, 2003 Author Share Posted November 20, 2003 Indeed, I suppose I am being somewhat selfish. I am definitely very concerned with the younger guy's feelings (not to say that I am not concerned with my b/f's.) Being that he is new to many things. The younger guy knows I am in a relationship. I am not completely sure, but I think it is mainly physical. I need to clarify these things with him. I really need to think about what my next step is. tattoomytoe: Thank you for an inspiring reply. I didn't think there were others like me out there. I am quite lonely. I do love my boyfriend very much, but I feel as if I am turning into stone. Am I to be made of stone? I'd rather not. Again, thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
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