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I cheated...don't know what to do now.


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I have been in a very serious relationship for quite some time now. He is wonderful, loving guy. We live about 1,000 miles apart. I have been seeing him a lot due to the holidays. Actually, I will see him again soon. I do love him very much. This was never called into question (it still isn't.)

 

Now, onto my cheatee. We work together on a project that requires us to spend a great deal of time together. It started out as flirtation. Recently, it went a little further. Not sex, but definitely crossing some lines. This is another problem. This guy is younger and less experienced in the world than I am. I don't want to hurt him either. What to do?

 

Somehow, in all of this, I feel like my exploitation is okay. I still love my boyfriend. I still want to be just as serious with him. But I also would like to continue to see the other guy while I am here. Am I trying to have my cake and eat it too? Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

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Make a choice. Either stick with one or the other. You're going to hurt both of them if you continue to do it this way. Don't be selfish.

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Am I trying to have my cake and eat it too?

 

Isn't this a HUGE no-brainer of a question? I'm guessing you just want somebody to say 'hey, go ahead - take up with several men to get your goodies'.

 

Problem is, if it's permission you want, you should get it from the men involved since it is their feelings that will be wounded when they find out (and they always do).

 

Bottom line: any circumstance in which you choose your own happines when it means possibly hurting someone who cares about you is a circumstance in which you are indeed being selfish.

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HokeyReligions
Somehow, in all of this, I feel like my exploitation is okay.

 

Explain this please. Just how is it okay? Is it okay if your bf that lives 1,000 miles takes up with a younger woman? Why? Why Not?

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If the relationship with your "younger guy" is purely sex.....does he know this? Or does he think he is in a monogamous relationship with you? If you haven't been honest.....where does that leave him on judging life and love in the future? You KNOW you are going to end up dumping him....so I would think considering HIS feelings would be the main factor here.

 

As far as the guy waiting for you.....hmmmm....better think about what Hokey said.....

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personally, i probably would, with dude 1,000 miles away, a girl gets lonely.... i would definately stay safe, and i would not lie if away man asks if anything went on, maybe not detailed...

 

but just do what you want, or what you thuink is the right thing to do. it is your choice.

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i mean obviously you are feeling some remorse or you would ask what was the right thing...so maybe you should not go any further with coworker guy. if you need explain that you are in this other relationship.

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Indeed, I suppose I am being somewhat selfish. I am definitely very concerned with the younger guy's feelings (not to say that I am not concerned with my b/f's.) Being that he is new to many things.

 

The younger guy knows I am in a relationship. I am not completely sure, but I think it is mainly physical. I need to clarify these things with him.

 

I really need to think about what my next step is.

 

tattoomytoe: Thank you for an inspiring reply. I didn't think there were others like me out there. I am quite lonely. I do love my boyfriend very much, but I feel as if I am turning into stone. Am I to be made of stone? I'd rather not. Again, thanks.

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