Just an update from an earlier post (November 6th), tell me what you think

[tbbearcat5]

Alright, it has been almost a month since we split, and we now talk every other day or so, and we now talk for 10 or so minutes at a time. She still shows an interest in my life, which I think is a good sign, and she doesn't talk about other guys at all. (Good sign or bad sign? The majority of my friends say good.) She has gone home with the guy I mentioned in the previous post, I still don't think anything has happened, but if it has, I can't do anything about it. But I don't think, b/c of the kind of person she is, she wouldn't do it. Also, both times she has been with him the last two weekends she has talked to me as soon as she got back, and that was after not talking to her for two or three days. He just doesn't seem like the kind of guy who would put all he had into a relationship, and she would get hurt. I JUST DON'T WANT HER TO GET HURT. I care about her too much still to want that to happen. That is my main point. She still has my rings but I am afraid to ask for them back just in case she is still holding on to memories that we had, and that I know she still treasures. And that would make it look like I'm giving up. But maybe me asking for them back will make her realize she may lose any chance of getting me back. It's just that previous breakups I had been through the ex got the ring back to me ASAP, no matter who did the breaking up.

 

I did visit her that weekend when she brought the other guy home, and we sat and talked for 15 or so minutes, then I had to get back to school....we talked about how classes were going and stuff related to that. She is having a tough time in school so I told her to keep her chin up and things will work out. Her friend was sitting on the other couch across the room sleeping while I was talking to her. As I got up to leave, I looked down at her to say good-bye. She was looking in my eyes, with a somber look. It was the kind of look when she wanted something, and I knew it was a hug. It wasn't one of those quick, short hugs, it was the kind of hug that I first gave her - warm and inviting. In fact, that was the first compliment she had ever given me - "you give awesome hugs."

 

I have not brought up the relationship for a good three weeks now, and Thanksgiving is coming up. I enjoyed myself over that time, and got over it, but, now I have really come to miss her, feeling that void in my life that she filled for six months come back out. I really want to talk about it with her, and I feel that now that I have gone out and experienced things, and she has done the same or she is pretty close, that I should make the move and talk to her. I don't think she really lost her feelings for me; but rather the relationship. I'm not saying that's what it is, but it's a possibility. I just need her to open up to me somehow and tell me how she feels about me, and then I believe the floodgates will open and we can communicate better. If we lacked anything in our relationship, it was the ability to communicate our feelings. We trusted each other fully, but communication is key too.

 

Our relationship was just so special. Basically, I didn't know what it meant to truly love somebody until I met her, and she felt the same way. She learned the same thing. I just think it was all that we went through so early in the relationship that brought us so close so fast that might have led her to do this. I don't think that our relationship is beyond repair. Don't get me wrong, it won't be easy to fix, love is never easy, but I feel that she can find her feelings and remember what we had, which was absolutely phenomenal, then nothing could stop us. I have really realized things over the past month that what I did was right in not bringing up the relationship, but keeping her posted on what goes on in my life is keeping me in her mind and letting her know that I am doing well.

 

But my main point is: Is it still too early to confront her? I mean, I have given her time, most importantly MYSELF time, and have enjoyed myself. But I feel like it may be getting close to too late, and I do NOT want to miss out, so I am going to confront her, and bring her a gift, such as simply a flower or something. I can't this weekend, her family is visiting from home, but I thought over a special time such as Thanksgiving would be a good idea, (after her other family is gone, of course.) I don't want to go right back to the way it was, that makes no sense, and we would end up right where we are right now again. I just want the opportunity to hang out once or twice a month and do fun things together, b/c that's a side of me she has never seen, and maybe seeing a new, exciting side of me will bring out more feelings. And above all, if it doesn't work out, we are better friends b/c of it. So it's a win win situation. But I do want to be with her, we just had this amazing connection, and I'm sure we can get that back if we just try. Thanks for any feedback!

[Arabess]

Why don't you just continue to be her friend until SHE makes the first move in rekindling the previous relationship you shared?

 

You can miss someone who was once in your life.....and want to have them remain in your life in some capacity (such as friends).....but you may not want to go bak into the type of relationship you once shared. She may very well be feeling this way.

 

Pushing the issue may not be to your benefit. (A flower at Thanksgiving would be a nice gesture though....I just wouldn't add alot of words of confrontation while bestowing it upon her.......)

[Iamhappy]

Also, both times she has been with him the last two weekends she has talked to me as soon as she got back

 

Even if she's missing you and having second thoughts about your break-up, these feelings aren't strong enough for her to break it off with this guy.

 

Do you find nothing wrong with this picture - she calls you after spending the weekend with him?

 

Cruel much?

[lostforwords]

But maybe me asking for them back will make her realize she may lose any chance of getting me back. It's just that previous breakups I had been through the ex got the ring back to me ASAP, no matter who did the breaking up.

 

Dood.... in all the relationships youve had, did they all have the same ring?.... just curious.... if the rings dont hold sentimental value for you, id say let her keep the rings.... they obviously hold that for her...... you certainly dont want to ask her to give them back in hopes it "will make her realize she may lose any chance of getting me back." she would be getting back with you for all the wrong reasons...... fear. you need to give her time to think..... she needs to miss you and realize what life is without you.... then maybe shell come about.

 

good luck to you

[tbbearcat5]

Hello,

 

I don't know if you guys read my previous post, but if you did, you should have a better idea of what we had between us. I understand all of what you guys are saying, and each opinion is appreciated, but maybe you guys misunderstood what I was trying to say. No offense at all. Yes, I do want a relationship w/her, but not right now. That would just be moronic of me to go in and grill her about it, and might reopen the wounds that were caused on both of us, and I feel this is getting better as the days pass. So I don't want to ruin anything if there is a possibility that she is beginning to come around. I only want to talk to her in person to see if we can spend some time together. The relationship will happen if it's meant to be, and I believe that it will happen, it will just take time.

 

Being friends with her is the best I can do right now, and I understand that. But I enjoy spending time with her over anything else, it doesn't matter what we do. We were happy just to see each other when we dated, (we lived 2.5 hours apart over the summer, so we cherished the time together we had) and we still enjoy each other's company. (keep in mind I go to school 3 hours away from her right now.) So it's been a long-distance thing the whole time. I know she has feelings for me, but what was happening in her life at the time (grades, real sick gma, being 4 hours from home) was keeping her from feeling anything towards me. Too much was going on in her life. I understand that. But maybe she is starting to figure things out now that I haven't brought it up in awhile, (giving her time) and I am going to keep going about it the way I am now, talk to her every few days or so. Just to keep tabs on how she is doing, to let her know I still care.

 

The rings DO hold sentimental value for her, my class ring and promise ring. I paid 100 bucks for the promise ring that showed her how much she meant to me. I don't think she would be getting rid of it anytime soon. I mean, if she had NO feelings for me, would she be keeping it? Not likely. She has had numerous opportunities to tell me about it, but she hasn't done it yet. As for my class ring, I'm not sure, but I'll figure that out. They obviously mean something to her if she is keeping them. In other words, if she has no feelings for me, they shouldn't mean a thing to her. But it does, though.

 

Maybe you're seeing something I'm not, but I don't see what is so wrong with her talking to me after she gets back from hanging out with this guy. She never got much of a chance to stay at school there on the weekends b/c of family issues, so maybe she's just making up for that time...getting out and going places. Once she is "free" of the stresses of life, things will become clearer to her. And I think that is beginning to happen. It's just good that she talks to me, that means a lot. She has never once told me anything good about this guy. She may not want to hurt my feelings by telling me good things about him, but if she really wanted to be with him, and was over me, she would at least tell me a good quality he has. And her roommates have dropped hints that he just wants sex from her, and then he will be done with her. Which is why I don't want her hurt. She's been hurt enough, she doesn't need any more. I understand that I need to give her a little more time, and that is what I am going to do if I want her back.

 

I am really sorry if I sounded a little harsh, but you didn't know the whole story, and that's my bad. Feel free to go back and read the other post if you would like. I really appreciate the help though, keep it coming....it's good to hear other people's opinions.