Zankon Posted November 19, 2003 Share Posted November 19, 2003 I was wondering when a break up happens, usually one partner leaves with a different person and the other remains heartbroken. So what hurts, is it the breakup or the fact that a third party is involved? Like my case, my ex of 4 and 1/2 years just walked out like nothing was there. Treated me so bad it's above anybody's imagination. I couldn't recognize her anymore. She left with a guy she knew in a week and moved in with him within the second week. I was hurt badly because we were so much in love. I was thinking, if she just left and said "I m not happy with you so I ll just walk away" without the involvement of another man, would that have made the break up simpler? Another thing I was thinking about is we had enjoyed our last days happily and even had sex and laughed and everything. Next thing I know in the following 48 hours is "hasta la vista baby". Now, even though I moved on and the break up doesn't hurt anymore, I just found it impossible to forget the memories, bad or good. My heart doesn't beat for her anymore that is for sure but when I get the memories in my mind I miss her friendship; like a good fella who went far away. I also remember during the breakup when I asked her to stay friends, she welcomed the idea with no hesitation but it was me who declined it because I believed I was just fooling myself. Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted November 19, 2003 Share Posted November 19, 2003 Either way sucks ass. I think when a third party is involved, it adds insult to injury. I'm in the same boat, in that my ex left me for someone else, in a way, and in a pretty rotten way, too. Almost like it's revenge, sorta. Feh to breakups. Link to post Share on other sites
julieg Posted November 19, 2003 Share Posted November 19, 2003 from a woman's perspective, if she dated you for 4++ years. she has got to have many moments of remorse and hurt. i did the break up and for sure felt incredible pain. some people just show it differently outwardly. by dating a new guy i was able to get my mind off of him. if i sat home i for sure became depressed at if i had made the right decision. my ex on the otherhand showed no signs of missing me outwardly. he had a new steady immediately and made sure i knew about it . in retrospect i really can't blame him for getting hot and serious right away. it must have helped ease the pain of being " dumped" although if he could have done it without me knowing. Link to post Share on other sites
claudia Posted November 19, 2003 Share Posted November 19, 2003 its a real blow to the system when the ex's leave and leave for someone else its like the dog and the bone story they always leave thinking that the other person will be better for them when sometimes its not so good. but i can't understand this one when they say lets be friends and then its like you have to actually be begging this person to be kind to u . my recent ex said when he was breaking up with me that " i really want u to be my friend " and me thinking that well atleast we can be friends went along , now having a conversation with him is like pulling teeth, he seems so heartless and cold its shocking to know that this was once a loving person is now such a total stranger. I no longer even want to consider going back to that person . Its such a betrayal to do those things . they have to learn what goes around comes around sorry i needed to vent a little Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zankon Posted November 21, 2003 Author Share Posted November 21, 2003 Julieg>> We didn't date for 4++ years, we dated for 1 year and lived together for 3++ years and they were all nice. Even now, I don t regret any moment we spent together. I believe she wanted a commitment; which I was ready for in every aspect except financially. So, I just wanted a steady job with a good revenue and kaboom our dreams come true... but she let me down at the end of the road. Now what am I gonna do with all the memories, laughter, and bad times? I moved on already. I m not in pain but I do think about her from time to time. Occasionally, I have a feeling that this is unreal. Everybody here couldn't believe our story. Is it possible that she was playing roles all the time cuz she can't fall out of love in 48hrs. Another thing is, why did she rip my picture into gazillion pieces and throw them in my room before she left? Often, I have a feeling that there is no girl who'd be as compatbile with as she was. Sometimes I think I'm lucky she did it now before we get married. At least, the only thing I have to fight is my emotions. The only thing left for me is a dead soul of a person I once loved although her alive body is somewhere around here. Link to post Share on other sites
julieg Posted November 21, 2003 Share Posted November 21, 2003 sometimes it is easier to think that the one you left can't stand you. i found this was better than having to picture my ex at home sad and depressed. i truly did not want him hurting. afterall a person doesn't spend all those years with someone and not connect in a big way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zankon Posted November 21, 2003 Author Share Posted November 21, 2003 Why would she want me to hate her? That's weird Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted November 21, 2003 Share Posted November 21, 2003 Anytime a relationship gets into an arena of a third party being responsible for the break up.... then the.... Guilt -vs- Jealousy....thing seems to happen. Either side is prone to do any number of ridiculous things. She tears up pics....you bang your head on the wall yelling "WHY??".....and it becomes a very sloppy ending. It takes a long time to get over one of those because there never really is any satisfying closure. All that remains is hurt, deciet and unanswered questions. Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted November 21, 2003 Share Posted November 21, 2003 JulieG, I think you might be DEAD on. I never really thought about that. Good one. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted November 21, 2003 Share Posted November 21, 2003 I agree with that too Julie. The less pain you leave behind.....the less guilt you have to drag out of the door. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zankon Posted November 21, 2003 Author Share Posted November 21, 2003 Let's say you're right and she wanted me to hate her. So why did she jump and unconditionally accepted my friendship? Link to post Share on other sites
julieg Posted November 22, 2003 Share Posted November 22, 2003 heres the thing, my bf who i also trampled on and turned off to for months before the bitter end sent me messages/called and asked me to be friends. to this i said "sure-oh yes i would really like that." i wanted him to be happy like i already said so why would i say no and then have to say why?? then we would have to talk about why i didn't want to be with him anymore---confrontation!! after much thought i said to myself how can i give him false hope that i will stay in contact with him? i really felt bad. but as time passed by it didn't seem like such a big deal. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zankon Posted November 22, 2003 Author Share Posted November 22, 2003 Julie>> Makes sense to me. But in my case, i made the offer right at the end of our arguments. She looked happy that I offered it. Then she called me occasionally and a week later I called it off because I started dating a new girl who didn't appreciate my friendship with my ex. So, when my ex knew, she blew off and yelled why am I letting a girl control my relationships... I hung up the phone on her then because I didn't wanna go on that argument. Link to post Share on other sites
julieg Posted November 23, 2003 Share Posted November 23, 2003 it sounds like she already is torn like i was. you want the break but are not comfortable with your ex bf having a new (possibly better) relationship. thinking about unknown mysterious new woman drove me insane! its human nature. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts