Over or not over?

[harmfulsweetz]

I'm going to be honest, ok?

 

Mutual friends can be toxic in times such as these. Often, they want the best for both involved, and want their friends to be an item again, so they pass these nice handy messages on, which aren't so nice nor so handy. It seems you have that now, I'm sure he means well enough, but essentially, what has it helped? You're back basically where you were before, wondering. It's time to stop wondering, and get to moving on. Easier said than done I know, but made much, much harder when people keep telling you things which aren't useful to the actual situation you are in. He walked out, moved somewhere else, essentially ran away from the R, and from you. I don't doubt he has his reasons, and these may be perfectly valid reasons, however, how are they going to help you? Think of yourself, not him.

 

If he loved you, and truly wanted it to work, he wouldn't be somewhere else right now. Actions speak louder than words, and I actually don't see much action from him. He wants control of the situation by the sounds of it-you ignore him and regain your control, so he pulls you right back in, then pulls away again when you try to pull him to you. It's not about the chase,actually this is when you will see how badly he really wants this R or not. This is your time to decide do you want to be with someone who runs when it gets tough?

 

I would only take any of it seriously when he turns up at your doorstep willing to actually try. Until then, move on.

[mimiminx]

I'm having a horrible day. I can't stop hurting. I have so much on my plate right now, I'm in the process of moving, just lost my second job! and my true love left me. I cannot smile today for the life of me. I just want to run away and go off into solitude, just with my thoughts, away from family, friends, and Loveshack. I cannot stop crying.. I was working today and I started to cry!!

I was thinking that I am a really great woman, I have so many great qualities and everyone who knows me loves me, I'm a great friend, a great girlfriend. He walked away from woman who truly loves him, admired him, respected him. We were planning on marriage and I would have made him a wonderful wife, he wanted me to be the mother of his children. Maybe it was just a fantasy for him and he didn't really mean it, but it was becoming a reality for me. We were perfect together, but I guess not enough for him. We had an amazing chemistry, fabulous sex life, were closer than anything, laughed a lot, shared a lot, respected eachother very much. He made me feel good, safe, protected, understood, loved, and very happy. I made him feel good too, he loved that I was so nurturing and loving, beautiful, sweet, passionate, and honest, I made him feel like a man I guess. He loved and loves the hell out of me but I guess it just wasn't enough for him. We rarely fought, up until the end I suppose, but when we did we were always eager to talk about it and make up. Nothing ever bad. I gave my love so freely and honestly to him, and he did the same. I cannot get over him... I need to because he's probably not coming back to me. It's so hard to say goodbye.. if only I didn't love him the same way anymore, I could move on. I feel such a void in my life without him. He is the love of my life, or so I thought.. never in a million years did I think we would break up.. no one did.

We were the couple, even up until the day he left, that was cuddling, laughing, always affectionate with eachother. I can't believe he would want to leave that. I admit to my shortcomings and wish I could have listened to him more, stopped pushing myself on him, being needy sometimes and acting out, I wish I would have not reacted so much to him just wanting his space. Although he's going through whatever he's going through also right now, I know he still loves me, I just wonder if it's in the same way. It's very hard for me right now not to reach out to him. I need him, but I can't depend on him anymore. Of course he cares, but I'm supposed to be this strong woman, independent, angry that he left me, etc. But I feel like breaking down. The communication from his side has dropped.. it's been almost a week now since I heard from him. He's slipping away and trying to get over me... why can't I get over him?! I just want to let him go, let him fly, accept the breakup, and move on. But the love I have is just as strong. I miss him so much it hurts. I need to be strong, take charge of my life right now, but I feel like just running away! I want to abandon all my responsibilities and just take off for awhile.. I wish I could.

And so what if he says he loves me, tells everyone he still loves me, misses me, talks to me.. it means NOTHING because he's still not here. He's gone. I just have to accept that he made that choice and there really is nothing I can do or say or not do or not say to change that. His words are meaningless without the action behind them, really. He gave up a really good thing...

"I'm going out of my mind.. with a pain that stops and starts... like a corkscrew through my heart... ever since we've been apart" -Bob Dylan

I can't stop crying.

[wondering_girl]

hi mimi, i'm sorry WE'RE going through this, i know how you feel girl, today was a very very bad day for me, i spent the whole day in bed.. now its almost 7 pm.. i didnt do anything, i cried most of the day today....... i'm even having chest pains....

 

it's so hard to accept, just like you did, i talked to my ex-bf about how i felt and it's been 2 weeks ever since.. .told him i loved him, i want to work this out, we had communication issues as well - he shuts me out. have not heard from him since, i'm not gonna lie i still have a little hope but i really really need to let go of that. you're right, i feel like he's slipping away from me as he has not addressed it or any effort, any kind of signal that he's gonna come back, he's GONE.....

 

*hugs* mimi...... i don't know when this rollercoaster of emotions is going to end but i would really like to get off of it. and i'm just like you, i love him even more now, and when i read your post, i realized that he's probably over me.....and i hate ME for feeling this way.

[Surfer Girl]

Because you haven't heard from him... you are freaking.... Remeber.... sometimes it takes time for those to understand... Give him this time.... it will be good for you and him.... You must have patience and understanding.... as much as you hurt.... please give him the time, he will appreciate that time...

[LostLozz]

Mimi as much as it doesn't alter your pain, I want you to know and understand that you are not alone in this. We are all suffering at the indecision of the man of our dreams.

Each day that passes is suppose to make us stronger however occasionally we feel like its more 1 step forward and several back. It has to get easier, and maybe you are right. Maybe the only time that it becomes easy is when you admit defeat and say your goodbyes.

I forced the love of my life to end our relationship because I couldn't take the way he made me feel when he pushed me away each time. That was 6 weeks and 4 days ago. I have made no progress really. He admitted that he was a CP and said that he wanted to seek professional help. As far as I know, this has not happened. Do we just keep putting our lives and love on hold for men who can't even be arsed to sort themselves out???

I can't fix him, I won't fix him. Only he can do that for himself and the same goes for R.

 

The only thing that I will say is try to remember what Westrock said. R could take up to a month to respond. Maybe you should give yourself a deadlne. If he doesn't make contact by the end of October then its done. Maybe I should do the same.

[mimiminx]

 

My month 'date' is October 15. So hard.. I'm sure he will resurface eventually.. it makes me feel worse when he doesn't contact me, it feels like he just stopped caring about me or something, he's getting over me, etc.. The hardest part is, his 30th birthday is on Oct. 11! I'm going to have to plan something for myself to do that weekend so I can forget about what a great time he might be having. I'm ready to cut my losses and say goodbye soon I understand the importance of time, I do. Time is fair, but time can also do so much.

I know I can't fix him. My dad even told me that.. I'm not going to. I'm done trying here, really. I don't even expect him to ever respond to my email, that's the sad part. I was getting my hopes up that he was beginning to have second thoughts, but hey... I was wrong. He isn't even talking to me anymore or trying to reach out to me anymore. It just stopped suddenly. Now I'm really angry... but mostly hurt.

[mimiminx]

Not that it really matters, but I got home from moving some things into my new place tonight, and guess what. I got not one, not two, but THREE messages from him. ON FLIPPING FACEBOOK. I am seriously considering deleting my account for awhile. I made a few posts recently, one about losing my new job, had a lot of responses from friends, he commented on it, said he was sorry to hear that. To another one of my posts I had written the other night when I was drunk listening to Bob Dylan's Blood on the Tracks (the epitome of a heartbreak album) I wrote "Listening to Blood on the Tracks..You're a Big Girl Now" (he knows that song, I actually play it on the guitar and sing it too) He replied, "Yes all day, indeed" (that sounds weird but it was his baby talk to me, he used to say that all the time to me). He also sends me a private message asking for my new address so he can send me stuff ???? (he has nothing to send me) and asks "How ya doin'?" How 'bout a phone call, dude? This passive BS is just F****ing ridiculous.

 

F**** him, F*** Facebook, he's an idiot!! Of course I haven't responded. Now, after what 5 days of last speaking to me, he's back in for another round huh? Well, I won't F****ng be here. I am leaving tonight for a friend's house an hour away in the mountains where its cool and quiet and peaceful, and I can be pampered by my girlfriend, she always runs a bath for me with candles and makes yummy food... she's making homemade macaroni and cheese tonight, and I am bringing wine. I like going up there, it's like a mini-vacation. I got tomorrow off work, needed a mental health day, putting off moving for a day, skipping out on my homework, and coming back hopefully with a clearer head to face reality. I feel like I'm suffocating and need to run away for a bit..

[caramel c]

mimi I have been following this thread for a while even though this is my first post here.

 

Im so sorry girl!! I can imagine how you must be feeling now...Please just try to hang in there this weekend.

 

You've done enough, you've said enough...you are awesome and so worthy of getting what you want!!

[westrock]

Mimi, take the mini-vacation for your own health and sanity.

[ecm]

Mimi- Have you ever thrown up from something and you'll never eaten it again? The last time I ate Taco Bell was December of 2003. I got food poisoning. With the exception of literally starving to death, I will never eat there again. Sometimes people get it at work, and I think it smells good...then I remember what I felt like when I was sick out of my mind for 12 hours straight.

 

Point? The sad times SUCK, and I mean SUUUUUUUCK. But, I think they are actually given to us for a reason. They are there to REMIND us why we need to be strong in the future. They are there to teach us that if we don't want to feel this way again, that we'll make better decisions for ourselves. If what we're going through were easy, we'd keep making the same mistakes and never grow.

 

It sucks for them too, by the way. We are torn up over someone who puts himself first, WAAAAYYYY above us. So, we are sad but are secretly thinking "wtf is wrong with me that I can't fall out of love with this person who doesn't even care enough about me to (fill in your own thoughts here)?" They're sad too, and if they're smart, they're thinking "wtf is wrong with me that I can't be man enough to put my tail between my legs and fix this relationhip with this fabulous woman?"

 

Bottom line is, we can find another hottie to treat us like sh*t. Even though we love them, and don't want to replace them, a sh*t head is not too hard to find. Girls like us are NOT a dime a dozen.

[harmfulsweetz]

It's hard, I'm sorry about your job-what crappy timing life has.

 

There's only one way to get through this, and that is by being strong and not being distracted or thrown off course by the things he says to you. He has the control, he knows this. If he messages you, you're right back where you were before. I'm not saying he's a bad person, I'm sure he's not, but right now, he's toxic to you. He doesn't have a clue what he wants, he says he wants you, yet he's in another state, and doesn't often communicate. Can you wait for him to choose you, bearing in mind, he may never do that?

You literally have two choices on how to handle this one, and they are both tough. 1) Stay in contact, keep up hope that one day he will see what a catch you are 2) Cut contact, concentrate on you, and on finding that one when you are ready.

You can pursue this to no end, or you can choose to look after you, and be concerned with only you. He's clearly not thinking of you, if he was, he'd be begging forgiveness and trying to ensure you're ok. When I went on a 'break' from my current bf, I was in touch every other day, and we saw each other once a week, on each other's terms. There was no messing about, we knew we would get back together at some point, but with this situation, it seems like he is completely messing you around. He knows you love him, and whilst you still love him, he can toy with you until he figures himself out. Has he given you proper, concrete (not this abstract 'you deserve more' crap?) answers?

Stop thinking of him, what he wants, what's best for him, how much contact should you have until he runs away again, think about you. What do you want? Do you want a man who runs when it gets a little tough? The 'he doesn't have a job and wanted to give me more' doesn't wash with me, because love isn't about the material things, and what if he loses another job will he leave then too? Sounds like a cop out to me. I would close the door now, let him live with his mistake, and move forward with your life-take it off the pause button.

[Mixitup123]

Actions speak louder than words..a man can tell you anything he knows you want to hear..but his actions are the real commitment of loyalty.

 

The part I read about him immediately putting single on Facebook.. and then you say he is always on there!!!! ask yourself why? There is a reason for him putting single..and a reason for him being on there the whole time..he wasn't being true to you.

 

I know I have been there and only just recently broke with the guy I was with for 4 years. Sometimes we just have to open our eyes, no matter how much it hurts.

 

Good luck.

[LostLozz]

Mimi you are a top girl and I am sure a real top catch for any lucky man. I have been told the same so maybe it's time to start believing it.

 

As I said on my thread...about two weeks after we split, he contacted me with a vague crappy text about himself. Nothing about me at all. They are selfish men. I had already finished "Men who can't Love" and I thought F-U-MATE!!! I was done with being treated like crap and I left him the book with instructions to let me know what he thought after he finished it if he still wanted to be friends with me....He has had it in his possession now since the 1st of September and I still haven't heard a damn thing about it!

 

Think its highly unlikely that I am going to hear a thing from him and maybe R is playing with time too.

 

They love us but can't commit to being with us! Time to move on I think...Get tough, get angry and get positive for your own well being.

[TaraMaiden]

.... He also sends me a private message asking for my new address so he can send me stuff ???? (he has nothing to send me) and asks "How ya doin'?" How 'bout a phone call, dude? This passive BS is just F****ing ridiculous.

 

F**** him, F*** Facebook, he's an idiot!! Of course I haven't responded. Now, after what 5 days of last speaking to me, he's back in for another round huh? Well, I won't F****ng be here. ....

 

That's it.

That's the spirit.

You've found a part of yourself where suddenly, your tolerance has reached it's edge.

He's beggining to yank your chain, rattle your cage and get on your nerves...

 

And that's normal, when you are trying desperately to address important issues, and he is desperately avoiding it.

 

This is why I get the impression that his message to you about 'thinking about your e-mail' actually meant "I don't want to think about it"....

 

And his actions (on Facebook) would bear that out.....

[almita]

Hello Mimi

 

I have read your thread today and I can totally relate to what you say about staying in bed all day. I did that today and was hoping to find some sleep but I just stared at the ceiling and rolled around and could not focus on anything not one straight thought just total confusion.

 

I manage to walk my dog because I love her to bits and she seems to sense that I am suffering she follows me everywhere.

 

I do not know when the pain will end, some days are so much worse than others and I am at a complete loss also. Went to see the psychologist again because I have lost 4 kg and I am very little anyways and I can't seem to eat or concentrate. I can't understand that in one month he has not called me - it is beyond me how people can live like that so I did manage the NC for 30 days and then called him.

 

That was 2 days ago, I thought it was ok at first but like I said in my thread now it's like I'm back on the drug and I start at 0....

 

The problem is I have a big fear of loss anywhays because I lost 2 important people in my life in my teens and I find it extremely hard to let go even of people who have not been treating me nicely. What a mess.

 

I want you to know that you are not the only one spending the whole day in bed crying and wondering and suffering we are all in the same boat rowing frantically....

 

Hugs and stay strong

Almita

[mimiminx]

I'm back.. thanks everyone for your responses. I had a nice time up at my friend's. I needed to get away for a night to clear my head. After I got up there, my girlfriend and I had a long talk. She knows R very well, her boyfriend is his really good friend. So, she told me exactly what all of you have been telling me.. I need to cut him off. For all the reasons all of you have been telling me also.. I'm feeding his ego, etc. by continuing to talk to him and reply to him. I have sent him a very important email that he has failed to respond to. I can't deal with this anymore, and while I understand that being patient here is a good thing, I cannot keep talking to him just for the sake of talking. She told me to send that original email I wrote, put an end to this limbo. I figure the sooner I do that, the better. Why should I wait any longer? I wish I would've stood up for myself a few weeks ago when I wrote that. I regret playing into his attempts. Although communication is important, at this point he is avoiding REAL communication by contacting me through FB or a phone call not even addressing what I wrote him. He's not interested in working on our relationship, otherwise he would have been responsive to it.

He CALLED ME after I went to bed last night. I had just turned off the lights, and he called. I didn't answer as it was very late and I knew the reason he was calling me.. and it certainly was not to talk about our relationship... he was in bed, lonely, wanting to feel good by talking to me.. also calling to 'remind' me he was 'around'. Didn't leave a message.. I thought maybe he called me by mistake, but that has never happened in the 2.5 years I've known him, so that wasn't the case.

Today I got home and checked my email, and he had asked me for my new address, how are you? I see no problem with giving him my new address, so I simply sent him my new address, that was all I wrote. For whatever reason he wants my address, that's fine. So later, I get another email asking if I had moved in yet, if not when I was. I have already told him several times WHEN I will be moving, so it was just another excuse to talk to me. I replied, "If you would like to talk to me, you can pick up the phone"

That was about half an hour ago. Expecting a phone call. Come on, he really doesn't have to go through me to find out this information.

Anyway, IF he calls me, I will steer the convo towards my email. If he's unresponsive, I am cutting him off. SERIOUSLY.

I wouldn't be surprised if he started coming through full force after that..

My mom commented about how hung up on me he is with his constant contact, pictures he sends me of us, etc. He's interested, but this isn't enough for me and I want more, and I will get more, whether it's from him or from someone else eventually. ANYTHING is better than what he's giving me right now.

Time to move on to the next chapter here...I'm getting off the Limbo Land rollercoaster.

Preparing for the conversation when he actually picks up the phone to call me during waking hours...

[ecm]

Hi Mimi- I think I might've been around to read your original email...I probably said NOOOOOOOOO. Do you mean you want to send him and email ending everything? Or was it an ultimatum? THe problem with wither one of those things is that IF you say them and he doesn't respond the way you like, you'll be hurt and maybe go back to pursing. OR, if he says no, then comes around later & you take him back, you'll look like you don't mean what you say. If you are still in love with him, you KNOW you'd take him back....It's like parents who say things to their kids & don't follow through. I don't have kids, but I used to teach kindergarten, and they KNOW what they can get away with if you don't follow through. So, just don't say anything unless you really mean it....that's what got me into this 5 year game of chasing each other back and forth.

 

Me: "If you ever run away again, I won't take you back".

Him- "I'm out". runs away...

(however long later-numerous times)

Him: I changed my mind

Me: Ok, come over. I'll cook for you, rub your back....and whatever else

Him: "perfect, I know she doesn't mean what she says, so I know I can do it again in the future"

Me: 5 years later: I wonder how long it will take him to call this time.

Him: I can do whatever the f*ck I want

Me: I can't wait to make him work like a dog when he does pull his head out of his a*s....

 

This is not fun, Mimi. Be wise in your decisions. xo

[mimiminx]

Hi Mimi- I think I might've been around to read your original email...I probably said NOOOOOOOOO. Do you mean you want to send him and email ending everything? Or was it an ultimatum? THe problem with wither one of those things is that IF you say them and he doesn't respond the way you like, you'll be hurt and maybe go back to pursing. OR, if he says no, then comes around later & you take him back, you'll look like you don't mean what you say. If you are still in love with him, you KNOW you'd take him back....It's like parents who say things to their kids & don't follow through. I don't have kids, but I used to teach kindergarten, and they KNOW what they can get away with if you don't follow through. So, just don't say anything unless you really mean it....that's what got me into this 5 year game of chasing each other back and forth.

 

Me: "If you ever run away again, I won't take you back".

Him- "I'm out". runs away...

(however long later-numerous times)

Him: I changed my mind

Me: Ok, come over. I'll cook for you, rub your back....and whatever else

Him: "perfect, I know she doesn't mean what she says, so I know I can do it again in the future"

Me: 5 years later: I wonder how long it will take him to call this time.

Him: I can do whatever the f*ck I want

Me: I can't wait to make him work like a dog when he does pull his head out of his a*s....

 

This is not fun, Mimi. Be wise in your decisions. xo

 

Hey ecm,

Your posts always make me laugh despite the circumstances. My email was not an ultimatum, basically it's me saying I can't just be your friend, want more than that, you made a choice and i accept that choice, please give me space (meaning don't contact me), I want you to be happy, let's respect eachother, etc. It's not giving an ultimatum, it's just me TELLING him to leave me alone basically and that I want MUCH more than what he's giving me right now, in general. I just want to let him know that I am not going to be playing this little game anymore, that's all. I just want to move on if he's thrown in the towel, ya know? No more of this chasing. Rather than just straight out ignore him, this time I AM THE ONE asking for space (so I can put him behind me if he doesn't want to put in effort to working this out). I'm not saying "that's it, don't come back, i'm done" I'm making it clear what I want, which is more than a silly half-assed friendship/relationship with him. I'll post it before I send it though, which probably will be in the next few days,we'll see how the conversation goes...

BTW, he didn't call me back but sent me an email saying that he was busy taking a math test for the next few hours but would call me later tonight. I have plans with friends, but will take his call. I know what to do

[ecm]

Alright, lady have fun tonight being fabulous.

[Exit]

Hope you get this handled tonight. One day you're going to look back on all this time you've wasted dealing with him.

[mimiminx]

He called me tonight. I brought the conversation to to the email I wrote him. He was responsive, willing to talk about it. In fact, while we were on the phone, he brought up the email on his computer as he was talking to me, read it again, and responded. He said he agreed with what I wrote. However, he cannot commit to working through this. He doesn't believe it is something that can be "fixed". In his mind, it either is or it isn't. This is hard to relay through words, but essentially, in his mind, it isn't "fixable" nor is it something he wants to put the effort into "fixing"/changing. We are who we are and it just wasn't working. He straight out asked me what I WANTED. I told him. I said, "I love you and I want to make this work" I asked him what he wanted, and he couldn't give me a clear answer. He said that he loves me, that IF we were to come back together, he wouldn't want to come back to the same thing, it would have to be something new. I told him that I would like to go about things a different way than we had, and make this work. However, he isn't able to commit to that and he's letting it go, with the idea in his mind that we could possibly come back together, or not.

I was saying to him that if we still feel so strongly for eachother and we love eachother, then why wouldn't we work on things together so we COULD have something different and new? Why throw in the towel if the feelings are still so much there,with the idea that maybe we could come back together at another time? If we did come back together, what would be different if we never addressed what was the problem? It would be the same old thing.

He told me that he wants to talk to me, he did tell me he loves me.

I'm trying to "fix" it, and he just doesn't think it's something that can be fixed, not easily changed. He said you kept pushing me, and every time getting a negative response, you would think that you would see that you're not getting what you want and it made me unhappy but you kept doing it anyway. That didn't work. I told him about WHY I felt I was doing that, because he would close off and I felt "abandoned" and I can't rely on him to relieve my fears of abandonment.

We talked for about an hour. I was on the verge of breaking down but I kept it together, listened to him, communicated with him about it, but ultimately, he cannot commit to working through this. He's letting it go. With the idea in his head that maybe we can come back together, maybe. But what will have changed if we did? Nothing. Because he's not willing to change it or work it out. It just "is" to him.

This is bull****. I am so disappointed, after a month of him persisting, contacting me, everything, all he says, it amounts to nothing.

I'm going to move on now. We do love eachother, but our relationship failed. I am sending him that email tomorrow when I wake up with a clear head. He cannot and will not have me in any way anymore. He made that decision tonight. He can now feel the real loss of me. He cannot be my friend, even though clearly he wants more than a friendship with me.

I'm very disappointed, EVERYTHING else was right between us. The hardest part is we still love eachother. But love isn't enough to keep a relationship alive I guess.

I will speak to him again in the future, when he comes back to San Diego I will see him undoubtedly. In the meantime, he has no more access to me, I am going to try and move on, accept our love for each other, accept that for whatever reason we're not together. Maybe someday I will be able to look back on it and understand. It still doesn't make sense. It would make more sense if we didn't love eachother, but that's not the case. I don't know. I'm grieving a loss of a very beautiful love. And I still miss him and love him. I think I will for a long time. I think he will too.

I got the answer I needed, now it's time for me to move forward.

I can't end this thread just yet, I can't say that it's over or not over. The future is uncertain, even he said that he doesn't have the answers, we don't know what will happen. All I know is that I am very, very, very sad and disappointed. And I miss him. I've done everything I could. At least I can say that.

[logitech]

Mimi I dare say we are in very similar situations although yours has involved more communication than mine.

 

I think now it's important for us to find ourselves through this. No more expecting someone else to provide us with the things we desire.

 

We will grow stronger and we still have a lot to learn.

[TaraMaiden]

..... I got the answer I needed, now it's time for me to move forward.

This.....

 

Immediately contradicts....

I can't end this thread just yet, I can't say that it's over or not over.

...This.

 

You're right.

You cannot end this thread here, I believe you still need a great deal of support, but end it, you must.

He's hoping to be able to keep a foot in both camps.

he is absolutely, completely, totally reluctant and unwilling to put the work into this that is necessary for the both of you to flourish, equally.

(remember I stated I believed you love him more than he loves you? This is precisely what I meant. he loves you, but he loves the 'sideline' more.....)

 

The future is uncertain, even he said that he doesn't have the answers, we don't know what will happen.

 

Actually, 'decisive, grown-up' mimi, you know precisely, at this point, what the immediate future holds.

No Contact with him, at all (remember the Caliguy Guide) and the certainty that whatever happens, you have come to the conclusion that this is not enough, and you need to move on, loving yourself as you deserve, enough for the both of you.

 

He has the answers, of course he does.

But it means Effort, Commitment, Communication and togetherness, and he has rejected that.

There is his answer.

His answer IS to be uncertain, non-committed and egotistic.

 

All I know is that I am very, very, very sad and disappointed. And I miss him. I've done everything I could. At least I can say that.

OMG, yes, you surely can. You have tried to meet him OVER half way, by also acknowledging and addressing stuff going on with you.

You will miss him.

You will carry on missing him for a good while yet, but at least you know.

In this case, Love WASN'T enough, and perhaps you loved 'out' too much, and 'in' too little.

 

Well now you can work on reversing that trend.

"Be" for Yourself.

 

Cut everything off, delete your FB profile and dissappear off the face of the planet, to him.

Let your silence carry your message. You've told him often enough, he knows by now what your deal is.

 

It's the lack of respect he has for you that has made him blithely ignore your requests and act as if nothing has happened.

Well, it has.

 

He has betrayed your love and Efforts, and basically told you, "It's worth a lot to me, but not enough for me to commit to the effort of making this work. But I like having you pandering to me, so I'll just keep in touch with trivial frivolities."

 

mimi - you are worth so much more than this.

 

keep posting.

But don't - on any account, and for any reason - reply to his crap again.

[Mixitup123]

Well said and I completely agree.

 

I am in a similar situation, over 4 years with my ex, broke up 3 weeks ago.

 

I know, mimi, you hear all the same things from everybody who knows you and loves you, your friends and family. Even us on this brilliant forum. Yet it doesn't seem to be enough, you take it in, but then it gets mixed with..but i love him, they don't really realise how much, and you are the one who has to get through it after the conversations have finished and everybody else has got back to living their lives, and you're thinking "but hey what about me I'm still broken hearted here, I still want to cry and talk more" (i know, you could talk about HIM and the relationship forever hey). But you are the one who has to go about your day feeling like this, and go to bed alone, when you're so used to HIM being there beside you. No matter how much people say you deserve more, he isn't worth it, move on, look how bad he treated you. YOU KNOW deep down it's all true, but unfortunately you still bloody LOVE HIM! and why? because I'm sure you never thought he would ever treat you like this hey?! Here is the man you thought loved you, the man you have been with for so long, the man you thought you knew, and who you would be with forever (sounds näive, but true) and all of a sudden he is acting like someone you don't even know. How can he say these things, do these things, because you know you never would or could, because you love him, that's when you ask yourself (or when i ask myself) maybe he didn't, at least he couldn't have as much as I did him. I think we can hear so much from other people, till we're blue in the face, but the moving on, I think has to come from you only, you have to look at him for what he is NOW, and not what he was when you were happy in a relationship, that sounds to me like it has gone. So please keep strong, and really start to realise for yourself that maybe he isn't the man you thought and wanted all this time, otherwise he wouldn't be breaking it off and leaving you to suffer. He would want to make you Happy and Love you till you burst, and at the end of the day, that is what we want and deserve. It's not a lot to ask for, so make sure you keep faith in finding it.

[ecm]

Mimi- he is a stupid d*ck. I agree with everything Tara said. And, even though he said he can't commit to working on it, he also can't commit to ending it. p*ssy. (to me, that is the worst word EVER, too ) It's hard to not cling to the chance of good ending, b/c it's always a possibility, so I feel for you. I hope it works out for you. I hope he pulls his head out of his a*s. But I REALLY hope that you (and all of us who have your back) find someone that makes you look back and say "what was I thinking? I can't believe I thought I was in love BEFORE! Wow, look at him....how sad he looks...he realized how badly he f*&%$d up. "