Over or not over?

[mimiminx]

That's a good idea... I like to get it down on paper first. You're right, it should be short and sweet and I am not going to be the one who calls him to tell him that.. he's gonna have to call me or contact me a few times. Acting bored is also a good idea, best to have the emotions aside. Was it really hard for you to say that to him? It makes me really nervous because it's like well, this might be it.. I may never hear from him again.

I haven't gotten to the point that you are, realizing why I don't want to be with him anyway.. I'm really not sure if I'll ever get there. I still love him and want us to be together more than anything.

What freaks me out the most is that he will be coming back down to San Diego in the next couple months and we have a lot of mutual friends, in fact I will be moving in with mutual friends in a couple weeks so we will see eachother. He did tell me that maybe we can come back together at some point, if not then it wasn't meant to be... Makes me uncomfortable and excited at the same time. I know when we see each other it will be interesting.. I don't know what the future holds.

Anyway, I will take your advice into consideration.. this is a toughie but I know it is for the best.

[TaraMaiden]

mimi, why are you so dependent on this cr*p?

What makes you think that hanging on will make any of this better, or yet, that there isn't something better - miles better - waiting for you round the corner?

Now, I can't promise you that 'round the corner' is going to be either immediate or predictable.

but this I can promise you:

the minute you stop believing that the happiness you seek is in any way connected to this guy - the more easily you will be able to shed the shyt, and live your life.

You have to stop thinking that a glimmer of hope exists.

 

He's already made it quite plain, there isn't.

He's already made it quite plain that you'll have to settle for something less than that which you seek.

He's already made it quite plain that by sticking with him, you'll have to compromise, but he won't.

 

Which bit of that is ok with you?

 

What of this do you feel that by prolonging the agony - will improve matters for you?

You started this on the 29th of August...That's 2 weeks ago.

What, during this time, has he ever done to change the POV he has?

nothing.

So who's got to change.....?

 

You have.

[ecm]

First let me say that I can't believe I've never even THOUGHT to get on s site like this to vent/ listen/learn, etc. So, this is pretty exciting to see that other people might have similar situations.

 

TaraMaiden- I read your posts and feel like you are fabulous, like you are the leader of all posts or something. I read your play-by-play answer to Mimi's "Over/ Not Over" and almost died. You have a lot of great things to say.

 

Mimiminx: I don't necessarily think it's 100% over. I think you obviously have feelings for each other. I believe I read earlier that he needed space and you didn't give it to him? What would you do if you asked for space and someone didn't give it to you? Feel crowded? Trapped? Try to escape? I would. It's so hard b/c I always think "space" involves someone else, so I never want to let them go. BUT, that's just insecurity. If they need to go to see that the grass isn't greener, you have to let them. We can't force them to stay b/c they'll just find another reasone to go later on. They need to come back on their own. It took me dating other people (on a PREVIOUS break) to realize what we had. Now I don't WANT my guy to meet someone else, but what if that is what it takes for him to realize what we have? I'm not saying your guys has met ANYONE else. But what if space is what he needs to realize what he has in you? You talking to him & giving him the opportunity to still have you on his terms will never make him realize. Other people might have already said this, but I didn't have time to read the entire thread. I think the way for you to give him an ultimatum is to not give him an ultimatum. You just need to cut it off. You need to tell him you're done. Don't tell him he needs to do anything. Since he ended it, he doens't deserve an explanantion why. I think if you're smart , he'll realize that you are fabulous and beautiful and he is maybe going to lose somoeone special. But, letting him know your feelings and that you'll wait is going to get you nowhere. I've done it all. Trust me, I've made every mistake imaginable. I know I'm all over the place, but I hope this helps. Make HIM wonder for once. And in the meantime, f-him.

[seoa]

Acting bored is also a good idea, best to have the emotions aside. Was it really hard for you to say that to him? It makes me really nervous because it's like well, this might be it.. I may never hear from him again.

 

I wasn't acting bored... I had convinced myself that NC was necessary, so to have him "waste" what was likely to be our final call with a 15 minute update on his work... Erm...

 

edit: and I couldn't work up 'anger' to initiate NC... I just wasn't angry with him at that point... I think I did it on 'sadness' - sad that he was so caught up in his issues, that he'd lost his perspective on what was important /not-important in a relationship... I knew I needed to let him go, so that he had space to work it out...

 

I haven't gotten to the point that you are, realizing why I don't want to be with him anyway.. I'm really not sure if I'll ever get there. I still love him and want us to be together more than anything.

 

Oh, I didn't get to this point while I was in LC... I don't think I ever could have done...

 

I went NC, knowing that (1) it was my best chance of getting him back, which I *desperately* wanted at that point, and (2) I would prefer to choose when we stopped talking rather than have him lose interest, and (3) I would never be "friends" with him - what, and have him discuss his new gf with me...?? But point 1 was the main reason... Do *whatever* is necessary to convince yourself that NC is the right thing - because it really, really is...

 

And I'm still not completely closed to the idea that he might come back and beg for me to reconsider, but he would have to work incredibly hard for me to take him seriously now... Which honestly, is the better way to have it... Because from everything I have seen, a second chance only works when the dumpee has to make a definite and absolute decision about coming back... If it's too easy for them to come back, then they're more likely to leave again...

 

I was really aware, even through my first few days /weeks of NC, that if he came back, I wasn't sufficiently strong enough to check out whether he really meant it or not...

 

So do as I did, and go NC because you *desperately* want him back... it really is your best option...

[TaraMaiden]

First let me say that I can't believe I've never even THOUGHT to get on s site like this to vent/ listen/learn, etc. So, this is pretty exciting to see that other people might have similar situations.

Ultimately, if you examine them, all these situations are exactly the same.

we all want to be understood, appreciated and loved.

That's the bottom line.

Every post, every rant, every vent, every lamentation, they're all saying the same thing.

'I think I deserve it, so why is it missing?'

 

 

TaraMaiden- I read your posts and feel like you are fabulous, like you are the leader of all posts or something. I read your play-by-play answer to Mimi's "Over/ Not Over" and almost died. You have a lot of great things to say.

 

Oh come on...please....no, don't. That's too much.

 

Oh, ok. if you say so.....

 

Seriously, you're very kind, but I just think from my heart.

 

I've come to learn that, in spite of my declaring that all situations are the same, people most assuredly are not.

Every individual is unique, every situation is different and every problem posted is like an iceberg.

We get to see the tip, but 9/10ths of it isn't visible to us.

But at other times, actually (especially after so much discussion) the issue becomes more apparent.... And in this case, bless her, mimi just needs to finally swallow the bitter pill of having to deal with this in a cut-and-dried way.

Which, when your heart is hanging on desperately by its fingernails, is hard to do. Especially when you're convinced it's an interminable drop....

 

Mimiminx: I don't necessarily think it's 100% over. (. . .) Make HIM wonder for once. And in the meantime, f-him.

 

Couldn't have put it any better myself.

 

Welcome to the discussion, ecm.

 

[seoa]

After I stumbled into this SECRET accidentally,, which many people didn't know at all..

To be honest I was skeptical at first, and Guess what? It really worked!

 

ha ha - advert, much... is someone gonna report this

[mimiminx]

Thank you everyone.

Tara M- you are right, yet again... I cannot depend on my happiness from him and I won't. I know that... I think honestly that I've had too much time on my hands to think about it, etc. I am really looking forward to moving in a couple weeks.. I've been alone in the apartment we shared together for over a month now and it's been awful. Once I move, I think I will have a different 'view' on everything. It's been going on too long now and it's only because I haven't done anything much about it. I'm taking one step forward and two steps back constantly. I think that going to see the therapist and spending as much time as possible in work, school, and friends is the best thing for me. Being alone with my thoughts is debilitating. I feel much stronger when I am busy, so maybe the key is to stay as busy as possible. Maybe you're right also, there might be something way better for me around the corner. Who knows. Anything is better than this cr*p!

Ecm- Thank you for what you said. Without really knowing the entire situation, I think you nailed it on the head! The initial issue was his "space" and now he's got it, now he can have all the space he wants!! And when he got a little taste of how being away from me maybe wasn't what he really wanted, he persisted. But you are right, me giving in to him while he's 'on the fence' or wherever he's at isn't good at all. I don't really think I have to respond or TELL him anything, you're right. I've pictured myself saying exactly that "I'm done" It's his loss right now, hopefully he's not such an idiot that he won't see that. All of our friends (his friends mainly) say he's such a fool.. they all love me and think I'm the greatest, they have never seen him as happy as when we were together. Oh well, it really is his loss.

Thank you everyone for your continued support. All of your encouragement, even if we are strangers, makes me feel stronger.

[Exit]

You continue to remind me of myself. I am only a few days past my personal point of finally saying "I'm done" instead of waiting for my ex to let me go. You will get to that point too. Today I made sure not to look at her MySpace or anything and stopped as many thoughts about her as I could manage, and I'm feeling really good.

 

Too much free time does just magnify the lonliness and makes you miss someone more than they may be worth missing. I was unemployed during the first few months of my breakup, had a job for about two months, then got let go again because they weren't making enough money. I definitely notice a difference in how bad I feel on the days I wake up with nothing to do.

 

I'm certain you will feel better once you are out of that apartment, you need a fresh environment.

 

You hung on because you love this person, nobody is blaming you for that. You did your best to find hope in his indecisiveness because it kept you going. I did the exact same thing. I did so much wrong in the relationship that I sat here for 4 months thinking "I deserve this". But I've paid my dues and put my regrets to good use by learning from them, and I no longer feel like suffering. You will reach that point too.

[9Lives]

That's a good idea... I like to get it down on paper first. You're right, it should be short and sweet and I am not going to be the one who calls him to tell him that.. he's gonna have to call me or contact me a few times. Acting bored is also a good idea, best to have the emotions aside. Was it really hard for you to say that to him? It makes me really nervous because it's like well, this might be it.. I may never hear from him again.

I haven't gotten to the point that you are, realizing why I don't want to be with him anyway.. I'm really not sure if I'll ever get there. I still love him and want us to be together more than anything.

What freaks me out the most is that he will be coming back down to San Diego in the next couple months and we have a lot of mutual friends, in fact I will be moving in with mutual friends in a couple weeks so we will see eachother. He did tell me that maybe we can come back together at some point, if not then it wasn't meant to be... Makes me uncomfortable and excited at the same time. I know when we see each other it will be interesting.. I don't know what the future holds.

Anyway, I will take your advice into consideration.. this is a toughie but I know it is for the best.

 

I telling you...YOU CANT HAVE A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP THIS WAY. I dont think you should get upset. I think you should respect what he is saying and take some time to clear your own head for you and your future.

 

Everyone is responsible for themselves okay. So he just made a big decision...a big move. He didnt ask you your opinon right? he just made the decision.

 

Now what is MIMI going to do that serves her best interest?

 

this is a very sticky situation. I dont know what exactly is the right answer but I do know you need time to sort out your thoughts and really think about whether you can trust this guy to NOT do it again and have you going thru this change again. I think something is missing and he doesnt know what it is.

[ecm]

Weird how people who don't know each other, living on different sides of the country can know My situation is similar, that's all. It's funny how all of the advice I/we love to share is sometimes easier said than done...

 

Yay for us. WE are the catches...not these d**che bags.

 

I'm sure my mother will appreciate the diminishing number of over-analyzing phone calls

[mimiminx]

this is a very sticky situation. I dont know what exactly is the right answer but I do know you need time to sort out your thoughts and really think about whether you can trust this guy to NOT do it again and have you going thru this change again. I think something is missing and he doesnt know what it is.

 

That's darn right something is missing and he doesn't know what that is... all of his friends and family will say the same thing. He is lost right now. Unfortunately, I can't be there for him to lean on in times of loneliness, sadness, etc. He had that when he was with me. He's trying to fulfill the void he has in his heart but I can't be there for him, just as he can't be here for me right now.

"You can go your own way.... you can call it another lonely day.."

That's how I'm feeling tonight. I've got to let him fly...

What's best for me is not to settle for less. I am attractive, smart, fun, loving, and kind. I feel like he's maybe taken me for granted and I deserve more. Once I start really, completely believing that, without the emotion of heartbreak and loss in the way, I think that will start radiating from me and it will be easier for me to take care of myself and my happiness... obviously my self-esteem has been low lately. I'm working on it.

[mimiminx]

Here I am again.. logged on to FB right now and he sends me a chat 'hi', then waits.. 'are you there?' I don't reply and then he sends me '???

After he said that I logged off. Ouch, my heart hurts. What else was I supposed to do, answer him? No, I don't think so. Imagine if I had jumped and responded. This was a step for me.. oh, now he's missing me, feeling bad that I won't reply... He is calling, texting, or contacting me in some form or another at least once a day, DAILY for over 3 weeks now.

This is f****ng ridiculous. This is the same thing that was happening last week. I know some of you all will tell me to delete him or block him... not there, just not there yet if at all.

The last phone convo we had, 2 days ago... he was telling me he loves me, etc. So now, while I am still unsure about how to put it to him, I have to ignore these breadcrumbs... again. I was writing it down tonight, what I have to say to him. This is really hard! Yes, many people will tell me to just say F him but I really am having a hard time doing that! He even said that he wouldn't blame me if I did say that to him. Yet if I did, I'm sure he would still probably be contacting me.. can't win, can I?

Sometimes it really helps me to get my strength and resolve with anything to write it out. So far this is what I've come up with "I'm really done with this. I need some distance/space." ( I do not have to, or will I explain anything.. it's just a decision I must make even though its gonna hurt like hell, but really this hurt isn't all that great either!)

I also have a few more pieces written down: (if he asks) "If it's anything important or urgent you can let me know", also as a sign-off "Take care of yourself..."

 

Again, i know many of you would tell me just say F off, it's all or nothing buddy, or whatever.. but I just have to be honest to myself, I am a very kind and sensitive person, I can say those things but I wouldn't be being true to my feelings. And in fact, I really don't want the distance, I really don't want to hear from him only when it's important, I really don't want any of this at all!!!

But ultimately I have to do this.. I must.

[georgia girl]

Mimi,

 

You are on this huge rollercoaster and, if you read from many of the posters here, it won't end happily. I believe when you allow an ex to stay in Limbo Land, you allow them to gradually heal from the loss of you and not only do you not reconcile (ever) but you stay hurt, angry and out of commission much longer.

 

You have all the tools you need to reclaim your life. While you want him, you also KNOW that you want a good relationship. One that meets your emotional and physical needs. Therefore, your ex is right. It is an ultimatum: he needs to choose.

 

I did that with my BF. When I hit no contact, he was relentless. But, I kept it up. And yes, I thought each time he contacted me and I didn't respond that this may be the last time he reaches out. But, I just couldn't settle. I knew I wouldn't get what I needed if I did. So, I held out and we are now back together (not saying that will happen to you, but that was our outcome). I waited until he came to me, ready to commit and ready to make real changes. I waited until he owned the decision to break up vs. blaming it on "compatability issues". I set the standard very high and will even admit to moving it a little higher when I believed that's what I needed.

 

My point is: If they really love you, they do come back. But right now, he doesn't even have the opportunity to miss you. It's great if he sits around and thinks about what you're doing. That was his choice to not know. Tell him to put his big boy pants on and deal with it. (My ex told me he recently that he had the loneliest summer of his life. While my heart squeezed at that thought, my head said, "That was your choice, big guy. Learn anything?")

 

Make the choice to choose you and a healthy relationship and get away from the bad. Right now, both of you are ruining any chance for a reconciliation with all of this emotional damage you're doing to each other.

[ecm]

Mimi- it sucks, but it's a game. If you are meant to be together for a LIFETIME, it will be worth the pain you'r feeling right now. And, the few weeks you have to play a game BACK at him won't seem like very much time at all. I am pretty straightforward with guys/ friends/ everyone and I like to be like that. Unfortunately, sometimes you have to behave in a game-like manner. HE IS doing it, so do it back and do it better or this "test" will be the first of many he puts you through. You need to show him now that he can't do things like this. EVEN if he needs his space, he can't "mess" with you. And once again...in the meantime... f him. Have a good day being fabulous. If you didn't watch the VMAs, go google lady gaga's performance. Wack, wack, wack...with a side of brilliant. It will make you smile.

[wondering_girl]

hi guys, i wish i had a button to make the heartache go away too, me and my bf of 4 years had a petty argument for me simply misplacing something, and as stubborn as he is he did the silent treatment, we went NC for 2 weeks, and at his first attempt to talk, i wasn't able to, i attempted contact on week 3 and he said he was ready to talk, but after telling him how i feel on how he treated me all he said was "guess i'm not ready to talk" i feel like i'm lost in the dark with an i love you sign, but no one is there to read it, this is also the first time i called him out on this "silent treatment" behavior that is unfair to me.... the last thing i said to him and texted him after going to dinner is whenever you're ready i'm here to talk...

 

a part of me wants to hang into the hope that he'll come around to his senses and realize what he did, another part thinks that he's doing this so i'll break up with him first, and another part just wants to say, forget it i deserve better, i'm confused i want to "let go" but i can't.... i feel like i'm in mimi's situation where i still have that hope but would like it removed.....

[mimiminx]

Mimi,

 

You are on this huge rollercoaster and, if you read from many of the posters here, it won't end happily. I believe when you allow an ex to stay in Limbo Land, you allow them to gradually heal from the loss of you and not only do you not reconcile (ever) but you stay hurt, angry and out of commission much longer.

 

You have all the tools you need to reclaim your life. While you want him, you also KNOW that you want a good relationship. One that meets your emotional and physical needs. Therefore, your ex is right. It is an ultimatum: he needs to choose.

 

I did that with my BF. When I hit no contact, he was relentless. But, I kept it up. And yes, I thought each time he contacted me and I didn't respond that this may be the last time he reaches out. But, I just couldn't settle. I knew I wouldn't get what I needed if I did. So, I held out and we are now back together (not saying that will happen to you, but that was our outcome). I waited until he came to me, ready to commit and ready to make real changes. I waited until he owned the decision to break up vs. blaming it on "compatability issues". I set the standard very high and will even admit to moving it a little higher when I believed that's what I needed.

 

My point is: If they really love you, they do come back. But right now, he doesn't even have the opportunity to miss you. It's great if he sits around and thinks about what you're doing. That was his choice to not know. Tell him to put his big boy pants on and deal with it. (My ex told me he recently that he had the loneliest summer of his life. While my heart squeezed at that thought, my head said, "That was your choice, big guy. Learn anything?")

 

Make the choice to choose you and a healthy relationship and get away from the bad. Right now, both of you are ruining any chance for a reconciliation with all of this emotional damage you're doing to each other.

 

Thank you Georgia Girl. I have been avoiding talking with him but I do have to say something. I will ASAP. Maybe "put your big boy pants on"

Yes, my worst fear is that me talking to him will slowly wean him off of me until he doesn't need me anymore. It's not like I'm saying (as he claimed) "Be with me or never speak to me again". It's more like, if you can make a commitment, talk to me. If not, don't.?? I definitely don't want to tarnish our relationship, what we had or have. Me ignoring him without saying anything might be the best idea, I don't know. I want to get off this rollercoaster and I will ASAP. I know I deserve better, I do believe that. I'll be fine...

[ecm]

Thank you Georgia Girl. I have been avoiding talking with him but I do have to say something. I will ASAP. Maybe "put your big boy pants on" .

 

Mimi- if he said he needed space, laying down an ultimatum is the WORST thing you can do. He moved away and is telling you he still loves you. If you FORCE him to make a decision, it might be a decision you won't like. How do you react if someone forces you to do something you aren't ready to do? Do i think he needs a smack in the teeth? Yes I do. But you can hit him where it counts by not "being there" when he calls you or texts you or contacts you. My ex goes completely MIA when he gets spooked (In other words any time his "big boy pants" are even in the room). He doesn't respond to texts, calls, anything...it has been for months when we were "off" (a few years ago) He KNOWS it's horribly rude, but he is a coward. I would MUCH rather have him say "I need a break" than go completely MIA. Anyway, the other day I didn't feel like responding to HIM. 1st he called: sent him to voicemail. Next: a text "what's up? " Nothing. It is so sad but I finally go to show him what it feels like. Not even 24 hours and he was flipping out. So...I would not recommend an ultimatum. You have to regain control of the situation. You can do it very easily...make him wonder. You can't do that by talking, texting, or telling him you love him. You CERTAINLY can't do that by giving him an ultimatum. Giiiiiiirl- use your head

[seoa]

So far this is what I've come up with "I'm really done with this. I need some distance/space." ( I do not have to, or will I explain anything.. it's just a decision I must make even though its gonna hurt like hell, but really this hurt isn't all that great either!)

 

I also have a few more pieces written down: (if he asks) "If it's anything important or urgent you can let me know", also as a sign-off "Take care of yourself..."

 

but I just have to be honest to myself, I am a very kind and sensitive person, I can say those things but I wouldn't be being true to my feelings.

 

 

If you tell him "I am hurting now", or anything similar, then you will be pushing him away...

 

Do you want to push him away...?

 

Stop verbalising the 'being true to yourself' - because that is pushing him away...

 

Just get on with the truth... and give him the space that he is asking for with his actions... don't listen to what he's saying, listen to what he's doing...

 

As everyone else is saying, it's the best chance you have for getting him back...

 

Edit: essentially what you want to say to him is: you have chosen to end this relationship, I accept your choice, so I am moving on... Thanks, it's been wonderful... Goodbye...

[seoa]

It's not like I'm saying (as he claimed) "Be with me or never speak to me again".

 

It's more like, if you can make a commitment, talk to me. If not, don't.??

 

I'm sorry... how are these two sentences different..? They sound exactly the same to me...

 

The difference is: if you say it (which you currently are) while 'demanding' he chooses - that's an ultimatum... If you say it because it's you who have made the choice, then it's just something he has to accept... He is not choosing his response - you are telling him how things are going to be - communication is over, because 'you are done'... You don't really care (in a sense!) what he does in response to that, because the decision is made...

 

That will free him to make (or not make) the decision that you want him to make...

[Surfer Girl]

When it comes down to it... do what he wants... space, no committment.... Respect yourself enough to say.... I value what I have and if you can't accept it... F U..... tough love.... bottom line with NC... you will know if he really wants you.... he will make the effort... you already experienced it with NC.... you felt in your heart you had to reply.... when you were so suprised he contacted you.... Now that he knows you will respond..... he can validate and feel good you are still there for him..... You may think NC will drive him away..... but in the end... he responded more when you didn't respond.... and he keeps in touch to validate.... Has he apologized, said he can't live without you... whatever it takes.... most likely not.... It is not about if I don't respond he will go away.... It is about.... does he love me enough to want to committ with me.....and if I keep responding I won't ever know!!!!!

[mimiminx]

Thank you so much everyone for your input. I'm trying to take as much as possible into consideration, but this is a draft I have come up with, I'd like to send it today. Rather than ignoring and avoiding, I think letting him know is the better option at this point. I say that because if I do that again, eventually he'll keep calling, trying to contact me and I will be in the same place as I've been for 3 weeks.

Here's what I got so far ( I am planning on sending this tonight):

"R,

I can't do this anymore. You made a choice to end the relationship and have your space, and asked me to respect you and your decision. Now I am asking you to respect me and my decision. The bottom line is, I deserve more than this. I cannot be just your friend. I want more than that and you don't and/or you can't give that to me. You're sending me far too many mixed messages and I can't stand being hopeful then crushed constantly. Undoubtedly we will talk again, but for now I need some distance. If there is anything significant or urgent, of course I care about you, if you choose to tell me. You broke up with me because you were unhappy. I feel that we absolutely did not have a bad relationship, there were issues of concern but as a big picture, it's been more than beautiful and full of love to me. I want to leave it at that... I don't want to drag this out and for there to ever be anything bad between us. More than anything in the world I want you to be happy. And I want to be happy too.

 

Love always, M"

 

This is absolutely as honest as I can get. To say or not say anything else I think I might regret it. Any thoughts?

 

Is this too much? Or is it better that I just go tough love and NC without any explanation? The reason I am not just ignoring him and I feel that I have to let him know is because we spent several hours on the phone two days ago, the communication lines were open, and I feel he is probably in the dark about why I haven't responded. This is undoubtedly the hardest thing I've had to do.

I don't want to give an ultimatum straight out. I agree with many people here that is a bad idea. Instead, I am the one making the choice, not leaving it up to him.. I feel giving an ultimatum puts more responsibility in the other person's hands rather than your own. If I don't make a decision, he sure as hell won't!

Any opinions before I send this are more than welcome. I'm waiting until later tonight.

[mimiminx]

My final draft.. going to run it by a good friend and will send it tonight or tomorrow.

 

"R,

I can't do this anymore. You made a choice to end the relationship and have your space, and asked me to respect you and your decision.

 

Now I am asking you to respect me and my happiness. The bottom line is, I want more than this. I cannot be just your friend. I want much more than

that from you and you are unable to give that to me. I am very confused by your mixed messages and I can't stand being hopeful then crushed constantly. Undoubtedly we will talk again at some point, but for now I need some distance. If you come to the point where you do truly want to make this work as a couple, then by all means I am open to hearing from you and we can see where that goes.

 

You broke up with me because you were unhappy. I feel that we absolutely did not have a bad relationship, there were issues of concern but as a big picture, it's been more than beautiful and full of true love from both sides in my view. I want to leave it at that... I don't want to drag this out and for there to EVER be anything bad or hurtful between us. I think it's very important for us to have respect for each other. It would be a shame for us to lose that.

 

More than anything in the world I want you to be happy. And I want to be happy too.

 

Love always,

M"

 

 

 

 

 

 

By far the hardest and best thing I can do....

[Exit]

Sounds like a good letter to me. Honest and to the point. You just have to follow through and make sure you cut any remaining strings once you send it. Good luck.

[mimiminx]

I will follow through, no doubt about it. Although he does love me and has very strong feelings for me, I cannot and will not be second or on the back burner to him or anyone. I deserve to be in the full spotlight. He always, always had me in his spotlight but now, his own selfishness is getting in the way. He's subconsciously, or consciously keeping me on the hook and making sure I'm still 'around' IF he changes his mind. That is beneath me and something I will not or ever settle for from anyone. It is 6 weeks to the day that he left. This is it... The "strings" are the phone bill we share. I am most likely going to get my own plan as soon as I am able to do so.

[ecm]

My final draft.. going to run it by a good friend and will send it tonight or tomorrow.

 

"R,

I can't do this anymore. You made a choice to end the relationship and have your space, and asked me to respect you and your decision.

 

Now I am asking you to respect me and my happiness. The bottom line is, I want more than this. I cannot be just your friend. I want much more than

that from you and you are unable to give that to me. I am very confused by your mixed messages and I can't stand being hopeful then crushed constantly. Undoubtedly we will talk again at some point, but for now I need some distance. If you come to the point where you do truly want to make this work as a couple, then by all means I am open to hearing from you and we can see where that goes.

 

You broke up with me because you were unhappy. I feel that we absolutely did not have a bad relationship, there were issues of concern but as a big picture, it's been more than beautiful and full of true love from both sides in my view. I want to leave it at that... I don't want to drag this out and for there to EVER be anything bad or hurtful between us. I think it's very important for us to have respect for each other. It would be a shame for us to lose that.

 

More than anything in the world I want you to be happy. And I want to be happy too.

 

Love always,

M"

 

Hi again, Mimi. I just tried to underline the things I'd leave out. It's just my opinion, though. So...good luck (BTW, I went back to read some more of the "back story"... sooo similar. If you lived in New York, I'd think we were dating the same dip-sh*t coward