advice needed

[sylvia]

Hi,

 

I have a situation right now that I'm finding hard. I'm happily married to a terrific man. Recently, another man with whom I have a professional relationship has recently been subtly hinting he's attracted to me and flirting with me. Initially I didn't believe it, then I was flattered (I'll admit the attraction is mutual- if I was single, I would definitely be very interested but I'm not single). However, it also makes me quite uncomfortable. I feel that I could not ever cheat on my husband and break the trust between us. So, I started mentioning my husband quite frequently as a way of letting this man know that I'm not available. He's backed off (and seems to be avoiding me.) Before to realizing he had an interest in me- we had a very good working relationship and I hoped that someday we'd have a good platonic friendship when the professional relationship was finished. I'll admit I'm disappointed as I did try to handle this situation as gracefully as possible to not bruise his feelings. I'm trying to remain professional-friendly (but no hints of flirting) but I'm disappointed in this reaction (to me, it appears like he's sulking. Guys is this a normal reaction for someone in this situation?)

 

Any advice? Is this type of reaction to be expected? Any advice?

[Tony T]

He's not necessarily sulking but that may be a small part it.

 

There are some men (and women) who really want nothing to do with others if it's not on their terms. This guy's agenda, from the very beginning, was to ultimately seduce you into much for than a working relationship. He now sees that as an impossibilty so he's moved on (and probably to someone else in the same workplace). He can probably make friends with females he is not interested in for any other purpose.

 

This is not unusual in normal dating situations. If someone has their sites on another and is rejected, a platonic relationship is rarely opted for...and that's a good thing.

 

It is really dishonest, and quite brutal to one's constitution, to carry on a friendship with someone you're just itching to smack on the lips and maybe more.

 

The honorable thing to do, when two people's agendas for an association clash or are otherwise incompatible (such and yours and your male co-worker) is just to forget the whole matter. It is possible, but doubtful, that in the future he could normalize a realtionship without thinking about you in terms other than friendship.

 

Even though this is just a fact of life, it is nevertheless painful for both because neither gets want they really want from the other. In this case, he wants some romance and you want a good friend and buddy.

 

I wish it could be different...but I didn't have any say when the world was designed.

 

P.S. I have tremendous admiration and respect for you in sticking to your marriage committment and ruling out an affair here. You would be surprised how many people would have gone for this situation. It's refreshing to know there are still some people out there who honor their wedding vows and their word.

[Ajay]

Sylvia: No advice here, I just wanted to commend you for backing the guy off --let him sulk, he'll get over it. I think you did the right thing.

Hi, I have a situation right now that I'm finding hard. I'm happily married to a terrific man. Recently, another man with whom I have a professional relationship has recently been subtly hinting he's attracted to me and flirting with me. Initially I didn't believe it, then I was flattered (I'll admit the attraction is mutual- if I was single, I would definitely be very interested but I'm not single). However, it also makes me quite uncomfortable. I feel that I could not ever cheat on my husband and break the trust between us. So, I started mentioning my husband quite frequently as a way of letting this man know that I'm not available. He's backed off (and seems to be avoiding me.) Before to realizing he had an interest in me- we had a very good working relationship and I hoped that someday we'd have a good platonic friendship when the professional relationship was finished. I'll admit I'm disappointed as I did try to handle this situation as gracefully as possible to not bruise his feelings. I'm trying to remain professional-friendly (but no hints of flirting) but I'm disappointed in this reaction (to me, it appears like he's sulking. Guys is this a normal reaction for someone in this situation?) Any advice? Is this type of reaction to be expected? Any advice?

[Miranda]

You renew my faith in humankind. Thanks.

[Somewhat Healed]

I'm young but I wish that I will marry someone like you.

 

You did the right thing. This guy is probably just uncomfortable about it. In a couple of weeks everything should be fine...

[billy the kid]

Sylvia, if I read your post correctly you handled it great, now leave it alone and go back to work, I mean you do love your husband, right? so that is where your heart needs to be. people both men and women get flirted with on the job all the time, I really think you have handled this great so far so move on...

Hi, I have a situation right now that I'm finding hard. I'm happily married to a terrific man. Recently, another man with whom I have a professional relationship has recently been subtly hinting he's attracted to me and flirting with me. Initially I didn't believe it, then I was flattered (I'll admit the attraction is mutual- if I was single, I would definitely be very interested but I'm not single). However, it also makes me quite uncomfortable. I feel that I could not ever cheat on my husband and break the trust between us. So, I started mentioning my husband quite frequently as a way of letting this man know that I'm not available. He's backed off (and seems to be avoiding me.) Before to realizing he had an interest in me- we had a very good working relationship and I hoped that someday we'd have a good platonic friendship when the professional relationship was finished. I'll admit I'm disappointed as I did try to handle this situation as gracefully as possible to not bruise his feelings. I'm trying to remain professional-friendly (but no hints of flirting) but I'm disappointed in this reaction (to me, it appears like he's sulking. Guys is this a normal reaction for someone in this situation?) Any advice? Is this type of reaction to be expected? Any advice?

[good job]

I dont really have any advice for you because I think you did exactly the right thing.

 

I just wanted to commend you for choosing to honor your wedding vows. There are alot of people out there who would not have such high morals under such temptation.

 

I think this guy will come around and respect the kind of woman you are. His ego is probably just a little bruised.