The Collector Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 Glacier, how long have you been with this woman? Any children or planned? Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 No I provide for her because I love her. I am going to humor you and pretend you are a "stallion." Isn't providing for her your duty? Do you only do it out of love? So, when you do not feel that you love her, then you can simply quit working? No woman should have to worry about supporting themselves and their man. Actually, many women want to feel as if they are a part of the household. To feel as a nobody makes them feel less important..not loved. Even if their husband is a lawyer or something , this does not make them feel loved because they don't have to work. However, if they are a lazy fat mare, perhaps then they would like this. If I had to send my woman to work to pick up my slack I'd take myself out back. I am not sure where anyone here said they have to send their wife to work, but many women enjoy it for the fact that if their stallion wanders then they have a backup plan. A good husband would "let" his wife work so that she can feel that independence. If she wants to work that's fine with me. But she doesn't need to. So, if she wants to and wants to make the house a richer place, then will you "let" her contribute? She doesn't have to do dishes. If she wants to she can. Okay, now you are leaving reality in your persona here. I doubt that anyone should be in a marriage with someone who can be as lazy as they want. It is not healthy for the wife or the husband. She don't have to work to provide for me and she don't ask me to put on a skirt. That's our 50/50. I'm man she's woman. Okay, so much for feminism here. The man is better than the woman. Yup. Got it. And I guess the woman should wear the skirt and no pants. Sounds mighty fishy. She doesn't have to work. She doesn't have to keep the house. All she has to do is sip martinis and watch soaps. Yee haw. BTW, you keep slipping from Texas drawl back to decent English off and on. Y'all might want to correct that. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 Glacier, how long have you been with this "woman?" About three days. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 Men don't please a woman by washing dishes and ironing clothes. I work hard to give my woman everything she wants. I provide. I don't ask my woman to provide. If she wants to spend 7 days a week going shopping or hanging around a spa (or whatever it is women like to do) I'm only too happy to see her do it. She needs more, I get her more. Cause I love her. On my ranch the mares follow the strong stallion and that is who they want to mate with. Weaker stallions don't get a shake. Natural order. You guys paying for it or thinkin' about paying for it gotta feel real bad about yourself as a man. No disrespect here, but you don't sound like her mate or partner, you sound like her servant. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy doing things for my wife, and I don't mind going the extra mile at times, but she does for me as well. I'm hearing alot of material things you are doing for her. Maybe she wants more of you in other ways too, besides spa treatments, and shopping etc. Its kind of like if you are the provider for all, then it makes her more dependent on you. I would want a woman who is not dependent on me to always provide for her. Link to post Share on other sites
angie2443 Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 You let your mare get away with this crap?? Not in my corral, buddy. She's probably a "kept" woman. She probably wears foo foo clothes and always has her hair and nails done. She probably greats him with a drink (for him) in her hand when he comes home from work. Either that, or this guy's just having fun with some of the people on this thread. Link to post Share on other sites
angie2443 Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 Actually, many women want to feel as if they are a part of the household. . Like a piece of furniture? This sounds insultive and I must be misunderstanding what you meant. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 On my ranch the mares follow the strong stallion and that is who they want to mate with. Weaker stallions don't get a shake. This is like a bad Bonanza rerun. Tell us Glacier, since you make all the money (hay? feed?) on your ranch, do you also make the major financial decisions? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
mem11363 Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 Juniper, I agree totally that the man needs to pull his weight overall. When I worked 60+ hours a week and travelled a lot my wife told me that pulling my weight was playing with the kids and helping with their math homework, and spending time in and out of bed with her. Full stop. No dishes, laundry etc. When my work schedule was 40 hours a week I stepped up without being asked and started doing more housework - just to be a decent partner. Nothing to do with sex. My guess is that in most situations, the man quickly steps up if the wife says "baby - I am getting angry you aren't helping me enough - and that is killing the mood for me, so if you want me to feel lovin "in" bed, you need to be more considerate/lovin "out" of bed. But that is different then these sad stories where the women have a sexual aversion to their men and then when asked by a MC they simply ask for the man to do the thing that improves the wife's quality of life the most, which is for him to be a full time maid. The net result is the man then frantically - this is a man who has been starved of sex for a while already - so he frantically throws himself into the housework, the kid homework assistance role, the cooking, etc. in a desperate attempt to get his wife to have sex with him more. What is awful about this is that this behavior makes him look weak and desperate which turns her off even more, and it leaves him feeling frustrated and resentful as he realizes over time that she is getting 100 percent of what she wants from him and it has changed nothing with regard to his needs. But I bet it is almost unheard of for a woman in counseling to say: "I need you to go back to being that guy I met who had just the right amount of edgy masculinity. You weren't a jerk, or abusive, but you sure didn't put up with being jerked around by me or anybody else. You were strong and strong willed. You have let yourself get out of shape physically, which is a drag but much worse. You have let me succeed in fully domesticating you - and it is a total turn off. You do everything I ask, you are always trying to please me, you have turned into the most repellant type of male in the world - a WEAK male." I imagine some of the women don't fully understand why they are turned off, others aren't willing to say this for fear it will end the relationship, and some simply like having a male housepet who is totally controllable by any type of sexual crumb she wishes to throw at him. As for the men who deny their wives sex. They are every bit as cruel to do so - and every bit as dishonest and deceptive about why. I am just lucky my wife knows that a happy, fully sexually satisfied male is great fun to be with, to be around and is - if you pick the right guy - totally loyal to you. Do you feel if you didn't work hard, to provide for your woman and give her whats she wants/needs, that she would leave you? I think its quite admirable of you to bust your butt, however, you shouldn't have to work so hard at something that should be 50/50. Link to post Share on other sites
jasminetea Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 Mem1363, you describe my feelings about sex within a relationship almost exactly. I think my husband's take on the situation is very similar to yours too:) Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 Either that, or this "guy's" just having fun with some of the people on this thread. Bingo...assumption made that it is a guy. Like a piece of furniture? This sounds insultive and I must be misunderstanding what you meant. Sorry, it was not meant to be that. There is a tinge of sarcasm added based on what I was responding to. But that is different then these sad stories where the women have a sexual aversion to their men and then when asked by a MC they simply ask for the man to do the thing that improves the wife's quality of life the most, which is for him to be a full time maid. The net result is the man then frantically - this is a man who has been starved of sex for a while already - so he frantically throws himself into the housework, the kid homework assistance role, the cooking, etc. in a desperate attempt to get his wife to have sex with him more. What is awful about this is that this behavior makes him look weak and desperate which turns her off even more, and it leaves him feeling frustrated and resentful as he realizes over time that she is getting 100 percent of what she wants from him and it has changed nothing with regard to his needs. Well said. Been there done that...and probably am still doing it. If we don't have sex, then it is "How can you expect me to enjoy it when you are not doing ....., or such and such needs to be done?" Me: "So if I start doing such and such more, then you will feel in the mood?" Her: "No that is not what I mean." But I do do those things and when I wonder why she is not appreciative in ways that I find rewarding, then I get: "So you think the band should play every time you help out?" "Sex is not a reward." This was in the past, and I know I am not that way anymore because I have learned that these are excuses. In fact, I think I have heard all of the excuses. That is why I gave up trying. Now I do these things because I have some children that need me. Seems like you got it all figured out then. So why are you payin for a woman? I am not. Where did you get that idea? Link to post Share on other sites
mem11363 Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 JamesM, If you ask your wife the questions below, it will prompt an interesting conversation. If you are in a sexless/low sex marriage consider two core questions: - How much does your wife truly love you/care about your happiness? - How much does your wife like/dislike having sex with you? Lets say you could score that -5 to 5 for both questions. The only answers that "make sense" are the ones where her sexual aversion is stronger then her care for your happiness. - If care about happiness is high (like a 4) - And her view of sex with you is "neutral" - (0) Then she won't starve you. For a starved man this becomes his focus, but he lets his wife change the conversation so it is about him and his flaws. But that is not true. It is about how she "feels" about you. And the answer sadly is very ugly. Because if you really believe that her care for your happiness/her true love for you is a 4, then you have to accept that her view of sex with you is a -5. In a lot of cases her "body" responds to how alpha you are. If at some "base" level of interaction she perceives you as weak, then her body is going to tell her to avoid having sex with you. Weakness is a huge turnoff for women. Probably the biggest turn off of them all. So for the occassional guy whose woman says to him that one time - "you aren't man enough for me" - that is the ultimate answer. Bingo...assumption made that it is a guy. Sorry, it was not meant to be that. There is a tinge of sarcasm added based on what I was responding to. Well said. Been there done that...and probably am still doing it. If we don't have sex, then it is "How can you expect me to enjoy it when you are not doing ....., or such and such needs to be done?" Me: "So if I start doing such and such more, then you will feel in the mood?" Her: "No that is not what I mean." But I do do those things and when I wonder why she is not appreciative in ways that I find rewarding, then I get: "So you think the band should play every time you help out?" "Sex is not a reward." This was in the past, and I know I am not that way anymore because I have learned that these are excuses. In fact, I think I have heard all of the excuses. That is why I gave up trying. Now I do these things because I have some children that need me. I am not. Where did you get that idea? Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 Men don't please a woman by trying to please her. The number one element in female attraction if respect and she will respect a man puts his foot down. If you bust your ass to provide her with shopping sprees she will be screwing your best while you are doing it. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 50/50 me being a man her being a woman. JamesM, where are you comin' from? She's my queen. I'm her king. And we've got no problems. I think a guy's got about as much business talkin' about feminism as a white guy does about slavery. You wanna know what your woman is thinking ask her like the other fella says. You wanna know what she wants to be happy ask her and make it happen. Women don't like dandies. Anybody remember the Monty Python epidsode, where John Cleese plays a cowboy? Link to post Share on other sites
Toodamnpragmatic Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 Mem we get it how great sex is, what a wonderful relationship you have and that you two are in great shape and she has sex because she loves you and that you love massages and have raging hard-ons while having them. Glacier, you are successful and the king of the castle and your wife the queen and that analogies to farm animals are the best way to explain relationships. RedDevil thanks for reiterating all the failings of males in sexless marriages... Lizzie we too know that you are the true prototype for today's sexually free female/cougar, who can at 57 do it for men 30 years younger and that men are mere putty in your hands..... James, Gitto and JohnDoe1957 (and may be me to some extent), we are a pretty pathetic bunch, who just don't get it aren't we????? Link to post Share on other sites
angie2443 Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 Mem we get it how great sex is, what a wonderful relationship you have and that you two are in great shape and she has sex because she loves you and that you love massages and have raging hard-ons while having them. Glacier, you are successful and the king of the castle and your wife the queen and that analogies to farm animals are the best way to explain relationships. RedDevil thanks for reiterating all the failings of males in sexless marriages... Lizzie we too know that you are the true prototype for today's sexually free female/cougar, who can at 57 do it for men 30 years younger and that men are mere putty in your hands..... James, Gitto and JohnDoe1957 (and may be me to some extent), we are a pretty pathetic bunch, who just don't get it aren't we????? You're developing a sense of humor! This is a good thing:). Link to post Share on other sites
Toodamnpragmatic Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 You're developing a sense of humor! This is a good thing:). Always had one...... Maybe Angie2443 my problem is that sometimes women don't get it???? Link to post Share on other sites
Author JohnDoe1957 Posted September 3, 2009 Author Share Posted September 3, 2009 Mem we get it how great sex is, what a wonderful relationship you have and that you two are in great shape and she has sex because she loves you and that you love massages and have raging hard-ons while having them. Glacier, you are successful and the king of the castle and your wife the queen and that analogies to farm animals are the best way to explain relationships. RedDevil thanks for reiterating all the failings of males in sexless marriages... Lizzie we too know that you are the true prototype for today's sexually free female/cougar, who can at 57 do it for men 30 years younger and that men are mere putty in your hands..... James, Gitto and JohnDoe1957 (and may be me to some extent), we are a pretty pathetic bunch, who just don't get it aren't we????? I think I understand the nuances of my situation. I've done A LOT of introspection and flown this past a dozen people. The crux of it all is that she flatly refuses to even acknowledge that we have a problem. True, this isn't a gender-specific thing... men have just as many instances of failing to recognize problems too. The options are get help or get out. It's not a decision to be made lightly. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 She lights up like a firefly when I walk in the room. What more could I ask for? I have everything a man could want and more. Success, the love of a woman I love. Simple. If she's your woman why wouldn't you want to provide for her. Give her everything her heart desires... she givin' me mine. I don't mind dependence on me 'cause I deliver. I provide for my wife as well. She helps to provide too, because she chooses to. Its pretty much equal here. Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 So for the occassional guy whose woman says to him that one time - "you aren't man enough for me" - that is the ultimate answer. cheers... that was me! I should have acted on it 15 years ago... but then she retracted everything... now I know she was lying and that she really meant it... sad, but true... Link to post Share on other sites
Toodamnpragmatic Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 I think I understand the nuances of my situation. I've done A LOT of introspection and flown this past a dozen people. The crux of it all is that she flatly refuses to even acknowledge that we have a problem. True, this isn't a gender-specific thing... men have just as many instances of failing to recognize problems too. The options are get help or get out. It's not a decision to be made lightly. Trust me, I and others understand. The easy answer for many is to sit her down, tell her we are seeing a counselor and going to discuss this or I am out.... Going through with it is not so easy. Link to post Share on other sites
jasminetea Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Trust me, I and others understand. The easy answer for many is to sit her down, tell her we are seeing a counselor and going to discuss this or I am out.... Going through with it is not so easy. So, basically, for you, the cons of not having sex don't yet outweigh the pros of being married. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodamnpragmatic Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 So, basically, for you, the cons of not having sex don't yet outweigh the pros of being married. Missing your point and I am stoopid. Being able to tell your spouse that lack of sex is tearing apart your marriage and that we (and you individually) are off to therapy and if this does not improve I'm leaving is no easy feat to pull off. Link to post Share on other sites
jasminetea Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 No, I'm sorry, I didn't express it well. You said "Going through with [telling her you're leaving or you're seeing a counsellor] is not so easy". People are only really motivated to change things when they become intolerable. i.e. if its not so easy to change your marriage, then things as they are can't be intolerable, just yet. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 So, basically, for you, the cons of not having sex don't yet outweigh the pros of being married. I can answer that, and you are correct. There are more benefits to marriage than just sex. However, since it is lacking, then I post here searching for answers. Surprisingly, it is not my focus all day. Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 I can answer that, and you are correct. There are more benefits to marriage than just sex. However, since it is lacking, then I post here searching for answers. Until the children grow up? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts