What are you doing tonight?

[MissRight]

You're right. This is definitely helping.

I feel better already just knowing I'm not alone in this.

[caramel c]

I know its very hard and no matter how how good our poker face is it still hurts inside. My ex when he left he didnt give me any reason he just said " I feel like you dont love me like you use to" and that was that but later on I found out there was someone else and he has been cheating on me with her for a month. Well as it turns out this girl is crazy and he learned the hard way that the grass is not alwasy greener but its too late for him on my side.

 

Well thats a really jerk move, not even being honest. I'm sure that was terribly hard to swallow. I can't imagine finding out there was someone else. Sucks!!!!

 

He prepped me for about a week before the breakup with his issues that I had no idea about before. And when he called that Monday morning & broke up with me he just said 'i cant do this' and right away he started apologizing, saying 'i never meant to hurt you' and 'im sorry, I'm so sorry to do this to you' and even though I was dying I just said 'its ok, I will be ok, and you will be ok. everything is going to be ok. i hope you find what you're looking for' and I hung up. that was the break up. a phone call that lasted 5 min.

[MissRight]

Caramel, you have to be kidding. That was the phone call? You're so strong. I'm the type to beg and plead and be a fool. Then I feel like a complete tool about it later.

I can't believe you were that cool with it when he told you. Wow!~

 

 

I just said 'its ok, I will be ok, and you will be ok. everything is going to be ok. i hope you find what you're looking for' and I hung up. that was the break up. a phone call that lasted 5 min.

[Peanut9330]

Well thats a really jerk move, not even being honest. I'm sure that was terribly hard to swallow. I can't imagine finding out there was someone else. Sucks!!!!

 

He prepped me for about a week before the breakup with his issues that I had no idea about before. And when he called that Monday morning & broke up with me he just said 'i cant do this' and right away he started apologizing, saying 'i never meant to hurt you' and 'im sorry, I'm so sorry to do this to you' and even though I was dying I just said 'its ok, I will be ok, and you will be ok. everything is going to be ok. i hope you find what you're looking for' and I hung up. that was the break up. a phone call that lasted 5 min.

 

Wow when my ex called my Monday morning when I was at WORK lol after he said that little line he said exactly what your ex said to you, interesting how so many people expariance the same thing, but my reaction was not as cool as yours I started crying didnt know what to do I felt like I was in the twilight zone. When I think about it now it makes me so angry that he didnt even have the balls to do it face to face and that he called me at work on monday morning to do it.

[caramel c]

Caramel, you have to be kidding. That was the phone call? You're so strong. I'm the type to beg and plead and be a fool. Then I feel like a complete tool about it later.

I can't believe you were that cool with it when he told you. Wow!~

 

How bout I CAN'T BELIEVE IT EITHER? I have not always handled breakups this way. I just knew that I could not act a fool this time. I was shocked too, devastated, and blindsighted. The emotions just werent there yet. When I went home that day I just said to myself, no matter how much I crack I will not act crazy, I will not call and ask him questions, I will not! I knew that this is not my fault. I had no regrets in this relationship and I did NOT want to have any regrets in the breakup. So far I still have none. That is a good feeling.

 

But the downside to this is he got let off REALLY EASY. He doesn't know what this has done to me...i mean I guess thats good and bad. I'm not sure.

[caramel c]

Wow when my ex called my Monday morning when I was at WORK lol after he said that little line he said exactly what your ex said to you, interesting how so many people expariance the same thing, but my reaction was not as cool as yours I started crying didnt know what to do I felt like I was in the twilight zone. When I think about it now it makes me so angry that he didnt even have the balls to do it face to face and that he called me at work on monday morning to do it.

 

OMG that is crazy that you went through the mon morning phone call break up too. Wow.

 

Well, I hung up too fast to cry. I hung up, stared at my phone for a few minutes and closed my eyes. I looked up and said (to God) please help me. I was cool until I went home. Then I got emotional.

[icyness]

And you know what, I am learning this about myself right now. I"m not as strong as I seem. I behave like I'm the strongest person in the world, but inside I am a mess. I am damaged, no lie. I just pull it off really well I guess. I feel powerless and hurt.

 

I know exactly what you mean. I put on a brave face for those around me, but inside I feel another part of me is shutting down everyday, I'm miserable.

It's weird how at first you want to let it out as much as possible all the time to anyone and everyone who will listen, but then as the pain goes on, it's almost easier to just keep it tucked away inside because there's just nothing you can do anymore. Becoming numb to it and pretending to be okay becomes routine, and that's weird for me to feel this way because I'm a crier..but you can only take so much.

 

 

I know its very hard and no matter how how good our poker face is it still hurts inside. My ex when he left he didnt give me any reason he just said " I feel like you dont love me like you use to" and that was that but later on I found out there was someone else and he has been cheating on me with her for a month. Well as it turns out this girl is crazy and he learned the hard way that the grass is not alwasy greener but its too late for him on my side.

 

I'm so sorry Peanut, that's ****ed up.

I have to say I'm in awe of how many situations I keep hearing of partners leaving with the wishy-washy reasons, only for the dumpee to find out later on it was someone else. Do people have no shame or respect anymore to at the very least be honest?

I guess he learned his lesson though.

[Serena2009]

@caramel -- "He said NOO I decided that YOUR life would be better without ME. I said well, when you called me that day and said 'I cant do this' I believe you, you can't do this. So you do what you have to do, I wish you well. Then he said 'will you please just hang up on me' he sounded so bad...so I just said my goodbye and hung up."

 

OMG!! This sounds SO familiar!! It's like they feel like such losers that they are convinced that once we get to know them better rejection by us is inevitable!! So they sabotage everything!! When my guy was going through pressuring himself that we HAD to decide whether to "label it" (my term because that's all it is, a label) "long term" he said: "It's not fair to YOU to keep things in limbo because it prevents YOU from moving on with YOUR life." I said I was fine with things the way they were. Then he went into this whole diatribe about how he was stressing about this all the time and he couldn't think of anything else yada yada yada. I said: "I'm sorry that I'm stressing you out." He got all agitated and said: "You're not stressing me out. I'm stressing me out and I'm not going to tell you why because why doesn't matter."

 

LS has a membership for $2.95 a month. There's no chat room but there is private messaging.

 

Caramel, can you imagine how freaked our guys would be if they knew that we were posting on a public BB!! I'm not doing it disrespectfully of him, I'm doing it because I need support.

 

@Icy -- Believe me, you THINK you want contact but it just opens old wounds and makes it even more difficult. When my guy contacted me after 5 weeks NC and wanted to stop by in 15 minutes I said yes. Then I started to feel all sorts of emotions of hurt and anger and these emotions just came pouring out when he was here (unlike me because even if I'm dying inside, I keep my composure). He admitted sabotaging the relationship, took full responsibility, said he'd made a mistake, said he didn't know if letting me go was the right thing to do but I was so emotional that I wasn't listening as much to him as I was in listening to me and getting my emotions out. Like Caramel, I set the limit that we couldn't be friends and that only if he wanted the relationship fully could we continue. He left saying we couldn't because he didn't want to hurt me. I ended up feeling worse after I saw him and it really set me back. And now I'm left with wondering what might have happened if I had responded differently and wondering whether he will try again.

[caramel c]

I know exactly what you mean. I put on a brave face for those around me, but inside I feel another part of me is shutting down everyday, I'm miserable.

It's weird how at first you want to let it out as much as possible all the time to anyone and everyone who will listen, but then as the pain goes on, it's almost easier to just keep it tucked away inside because there's just nothing you can do anymore. Becoming numb to it and pretending to be okay becomes routine, and that's weird for me to feel this way because I'm a crier..but you can only take so much.

 

 

 

 

I'm so sorry Peanut, that's ****ed up.

I have to say I'm in awe of how many situations I keep hearing of partners leaving with the wishy-washy reasons, only for the dumpee to find out later on it was someone else. Do people have no shame or respect anymore to at the very least be honest?

I guess he learned his lesson though.

 

It pisses me off too. People mistreating and misleading people like this. It's very wrong. They don't care about the consequences unless THEY are the ones facing them. Gutless. Idiots.

[Peanut9330]

I had a very hard time keeping my cool at work, I cried through out the whole day while I was at work. It was bad most of the patients that know me very well knew something was wrong and just kept poking at the wound. I know they were only trying to help but at the time I was not ready to talk. Three weeks following the break up I was a zombie and doing anything and everything to get him back, big mistake he took advantage of that cuz he had me right where he wanted me. One mornring I woke feeling like myself and left him alone, next thing you know we're back together but like I said earlier it wasent the same so I walked away. He let me be for a while but know he cant forgive himself for what he did to me, its like he gets it know when its just too late, why does that always happen??

[caramel c]

@caramel -- "He said NOO I decided that YOUR life would be better without ME. I said well, when you called me that day and said 'I cant do this' I believe you, you can't do this. So you do what you have to do, I wish you well. Then he said 'will you please just hang up on me' he sounded so bad...so I just said my goodbye and hung up."

 

OMG!! This sounds SO familiar!! It's like they feel like such losers that they are convinced that once we get to know them better rejection by us is inevitable!! So they sabotage everything!! When my guy was going through pressuring himself that we HAD to decide whether to "label it" (my term because that's all it is, a label) "long term" he said: "It's not fair to YOU to keep things in limbo because it prevents YOU from moving on with YOUR life." I said I was fine with things the way they were. Then he went into this whole diatribe about how he was stressing about this all the time and he couldn't think of anything else yada yada yada. I said: "I'm sorry that I'm stressing you out." He got all agitated and said: "You're not stressing me out. I'm stressing me out and I'm not going to tell you why because why doesn't matter."

 

LS has a membership for $2.95 a month. There's no chat room but there is private messaging.

 

Caramel, can you imagine how freaked our guys would be if they knew that we were posting on a public BB!! I'm not doing it disrespectfully of him, I'm doing it because I need support.

 

@Icy -- Believe me, you THINK you want contact but it just opens old wounds and makes it even more difficult. When my guy contacted me after 5 weeks NC and wanted to stop by in 15 minutes I said yes. Then I started to feel all sorts of emotions of hurt and anger and these emotions just came pouring out when he was here (unlike me because even if I'm dying inside, I keep my composure). He admitted sabotaging the relationship, took full responsibility, said he'd made a mistake, said he didn't know if letting me go was the right thing to do but I was so emotional that I wasn't listening as much to him as I was in listening to me and getting my emotions out. Like Caramel, I set the limit that we couldn't be friends and that only if he wanted the relationship fully could we continue. He left saying we couldn't because he didn't want to hurt me. I ended up feeling worse after I saw him and it really set me back. And now I'm left with wondering what might have happened if I had responded differently and wondering whether he will try again.

 

I can't believe it! HOW HARD IS IT TO JUST CHILL OUT AND BE HAPPY? Be grateful for the good that has come to your life and just ENJOY! They sabotage what is so wonderful...I don't get it. Maybe they can't help it. Its SO hard for me to understand this because I don't have this issue! I take advantage of the good things that come my way. Our relationship was at its PEAK, we did not have any issues!

 

BTW, that thought of 'if they only knew' that we were online talking about them crossed my mind a few times during this thread and I almost laughed to myself haha

[caramel c]

I had a very hard time keeping my cool at work, I cried through out the whole day while I was at work. It was bad most of the patients that know me very well knew something was wrong and just kept poking at the wound. I know they were only trying to help but at the time I was not ready to talk. Three weeks following the break up I was a zombie and doing anything and everything to get him back, big mistake he took advantage of that cuz he had me right where he wanted me. One mornring I woke feeling like myself and left him alone, next thing you know we're back together but like I said earlier it wasent the same so I walked away. He let me be for a while but know he cant forgive himself for what he did to me, its like he gets it know when its just too late, why does that always happen??

 

I don't know but its BS. I'm so sorry you went though all that. My heart goes out to you.

 

We deserve the best in love and I am convinced that all of this will have been worth the struggle when we finally settle down. All of this heartache has to amount to something.

[caramel c]

I feel bad for ignoring carhill...lol

[Peanut9330]

Just for some info on my situation we were together for 3 years and the girl that he cheated on me with he only knew her for 2 months, and I'm not trying to be rude or say this out of spite but the girl was not attractive at all and she has a drug problem, she doenst work, dosent go to school sits at home all day and does nothing.???? that really confuses me cuz he was saying we're gonna get married and that he's looking to be in a stable relationship but I guess he was confused lol. I had a hard time processing all this in the begining but I guess that's what he likes. lol if u gusy would only here some of the things he said to me, when I think of them now they crack me up.

[caramel c]

Just for some info on my situation we were together for 3 years and the girl that he cheated on me with he only knew her for 2 months, and I'm not trying to be rude or say this out of spite but the girl was not attractive at all and she has a drug problem, she doenst work, dosent go to school sits at home all day and does nothing.???? that really confuses me cuz he was saying we're gonna get married and that he's looking to be in a stable relationship but I guess he was confused lol. I had a hard time processing all this in the begining but I guess that's what he likes. lol if u gusy would only here some of the things he said to me, when I think of them now they crack me up.

 

He's on his way to nowhere good. In the meantime, you are going to get over this and be JUST FINE. Your next boyfriend is going to be better than him. He will never have the pleasure of laughing at YOUR next boyfriend the way you are doing right now to him. ha!

[Peanut9330]

I feel like him meetting here though was a blessing becasue he showed me a whole new side of him that I wasent awere of, and its better that it all came out now rather then a few years down the line when we're married and have kids. So i'm glad that this happend!

[caramel c]

I feel like him meetting here though was a blessing becasue he showed me a whole new side of him that I wasent awere of, and its better that it all came out now rather then a few years down the line when we're married and have kids. So i'm glad that this happend!

 

Good! Your pinky nail is worth more than his whole entire body. lol

[icyness]

Serena, I'm sorry that happened to you..lordy what is it with ex's and being so heartless!?

I know you're right, my mind tells me it would not be wise to hear from or speak to him, of course my heart says otherwise. I feel it's a very double-edged sword as I still am not sure why he left me, and being LD..I'm very scared I'm going to hear one day it was for someone else. I want to know so bad, but in the long run, you are absolutely right. It'd only make me crazier and more questions would surface.

 

Caramel, gutless idoits indeed! What gets me is everyone I've spoken to and come across on these boards and going through these situations are all so incredibly gorgeous, smart, kind, caring really wonderful individuals..how in the hell our ex's get away with such treatment to those who by no means had it coming is beyond me.

If we did something to ask for it, okay different story. However in general, they just seemed to have ****ed some us over for no good reason.

It's sickening really.

[Peanut9330]

Good! Your pinky nail is worth more than his whole entire body. lol

 

How long have u been broken up for?

[caramel c]

I second that! There is nothing wrong with us, nothing! They are the ones with issues. Every time I think he got away with this, I think no he didnt. He got away and he is still the same person who did this. I get to walk away being me, which is much much better!

[caramel c]

How long have u been broken up for?

 

2 months and almost 2 weeks.

[Peanut9330]

I can honestly say the only things that got me through the pain was NC I wish I realized that right of the bat, I remember thinking how and why can I possibly be so hurt and still care about him.

[Peanut9330]

I second that! There is nothing wrong with us, nothing! They are the ones with issues. Every time I think he got away with this, I think no he didnt. He got away and he is still the same person who did this. I get to walk away being me, which is much much better!

 

 

Do u think that if he came back banging on your door doing anything and everything to get you back you would take him back or are you trying to get over him and move on?

[caramel c]

I can honestly say the only things that got me through the pain was NC I wish I realized that right of the bat, I remember thinking how and why can I possibly be so hurt and still care about him.

 

Oh ya. NC is the way to go. At least you are doing it now, you are doing great. You are not going to contact him. You are just going to do anything but contact him. Contact us, your Saturday night crew.

[Serena2009]

@caramel c -- "Our relationship was at its PEAK, we did not have any issues!"

 

Same here!! I even said those words to him during his unexpected visit. I said: "This is not normal. Our relationship was at its peak and you sabatoged it!! People end relationships due to betrayal or irreconcilible differences not when its at its peak. I don't think you know what a normal relationship is." It's just SO frustrating!! I wonder if my guy knows how truly f'd up he is. I probably scared him off by acting as a genuine mirror that he had to look into. I can't believe he's gotten this far in life having such twisted views of relationships.