Author caramel c Posted August 30, 2009 Author Share Posted August 30, 2009 Well, I don't feel so bad, I'm not the only one. I am sitting at home, alone, feeling lonely, reading LS. Then I'll probably watch TV. Whoopee! This is where it kills me, because he has already hooked up with someone, and honestly I'll be surprised if it lasts, but I know HE's not lonely, or alone. He's probably enjoying the rush of a new relationship, with someone who thinks he's fabulous, because he can play that real good at first... I too would NEVER let him know I am sitting here like a lonely loser. Whatever he's doing its not as great as spending time with you. He is losing out. His hookup girl probably has ringworm. Link to post Share on other sites
MissRight Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 Is anyone still here? I went for a ride to clear my head and possibly see his truck. No luck which is probably the best thing in the world for me. I read all the threads and caught up with what everyone was saying. It's amazing how all their problems are somehow all your fault. It always ends up that way. I mean they get mad at you when they've started the fight or argument or breakup. I'm in the same boat too. Great Tuesday night and then last night, it's over. Makes absolutely no sense. Then he tells me he's so confused about me. I don't get what there is to be confused about. I know I'm so much better than any of his other ex's and I honestly think it scares him. Maybe that's just wishful thinking too. But I get the whole relationship going great thing and then all of a sudden, it's over. I'm still in the whole physically ill thing where I can't eat at all. I've been this way for about a month now. Because he'll be done with me and then he comes back. For some reason, I'm thinking this may have been the last time. Anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with him since I'll have to see him Monday at work? I don't want to be cold. I want to show him what he's missing out on! UGH! I just want to cry again. Link to post Share on other sites
icyness Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 Whatever he's doing its not as great as spending time with you. He is losing out. His hookup girl probably has ringworm. Listen to this woman, she speaks the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
Author caramel c Posted August 30, 2009 Author Share Posted August 30, 2009 Listen to this woman, she speaks the truth. ialmfao I do my best Link to post Share on other sites
MissRight Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 Listen to this woman, she speaks the truth. She does speak the truth. She made me feel tons better earlier. Link to post Share on other sites
Peanut9330 Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 Is anyone still here? I went for a ride to clear my head and possibly see his truck. No luck which is probably the best thing in the world for me. I read all the threads and caught up with what everyone was saying. It's amazing how all their problems are somehow all your fault. It always ends up that way. I mean they get mad at you when they've started the fight or argument or breakup. I'm in the same boat too. Great Tuesday night and then last night, it's over. Makes absolutely no sense. Then he tells me he's so confused about me. I don't get what there is to be confused about. I know I'm so much better than any of his other ex's and I honestly think it scares him. Maybe that's just wishful thinking too. But I get the whole relationship going great thing and then all of a sudden, it's over. I'm still in the whole physically ill thing where I can't eat at all. I've been this way for about a month now. Because he'll be done with me and then he comes back. For some reason, I'm thinking this may have been the last time. Anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with him since I'll have to see him Monday at work? I don't want to be cold. I want to show him what he's missing out on! UGH! I just want to cry again. This is a tough situation, just be professional don’t show him any sorrow and at the same time don’t act arrogant and try to show him what he's missing out on, just seem indifferent towards him and only talk to him if its necessary and work related other than that don’t pay any attention to him, and the indifference you show will eat away at him because any other attention will only boost his ego. Link to post Share on other sites
Author caramel c Posted August 30, 2009 Author Share Posted August 30, 2009 This is a tough situation, just be professional don’t show him any sorrow and at the same time don’t act arrogant and try to show him what he's missing out on, just seem indifferent towards him and only talk to him if its necessary and work related other than that don’t pay any attention to him, and the indifference you show will eat away at him because any other attention will only boost his ego. I agree with this advice. Keep it professional and nothing more. Link to post Share on other sites
MissRight Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 I know y'all are right. I just hope I can do it. I think I can if I come here every night and talk. This is helping although he's still constantly on my mind! Thanks so much. You'll never know how much I appreciate it. Link to post Share on other sites
Peanut9330 Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 I know y'all are right. I just hope I can do it. I think I can if I come here every night and talk. This is helping although he's still constantly on my mind! Thanks so much. You'll never know how much I appreciate it. If you need support or any advice you can always come to us, we're here for you whenever you need us. Just try to stay positive and keep your head up and if u feel weak or are having a bad day come talk to us, know that we're always here to listen and offer support. Link to post Share on other sites
Author caramel c Posted August 30, 2009 Author Share Posted August 30, 2009 I know y'all are right. I just hope I can do it. I think I can if I come here every night and talk. This is helping although he's still constantly on my mind! Thanks so much. You'll never know how much I appreciate it. You are very welcome and I will do everything I can for you to lead you in the right direction and to make you feel better. Thing is, you CAN do it, don't just hope you can KNOW you can. Im not trying to be cheesy, this is the truth. It's only willpower. You cannot control the world around you but you have 100% control of your own actions and words. Link to post Share on other sites
icyness Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 MissRight, we know you can do it! I agree as well. It's amazing the difference your attitude towards them makes. Unbeknownst to me (before I knew about NC and all) I actually handled it okay the day after the break up. I left a very kind voice mail the next day and he texted me back being very nice. After that, I let it go downhill and proceeded to pester and beg him for a month. I still wonder what would have happened had I stuck to agreeing and being nice about it rather than being the begging pleading 'psycho' he told me I was on our last phone call. Show him you're okay even if you're not..it can only do good. Link to post Share on other sites
phoenix1 Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 He really did. While we were together, through his actions and words he was leading me right to the altar. He brought up the subject of marriage a few times, asked me very important deep questions about it, about what I want and where I see my life, told me what he wants, he treated me likea queen. Every single time I saw him he had a gift for me. Most of them little, sometimes a card or a cd or some little trinket that made him think of me. Every time. He was wonderful to me and I thought he was the one. I thought he was the reason I stayed single till now. And then out of nowhere, he starts telling me he has doubts and he did not explain where they came from or what it was. Just doubts about us being together. I was devastated. And you know what, I am learning this about myself right now. I"m not as strong as I seem. I behave like I'm the strongest person in the world, but inside I am a mess. I am damaged, no lie. I just pull it off really well I guess. I feel powerless and hurt. Wow, caramel this so hauntingly familiar. I think that's why break ups with CPs are so difficult - it's so good, there's no warning and then wham! I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world. Other people envied what we had. He spoiled me! Always thinking about me etc. And now this. Yeah, I put on a brave face except to those very close. The truth is I'm miserable. Link to post Share on other sites
Serena2009 Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 @Phoenix1 -- I posted to you on your thread. I don't know if this will help or not but this is how I feel about my CP getting involved with someone else. I know what we had, I know what I gave to him and I know what I offered him. I really do not think that anyone else can offer him what I did. Reading your posts, I bet it's the same for you!! There's lots of selfish people out there and that's something you and I are not!! So. . . let him see what's out there and when he finds that there's nothing that even remotely compares to you, it's his loss!! And. . . since lots of CP's are looking for the non-existent perfect mate, hold your head high knowing you've come the closest and by the time he wakes up, he may no longer meet your conditions for what YOU want in a relationship. Also, know that if CP's don't get healthy, they act the same way even in live in situations or marriages and who the heck wants to deal with that emotional roller coaster day in and day out. You only want him back if he's healed and certainly not in his current state!! Link to post Share on other sites
MissRight Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 I know I can do it but he said a month. What do I do in a month? Not contact him? I know I'll want to. What then? Is this just his way of giving me false hope? You are very welcome and I will do everything I can for you to lead you in the right direction and to make you feel better. Thing is, you CAN do it, don't just hope you can KNOW you can. Im not trying to be cheesy, this is the truth. It's only willpower. You cannot control the world around you but you have 100% control of your own actions and words. Link to post Share on other sites
MissRight Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 What's a CP? Link to post Share on other sites
Author caramel c Posted August 30, 2009 Author Share Posted August 30, 2009 He really did. While we were together, through his actions and words he was leading me right to the altar. He brought up the subject of marriage a few times, asked me very important deep questions about it, about what I want and where I see my life, told me what he wants, he treated me likea queen. Every single time I saw him he had a gift for me. Most of them little, sometimes a card or a cd or some little trinket that made him think of me. Every time. He was wonderful to me and I thought he was the one. I thought he was the reason I stayed single till now. And then out of nowhere, he starts telling me he has doubts and he did not explain where they came from or what it was. Just doubts about us being together. I was devastated. And you know what, I am learning this about myself right now. I"m not as strong as I seem. I behave like I'm the strongest person in the world, but inside I am a mess. I am damaged, no lie. I just pull it off really well I guess. I feel powerless and hurt. Wow, caramel this so hauntingly familiar. I think that's why break ups with CPs are so difficult - it's so good, there's no warning and then wham! I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world. Other people envied what we had. He spoiled me! Always thinking about me etc. And now this. Yeah, I put on a brave face except to those very close. The truth is I'm miserable. Ok so you are another one who can identify with my situation. Before I joined this forum I just didn't know what to think about what happened. Now, I can see the picture clearly. There was still a part of me before wondering....am I dillusional? Was this not a beautiful relationship? Did I do/say something wrong? Now, not so much... Link to post Share on other sites
MissRight Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 My guy has PTSD from being overseas in the war a couple of times. I know I don't want to let him use that as an excuse but I can't help that think it's a lot of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author caramel c Posted August 30, 2009 Author Share Posted August 30, 2009 I know I can do it but he said a month. What do I do in a month? Not contact him? I know I'll want to. What then? Is this just his way of giving me false hope? I am not sure about what will happen but I know the best thing to do in the meantime is to not contact him. Contact us instead. Link to post Share on other sites
Author caramel c Posted August 30, 2009 Author Share Posted August 30, 2009 What's a CP? commitment phobic Link to post Share on other sites
MissRight Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 I definitely won't do the contact thing again. I messed that up today and he was harsh. I can't blame him I guess. I said I woudln't and I couldn't freaking resist. I'll be contacting y'all nightly I'm sure. oh, CP...yeah, that's him! Link to post Share on other sites
Serena2009 Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 @caramel -- I think it's GREAT that you're thinking about doing work with refugees. I have a strong connection to refugees from a particular developing nation and I know how difficult the tranistion can be!! You GO girl!! @MissRight -- I agree with others. You need to NC for your own peace of mind. This "he's in, he's out, he's in, he's out" is too unsettling for ANYONE to deal with!! And believe me, some of us here have dealt with it and are still dealing with it. It's exhausting, emotionally draining, and can make you unhealthy. Take a break and step back from it to re-center yourself. I agree that at work you should act indifferent even if you don't feel indifferent. Don't show any emotion toward him one way or the other. Easier said than done, I know, but YOU CAN DO IT!! Link to post Share on other sites
phoenix1 Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 @Serena, thanks. Yeah, actually he even said that to me as we broke up. That he was a fool, I was the perfect partner he was gonna regret losing me etc. I just need to remind myself that it's not me, or something lacking in me. Again that reminds me of one of our post break up talks - I was apologizing for my part in something, and he said, "No, you didn't do anything, you're perfect" (well, I don't know about that). I guess it bothers me that he is with someone new because when it was good, it was good. Oh, and the fact that he took no time at all to get with someone else. @everyone, thanks for helping me get through another Saturday night without picking up the phone Link to post Share on other sites
icyness Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 @everyone, thanks for helping me get through another Saturday night without picking up the phone I second this. Although I'm too scared to call, I've been having to restrain myself from sending emails. Link to post Share on other sites
Author caramel c Posted August 30, 2009 Author Share Posted August 30, 2009 Alright now ladies I must go to bed in a few. You each have helped me get through yet another night in this unfortunate circumstance I'm in. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I will talk to you all later Have a good night Link to post Share on other sites
icyness Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 Sweetdreams Miss Caramel. *hugs* And thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
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