from one-night stand to...relationship?!?!?!

[sindic_1981]

I met this girl, "Paula" (she's 20, i am 22) through my friend (a faculty member @ my uni) "Maggy". From the second I saw her, I could sense this spark, and I found her very easy to talk to. But I kept it friendly, and did not even try to hit on her, but I told my friend who was with me that she was hot. I met her during the week, so that weekend Maggy told me that they were having an apartment-warming party. I told her I would go (with my friends), but I ended up going to another party (with more girls of course). Maggy kept calling me while we were @ the other party, and I almost got in a fight with some big sasquatch (his misunderstanding, not my fault) so we decided to head over to the apartment.

 

No sooner do we get there that we start the drinking games. I wasn't extremely drunk, but I suddenly found myself flirting excessively with this girl, grabbing her, holding her, tickling, etc. The night went on, and in the end, I had her number, and I could tell that something was there. I almost kissed her goodnight, but I didn't want to be so bold, so I just gave her the peck on the cheek.

 

The next friday we had planned to go to a movie premiere with Maggy (Maggy drove). We ended up not going, so I invited them to a party my friends were throwing at our house for an old friend who was visiting. We go, do a little drinking&dancing (but Patty& I both didn't drink too much), and next thing you know it's 5am. We go back to their apartment, and after an awkward goodnight from Maggy I am in her room, on her bed. We start with kissing & heavy petting. She reminds me that a) she just got out of a 2 year relationship with her first boyfriend, and b) she has a guy coming in from Austria in 4 weeks. I new about the austrian from the first party we met, so it was no surpise to me. She kept saying "where did you come from, what are you doing here in my bed"? I didn't take offense, because I took that to mean she hadn't done the one-night stand thing before. She confirmed my assumptions by saying that she has never had sex outside of a relationship. I told her I respect that, and that I was not going to force anything on her. We let things flow, and next thing you know we were having sex. I really didn't try to force it on her, and I am glad we just let things fly. It was great, and I told her that I wish that she was my girlfriend. I was telling the truth, because she is really a girl unlike any other that I have met.

 

So, I told her when I left (i stayed there) that we should go to the movies the next day. We went and met some friends up there too. For the next few weeks we would go out together with my close friends and occasionally her sister. Then, about a week before the Austrian came in, she started giving me the cold shoulder. She would come over to the house, but she didn't really want to talk to me, just my close friends (all guys). I tried to talk to her, but I could tell she was just trying ignore me. I knew why she was treating me this way, but it still hurt. All she had to do was say "hey, lets cool out for a bit until the austrian leaves". I would've even taken an "it's over,move on". But she didn't want to talk, so I let it go. I knew the situation, and I thought she had a little more faith in my maturity level.

So Paula & Maggy decide to throw a party on a Weds. , I guess for this Austrian. Paula has cut off all contact at this point, and I understand, so Maggy invites me & all my friends. We all go together. I admit it was awkward, and I didn't even say hi to Paula. But we had a quick chat about something, then we kept our distance. Or so I thought. I decide to start hitting on this girl right in front of her, just to give her a jab for treating me the way she did the week before. I found it funny that she kept coming over to check on me, or even staring at me from across the room. The girl finally saw the tension between us, so we had to leave for the balcony to get away from it. We talked pretty much the whole night, but I didn't feel any sparks. Although, I admit that my friends were right in saying that this girl was physically more attractive than Paula. I got her phone number right in front of Paula's face, just to see her reaction. I know, it is evil, but if a girl ignores me for a reason as dumb as hers, she is playing games with me. I can play games too. [i did call the girl once, but I didn't get to talk to her or leave a message so i just deleted it from my cell.]

A week later I went to a football(soccer) game, and since I was in the city I called my friend to see what was going on that night. He reminded me of a party that one of our girl friends was having for her birthday at a club. So I go and get my drink on (hey...open bar!). Two hours later, guess who walks in with her Austian in tow? I am drunk at this point, but I politely say hi to her and Maggy. Then I go up to the bar and continue to drink and chat with my friends. My intention was to try to push her out of my mind that night. I was talking to my friend Norah when I notice that Paula is walking up to me, trying to get my attention. Then I notice that her Austrian guy is falling in right behind her, but staying back so he doesn't look conspicuous. I knew that, as much as I wanted to talk to her, I couldn't with the Austrian there. The things I had to say would be more than he could bare, and on top of that I was slightly drunk. Out of respect for him (cmon, a 14 hour flight to see a girl) I ignored her. But she kept following me around and looking for me in the crowd when I was out dancing. Finally, as I am standing in front of the bar, talking to my best friend (and her standing with her man behind me), a fight breaks out. At this point I am fully inebriated, so I step in to stop the fight. These two guys were at the pushing stage, so I break them up, then my best friend pulls me back. I was going to rush in again (I don't know why), when someone grabs me by the hand. I happened to get a huge blister on that hand from doing some construction work the day before. It had ruptured, and was very painful. She had gripped me right on the bandage I had over it (oh the pain!!!), so I ripped my hand out of hers and not realizing who had grabbed me, pushed the hand back to its owner and threw an extremely pissed off look right at her. I honestly didn't know it was her, I thought it was security or some random guy.

Although I wasn't sorry then, I got a little sobered up & finally realized that I had probably hurt her if not physically, then emotionally. But even then I wasn't going to apologize that night. Moving on, the Austrian finally left. What is funny is that, the day after he left, I saw her at an open-mic event at my school. She ran up to me, gave me a big hug, and I guess she thought everything was all right.WRONG. It's not that I am jealous of the Austrian...really I am not. I am a little peeved at her because of how she treated me when he was almost here. If anything, I always considered her a friend after what happened between us, and someone I could trust. Why couldn't she feel the same for me? I still think that we should be lovers, but this is a hard place to start. I mean, why tell all my BEST guy friends and not me what is going on with her life? I am a good listener (ask all my female friends), so it can't be that. What the heck do I do now? I can forgive her for what happened, and I know she forgives me for what I did, but is this a good foundation for any type of relationship?

Paula has asked me several times about my past girlfriends, and how long I have been in a relationship before. The truth, as I told her, is no more than 3 months with one girl. I don't know if she sees this as a weakness, or as a sign that I don't want to get into a relationship. I do want a relationship now, and I am wondering if my revelation is going to scare her away. Either way, I am trying to work carefully to let her know that I mean what I say. We are currently too busy to get any real time to see each other. She works nights, and I wake up early for class. When she isn't working she has class. She manages to come out with me and sometimes my friends, but she is always in a bad or tired mood because she works in a restaurant. Hopefully I can find a time where we can sit down & talk about what goes on between us, because right now I am confused on how I am to proceed. Should I give her some space, or let her go and move on? I know there are plenty of girls out there, but right now I just want one, and she is that one. At least for now. What do you guys think?

[tattoomytoe]

WOW that was long!!!!

[genie]

I have read your story, and I think you're a pretty cool guy that is trying to listen to his head and follow his heart. Go for it, follow that heart, follow that attraction, live life as if it were your last. But do try to communicate with her, if in time a serious relationship comes from this, you do and always will need to communicate. Without it, confusion steps into the picture and walls start building up that keep you from each other. Good luck.