Back together with ex need asistance. long

[Econguy]

Ok going to make this a brief history then get to the recent. We met when I was 18 she was 16 me just in college her in hs. After about year or so we move in her niceness goes out the window and I start to see her very hyper aggressive side. She gets angry easy and does not take responsibility for things she does she will pawn it off to someone else and be very convincing that its there fault. With all this she also doesn’t get along with my parents. Now to the good side she does love me, she is pretty much the type of girl ive always wanted minus the two things stated above.

Ok advance a bit we have been together for a total of 4 and a half years when we broke it off me 23 her 1 month from 21. I feel like the last year and a half of the relationship I wasn’t to happy. Mainly from the way she treated me. Then from her treating me ****ty I started wondering if she was the best choice. I stopped wanting to have sex with her I slept on the couch allot, not because of her telling me but cause I didn’t want to sleep in the same room of someone that just yelled at me. Well the last six months wee rough alota arguments. Around April she tells me that she has started to talk to another guy and that she had a lack in judgment and sent him a pic of her in her undies. I tell her thnx for being honest and then to make sure she’s not lien I get onto her facebook where I see that they have no emotional type of relations they just talk about how much they want to screw each other. Any how I forgive her she says she won’t speak to him anymore ....key note they work together... After this I find myself allowing my self to look at other women and even start to talk to another girl not in the fashion she did but like in a flirty way but nothing ever happened just some flirting.

Ok now on to the not to distant past. I have to put in one important thing in here. We both thought we had Herpes so we always thought we could never break up because we would never want to give it to anyone. Well in June I decided what the heck I never got tested for it I just figured I had it since she got tested and had it. Well turns out I didn’t ever have it. I tell her she goes and gets tested and she doesn’t either. It was just the type that even young children can get where they get cold sores. Well anyhow my birthday was on the 18th of June and we had fun but the next day we get in a dumb argument and she throws me outa the car. She ends up asking me to come back in but that was the last straw for me. When we get back home I tell her that im not to sure about us. Then 2 days later I tell her we should break up. Within 24 hours she says she doesn’t want this and I start thinking I don’t want this either. But here is the ****ty thing on my behalf. I tell her I cant do it unless we start from a clean slate so I tell her I had cheated on her 2 yrs ago ( we had broken up for like a day and then when we got back together we went to a party I hooked up with a chick that me and her both knew.) Ohh ya I didn’t sleep with this girl I kissed her and grabbed her butt, the girl wanted more and grabbed my junk and I stopped it there. Anyhow sidetracked.. I told her this she got upset which I understand cause I was lien for 2 yrs. so she says she needs some time to think about us and how she feels about getting back together. Ok well we end up sayen were going to get back together we go to one couples counseling session. Then I lose my damn good job and she is nice about it but starts to say that since she isn’t living with me that I need to pa her for all the work her parents did to the place I own and that I need to pay her for the house to. Which I payed for. Well I get pissed and I say were just done. She moves out and starts to take everything. So parents come over next day to make sure she doesn’t take all of my **** well they get into it I don’t say anything cause I notice she has a mover and the guy is the friend of the guy that she was taken to in April, and I talk to him and he says that it was the guy who asked if he could help her move. So now im thinking those two do have something going on.

Well it was a bad breakup we both move on I date a girl for 3 weeks sleep with her. Somehow I end up sleeping with my first girlfriend I ever had also. Well I see her at a local concert and wave and act nice, she rolls her eyes and that is that. Well the next day she texts me not to pretend to be nice to her I say that I wasn’t and just want to be nice. She ends up saying we can be friends and we decide to meet up to talk some of this **** out so we don’t hate each other so much. Well we end up hugging and have a little kiss. Well then next day she texts me allot and is saying she wants to have sex. Of course me being a guy I go for it. Following day she comes over for another encounter but she asks me how many people ive slept with I tell her two. She asks who I say the first girl but am reluctant to say the second was my ex. Well she pesters me I tell her and she freaks out. She goes to this girls work asks her all kinds of things then calms down we hang out and she ends up telling me she had slept with someone to. I ask who and she wont tell me ... I get pissed cause I was honest with her she says she promised she wouldn’t say anything cause he didn’t want her to. Anyhow she calls the guy asks if it’s cool then she tells me. Low and behold it’s the guy she had been talking to back in April and apparently they never really stopped talking. Well I act cool but down deep im crushed (I was her first and it hurts that she really wanted him more then me the whole time). Well after that it seems all I can think about is her screwing this guy so I inquire about it and she says she only slept with him 3 times and that she did it because she was Horney and felt like no one wanted her. Well that sucked hearing that but I felt she was leaven something out so I get into her facebook again and look at her texts to. Well low and behold she wasn’t telling the whole truth. The truth was that she had slept with him 2 days after I told her I had cheated on her. What’s also great is I remember the day after she had slept with him she said she was going to give us another try. Now I have problems of thinking of them haven sex I found out they did it in her car the first time so when I sit in there I think of that. I have problems haven sex with her some times because ill I think is how someone else has been there but even more of how it seems like she wanted him more then me and if she could only have sex with him she was fine with that. I had seen her messages to him and she had never talked to me the way she talked to him. It seems as if she never wanted me the way she wanted him sexually and it’s getting to me. I just feel weird cause im not a jealous person I know what I have going on for me but with her I feel inadequate. To boot 2 days ago she gets pissed because my roomie smokes and the house smelled so she didn’t want to be there. So she gets pissed tells me she doesn’t know if we should be together, that I don’t like her style and that I haven’t learned to keep a tidy place. Finally she tells me that the sex with me isn’t great cause im to big and I hurt her. Im like wow this makes me feel awesome this just makes my insecurity get even bigger. Well next day she call as if nothing we hang out have a good time and today were supposed to go to a winery and have fun.

I’m just confused and don’t know what to do. Has anyone else had these problems or insecurities with an ex they got back together with?