whichwayisup Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 Great post reply GEL. Honestly, I don't know why this thread was even created in the first place, as you can see all these types of threads do is piss people off and create more issues. Everyone has been getting along pretty well recently and here you come, a newbie, with a chip on her shoulder and has issues with HER OWN MM's wife obviously, comes here to treat other BS's like crap. Link to post Share on other sites
grogster Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 Let's see, back on message. My first wive cheated on me with 3 men (the infidelity trifecta) and I cheated on my lovely second wife with a married woman. Now, I cheat on no one because I'm currently involved with no one. I prefer that. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 Once again another condescending post SR. You now have OW/former OW/BS/former WS all telling you that you have got it wrong. How much more do you need? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 I'm getting the feeling that there a A LOT of posers here, i.e. women and men who are staunch believers in marriage as an institution and are angry because they have been betrayed. Uhh, so what do you expect, BS's to be happy and do a happy jig dance that they were cheated upon by their spouse? Again, what was the point of this thread except to push buttons and get reaction? Cheating is cheating, reguardless if it's in a marriage, or in a LTR. Gay, straight, whatever, when two people make a choice to be together, and one goes outside of the relationship, it's cheating - And the BS has every right to feel upset/angry. Link to post Share on other sites
MSUE Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 well my 2 cents on the original post is...yes I have kinda noticed that too but ultimately I think its a close split..but the ones that have been betrayed experience a different kind of pain and yes anger because of the betrayal...and they let it out here which is great because that's why places like this exist...their posts tend to be more intense and yes angry understandably so therefor more notisable but ultimately like I said its about half and half Link to post Share on other sites
MistyK Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 SR, WTF are you doing? Bent's initial response was not in any way shape or form offensive or provocative. You implied that BS's have a simplistic view of M as an institution. Bent said that she believed in marriage as a spiritual contract and suddenly you decided she was trying to be an expert on God. Don't know where you got that from and the rest of your attacks on her make even less sense. As an OW for the last 3 years, I come from your camp. But, let me tell you that you're being a total jacka**. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 Misty, thank-you for posting that! You nicely said what I was thinking but couldn't put into words tonight (got my P tonight so forming words that make sense is a challenge for me right now, lol) (well, minus the jack-a@@ comment, but still..it's a good reply.) SR, I hope you do stick around and get to know these OW, and the BS's. Learn to respect people and don't go on the attack. Everyone has alot to offer, even if some of it is harsh, or even abit rude.. Noone wants to see you waste your time, effort and love on some guy from your past (who cares if you "met" him first, he didn't marry you!) who is now married to someone else. He isn't 'inlove' with you, if he was, he would leave his wife instantly and divorce. If you 'want' him, DON'T have that affair with him, as that is all you'll be. The OW and an affair partner. Nothing more, nothing less. Don't stick around to be second fiddle and take table scraps. Chances are, he's very happy in his marriage and is just enjoying an ego feed with you, and has no intention of falling inlove, let alone leaving all that he knows for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 I don't even know why OW would want to start a thread like this over and over again. Just use the search button and you'll see a number of threads with more or less of the same title. Read and comprehend. Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 LOL..hi SR....boy oh boy....I think I understand why you felt "preached on"...you asked a questioned that had nothing to do with whether someone believes in marriage or not or whether someone considers it an institution or not...and BNB's response appears to you like she drew the line in the sand-or on the internet highway! as if she is already saying, "don't cross the line-I know you do not believe in marriage as a covenant-which in turn probably makes you a non-believer in God". I do not think that was her intention ( as evidenced by her shocked response to your response). I think she was just putting it out there as a fact about her. Trust me, I find her preachy oftentimes, too! Some BSs do use their "moral upper-hand" to denigrate APs (affair partners). Some do think that for as long as they are faithful (no matter if they have been abusive, uncaring, disrespectful, emotionally distant or whatever else is included in the marriage vows that can be broken )-they are better people. Some are former OWs and are changed-maturity and remorse and all that good stuff-and they know first hand the pain of being an AP and want to share the lessons they have learned. Sometimes, they come harder down on the APs. Precisely because they have been there. Others are BSs and APs..who are just trying to take it day by day....trying to overcome the different obstacles thrown their way... At any rate...I am a former BS, also a former OW. My story is a teeny bit different, as mine did not have much drama or confusion. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 I was once a BS and I don't have anything against OW/OM. They are not bad people and without cheating spouses there would be no OW/OM. We should be pointing the finger at the main source of the problem which is the cheaters and not the by product which is the affair partner. Sure it is beyond stupid for a woman to think that a man cheating on his wife is her soulmate but that she still doesn't put a gun to his head and make him cheat. Link to post Share on other sites
SidLyon Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 I'll try to answer as best I can. How many posters are actually BWs/BHs - I am "actually" a BW but I can't tell you for sure how many there are in total - somebody did a quick survey on another thread last week and I recall it was about 50/50. I'm getting the feeling that there a A LOT of posers here,- I doubt there are a lot of posers here. i.e. women and men who are staunch believers in marriage as an institution - - I don't understand why you would define a "poser" as being someone who staunchly believes in marriage as an institution and are angry because they have been betrayed. - to me anger is a fairly normal reaction to being betrayed - what would you consider a normal reaction to being betrayed. I am willing to be wrong, though. - It's quite irrelevant to me whether you are right or wrong - and given that you are willing to be wrong it doesn't seem to matter to you either. Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 I can see your points. After reading a few posters comments, I can see that most are posting from their point of view. Savannahruby I'm speaking for myself as a fOW who is now with fMM - I advice OW based on my experience. Lately, whenever I have something to say - they don't sound that nice because some OW think they are better than everyone else. Then the back and forth bickering between OW and BS will start. It gets old. Sometimes I root for the BS because they make a whole lot more sense than the 'young' OW. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 SR, what "advice" or "support" are you here looking for? Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 Hello, my name is Preachy BNB, how ya doin? Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 Hello, my name is Preachy BNB, how ya doin? Hi BNB. What are you going to preach about today? Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 You know, I don't think that most of us fBSs really care if the OPs here are with MP or not. The fact is, most of you aren't with *our* spouse anyway. LOL. We can't control other people, but it doesn't mean we aren't interested in the topic. And let's face it, this is not a topic you can discuss openly. We post because we have something to contribute. I would not help anyone remain in an affair purposefully. But, I will also not sit back and watch a person hurt themselves more emotionally than is necessary. Does that mean telling a poster when I think her motives are off? Yes. Does that mean telling a poster to command a little more respect than they are being shown? Yes. I don't for the life of me see the problem with people other than just OPs posting in this forum. And I don't understand the desire to label people and cordone off "camps" as if that's helpful. When a BS's opinion can't help, they usually don't give one. There are plenty of threads here where a BS doesn't respond because we can't relate to the feelings being expressed. But when we can relate, we post. Where is the problem with that? I admit, there is the odd time when a poster gets our goat and we want to tell them that they are not all that and a bag of chips, but that doesn't happen that much with this group nowadays. And it goes both ways. Nothing worse than a poster that comes here with the insane idea that they know everything and are better than certain posters. Doesn't sound like anyone on this thread, does it? LOL Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 I thought maybe I would preach about that piece of cheesecake I don't need and the perils even with only one bite. What do you think? The messy cheesecake? Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 The Lord said, "Yield not to temptation, for yielding is sin." I can agree. Yielding is sinfully delicious, can't stop with one bite. So in the face of temptation....I BNB, will eat my salad w/red wine vinaigrette. No cheese or croutons. This is going to be tough. I am going to stare it down:mad:...that's not working. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 I'm getting the feeling that there a A LOT of posers here, i.e. women and men who are staunch believers in marriage as an institution and are angry because they have been betrayed. no, they are pleased as punch that they were betrayed... Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 What was the point of this thread? To call out the BSs and insult them? BINGO!!!! Real classy. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 Agreed. I don't believe in the soulmate theory, so I would not expect MM to either. then MM shouldn't be married No one is putting a gun to his head is right. uh, MM made vow and chose to be married. If he doesn't believe in marriage or soulmates, then he shouldn't have married some unsuspecting woman that he led to believe that he does believe in those virtues. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 I'm getting the feeling that there a A LOT of posers here, i.e. women and men who are staunch believers in marriage as an institution and are angry because they have been betrayed. I am willing to be wrong, though. Savannahruby BW here and yes I believe in marriage. Why would I get married if I didn't? Was I angry when I found out I was betrayed? You bet! Any "normal" person would be IMO. Please don't ignore the IMO! Excuse my obvious ignorance, but I really don't understand this thread. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 I thought maybe I would preach about that piece of cheesecake I don't need and the perils even with only one bite. What do you think? Let me know when you get to the preaching about chocolate. Cheesecake isn't really my thing. I hear your sermon about lava cake is a real crowd pleaser. As a BW I'll be sure to attend the one about bitter chocolate. Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 You know' date=' I[b'] don't think that most of us fBSs really care if the OPs here are with MP or not.[/b] The fact is, most of you aren't with *our* spouse anyway. LOL. We can't control other people, but it doesn't mean we aren't interested in the topic. And let's face it, this is not a topic you can discuss openly. We post because we have something to contribute. I would not help anyone remain in an affair purposefully. But, I will also not sit back and watch a person hurt themselves more emotionally than is necessary. Does that mean telling a poster when I think her motives are off? Yes. Does that mean telling a poster to command a little more respect than they are being shown? Yes. I don't for the life of me see the problem with people other than just OPs posting in this forum. And I don't understand the desire to label people and cordone off "camps" as if that's helpful. When a BS's opinion can't help, they usually don't give one. There are plenty of threads here where a BS doesn't respond because we can't relate to the feelings being expressed. But when we can relate, we post. Where is the problem with that? I admit, there is the odd time when a poster gets our goat and we want to tell them that they are not all that and a bag of chips, but that doesn't happen that much with this group nowadays. And it goes both ways. Nothing worse than a poster that comes here with the insane idea that they know everything and are better than certain posters. Doesn't sound like anyone on this thread, does it? LOL Yes, you do care. You just said it there. You are not going to watch a person purposely hurt himself....etc.etc...if that is not "caring" then are you just here posting for the heck of it? Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 I think this OP and thread is a waste of space. So far I have not gained one insight from it. Who cares how many OW, OM, BS, and WS that are on LS. And who cares how many BS there are on here. If you are already this strong-minded OP then it shouldn't bother you that there are this many BS on LS. I am a OW and sometimes it is good to hear their perspective on the affair. I think this thread should be removed. Link to post Share on other sites
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