thisisnotwhereitsat Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 hi, im new at posting here. Id really love to hear some opinions about a problem i have. My partner and i had a baby (hes now 7 months old). I also have an 11 year old from previous r'ship. When my bub was 3 months old i went back to work and supported the family and my other half was the SAH dad. He did a fantastic job. But he was looking for something and found great paying job n we starting to get ahead. That was 3 weeks ago and i left my job to look after the kids and house and look for a better job (such as a career). So, for 3 and a half months i took care of all expenses except my partners bills. Now, he is the major bread winner n got shirty at me the other day for helping me with one of my bills n said that i didnt help him pay his, so he feels its unfair that he has to pay mine. I reasoned that i would have paid all my bills when i was working cept i didnt have enuff due to supporting the family. We had a huge fight and he said some really revolting stuff to me and im feeling really hurt still even after we apologised. He said he didnt mean what he said but some of it has left a sour taste in my mouth. Should i just get over it or make a bigger deal out of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Neutrino Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 Although there is totally no need to be abusive, he has a point - you did not cover his personal expenses while he had no income so he doesn't think it's fair to expect of him to cover your personal expenses while you have no income..... My partner and I also share 1/2 by 1/2 the house-hold and living budget, but personal expenses are not shared. I understand from your post that the fight got sidetracked to other things - IMO having a fight every once in a while is normal for any 2 or more people who live together, but we should all know the PNR (Point of No Return). I think now the problem is totally different to what you started with.... Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 I think he's been mean... you don't work, he does, it's only fair that you get financial help, especially if he has a good job. It's a marriage, isn't it? And the kid you are looking after is HIS kid as well... I would never marry someone who is mean with money... Link to post Share on other sites
Vet Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 hi, im new at posting here. Id really love to hear some opinions about a problem i have. My partner and i had a baby (hes now 7 months old). I also have an 11 year old from previous r'ship. When my bub was 3 months old i went back to work and supported the family and my other half was the SAH dad. He did a fantastic job. But he was looking for something and found great paying job n we starting to get ahead. That was 3 weeks ago and i left my job to look after the kids and house and look for a better job (such as a career). So, for 3 and a half months i took care of all expenses except my partners bills. Now, he is the major bread winner n got shirty at me the other day for helping me with one of my bills n said that i didnt help him pay his, so he feels its unfair that he has to pay mine. I reasoned that i would have paid all my bills when i was working cept i didnt have enuff due to supporting the family. We had a huge fight and he said some really revolting stuff to me and im feeling really hurt still even after we apologised. He said he didnt mean what he said but some of it has left a sour taste in my mouth. Should i just get over it or make a bigger deal out of it. Just to clarify: when you were working, you didn't pay his bills, right? What bills of his did he pay himself? Why did you not pay his when he was not working? What bills of yours does he not pay? Are they equitable? It sounds like you're upset now that the shoe is on the other foot. Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 she said that she didn't have enough money - she wasn't earning enough - to pay his bills as well, because she was supporting the entire family... now he is working and he has a very good job. She is not working, so it seems mean that he doesn't want to pay some of her bills, since he's got plenty of money... Link to post Share on other sites
soserious1 Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 This is easy to fix, brush up your resume, get your interview clothing cleaned, get a job, find a suitable daycare provider, inform your husband that he will be responsible for 1/2 the costs of childcare, split the rest of your household bills 50/50, retain responsibility for your individual personal expenses. Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 This is easy to fix, brush up your resume, get your interview clothing cleaned, get a job, find a suitable daycare provider, inform your husband that he will be responsible for 1/2 the costs of childcare, split the rest of your household bills 50/50, retain responsibility for your individual personal expenses. ^^^ This! Link to post Share on other sites
Author thisisnotwhereitsat Posted August 31, 2009 Author Share Posted August 31, 2009 thanx for the replies guys. yes, soserious, you are right. I have been working as a bar attendant for so long and i now have a degree. I think its just my confidence lacking to get out there and get a professional job. Plus i feel pulled in 2 directions of looking after the homestead and kids and working on my career. I know that i can earn fantastic money and then the problem is solved. We would split everything 50/50. And, the bonus is i would have money to do all i need to and more. And Giotti, thanks for your compassion hehe. I think i am maybe expecting 2 much as my partner is working 6 days a week to get himself out of debt and take care of us. I know how he feels. I think I need to remember how hard it is when everyone is relying on you and sometimes you just dont have enough to give! *dusting off resume* Link to post Share on other sites
Neutrino Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 He should still apologize for saying nasty things to you, regardless of whether his claim was justified or not... Good luck getting a good job - I'm sure you will not regret it, I suppose you did not get a degree to sit at home - it will be to your personal benefit to develop professionally, and you will be able to afford more for your children too. Link to post Share on other sites
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