Taucher Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 Ok, so if anyone does respond to this, I can imagine what you are all going to say already. Thing is, for some reason, I have recently been feeling guilty for wasting 5 years of my ex's life. She pursued me, I was blown away by her and was mad about her the first time I ever saw her (2 years before we started going out - we been going out for 5 years but I been in love with her for pretty much 7 years ). I NEVER thought that a woman that beautiful and generally brilliant would ever go out with me. Unkind people used to ask me how I managed to get such an amazing girlfriend, but I ignored them, we just worked SO well together. We were compatible in basically everyway. The only thing that makes us not compatible now is that I am in love with her and she is not in love with me - it's quite a big sort of incompatibility, I agree. Anyway, in May 2009, she moves out of our flat and tells me it is over. There was no big reason why she ended it: no huge arguments or infidelity, she just didn't feel it any more. She got bored of me. And why shouldn't she? Can people ever live up to the expectations that being in live gives to their partner. I'm not sure. Anyway, my ex turns 31 in 3 weeks. Her biological clock is ticking loudly, we always planned to have children, but I blew it. I absolutely blew it. And now I feel guilty for wasting her time with me. Basically she gave up most of her 20s for me and I wasn't the boyfriend she deserved. Ok, this is a long thing. Sorry. Thanks for reading. T Link to post Share on other sites
silic0ntoad Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 I feel guilty of letting her waste mine. At first, I didn't want to get married. She pushed and pushed. I finally cave, and she splits? Sorry, I don't make empty promises or hollow threats. It's sickening. MY time was wasted. To hell with hers. She can do now with it what she pleases, as will I mine. It's ridiculous. She can try now to sift through all the guys looking for sex to find the next decent one, and sell herself while she does it. Let her. Ugh. I am sooo fed up with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Beeotch Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 Sounds like you might have self-esteem issues you need to work on.... You make it seem like you were the scum of the earth and contributed nothing to the relationship and based on what you said about you never thought someone like her would want you, it seems you view yourself as "less-than"...that is not a good attitude. Perhaps you should work on that. She chose to be with you...therefore she must not have thought her time was being wasted. You should sort out these feelings and build your self-esteem and self-worth because if not, the world can look petty bleak for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Sbrizio Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 I don't think you should beat yourself over for this reason. There are couples which stay together even through the worst mistreatements and sufferings...just because the person mistreated is in love. On the other side, even the best harmony in the world don't guarantee anything, if one of the two falls out of love. It sucks, but it's the way it is. Yes, you can (and is probably the right thing to do) analyze yourself and your behaviour, because a breakup is also a moment in which we ought to grow-up...but you should do this in a positive way. I believe you're in a phase in which you simply feel guilty (i'm no specialist, but everyone keeps talking about these phases), and i think you would feel the same even if you were the perfect BF. Just know this and let it pass. The time to analyze yourself and your behaviour in the relationship, should not be when you're in the peak of suffering...but later on, when you can look at things with a detached eye. It'll pass. Stay strong. Link to post Share on other sites
Funky Posted September 1, 2009 Share Posted September 1, 2009 Your not a bad person, she loved you for a X number of time because you were a great person. I'm sure you gave everything you had to the relationship knowing everything that you needed to know. If someone doesn't tell you what they are feeling when it happens you can't read her mind and know what she wants. Instead of beating yourself down, and I know that's hard because I've done the same thing and still do it a bit from time to time. you should take what you learned from all this and let that make you a better person today. Don't let the pass steal your present! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Taucher Posted September 1, 2009 Author Share Posted September 1, 2009 Sounds like you might have self-esteem issues you need to work on.... You make it seem like you were the scum of the earth and contributed nothing to the relationship and based on what you said about you never thought someone like her would want you, it seems you view yourself as "less-than"...that is not a good attitude. Perhaps you should work on that. She chose to be with you...therefore she must not have thought her time was being wasted. You should sort out these feelings and build your self-esteem and self-worth because if not, the world can look petty bleak for you. Thank you. I agree generally. Strange thing is, I don't usually consider myself to have low self esteem when it comes to the opposite sex. I think that my issue may be that, as I mentioned, there was no big deal breaker as such...she just got bored of me and fell out of love. That is hard to take in some ways. She has been very nice about everything, not much drama (except for a crying rant she aimed at me on the phone 2 months in). But yes, my self esteem is probably low as I can't imagine ever meeting anyone (never mind having a relationship with) someone that beautiful and kind and funny and gentle. Sigh. I don't think you should beat yourself over for this reason. There are couples which stay together even through the worst mistreatements and sufferings...just because the person mistreated is in love. On the other side, even the best harmony in the world don't guarantee anything, if one of the two falls out of love. It sucks, but it's the way it is. Yes, you can (and is probably the right thing to do) analyze yourself and your behaviour, because a breakup is also a moment in which we ought to grow-up...but you should do this in a positive way. I believe you're in a phase in which you simply feel guilty (i'm no specialist, but everyone keeps talking about these phases), and i think you would feel the same even if you were the perfect BF. Just know this and let it pass. The time to analyze yourself and your behaviour in the relationship, should not be when you're in the peak of suffering...but later on, when you can look at things with a detached eye. It'll pass. Stay strong. I like this. These are words to live by and I think you are right. I need to let it pass. Hopefully, that will be soon. I was not a perfect BF, and I WAS distant at the end. But nothing that would always cause a break down in a relationship. Especially such an abrupt ending. Your not a bad person, she loved you for a X number of time because you were a great person. I'm sure you gave everything you had to the relationship knowing everything that you needed to know. If someone doesn't tell you what they are feeling when it happens you can't read her mind and know what she wants. Instead of beating yourself down, and I know that's hard because I've done the same thing and still do it a bit from time to time. you should take what you learned from all this and let that make you a better person today. Don't let the pass steal your present! Right again. I feel like I am a better person today and I wont take my next relationship for granted (if there is one). I just wish I could be this new, improved me FOR HER. T Link to post Share on other sites
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