Johnny Neutrino Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 Hi, I'm going to try not to make this too long, but here goes. I have this female friend that I've known for about five years (since high school) and I consider her to be my best friend. We're pretty close; we talk on Facebook on a fairly frequent basis and we had lunch a few days ago. Whenever I was feeling down about other crushes I had in the past, I'd talk to her and she would get me through. But off and on for the last couple of years or so, I developed a crush on her. Those times, I just kind of brushed it off, but lately it's been getting pretty strong. I guess it's because we're going to college together now and it's somewhat easier to pursue a relationship (no parents, etc.). I don't know what to do. If I tell her how I truly feel about her, I risk screwing up our friendship, which I value greatly. If I lost her as a friend, I'd be devastated. She's one of the very few people that I can be really open and honest with. I don't want to hurt her, either; if I tell her how I feel, she may think that I'm playing some cruel joke on her (see above). So, what do you think? Should I leave things the way they are, or should I go for broke and let her know how I really feel? Link to post Share on other sites
vanilla87 Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 I've been in the same boat as you have before, a lot haha. So I won't tell you to go tell her unless you want to and you don't want to which is very understandable cause it makes things very complicated sometimes. From personal experience we are still friends even after I've told him, thats cause we've been through so much that we have a very good understanding to let go and move on and just be two adults. So what you need to do is for the next 2-3 weeks pay attention to how she is around you. If she touches you a lot, laughs a little too hard at your jokes even corny/cheesy ones, and maybe is very willing to hang out even when she is busy, that could be huge clues she may have developed feelings for you. Also pay attention to her body language. Men and women do this when they like people: their torsos and/or feet, more so the part of the body with the belly button, usually faces the most important person and thing in the room. We all do it subconsciously, so you won't know your doing it till you catch yourself probably half way through a conversation or even a night out. Also when you like someone your pupils dilate, and get really huge when your have true feelings for someone, especially if your looking at them or talking to them or even both. Also when you are on the same page as the person you like, you mimic their body language subconsciously. Like say your friend goes to put her hands out in front of her on the counter and fold them together, if you like her you'll end up following what she just did without even realizing your doing it. Its things like that which give away such a huge inside to how someone feels about you that you have a crush on. People always look for the verbal form of communication, but completely forget such simple forms of physical communication with our own bodies. Oh finally thought is that if she looks super excited to see you ever time or hugs you just a bit too long, she may have feelings for you.... I'll post a few links to some body language stuff so you can get more insight on how to read her better... http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/199303/the-biology-attraction http://www.wikihow.com/Know-if-a-Girl-Likes-You http://www.howtodothings.com/family-relationships/how-to-tell-if-a-girl-likes-you http://ezinearticles.com/?How-To-Tell-If-A-Girl-Likes-You---In-3-Proven-Ways&id=894151 I hope this helps you and i wish you luck with your friend! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Johnny Neutrino Posted August 31, 2009 Author Share Posted August 31, 2009 Also pay attention to her body language. Hmm, I forgot all about body language. At lunch, we were really just there to catch up on things. We hadn't seen each other in person in over a year (she went straight to university while I went to community college back home). Oh finally thought is that if she looks super excited to see you ever time or hugs you just a bit too long, she may have feelings for you.... Funny, when I met up with her at lunch, she didn't seem very excited. I mean, she was happy to see me, but she wasn't overly excited. And we did hug when we left, but I initiated it. Maybe I'm just overanalyzing. So what you need to do is for the next 2-3 weeks pay attention to how she is around you. That might be a little difficult. I live in a dorm, she lives off campus, and we never see each other between classes. I did offer her an extra ticket to a football game a few weeks from now. She said she "didn't plan that far ahead" but I told her that if she wanted to come, she can give me a call (fingers crossed). Or I could just invite her to do something in town. I'll have to wait and see. Thanks for the advice! Link to post Share on other sites
vanilla87 Posted September 1, 2009 Share Posted September 1, 2009 I did offer her an extra ticket to a football game a few weeks from now. She said she "didn't plan that far ahead" but I told her that if she wanted to come, she can give me a call (fingers crossed). Or I could just invite her to do something in town. I'll have to wait and see. Either she is very busy or there is another guy from the way she responded. No girl turns down an invite from a guy she likes even if its something crazy lol She probably has a very busy life going on over where she goes to school, it happens. She is probably just catching up with an old friend from the way she seems to act around you. You should make an effort to meet up again and let her pick the place, that will tell you a lot if she is more wanting some privacy to hear you talk or noise so you can't get too personal and what not... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Johnny Neutrino Posted September 2, 2009 Author Share Posted September 2, 2009 Yeah, I think she's just very busy (she's in the honors college here). She's single, at least to the best of my knowledge. She is probably just catching up with an old friend from the way she seems to act around you. You should make an effort to meet up again and let her pick the place, that will tell you a lot if she is more wanting some privacy to hear you talk or noise so you can't get too personal and what not... That makes sense. I think if she doesn't want to come to the game, I'll just call her one day and ask if she wants to do something one weekend. Link to post Share on other sites
mytigerlily Posted September 10, 2009 Share Posted September 10, 2009 Gee, I think the situation is quite complicated. I've learned and see situations like this wherein the guy ruined the relationship because he admits that he's falling in love with his best friend,some won the girl as the girl is just waiting for him to do the first move, things like that. I am not saying or discouraging you to say what you feel.Just be sensitive and feel her. If you feel that she is not ready or open to that kind of possibility (you falling into her) then do not do it. If you feel that, she's just waiting for your first move (as most of the girls are shy to admit that, yes they are also falling in love with the guy), then try it. You will never know at least you try right? Goodluck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Johnny Neutrino Posted September 10, 2009 Author Share Posted September 10, 2009 You will never know at least you try right? Yeah, I know. I'm just waiting for the right time, I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
pollyanna03 Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 just waiting for the right time and show your love undirectly.then if she have tha same feeling with you.Then you won.however.if she have not you just give up dvdcollectionsale dvdcollection sale Link to post Share on other sites
dieselcat Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 JN, I had the same thing with my husband only we were in grad school. He was my really great friend. I crushed on him for 6 months so I was really sure i liked him for real and it wasn't just one of my super hot super passing fancies. Then I told him I had a crush on him in a light hearted way. He ran away for a couple of months and then he came back. We've been married for 16 years. Sometimes friends make the best partners. Is there a way you can tell her without it being an all or nothing thing? So she can save face, and so can you if it's not what she wants? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Johnny Neutrino Posted September 15, 2009 Author Share Posted September 15, 2009 Is there a way you can tell her without it being an all or nothing thing? So she can save face, and so can you if it's not what she wants? I guess there is, but I'm not sure how exactly. I'm just afraid that if I tell her how I feel, it will make her uncomfortable around me and it'll ruin our friendship. And like I said earlier, I don't want to hurt her feelings by making it seem like I'm playing some kind of joke, because I would always tell her about all the other crushes I had in the past. This is really starting to get to me. Link to post Share on other sites
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