InLove Posted November 20, 2003 Share Posted November 20, 2003 Question… I have been with my partner for 2 months… he is absolutely wonderful and we are very happy. He moved to my state 4 years ago but his family still lives in another state. Anyway he just came back home from visiting with them and they have asked me if I would like to go up and spend Christmas with them. Well I very much want to go, but fear it is too soon??? I have decided though that if I do go up I will only go up post Christmas cos I also don’t want to leave my family. What do you think??? (FYI he is 31, I am 27) InLove Link to post Share on other sites
innocent Posted November 20, 2003 Share Posted November 20, 2003 How far along is your relationship? are you considering being with him for a long time or marriage? if not don't go, it would kind of be like teasing them, but if you all are really serious, then you should go after christmas and visit... and if you really are not sure you should not go and wait and see how the relationship goes that is just my opinion though. Link to post Share on other sites
InLove Posted November 20, 2003 Share Posted November 20, 2003 How far along is this... well we are very serious about each other and getting to know each other as life long partners. I very much care for him and if things continue as they are YES I would definitely consider this a long term thing, I love him and this has been one of those relationships where it feels just right! BUT having said this, nothing stops something really bad happening tomorrow. SO how can you ever know if something is long term or not, serious or not, forever or not??? Link to post Share on other sites
innocent Posted November 20, 2003 Share Posted November 20, 2003 you have to get to know him more, and if he is right you will just know you just don't even think about being with any other guy except for him, (maybe every once in a while think a guy is hot or think about what it would be like with out him) but You never could be with out your man, he is everything to you, like the other half of your brain.... you feel just so broken apart without him, and.....I can't explain it very well. Link to post Share on other sites
innocent Posted November 20, 2003 Share Posted November 20, 2003 sorry.... Link to post Share on other sites
InLove Posted November 20, 2003 Share Posted November 20, 2003 Yes you are quite right... i feel very much as though he could be someone i want to be with. That he could be the one for me............. The hesitation in my note is because, as lots of us on earth, i have been badly hurt and you know the saying, ones burnt twice shy. I am just very scared and perhaps doubting that I can make the right decision, which is so wrong, but like I said, I have been hurt before and I just don’t know what the right thing is to do anymore. I wish I could just follow my heart, but I know its not that easy! I just want to make the right choices with him, he is so special I don’t want to waist him on making the wrong decisions now! Link to post Share on other sites
wiseOLDman Posted November 20, 2003 Share Posted November 20, 2003 InLove, Absolutely go. You two are grown adults and, after two months, you have a comfort level with each other. It's not too early to meet his family. In fact, it's a good time to see what you're getting yourself into. If he's comfortable with you meeting his family, then go for it. And I think your plan of spending Christmas with your family, then traveling to spend time with his afterward is right on. Link to post Share on other sites
innocent Posted November 21, 2003 Share Posted November 21, 2003 Originally posted by InLove Yes you are quite right... i feel very much as though he could be someone i want to be with. That he could be the one for me............. The hesitation in my note is because, as lots of us on earth, i have been badly hurt and you know the saying, ones burnt twice shy. I am just very scared and perhaps doubting that I can make the right decision, which is so wrong, but like I said, I have been hurt before and I just don’t know what the right thing is to do anymore. I wish I could just follow my heart, but I know its not that easy! I just want to make the right choices with him, he is so special I don’t want to waist him on making the wrong decisions now! I know exactly what you mean. I am young but I have been burned several times and I have serious trust issues and I really doubted our relationship for a long time because I figured that even though he was different, all guys are the same but they are not, it was really hard but now I have given in, and I don't think he'll ever hurt me but that is what I said about all the others.... you have been through this too, so you know... but anyway the saying "better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all" says it all, just take a chance and the more you get to know him, and relate to him, the easier it will be for you to trust him....hey it's taken me almost two years but I really have issues.... Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted November 21, 2003 Share Posted November 21, 2003 I don't see this as such an earth-shattering decision. Isn't it the same as almost any other holiday invitation, by any friend or relative? You go if you have to or want to - and don't if you don't. I think it's quite charming that they have extended you an invitation this early on. It sounds like your guy talked you up quite a bit - or maybe they just questioned him about his special glow and appearance of happiness and he shyly confessed to your existence. Is sharing Christmas so intense that it should only be attempted if you two are practically married? I would look at it as a chance to share time with some new people who are probably just as nice as your new boyfriend and can also tell you some great childhood stories about him. I wouldn't disappoint my parents or anyone else with whom I had longstanding Christmas visit traditions just to spend time with people who are currently strangers, however. Nor would I spend this time if it would fill me with profound sadness not to be invited another year for whatever reason... Joyeux Noel! Link to post Share on other sites
sunnie23 Posted November 21, 2003 Share Posted November 21, 2003 the post x-mas plan sounds great to me.....you guys aren't teens anymore, so i'm sure the comfort level/committment is there with you. i'd be hesitant about spending the actual holiday with them, but visiting for a few days sounds perfect! Link to post Share on other sites
InLove Posted November 25, 2003 Share Posted November 25, 2003 I am sure some of you think me crazy to have posted this but believe it or not I have told a few of my friends and they all say that its CRAZY and really rushing things too much... cos then if it ends it hurts more blah blah blah... I think lots of them have seen me go through some painful things and don’t want to see it happen again, so now I find myself in a sea of confusion as to what is too much, enough or too little. I spent last weekend with him only to get an ear bashing from my parents telling me we are acting like a married couple and rushing this whole thing too much... I am so very, very confused I don’t know how to behave anymore. Some people say I shouldn't even see him more than once or twice a week... we should just date very casually... I don’t get it??? What do you all think? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted November 25, 2003 Share Posted November 25, 2003 Your relationship is your relationship. The two of you make the decisions. Don't let others mess in your life this way. Trust your gut. Link to post Share on other sites
Girlie Posted November 25, 2003 Share Posted November 25, 2003 Rushing things? I think the people you associate with need to chill out. It's just meeting his parents....not running off to elope. I met my current sweetie's parents just a couple of weeks or so into the relationship. We weren't planning for marriage or anything at that point. But he was seeing someone new and they were interested to find out more so he invited me to go out to dinner with everyone. It's a great way to gain some new insight into your partner. You get a feel for the kind of environment they grew up in and the people they were surrounded with. You get more insight into whether or not this is someone you could be in a long-term situation with. It doesn't mean that you're rushing into anything. You're simply becoming a part of someone's life and meeting their intimate circle. That being said, do what you are comfortable with. If you don't feel like you're ready to meet the parents, just say you'd like to wait. But if you want to go, don't let what other people say stop you. You're dating him...not them. Do what you want. If you want to see him every day and he feels the same, go for it. Life is too short to play by other people's rules. Do what's best for you. Link to post Share on other sites
InLove Posted November 25, 2003 Share Posted November 25, 2003 Originally posted by Girlie If you want to see him every day and he feels the same, go for it. Life is too short to play by other people's rules. Do what's best for you. What do you guys think about this??? I am not saying that i want to see him everyday but he is someone i LOVE being with... we hang out together at least 4 or 5 times per week... and often i sleep over there or he sleeps at my house. Do your guys think that this will ruin the relationship in the long run, spending all this time together??? Gees I sound like a 2 year old. Its just that he is the most special man I have met and don’t want to waist this… you know when they say “you’ll know when you meet ‘the one’.” Yeah well I feel like I may have! Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted November 25, 2003 Share Posted November 25, 2003 I think you missed the whole point! Life is too short to play by other people's rules. Do what's best for you. Quit asking your friends and everybody else what you should think. Think for yourself. Decide with him what you want to do and how you want to proceed. The ONLY opinion you need is HIS and none of us know him or can tell you what he wants. It is useless to ask strangers. Ask the man involved. Communicate with each other. Link to post Share on other sites
InLove Posted November 25, 2003 Share Posted November 25, 2003 moimeme I don't feel i have missed the point, I totally understand that life is too short, hence I don’t want to make a mistake with this man, as I want to be able to spend as much of life with him in the LONG RUN. I am not actually seeking approval from anyone but rather life experience… My mother used to say, ‘the quicker something starts the sooner it ends’ So its not about knowing him or me, its about other peoples life experience in the matter. We are no exception to the rules and reactions of life and love. We have both spoken about it and talk a lot about everything and we are both happy with the way things are BUT when you are in a situation you cant always be objective enough to say… blah, ra, or whatever. This is why I am asking for peoples opinions. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted November 25, 2003 Share Posted November 25, 2003 I know, InLove, but the problem is that others' experiences can't be analogous to yours - people vary so much. Some couples spend all their time together and are happy as clams that way. Others can't stand that much contact. You will get answers right across the spectrum - and in the end, none of them may apply to you and your BF. My dad and stepmom spent pretty much 24/7 together for 30 years!!!!! I knew another couple who spent dinner and evenings together only. Both couples were very happy and both would have recommended their way as the best way. So, really, our opinions can't do much other than confuse you more! Link to post Share on other sites
InLove Posted November 26, 2003 Share Posted November 26, 2003 Cool, thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
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