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Guys: would you risk your marriage in order to keep a female friend in your life?

avasmomman06

By avasmomman06,
in Friends and Lovers

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sally4sara

sally4sara

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I absolutely can. Thing is, i've been friends with this guy for 8 yrs. Long before his wife came into the picture. It's not like i just showed up when he got married and decided to become a homewrecker. Not my intentions. Just hard to let go of a long-term friendship, whether sex was involved or not. We've had some great times together. Non-romantically speaking.

 

If ever was a time he shoulda chose you, it would have been to marry you. He didn't marry you, so it isn't right for you to tell him to chose you now.

I understand that she could have tried to be your friend too (if that was something you would have wanted), but not everyone is comfortable with that and you (and he) need to respect that now, as it sounds too far gone to fix.

My SO is still friends with a couple of females he was intimate with in his past; they are now good friends of mine. However, if either of them had ever had the cheek to try and him how to handle a conflict he was having with me, it would be the last time they EVER darkened my door.

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Tayla

Tayla

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Vanilla, I regret to inform you that you are not in a clear frame to challenge anothers' experience. You are welcome to express your morals and ethics.

I stand by my experience and suggestion. Disagree all you want. It doesnt change what I have lived by and value dearly. Mature folks can be friends and can go Beyond the so called mentality that *married* folks can't have single friends. My married couple friends are a delight to have around and YES we all know our boundaries, I babysit for them so they can have date night, I have sat and cried with them when they lost a child, so do NOT assume that because I am single and because I may have had a history with one of them that I or they are incapable of genuine friendship! Yes mature adults can work out their differences. It takes an open mind and willing heart. Dont sell people short, there can be good in folks.

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avasmomman06

avasmomman06

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I know. And, she is a homewrecker too. She just doesn't care that much, because her having a "friend" outweighed someon'e marriage being wrecked.

 

Who pissed in your cheerios?

 

I'm sorry but you don't know me. You know ONE thing about me...as is probly the case with everyone on this site...so please, keep these kind of comments to yourself and grow up a little.

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avasmomman06

avasmomman06

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I know. And, she is a homewrecker too. She just doesn't care that much, because her having a "friend" outweighed someon'e marriage being wrecked.

 

Serious question...what was your point in this post?!

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carhill

carhill

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'yes or no' and 'why or why not'.

 

yes and, simply, because good friends are few and far between and I value them greatly. I would (and did) say exactly the same thing to my wife back when we were dating. In fact, I proposed to her at an old boyfriend's house. I find self-involved, territorial attitudes to be quite limiting and retrograde.

 

I lost (gave up) a long-time platonic female friend when I got married and regret that now. It was something I did voluntarily, but I now see the error in my ways. My wife kept all her friendships, of both genders, and they've been a great support to her during our divorce. I won't make that mistake again :)

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Woggle

Woggle

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Would you let your outside friend control you by telling you what you should say to your wife about your friendship? If she had so little respect for the marriage you chose, was she ever really your friend, anyway?

 

I don't let anybody control me. I don't really have any female friends that my wife has to worry about and I am not on good terms with any exes but if I did have a female friend I would not give her up.

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vanilla87

vanilla87

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Vanilla, I regret to inform you that you are not in a clear frame to challenge anothers' experience. You are welcome to express your morals and ethics.

I stand by my experience and suggestion. Disagree all you want. It doesnt change what I have lived by and value dearly. Mature folks can be friends and can go Beyond the so called mentality that *married* folks can't have single friends. My married couple friends are a delight to have around and YES we all know our boundaries, I babysit for them so they can have date night, I have sat and cried with them when they lost a child, so do NOT assume that because I am single and because I may have had a history with one of them that I or they are incapable of genuine friendship! Yes mature adults can work out their differences. It takes an open mind and willing heart. Dont sell people short, there can be good in folks.

 

But I bet you never once had any sexual relations with your married friends before they were married, now did you? If I'm correct then you can't understand the situation one bit.

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vanilla87

vanilla87

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yes and, simply, because good friends are few and far between and I value them greatly. I would (and did) say exactly the same thing to my wife back when we were dating. In fact, I proposed to her at an old boyfriend's house. I find self-involved, territorial attitudes to be quite limiting and retrograde.

 

I lost (gave up) a long-time platonic female friend when I got married and regret that now. It was something I did voluntarily, but I now see the error in my ways. My wife kept all her friendships, of both genders, and they've been a great support to her during our divorce. I won't make that mistake again :)

 

Yes but you dissolved a PLATONIC friendship, not of one that was SEXUAL at any point in time. So thats the situation with this girl. She HAD SEX with him and now they are still friends and his wife doesn't like the fact that they are cause maybe she was told that they had sex or she is picking up on sexual vibes coming from one side or both sides of the friendship and its freaking her out, which explains a lot to her behavior then. She has a right to make her husband choose.

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vanilla87

vanilla87

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I don't let anybody control me. I don't really have any female friends that my wife has to worry about and I am not on good terms with any exes but if I did have a female friend I would not give her up.

 

Well if you didn't then there was no threat to the marriage, which means no one was under the impression that someone had sexual desires for one another or just one of the people in the friendship itself.

 

What the problem is that she is friends with a guy she use to be lovers with and had sex, so that is a problem if the wife thinks there could be one. Maybe she trusts her husband, but not the girl... or maybe her husband has cheated in the past and fears that his female friend could seduce her husband away and then everything is ruined. We don't know why the wife is making her husband choose but I most certainly can tell by the information given that its about something sexual that wife knows that the female friend doesn't know or hasn't realized yet...

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carhill

carhill

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Yes but you dissolved a PLATONIC friendship, not of one that was SEXUAL at any point in time. So thats the situation with this girl.

 

I answered the OP. It did not specify platonic or sexual. The boyfriend's house I proposed at was a sexual past partner and current friend of my wife's (still is). My female friend was platonic. All my female friends are platonic. If they're not platonic, they're ex-GF's or wives. I don't sleep around :)

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