Do you ever wonder........

[Cora]

Do you ever wonder if there really is someone out there for you? If you really can find happiness? What if you never find that person? What if they don't exist? Are you okay with being alone for the rest of your life?

 

I have been thinking a lot about this for some reason. I wonder all the time what it would be like to actually be in a relationship. I'll see a couple sharing a kiss, holding hands or laughing together and I wonder what that must feel like? I have been on a few dates here and there and had the casual fling, but I have always wanted to know what it felt like to be in love with someone and actually have them love you in return? To be commited to someone you care deeply about. I will go for awhile being okay with being alone and thinking I can accept this if this is what is meant to be, but then other moments I feel lonely and I start to wish I could find someone to share my life with even if it is only for a few short months. Just to be able to feel that connection with someone, just once, if only for a short while.

 

Sometimes I go through the whole bitter and cynical stage where I think the whole concept of love and being in love is so stupid. I tell myself love hurts so I don't need it, but I have never been in love so how the hell would I know? I think that is just the fear in me talking. It doesn't change the fact that I still long to find it someday, whether it's out there for me or not. No matter how bitter or cynical I may get, I still choose to believe that it could happen for me. I still hang on to hope no matter how pathetic it may sound. Okay, getting way too deep here! That's enough of my babbling for tonight! :p

[xpaperxcutx]

I think this is where being patient and content with what you have at the current moment comes in. I truly believe that the more you search for something the more the answer evades you. Sometimes it isn't bad to just sit back and let that " special someone" come along on their own.

[BCCA]

I dont think love is something you search for, I think it finds you. I dont think there can be only one person out there for anyone, I think there are at least hundreds, if not thousands, of people that would get along with you just fine. Problem is, the world has millions and millions of people, so youre weeding through a lot to get what youre after.

[caliguy999]

Whenever you start thinking about that stuff just go work out. That's what I do.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Hoo boy, been there and done that. It is painful to consider those things. I have been going through an internal overhaul though and have managed to stop obsessing over stuff like that. Every day that goes by I get more and more indifferent to it. I'm almost there and can't wait to have it not even occur to me that it is something to consider.

 

Sometimes there is no 'happily ever after' in terms of love/relationships and I'm working toward fully accepting that.

[mike88]

When you meet someone 'special' and it doesn't work out, you tend to think they were amazing and no one can replace them. But when you start getting out again and meeting new people you always meet girls/guys who are just as amazing. There are loads of decent people left out there, don't lose faith in humanity. But don't think being in a relationship is everything either.

[Cora]

LOL yeah I think I just had one of those weird moments. It would be nice to have someone in my life to share a laugh or two with.......maybe even fall in love, but I think I'll be okay if I just never end up with someone. When I really really really think about it if you live a full life with no regrets then that's enough. I tend to think about these things when I feel lonely, but life is too short to be anything but happy. I think if I work on my self-esteem, keep busy, spend much time with friends and family and live life to the fullest I'll be just fine!

[EsmerKiss7]

When I really really really think about it if you live a full life with no regrets then that's enough. I tend to think about these things when I feel lonely, but life is too short to be anything but happy. I think if I work on my self-esteem, keep busy, spend much time with friends and family and live life to the fullest I'll be just fine!

 

I agree Cora, you life should always be lived to the fullest..

 

I also I understand where you are coming from with the loneliness tho, because although you may be successful or happy in a way, you always kind of wonder if your destined to be alone. I think there is a difference between being alone and being happy with life. On one hand you may be successful and have the life you dreamed of, that may be your happiness, but on the other hand you are lacking the person to live it with..

 

Anyway, i'm getting sidetracked - My point is just that I understand what your saying. Right now i'm on the road to completing my short-term goals and career stepping stones, i'm content with the amount of money I make, and have a decent amount of friends to hang out with. Things are pretty sweet I guess, yet I have yet to meet the right guy. I know I need to be patient and just go with the flow, which is cool (i'd rather do that than rush!) but that doesn't stop me from occassionally wondering if in the long run i'm meant to be alone.

[Vlad]

I've found my "soulmate" in every girl I've been with, I think I might have a problem

[xpaperxcutx]

I've found my "soulmate" in every girl I've been with, I think I might have a problem

 

Evidence of a cheating mentality?

[pandagirl]

I've found my "soulmate" in every girl I've been with, I think I might have a problem

 

My best friend is one of the most emotionally mature, stable, healthy, loving people I have ever known.

 

She got married when she was 26, still happily married with a kid now.

 

Anyway, my point is, she was in about four serious relationships before her husband and she says she loved them all. Some people have a bigger capacity to love, more free, more willingly to open up than others.

[Vlad]

Evidence of a cheating mentality?

Yes, but I've never developed a relationship if I have one already, not trying to say that is ok tough.

 

Cause you cant call a one nightstand or a few sexual encounters a relationship right?

[Vlad]

My best friend is one of the most emotionally mature, stable, healthy, loving people I have ever known.

 

She got married when she was 26, still happily married with a kid now.

 

Anyway, my point is, she was in about four serious relationships before her husband and she says she loved them all. Some people have a bigger capacity to love, more free, more willingly to open up than others.

Thank you, I think you and I are going to get along very well.

 

I've a very good lasting relationship with every girl I've been with, even after some years of not seeing them.

[Thornton]

I've been in love, but I wasn't loved in return. Other people have loved me, but I didn't love them. So I guess I've never really had a mutually loving relationship, and I don't think I ever will.... I've been dating for best part of two decades and I haven't found a mutually loving relationship yet, so I don't hold out much hope for finding one now.

 

What I can say is this: When I was in love, there was a short period during which I thought the guys in question loved me in return, and it was the best feeling in the world. It was like I could do anything, like I could cope with whatever life threw at me as long as I had this person by my side, like everything in the universe had worked out right and I was where I was supposed to be. It was just a completely content, happy and peaceful feeling. I'd give anything to have that feeling and for it to be real, for the person to genuinely love me in return, and for the relationship to last. Unfortunately I'm rather sceptical and I doubt that such a thing could ever happen, so I guess the best option is to settle for someone stable whom I get along with. It might not be all hearts and fireworks... I might not be ecstatically happy, but at least I won't be unhappy and lonely, which is how I ended up after losing the people that I loved.

[Isolde]

I've been in love, but I wasn't loved in return. Other people have loved me, but I didn't love them. So I guess I've never really had a mutually loving relationship, and I don't think I ever will.... I've been dating for best part of two decades and I haven't found a mutually loving relationship yet, so I don't hold out much hope for finding one now.

 

What I can say is this: When I was in love, there was a short period during which I thought the guys in question loved me in return, and it was the best feeling in the world. It was like I could do anything, like I could cope with whatever life threw at me as long as I had this person by my side, like everything in the universe had worked out right and I was where I was supposed to be. It was just a completely content, happy and peaceful feeling. I'd give anything to have that feeling and for it to be real, for the person to genuinely love me in return, and for the relationship to last. Unfortunately I'm rather sceptical and I doubt that such a thing could ever happen, so I guess the best option is to settle for someone stable whom I get along with. It might not be all hearts and fireworks... I might not be ecstatically happy, but at least I won't be unhappy and lonely, which is how I ended up after losing the people that I loved.

 

Thornton, you're 30, correct? Lots of people find a good R or marriage in their thirties.

 

I don't completely disagree with some of the things you say, but in your threads I always see you articulate men as a "catch" or a "prize" and the women, as those who have to settle. I think the reality is much more complex than that. I get what you are saying, that demand exceeds supply despite the best of intentions, but ultimately, you probably don't want to marry someone you only like, not even kinda-love. OK, it is an option, depending on what your priorities in life are, but is it really the only option? And what if your H needed more than you did to be happy in the M?

[looking4 green grass]

I wonder that ALL the time. But, rather than obsess about it like I used to (post divorce) I decided that I should put all my efforts into ME rather than into somebody else. That way, if it doesn't work out, I'll still be rocking it out at the top of my career field. So far that life plan has taken me farther than I ever imagined and I've cared less and less about "happily ever after." If it happens, great, if it happens in 10 or 20 years, awesome, if it never happens....I guess I'll just have to take over the world or something in my old age since I won't have anyone to talk sense into me. haha! j/k

 

And of course, I will always have my dog. Does that count? She's been around longer than any man!

[Thornton]

Thornton, you're 30, correct? Lots of people find a good R or marriage in their thirties.

 

I don't completely disagree with some of the things you say, but in your threads I always see you articulate men as a "catch" or a "prize" and the women, as those who have to settle. I think the reality is much more complex than that. I get what you are saying, that demand exceeds supply despite the best of intentions, but ultimately, you probably don't want to marry someone you only like, not even kinda-love. OK, it is an option, depending on what your priorities in life are, but is it really the only option? And what if your H needed more than you did to be happy in the M?

 

I think that when people are young, a good woman is more of a catch and she has a lot more prospects... she can basically take her pick of men. While women's value is at its peak, young men have to settle for what they can get. However, by 30-ish the balance begins to change... men's value has increased as they progress in their careers and learn the importance of working out etc, while women's value has decreased somewhat due to dwindling fertility and the likelihood of having custody of children. At this point the men find that it's their turn to take their pick of women, and it's the women who have to settle for what they can get. So as a woman, if you didn't bag a good man early on while your marital value was at its peak, you may end up having to settle later on.

 

I do agree with the statement that "ultimately, you probably don't want to marry someone you only like, not even kinda-love"... but if finding someone I love was an option, I assure you that I'd go for it. However since my biological clock is beginning to tick very loudly, and the good men of my age seem to want to date younger women than me, I am beginning to think that even marrying someone I "like" would be an achievement at this point. I figure I may as well settle for a higher calibre of "Not-Mr-Right" while I still have some marital value, rather than wait several more years and really have to compromise.

[Isolde]

 

I do agree with the statement that "ultimately, you probably don't want to marry someone you only like, not even kinda-love"... but if finding someone I love was an option, I assure you that I'd go for it. However since my biological clock is beginning to tick very loudly, and the good men of my age seem to want to date younger women than me, I am beginning to think that even marrying someone I "like" would be an achievement at this point. I figure I may as well settle for a higher calibre of "Not-Mr-Right" while I still have some marital value, rather than wait several more years and really have to compromise.

 

Again, there's a grain of truth in what you say but I don't know if it's the whole truth. I'm 23 and guys aren't exactly knocking at my door.

[Els]

Do you ever wonder if there really is someone out there for you? If you really can find happiness? What if you never find that person? What if they don't exist? Are you okay with being alone for the rest of your life?

 

Oh yes, I did, from the time I was 15 (I hit emotional puberty late, okay!) right up til the time I was 19. I found my first boyfriend then.

 

It really is only a phase (or two, or three...) for most of us.

[Pedigree]

Do you ever wonder if there really is someone out there for you? If you really can find happiness? What if you never find that person? What if they don't exist? Are you okay with being alone for the rest of your life?

 

Definitely. Usually those thoughts are at their worst during reunions with extended family where uncles and aunts would ask me if I have a girlfriend and would tell me to look for one, as if it's something that just happens.

 

When I followed their advice, it's 6 months of going after girls and just generally being desperate. I've learned since to just ignore them on this topic. It's not fun going around, looking for potential girlfriends, and getting rejected once again.

[MissJoness]

Nope. There isn't somebody for everybody. I hate when people say there is, if so, then everybody would be coupled up with their perfect match.

[Pedigree]

Nope. There isn't somebody for everybody. I hate when people say there is, if so, then everybody would be coupled up with their perfect match.

 

It's not that everyone's coupled up with their perfect match. I think luck gets you with someone, the rest is up to you.

[splintered thing]

I have been thinking a lot about this for some reason. I wonder all the time what it would be like to actually be in a relationship. I'll see a couple sharing a kiss, holding hands or laughing together and I wonder what that must feel like? I have been on a few dates here and there and had the casual fling, but I have always wanted to know what it felt like to be in love with someone and actually have them love you in return? To be commited to someone you care deeply about.

 

I used to wish for that kind of thing...just to be wanted, even...or, if I were really bold, to have at least a taste of that giddy / crazy / mutually in-love emotional high. Just once, even if it's just for a day. But, me and Janis Ian, we learned the truth at seventeen. Not all your wishes can come true.

 

I can appreciate it in others, enjoy it on the big screen...and, when you think about it, getting left out of the fights and breakups that so often follow isn't such a bad thing.

 

Nowadays the whole concept seems all too alien; I don't even imagine myself in that role any more. I doubt I'd even know how to do it at this point. There's nobody out there that I'd be special to and that's okay.

 

But I still like to see it in the movies.

[Els]

DON'T listen to Janis Ian's song, gosh. If love was truly only meant for beauty queens, 90% of women (AND men) would be single. That is obviously not the case.