Staying with a cheater

[Javelin]

the world is imperfect and I think people give up on relationships too easily.

 

Cheaters are the ones that give up too easily and by cheating, it's their selfish way out.

 

Instead of working through the hardships, they'd rather jump ship for 20 minutes and completely ruin something that had the potential to be great.

[norajane]

He helped me with dinner and said goodnight and that he worships me and loves me and I am a selfish bitch.

Any guy that called me that would be out the door immediately. He's calling you names. That's abusive. That's what he thinks of you - bitch. Do you get it that it's not loving behavior for the man in your life to call you names? Do you get it that a man who believes you are a bitch is not the kind of man who loves you?

 

He hasn't accepted my apology yet but he said that he wants me to be his girlfriend and we will see how we go.

 

I screwed up badly this time.

 

HE CHEATED ON YOU. That's a million times worse than what you did. Yet he expects you to forgive and forget and move on. But he'll hold this over your head for as long as he can keep you anxious and worried and trying to get him to forgive you. He's trying to put the pressure on you so that you'll forget that HE'S A CHEATER. And it's working! You're far more worried about what he thinks of you than of whether this guy who makes you miserable is worth all the pain.

 

 

Find that counselor - FAST.

[Browneyedbelle]

My boyfriend cheated on me almost one year ago and here I am, crying about it. When does it end? Does anyone have any tips for coping?

 

We fell hard in love, I was his third girlfriend, he was my second boyfriend. He cheated on his last girlfriend with THE SAME GIRL that he cheated on me with after dating me for four months. His relationship with the last girl was not serious. It was the biggest shock of my entire life and the biggest shock to all his friends as well. They felt my pain and shunned him for a long time.

 

I remember every detail of the next morning when he told me. He was crying (he never cries) and said he felt like dying. I was going to just walk out on him like I said I would millions of times before in a "what would you do" scenario....but i turned back. And I told him that I think we could work through it.

 

But I have cried SO much, I have been insecure and jealous and there have been times when my confidence has been shaken again because of the fear I have that he will do it again.

 

To most people I am strong, to my boyfriend I am jealous, to me I am letting myself down because I took him back. I would never advise anyone to continue a relationship after infidelity.

 

BUT people do it. How do they do it???

 

I live with him now, we are in love with each other....he tells me he is completely over it and that it is so in the past and he has moved on and wants to move on with me. I have only JUST stopped bringing it up in the last few weeks, but of course I think about it daily.

 

Can anyone tell me their stories?

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Ok baby girl Ill lay out a real doozie for ya. I met my bf on myspce of all places. I had just broken up with my guy of 4 years bc it wasnt working (another story there). He and I hit it off great, talked for three weeks before meeting up and it was like love at first sight for me... Well things were going great... or so I thought. I found out by going through his phone (stupid yes but I needed his sisters # and he was asleep) well I found some seriously graphic pics he'd been sending to 3 other girls and seriously graphic texts about what they'd do to him and what he'd do back... yea it was goin both ways.... well I confronted him about it new years eve... he was working and I went out with his friends who adored me and asked me to go... needless to say they were shocked and ended up not talking to him anymore. well come to find out i stayed with him bc i thought well maybe Im enough he'll change... YEA..... he told me what I wanted to hear....

 

turns out he cheated on me 7 times in the first 7 months we were together.. I kept leaving he kept coming after me...

 

then I found out he was trying to meet up with GUYS.... I confront him about that and he admits he's been bi since he was 13... his last guy was about1 year before me.... truth be told what I did and EVERYONE thinks Im nuts but I dont care....

 

I made him change his phone number (each time) and I made him sell his laptop. Now I go through his phone any damn time I want and he can't say a friggin thing about it. Yea it bothers me and I do it less and less and we are doin good now but i've told him flat out. I love you yes, but i dont trust you. you have to earn that... we talk about everything now and he's opened up to me about alot and I understand but he has to understand too. If he want to text dirty or send those kinda pics he has a gf for that.

 

Its ALOT more involved then that but thats the gist of it... hope it helps... if you need someone to talk to sometimes its easier to talk to a stranger than someone you know... you can email me at renea g 86 @ aol dot com... (no spaces) or im me on yahoo msngr.. kassie dot griffin... (thats a . not the word dot lol)

[bluestraps]

Just be mature about it , It may be easier when a person is older because you realize people are wierd and you get jaded . And the world as far as dating and marriage has changed. This is one topic I am very well versed in your relationship is relativly new so get straight both of you, and be glad if you have a good time and if you have the proper chemistry. This is the most important thing... Communication.... Why did they cheat ? . if you did something wrong fix it. If they say something like " i am not a one woman man", or "I just was looking for something else" then I would think twice about being with them

[m-j]

Just be mature about it , It may be easier when a person is older because you realize people are wierd and you get jaded . And the world as far as dating and marriage has changed. This is one topic I am very well versed in your relationship is relativly new so get straight both of you, and be glad if you have a good time and if you have the proper chemistry. This is the most important thing... Communication.... Why did they cheat ? . if you did something wrong fix it. If they say something like " i am not a one woman man", or "I just was looking for something else" then I would think twice about being with them

 

Well, my boyfriend and I had another fight while away camping on the weekend. He was being too flirtatious and ignoring me and hanging out with his female friends too much and it built up and up and i eventually flipped out in the most embarrassing way. There were alot of little events that took place and as he was laying in the lap of his female best friend i asked if he could talk to me and he refused, in front of two other female friends of his. i flipped out.

 

i think he might break up with me because he is sick of me being so jealous and having psychotic episodes. if he does break up with me, i wont have any reasons why he shouldnt except we love each other and have a connection...but its not really enough is it.

 

he has mentioned before that he cheated because a) he has an ego problem and having a hot available girl was too much temptation and b) that he felt like he had not had an equal sexual past to me and that I had slept with alot more people than him and he felt inadequate or something along those lines...despite the fact that he had already slept with this girl previously (it wasnt another notch on the belt, its just a deeper notch in the same spot).

 

cheating really messes up a relationship.

 

two interesting facts are:

he behaves in the same way with his female friends as his little SISTERS. it is not sexual, it is just caring and loving and affectionate. and i come from a family of no physical affection so i only ever relate physical touch to a sexual partner. interesting fact???

 

i have never had a close one-on-one friendship with a male where he didnt end up developing feelings for me either. So its hard for me to understand a really close, intimate different-sex friendship where feelings arent involved.

 

what do you all think? am I letting emotions and past experiences get in the way of judging his true character?

[norajane]

You are letting your feelings for him and your desperation to be with him prevent you from seeing and believing and accepting that he's an ass and that you should expect far, far better from men.

 

I don't know why you're so hot to have this guy in your life, but whatever it is, you are allowing him to treat you like you don't matter, to treat you like sh*t, and you're even blaming yourself for his sh*tty behavior.

 

Maybe you've never had a good relationship. This isn't what a good relationship is like. Not at all.

 

Did you find that counselor yet? You should, and quickly. The longer you allow guys to treat you like dirt and the longer you believe you should be treated like dirt, the longer you will suffer and be miserable and will only be with guys who treat you like dirt. That's all you know, and you'll think that's how it's supposed to be. It's not supposed to be like that. You're not supposed to always be miserable, to always be fighting. He's not supposed to always do things that make you feel bad.