Fiancee Read 1 Text Message After Night Out

[LaDiva]

Hello Love Shack!

 

Long time no speak... but you are always where I run to when I need advice in my LOVE life!

 

And this is gonna be long as hell.

 

So I took a year off from dating and end up meeting my fiancee at a local park. He's 13 years older than me (38). Very sweet, gentle, caring, sexy a Man's Man! (I mean hey! we could be here all day!)

 

The problem is, he is such a homebody! HE NEVER WANTS TO GO OUT! LOL... its funny... but its not. We live together and have lived together for almost a year. His daughters call me Mommy Diva and I love him and his girls to death.

 

I've become like an instant wife/mom. I think I even like being a homebody sometimes with him... he gives great massages and is really thoughtful, makes me breakfast, my friends came in from out of state and cleaned the house after us and cooked, made us drinks the whole weekend - Did I say he's freaking awesome?

 

He asked me to marry him in February and I said yes. Our one year anniversary is this Friday. However, because his idea of the two of us having a date night is to bring home a bootleg movie and takeout ( I mean... HI! Why can't we go see the ACTUAL movie and have dinner?) Am I asking for too much?... I decided to go out with a co-worker who is also my friend. We go out, we dance, I have a lil' too much LiQuOR in my system (not an excuse, but you have to understand since I stay home such much and don't drink anymore (because he also had issues with a woman he dated who was an alcoholic), I've lost my drinking legs.) So maybe allowing people to buy me 7 bahama mamas and a sex on the beach wasnt a good idea.

 

Anyhoo, at the end of the night, I was waiting for my friend to finish talking to the guy she'd been scheming on all night, and this big body BENZ pulls up next to me, the guy tells me that he saw me in the club and just wanted to tell me that I'm beautiful. I said thanks. He asked if i had a man, and I said YES! and two beautiful girls! He stated that he if he couldn't be my man then could he be my friend... I said OF COURSE. We exchange numbers.... I tell him my phone's not working - and slide in, well... don't call me for a while -

 

<OK PAUSE> I don't know why I did it dammit, I just did.

 

Continuing on. He asks us do we want to go to breakfast I say, we want to but NYC is big, where should we go... and he's like I would love to take u guys to breakfast in the village. We go to a dinner, I've spent all of 20 minutes with this guy eating french toast and eggs, and I BOUNCE with my girlfriend/co-worker... hoping to never see him again.

 

WELL he texts me at 7:30 in the morning: "Hey sexy, im just pulling into my driveway, and wanted to thank you for spending time with me."

 

My baby never checks up on me, but he decided to this night. And OMG!

 

Basically to make a long story short I say: Why did you go through my phone.

 

He makes it into a joke and says it was vibrating off the table, but then he gets mad and says I VIOLATED him and his trust, and since I seem to make all of the financial decisions, sexual decisions... now I seem to be making decisions about seeing other people... he wished me good luck. I'm like are you breaking up with me? And he says that I - La Diva - broke us up.

 

For the past two days, he has slept in the living room, and refuses to talk to me.

 

I made him lasagna (which I haven't made for 10 yrs since my grandmother passed away) and he ate it, but I tried to broach the subject with him, last night and he says "we're fine, i just need to be alone". Which is not how I want to deal with it, because I never meant to EVER call this other guy out of it...

 

I guess I just flirted too much, had too much alcohol. Whatever, but he's acting as if I CHEATED on him, by kissing another guy, sexing somebody and then coming home. I could have lied, and let him think that it was my friend or a whole slew of other things. But I was honest, and for that I feel I'm being punished.

 

This morning he turns our Christmas family photo of me, him, and the children around on the wall so now the frame looks blank.

 

I just feel like I'm tired of apologizing for not cheating. Without placing the blame, I feel like if he would just take me out, it doens't have to be to a club, then I wouldn't act like I have to get it "all out of my system" before I go hibernating for the next 6 months!

 

Please help me, I want to be able to have fun with my fiancee. Not have "fun" without him.

[Lucky_One]

Anyhoo, at the end of the night, I was waiting for my friend to finish talking to the guy she'd been scheming on all night, and this big body BENZ pulls up next to me, the guy tells me that he saw me in the club and just wanted to tell me that I'm beautiful. I said thanks. He asked if i had a man, and I said YES! and two beautiful girls! He stated that he if he couldn't be my man then could he be my friend... I said OF COURSE. We exchange numbers.... I tell him my phone's not working - and slide in, well... don't call me for a while -

 

<OK PAUSE> I don't know why I did it dammit, I just did.

 

WELL he texts me at 7:30 in the morning: "Hey sexy, im just pulling into my driveway, and wanted to thank you for spending time with me."

 

I guess I just flirted too much, had too much alcohol. Whatever, but he's acting as if I CHEATED on him, by kissing another guy, sexing somebody and then coming home. I could have lied, and let him think that it was my friend or a whole slew of other things. But I was honest, and for that I feel I'm being punished.

 

I just feel like I'm tired of apologizing for not cheating.

 

I obvviously need a dictionary, because I would call kissing someone and "sexing somebody" as cheating.

[Wakely]

I obvviously need a dictionary, because I would call kissing someone and "sexing somebody" as cheating.

 

She didn't do those things.

[LaDiva]

I obvviously need a dictionary, because I would call kissing someone and "sexing somebody" as cheating.

 

can't stand it when people judge you.

 

Like would it be wrong if I said maybe you should just plain old READ a dictionary? Start with the word IF and then get back to me?

 

I just exchanged numbers with the guy and he text me.

[Lucky_One]

"Whatever, but he's acting as if I CHEATED on him, by kissing another guy, sexing somebody and then coming home."

 

Sorry, but you did NOT say that you did nothing.

 

And with the whole pause thing? You make it sound as though you get into his car and did something.

 

"We exchange numbers.... I tell him my phone's not working - and slide in, well... don't call me for a while -

 

<OK PAUSE> I don't know why I did it dammit, I just did. "

 

So don't jump on MY ass for not being able to comprehend, when it is your writing style that is the problem. Hey - if someone can't call you for a while, that implies that you were just a little too.....busy.....to take a call.

 

As for what you can do to fix things with your BF? I have no idea. You obviously are open to the idea of a friend who finds you sexy, and you don't mind going out for a breakfast date with him even though he is a stranger. If I were your fiance, I would be livid, as well.

[LaDiva]

While I do not comprehend how you do not understand " he's acting AS IF I CHEATED on him, by kissing another guy, sexing somebodyand then coming home."

 

I can ignore that... what I cannot ignore, is your blatant disregard for the post in itsself.

 

I asked how can I have FUN with my fiancee?

 

Of course he's upset - I get it. I really do. I'd be upset if he received a text like that after a night of partying.

 

However, the underlying problem is that we never go out.

 

If he forgives me, great, if he doesn't this is a learning experience yes... but it doesn't mean that I should be holed up in the house either.

[Island Girl]

can't stand it when people judge you.

 

Like would it be wrong if I said maybe you should just plain old READ a dictionary? Start with the word IF and then get back to me?

 

I just exchanged numbers with the guy and he text me.

 

The problem is he trusted you.

 

And this situation makes him second guess his trust.

HE doesn't know that these things didn't happen - he doesn't KNOW it was simply a text and that is all (and really it wasn't - it was flirting - a meal together - and a text).

You say you told him the truth.

But he has to TRUST you that you are telling the truth.

And you just showed him he shouldn't trust you. See the dilemma?

 

And BTW - going to a meal with some guy that is clearly interested in you is just bad mojo. It throws all the wrong signals - hence this guy texting you what he did. Lots of women say they have boyfriends but don't -- or say they do and they really do but they cheat on them.

You gave him the idea it was a possibilities you could be like one of THOSE girls.

So for future reference. Act married. For all rights and purposes you are married. A married woman doesn't dine with strange men who hit on her and exchange phone numbers.

 

As you now are finding out trust is a great gift and given freely.

But if you put it into question it is very really really hard to get back.

 

All of that said - you need to get humble.

You haven't a leg to stand on so don't get upset or hurt about the situation YOU are in. You put yourself in that hotseat.

 

If you want your relationship to get better and past this then you need to recognize how HE feels. HE was betrayed -- not you.

His trust was violated - not yours.

HE gets to feel hurt and angry -- you don't.

 

The best thing you can do is EMPATHIZE and show him how sorry you are - one lasagna isn't going to do it.

 

That text said "hey sexy thanks for spending time with me".

Does THAT sound like a group of people eating and then out? Or does it sound like you may have spent some alone time together.

YEA. Answer B.

And again -- who does he have to believe? The person who obviously betrayed him and admits she did on some level (he's just not sure how deep that goes).

 

You should be a completely open book -- and invite him to ask anything he wants about any subject he wants for as long as he has to to know you are honest with him and trustworthy.

If you do that and just answer any question with a straight answer - he'll get past it and eventually won't need to ask anymore.

But this is his time line - there is no hard fast rule about when someone gives their trust and faith back completely after betrayal.

[AAlike]

well...I can tell you this, I am generally one of the more liberal people on here as it regards what constitutes acceptable behavior within a relationship. I think people can healthily still be flirty and sexy without ill intent or effects, and I think that you can potentially be friends with people of the opposite sex. I am a few years younger than your guy (33), and if I dated a 25-year old I'd be well aware of the fact that she probably would need to go out on occassion and feel sexy and act flirty. I'm actually happy when my girl says that she got hit on - I like when she feels sexy and trust her to act accordingly. so I can see your frustration, and he should understand that one of the byproducts of dating someone significantly younger is that you need to own up and do some stuff that you feel like you yourself may have outgrown.

 

That said, I think that I would have a problem with your actions. reciprocating the flirtiness for a little bit, even taking the guy's number I wouldn't be upset about. but to give your number to him and then let a guy that you didn't know take you to breakfast in the middle of the night is not only not the most prudent thing in the book, I think it definitely sends a signal that you are interested in the guy despite telling him that you had a man. I know if I were the guy in the Benz I'd be figuring that you were at least shopping around.

 

you are right, however, that if you've apologized profusely that there's nothing more that you can do, and he needs to make a decision rather than being all passive-aggressive with you.

[AAlike]

another question is how, if at all, did you communicate your concerns about lack of fun with him before this fateful evening?

[LaDiva]

Thank you very much for your open honesty.

 

It was like you hit the nail on the head... I guess I didn't think about it. I will go home and turn the portrait back around and take down the note that says I don't want this photo moved because its not helping me or you fix this situation.

 

I can't be demanding... I messed up and big time.

 

I love him, and would have never imagined this taking the turn for the worst... I'm not naive or anything, I just wasnt thinking clearly that this could be bad.

[LaDiva]

well...I can tell you this, I am generally one of the more liberal people on here as it regards what constitutes acceptable behavior within a relationship. I think people can healthily still be flirty and sexy without ill intent or effects, and I think that you can potentially be friends with people of the opposite sex. I am a few years younger than your guy (33), and if I dated a 25-year old I'd be well aware of the fact that she probably would need to go out on occassion and feel sexy and act flirty. I'm actually happy when my girl says that she got hit on - I like when she feels sexy and trust her to act accordingly. so I can see your frustration, and he should understand that one of the byproducts of dating someone significantly younger is that you need to own up and do some stuff that you feel like you yourself may have outgrown.

 

That said, I think that I would have a problem with your actions. reciprocating the flirtiness for a little bit, even taking the guy's number I wouldn't be upset about. but to give your number to him and then let a guy that you didn't know take you to breakfast in the middle of the night is not only not the most prudent thing in the book, I think it definitely sends a signal that you are interested in the guy despite telling him that you had a man. I know if I were the guy in the Benz I'd be figuring that you were at least shopping around.

 

you are right, however, that if you've apologized profusely that there's nothing more that you can do, and he needs to make a decision rather than being all passive-aggressive with you.

 

 

How do I win his trust back? He always tells me that he realizes I'm beautiful and that guys will hit on me... and he even says he feels proud... but I feel that he wants to keep me locked up and holed in, so that no one else gets to me or something, I don't even know.

[LaDiva]

another question is how, if at all, did you communicate your concerns about lack of fun with him before this fateful evening?

 

 

Actually, yes, it's a constant conversation/argument/dealbreaker in our household. Apparently, his ex who is also the mother of his daughters, broke up with him for the same reason...

 

She was with him from 25 - 30 years of age, [ He was 30 - 25]

 

And she had the same complaint, that he never wanted to do "anything".

 

He told me that after his custody case wrapped up, that he would show me how different/romantic/outgoing he can be... but everytime I suggest something, lets go for a walk. Not right now. Lets go to the gym... I'm not in the mood. Lets go catch a movie.... ok. and then he doesn't follow through.

 

let's go out of town this weekend. I can't... I don't want to switch weekends with the kids mother.

 

What are we doing for our anniversary?... I was thinking we could stay home, make a nice dinner together, listen to some music, and then make our own music.

 

To the untrained eye... it all sounds great... like why should I be upset that my man wants to stay home and not be out in the street... but I'm going crazy!

 

Neither one of us is old! and I feel like us not going out is making our relationship handicapped.

 

I am a social butterfly, and he is a social larvae.

 

I don't get it. When I do broach the subject it turns into an argument because it "reminds him of the past"

[MSUE]

In my book you cheated...and why would you go to breakfast??? your Bf going trough your phone...was a gut instinct and he was right...you betrayed his trust...and once that's done it's very difficult to bounce back...alcohol or not ypu were well aware of what you did...I have no advice on how to get your R back in track...you have already done all the apologizing possible...ball is in his court now

[LaDiva]

In my book you cheated...and why would you go to breakfast??? your Bf going trough your phone...was a gut instinct and he was right...you betrayed his trust...and once that's done it's very difficult to bounce back...alcohol or not ypu were well aware of what you did...I have no advice on how to get your R back in track...you have already done all the apologizing possible...ball is in his court now

 

 

 

Did I really cheat? What is the definition of cheating? Esp in this circumstance? I can honestly admit that I acted indiscreetly... but I was with a female friend and we were going to breakfast anyway, my boyfriend knows that I am the type to invite random people out on the streets places or give advice.

 

Was this that type of situation? No. While I can assure you that I acted stupidly, I don't believe that I cheated on him. I did not have a physical or emotional connection with this other person at all.

[Lucky_One]

He is the way he is - and he apparently is not willing to change, even though he realizes that this could be a deal-breaker for you as well as for his wife. He is happy being the way he is - a homebody.

 

You, on the other hand, aren't a homebody. You are happy with the way you are.

 

It would appear that you are two intrinsically different people with different needs. You immediately moved in with him before you really knew each other, and he asked you to marry him after only dating 5 months - again without knowing each other that well.

 

He divorced at age 30? Is that what "She was with him from 25 - 30 years of age, [ He was 30 - 25]" means? And he is 13 years older than you? I am hoping that he has been divorced for a good number of years then?

[Island Girl]

How do I win his trust back? He always tells me that he realizes I'm beautiful and that guys will hit on me... and he even says he feels proud... but I feel that he wants to keep me locked up and holed in, so that no one else gets to me or something, I don't even know.

 

 

You become an open book.

 

You tell him that whatever he needs to fix this will happen. Checks and double checks whatever.

You tell him that you do have people who can confirm your version (although they are your friends and we all know some friends will sometimes lie for their friends).

 

And you tell him how sorry you are that he is hurt. You understand why he is hurt. And you are SORRY - so sorry for that.

Ad infinitum.

 

Ask HIM what he needs to get past this. If he doesn't know ask him to think about it and you will be ready to listen when he is ready to talk.

 

Keep in mind the only assurance he has that you did not sleep with this Benz guy is your word. And because of behavior your word is now in question.

 

Open and honest communication is key.

[Lucky_One]

New question. Last January/February, you posted about how you couldn't decide if you should go back with your soulmate or get married to this guy you care about in order to move on?

 

Are you subconciously trying to sabotage your R because you really aren't all into the idea of getting married to this man?

[LaDiva]

He is the way he is - and he apparently is not willing to change, even though he realizes that this could be a deal-breaker for you as well as for his wife. He is happy being the way he is - a homebody.

 

You, on the other hand, aren't a homebody. You are happy with the way you are.

 

- Not to big my self up here... but when we first started dating, we used to go to the gym, and for walks in the park, and we even went to Boston for this big event, and we had so much fun together. I love staying at home too... I am a Pisces and am notorious for making plans and changing my mind. However, I've never changed my mind if he asked me to go out, he doesn't ask me - he says because he had this issue with custody with the girls mom- and that was really making him sad. She was being vindictive and made it seem like he was an abusive person to her and her kids. The courts, children's services, the law guardians, (all her ploys to get full custody) OBVIOUSLY saw that her claims were unfounded, and awarded joint custody. They have been separated for 3 years, and until I came along, she never saw a reason to file for custody... he supports his kids, etc. When I came along and she saw I was a permanent fixture she was distraught and tried to put him through the ringer.

 

It would appear that you are two intrinsically different people with different needs. You immediately moved in with him before you really knew each other, and he asked you to marry him after only dating 5 months - again without knowing each other that well. [/Quote]

 

I would agree that we are different in that aspect, but I make him break out of that damn shell, and he actually calms me down. I just don't think I should stay in the house 24/7. While I am not a jealous person, I don't see how on the weekends, and some week days that he gets his kids, he has NO PROBLEMS taking them where they want to go, because that's a parent's love to shower their kids with the things they want. But what is a potential husband's love? can he not SPRINKLE me with what I want from time to time?

 

He divorced at age 30? Is that what "She was with him from 25 - 30 years of age, [ He was 30 - 25]" means? And he is 13 years older than you? I am hoping that he has been divorced for a good number of years then?

 

You will have to forgive me for error, I'm typing AND trying to format from a handheld. He and the kids mom were never married. I will be his first wife, if he doesn't decide that we need to separate.

 

When he met the kids mother, he was 30 years old and she was 25 years old. They were together for 5 years. And that was her complaint, and that is why she left him.

 

What I don't get is, he talks about how much that messed him up, wouldn't he want to give in a little?

 

I realize that in life sh*tuff (you know) happens, but I feel like something is always preventing us from going out. From March through -July the custody case... He and his daughters were throwing me a surprise birthday party and the ex girlfriend sends the police to my house saying that it's not his weekend to have the children. Mind you she asked ME to pick them up from their school. She just got mad because her daughter told her that we're buying a cake and balloons and flowers for Diva because she's the best.

 

For our anniversary we're supposed to be going to Puerto Rico, but the house we're renting has been in foreclosure for months (we are not the owners) and we have to move soon.

 

He just gets discouraged by obstacles quickly and me? I'm ready to tuck and roll.

[LaDiva]

New question. Last January/February, you posted about how you couldn't decide if you should go back with your soulmate or get married to this guy you care about in order to move on?

 

Are you subconciously trying to sabotage your R because you really aren't all into the idea of getting married to this man?

 

 

That's way too dramatic.

 

That incident would be January of 08.

 

So like I said I have been single going on two years come this January 2010.

 

It's funny that you mention the word sabotage... because I told him when we first started dating that the only way we would not work out is if we sabotaged our relationship in order to prevent each other from getting hurt.

 

But no... I did not do this on purpose... I just hopes he forgives me. This is the first guy that I do want to settle down with since my bad past ... BECAUSE I love him... and Lord, I did not want to love him, but it just happened, and that's how I know this is right ... not because he'll get me over someone that I'm already over.

 

But thanks for the additional angle.

[LaDiva]

He divorced at age 30? Is that what "She was with him from 25 - 30 years of age, [ He was 30 - 25]" means? And he is 13 years older than you? I am hoping that he has been divorced for a good number of years then?

 

I don't know if I answered this, but it was a mistake I meant, He was 30 yrs - 35 years of age. He will be 39 soon.

 

They have been broken up (they weren't married just living together) for going on four years

[AAlike]

 

Neither one of us is old! and I feel like us not going out is making our relationship handicapped.

 

I am a social butterfly, and he is a social larvae.

 

I don't get it. When I do broach the subject it turns into an argument because it "reminds him of the past"

 

well, these are very valid concerns - I wouldn't be able to cope with your situation either! unfortunately, though, you have undermined and clouded the issue entirely by doing something that I think would be considered outside of the boundaries by just about anyone.

 

Does he get upset when you go out without him when no such instances occur?

[LaDiva]

Originally Posted by LaDiva

Neither one of us is old! and I feel like us not going out is making our relationship handicapped.

 

I am a social butterfly, and he is a social larvae.

 

I don't get it. When I do broach the subject it turns into an argument because it "reminds him of the past"

 

well, these are very valid concerns - I wouldn't be able to cope with your situation either! unfortunately, though, you have undermined and clouded the issue entirely by doing something that I think would be considered outside of the boundaries by just about anyone.

 

Does he get upset when you go out without him when no such instances occur?

 

I don't know? Whenever I go out of town, he calls me [adequate amount of time, when I get in, during the day and during the evening]

 

But I've only been out to the clubs in NYC three times. And I kind of get where he's coming from... It does seemingly seem like my behavior has gotten worse as time progresses... but I don't see it like that... but I'm starting to see how he does.

 

1st time: We did it before I left for the club (sorry to be so graphic) - But then he saw the photos from that night and I took a picture with some guy... but I just saw it as some guy. Also in addition, he took issue with the fact that me and my friend did what I call "booty flicks" we're fully dressed and we look over our shoulders at the camera, but I guess the main focus of these pics is on our butts! *I have taken several of these over the years... and a couple are on my bureau's mirror."

 

2nd time: I invited my friends from out of state up here, I also flashed my friend's camera, but it was just us three girls around, and I did it so quick, it was just a joke, but he didn't appreciate it. And my friends even told him that when guys asked me to dance I danced with them, but as soon as they started getting fresh, or seemed to think that I was going to be their dancing partner for the night I excused myself. - He seemed to let it go but he always brings this night up as if making a joke, but it seems like he's serious. He says I wouldn't have flashed the camera if he was there... and I said... okay, point taken, how about next time you come?

 

And now this will be my third time hanging out in NYCity... and this is what happened.

 

I'm starting to think boycotting this whole going out and drinking until delirium thing.

 

I don't want to lose my man on account of my actions.

[Dexter Morgan]

Anyhoo, at the end of the night, I was waiting for my friend to finish talking to the guy she'd been scheming on all night, and this big body BENZ pulls up next to me, the guy tells me that he saw me in the club and just wanted to tell me that I'm beautiful. I said thanks. He asked if i had a man, and I said YES! and two beautiful girls! He stated that he if he couldn't be my man then could he be my friend... I said OF COURSE. We exchange numbers.... I tell him my phone's not working - and slide in, well... don't call me for a while -

 

uh a man that wants you, and you exchange numbers with him. are you out of your mind? what do you mean "OF COURSE" you'll exchange numbers with him?? It would be obvious to almost anyone that it wasn't a good idea to let another man get your digits...a man that wants to be your man.

 

 

<OK PAUSE> I don't know why I did it dammit, I just did.

 

you know why, you liked the attention and you wouldn't have done it if you weren't attracted to the guy. If the guy was butt ugly, you'd have said "no thanks".

 

 

WELL he texts me at 7:30 in the morning: "Hey sexy, im just pulling into my driveway, and wanted to thank you for spending time with me."

 

yup, and this guy knew there was a chance your bf would see the txt.

 

 

My baby never checks up on me, but he decided to this night. And OMG!

 

Basically to make a long story short I say: Why did you go through my phone.

 

well lets see....you went out to breakfast with this guy, so something tells me you strolled in when the rooster crowed. That is enough to throw up a red flag to anyone.

 

 

He makes it into a joke and says it was vibrating off the table, but then he gets mad and says I VIOLATED him and his trust, and since I seem to make all of the financial decisions, sexual decisions... now I seem to be making decisions about seeing other people... he wished me good luck. I'm like are you breaking up with me? And he says that I - La Diva - broke us up.

 

For the past two days, he has slept in the living room, and refuses to talk to me.

 

 

I guess I just flirted too much, had too much alcohol. Whatever, but he's acting as if I CHEATED on him

 

in a sense, you did. well, ok, not really. But people don't flirt unless there is SOME interest. flirting is showing a sign of sexual interest in someone else, whether the intent is to take it further or not.....its a signal.

 

Ok, so you didn't physically cheat on him, but my god, what were you thinking staying out til the sun comes up with this guy and giving him your number?

 

 

I could have lied, and let him think that it was my friend or a whole slew of other things. But I was honest, and for that I feel I'm being punished.

 

you aren't being punished for being honest, you are being punished for giving another guy your number and staying out with another guy when you should have been going home.

 

but again, you didn't exactly cheat, but I can see how he now has a trust issue with you.

 

how would you like it if he stayed out all night and morning with another woman that he gave his number to? I know, you'll probably say you have no issue with it, but be honest, at least with yourself.

 

 

This morning he turns our Christmas family photo of me, him, and the children around on the wall so now the frame looks blank.

 

I just feel like I'm tired of apologizing for not cheating. Without placing the blame, I feel like if he would just take me out, it doens't have to be to a club, then I wouldn't act like I have to get it "all out of my system" before I go hibernating for the next 6 months!

 

Please help me, I want to be able to have fun with my fiancee. Not have "fun" without him.

 

maybe you need to have fun without him. if you feel the need to "get it all out of your system", then maybe he isn't the one for you.

 

And since he is a homebody, he doesn't really need someone that would go out clubbing. its just not a good combination of characters.

 

but again, put yourself in his shoes, what if he went out, closed down a club, then spent time with a woman that wanted him, that he gave his number to, and then texted that to him not but a few hours later? Pretend this didn't happen to you and that you don't know the circumstance. What would you do if a woman he met and spent time with at a club til the early AM texted him what your flirt interest texted you?

[Dexter Morgan]

While I do not comprehend how you do not understand " he's acting AS IF I CHEATED on him, by kissing another guy, sexing somebodyand then coming home.".

 

you simply didn't word that sentence very well. I knew what you meant and that you weren't saying that you kissed him, etc.

[Palmer253]

I would say that even if this guy with the "big body benz" hadn't pulled up, and you hadn't given him your number, and you hadn't gone to breakfast with him. You still F*cked up by going out and getting S Bombed. Sure I totally believe that girls need to go out with their girlfriends from time to time just like guys need to go out and hang with the boys. But by going out and drinking like that you're basically putting your relationship in jeopardy. You can be the best gf/bf in the world but nobody is above making stupid decisions after having a few too many. I like to think of it like drinking and driving. Sure 99% of the time you'll make it home okay but it's that 1% of the time you'll slip up and get a DUI or hit something with your car (give out your number, kiss or have sex with someone).

 

Bottom line, if you value your relationship but still find it necessary to get completely ****okied, stay home or go out with your SO.