Fiancee Read 1 Text Message After Night Out

[Woggle]

What you did pretty much is cheating and when you are married and get bored with him which will happen you will probably go all the way. He is right for being angry with you and if he were posting I would advise him not to go through with the marriage.

[rudeaims]

Well, La Diva I guess at best you can say you have learned a valuable lesson. On a positive note, I am sure that you and your man can overcome this, but you will have to take responsibilty of your actions. Remember, as I say this with utmost respect and understanding, you are 25 and he is 38. He does not go out and party, as you put it homebody, but you need to understand "He has been there and done that"- now he is a father and obviously wanting to start a family with you.

 

I am more concerned not of what you did, but how you will prevent yourself from making the same/similar mistake in the future. Sure you were drunk but it seems as though you were filling a void with this man who complimented your sex appeal. Do you and your fiance not go out in which you feel you can dress up sexy? It is important to still maintain healthy outings with the two of you. Going to a club when you are a hot mid 20 female unaccompanied with your fiance is not really healthy. After all, what do you think is going to happen? I know what would happen if I went to a club by myself dressed hot-quite frankly, I am over that whole thing. I would know what would happen like a movie that I have seen a hundred times.

 

In the future, you might want to consider the proper atmosphere to maintain a social life. Try going out to a mexican resturant with your girls for some margaritas. Buy some dominoes and bottles of wine and have them over once the kids are to bed. Ask one of your friends if they would mind babysitting for a couple hours while you and your man had some adult time out of the house. Just do not go to a club, hand out your number to any swinging dick who finds you remotely attractive, then allow them to take you out to breakfast when they are a complete stranger. You have got to start thinking about healthy things for the two of you to do or healthy things in which a engaged 25 yr old should do.

[Jilly Bean]

Diva - I think your huge age difference is showing. You are 25, and want to go clubbing, flirt with guys, get drunk, and your fiance, at 38, is over all of that, and wants to stay home and nest.

 

I think this problem, if resolved, is certain to manifest again in other ways.

 

Regardless, you were wrong to be exchanging numbers with a guy in a club. If you really thought he wanted to be "friends", then you are very naive. How would YOU feel to read a text like this on your fiance's phone?

 

I DO understand you were not physical with this guy, but to your fiance, it appears that you wanted to be. I mean, I wouldn't go around giving out my phone number if I was engaged... He now has trust issues with you, and has to be worried about your commitment to this marriage and maturity level, and honestly, I am, too.

[rudeaims]

Diva - I think your huge age difference is showing. You are 25, and want to go clubbing, flirt with guys, get drunk, and your fiance, at 38, is over all of that, and wants to stay home and nest.

 

I think this problem, if resolved, is certain to manifest again in other ways.

 

Regardless, you were wrong to be exchanging numbers with a guy in a club. If you really thought he wanted to be "friends", then you are very naive. How would YOU feel to read a text like this on your fiance's phone?

 

I DO understand you were not physical with this guy, but to your fiance, it appears that you wanted to be. I mean, I wouldn't go around giving out my phone number if I was engaged... He now has trust issues with you, and has to be worried about your commitment to this marriage and maturity level, and honestly, I am, too.

 

 

Wow that sounds like a redundancy of my above response...

[alexxx]

Did I really cheat? What is the definition of cheating? Esp in this circumstance? I can honestly admit that I acted indiscreetly... but I was with a female friend and we were going to breakfast anyway, my boyfriend knows that I am the type to invite random people out on the streets places or give advice.

 

Was this that type of situation? No. While I can assure you that I acted stupidly, I don't believe that I cheated on him. I did not have a physical or emotional connection with this other person at all.

 

I am not an expert, but I can certainly help you answer this one. Did you cheat? Yes you did. Remember the definition of cheating:

 

"Anything you have done that you don't feel comfortable sharing with your partner".

[boogieboy]

New posters need to be reminded 50 times before it gets though.

 

You know the answer LaDiva, you and him are in 2 different places. He wants to relax, you want to have fun. Worse than that you still need validation from people in the street because you feel youre not getting enough from him. (You gave the guy your number and hung out, thats validation - drunk isnt an excuse) You arent ready to settle down even though you think you are, at least not with this guy. He needs a woman who is ready to be a homebody like him.

 

You blew his trust with you, and unless you are ready to never go out again because he doesnt want to, you wont get it back. He knows young hot and horny women like you come with this contingency. As long as you want to go out and party when he doesnt, your relationship is doomed. Think about that. I say go find someone youre own age. Are you even IN love with this guy?

[LaDiva]

uh a man that wants you, and you exchange numbers with him. are you out of your mind? what do you mean "OF COURSE" you'll exchange numbers with him?? It would be obvious to almost anyone that it wasn't a good idea to let another man get your digits...a man that wants to be your man.

 

-Thanks. I now know the "OBVIOUS" that it was not a good idea to let another man get my digits. I tried to ignore the guy, and he still kept texting me, so today I told him to cease and desist.

 

 

 

you know why, you liked the attention and you wouldn't have done it if you weren't attracted to the guy. If the guy was butt ugly, you'd have said "no thanks".

 

- I liked the attention, but hell, there were tons of other guys that were good looking that tried to get with me that night. From the bouncers, to a lot of guys on the dance floor. I politely declined most advances, or if I did dance, if the guy was getting close, I would politely tell him Thank you... but I'm all set.

 

The Benz guy was butt assed ugly. I said, I just happened to be waiting in the car for my friend, and he drove past me, pulled back and told me that he saw me, but thought I was unapproachable because I was throwing everyone shade. This guy and I actually started conversing because I told him that I respect my relationship, and that's why I was turning everyone down... not because I'm stuck up or conceited. Followed up with well... ur beautiful. Im like thanks, he's like can I be your friend. Fine? Sh-- I waited for my friend so long... She gets back to the car, and he's like are yall hungry? Never did my girlfriend leave my side. I never even hugged this guy hello or goodbye. I think the closest he got to me was when ALL THREE of us sat down... moving on.

 

 

yup, and this guy knew there was a chance your bf would see the txt.

 

 

 

 

well lets see....you went out to breakfast with this guy, so something tells me you strolled in when the rooster crowed. That is enough to throw up a red flag to anyone.

 

- Because my boyfriend and I hardly ever go out, We BOTH take advantage of the late/early morning clubbing hours. In April his brother came in from Florida, and I didn't see him until 5 AM.

 

Being that I left my home at 12:30 in the Morning... if he had a problem with me going out at that hour, then he should have said something. I even told him, that I'd see him in the morning for coffee.

 

 

in a sense, you did. well, ok, not really. But people don't flirt unless there is SOME interest. flirting is showing a sign of sexual interest in someone else, whether the intent is to take it further or not.....its a signal.

 

Ok, so you didn't physically cheat on him, but my god, what were you thinking staying out til the sun comes up with this guy and giving him your number?

 

- Not at all interested... Point One, I'm not even into his race (Whoa! Not racist... but that race has never really done anything for me) I was coming from the drunken slovenly place that said this guy is respectful because he wasn't ogling me and we had a decent conversation about each other's lives.

 

Point two... From the time he pulled up beside my friend's car, until the time I finished my last piece of omelet was approximately 40 minutes to an hour. The club let out at 4:30 AM, I sat in the car for about 10 min. he pulled up, Me, My GIRLFRIEND and him, all went to breakfast at 5AM, He paid for the meal... which DAMN! $65 for three people to eat breakfast? If I hadve known what giving him my number would have cost me... don't you think I would have shelled out $22.00?

 

 

you aren't being punished for being honest, you are being punished for giving another guy your number and staying out with another guy when you should have been going home.

 

but again, you didn't exactly cheat, but I can see how he now has a trust issue with you.

 

how would you like it if he stayed out all night and morning with another woman that he gave his number to? I know, you'll probably say you have no issue with it, but be honest, at least with yourself.

 

- I NOW know that I am wrong, and I accept responsibility for my actions. I would feel horrible, if he did it to me... In fact, I feel like I now deserve it.

We have been through a similar situation before when we first started dating with his Myspace activity and him leaving those "models" his number for them to 'call him at home' - while I was out of town. I treated it as a joke. I addressed him, and I got over it in two days. I know he is not the type to cheat. I do not cheat, That's what I don't understand... why he can't show me the same courtesy and is being very dramatic about it.

 

I feel that flirting is of course the first cousin to cheating... but I dunno... I flirt with everybody... I'm seriously an ASEXUAL flirt... I don't see it as something sexual... as a matter of fact, my bf has been with me on several occasions where I'm making jokes with the salesman at bestbuy, the woman at the grocery store counter... people at my job. I don't feel my style of Flirting is sexual. If I wanted to have sex with someone I'd be more direct. Hi. I'm Diva. Let's Do It.

 

 

maybe you need to have fun without him. if you feel the need to "get it all out of your system", then maybe he isn't the one for you.

 

And since he is a homebody, he doesn't really need someone that would go out clubbing. its just not a good combination of characters.

 

but again, put yourself in his shoes, what if he went out, closed down a club, then spent time with a woman that wanted him, that he gave his number to, and then texted that to him not but a few hours later? Pretend this didn't happen to you and that you don't know the circumstance. What would you do if a woman he met and spent time with at a club til the early AM texted him what your flirt interest texted you?

 

well... no one said it would be easy.... but I'm trying to fix it.

[LaDiva]

you simply didn't word that sentence very well. I knew what you meant and that you weren't saying that you kissed him, etc.

 

Thank you! I didn't mean to get snippy with the poster, I just felt that if that snide comment was all they could offer, then they needed to keep it moving, but she actually was pretty cool.

[LaDiva]

I would say that even if this guy with the "big body benz" hadn't pulled up, and you hadn't given him your number, and you hadn't gone to breakfast with him. You still F*cked up by going out and getting S Bombed. Sure I totally believe that girls need to go out with their girlfriends from time to time just like guys need to go out and hang with the boys. But by going out and drinking like that you're basically putting your relationship in jeopardy. You can be the best gf/bf in the world but nobody is above making stupid decisions after having a few too many. I like to think of it like drinking and driving. Sure 99% of the time you'll make it home okay but it's that 1% of the time you'll slip up and get a DUI or hit something with your car (give out your number, kiss or have sex with someone).

 

Bottom line, if you value your relationship but still find it necessary to get completely ****okied, stay home or go out with your SO.

 

 

You're right, I'm not the best girlfriend in the world, but its like Oh! I forgot to tell everyone, Our anniversary is this Friday, September 4th... and like last week, he was counting off all the things that he loved about me, like I take good care of him, I'm a clean freak, I love his kids...I'm smart, incredibly sexy, love to cook... I mean... he made me love him all over again.

 

He's a good boyfriend... we just never go out. If we do end up going out... for as a poster said "Adult time"... he wants to hang with his friends... So?

 

I never ask him what he does, did he talk to girls whatever.

 

- I trust him, although he has given me reasons in the past not to.

[LaDiva]

What you did pretty much is cheating and when you are married and get bored with him which will happen you will probably go all the way. He is right for being angry with you and if he were posting I would advise him not to go through with the marriage.

 

I'm sorry that you feel that way. You make it seem as if I am a cat, and my fiancee is a catnip toy that I would tire of.

 

That would make me a horrible person - not a person trying to learn from others who may have gone through this or can offer a perspective on how I can prevent an indiscretion such as this from happening in the future.

 

You're right. I'm not marriage material because well... you just said so.

 

God bless.

[Trimmer]

How do I win his trust back? He always tells me that he realizes I'm beautiful and that guys will hit on me... and he even says he feels proud... but I feel that he wants to keep me locked up and holed in, so that no one else gets to me or something....

No, that's not it. You've been out, it sounds like, without serious objection on his part, so it's melodramatic of you to claim that he wants to "keep you locked up."

 

What he needs is not for you to be locked in, but to be comfortable with the boundaries you set for yourself. The times he gets concerned are not just from you going out. They are the times that you push close to a boundary (dancing with guys who get fresh, and would obviously go for you if they had the chance) or step over a boundary (exchanging numbers, having breakfast w/Mr. Big Body Benz...) that he is not comfortable with.

 

I did not have a physical or emotional connection with this other person at all.

You may believe that, but seeing a text to you with the pet name "sexy" didn't do much to reinforce that notion with him.

 

Did I really cheat? What is the definition of cheating? Esp in this circumstance?

A specific definition of the word isn't germane. The point is: do the two of you agree on where the boundaries are for you going out and "having fun?" It sounds like he has been reasonably comfortable with you going out, but that ending up having breakfast with someone you give your phone number to who ends up texting you calling you "sexy" is over the line. That's a boundary he would rather you not cross, and you did.

 

(Incidentally, does he know you told the guy not to call you for a while? I think you need to take a serious closer look - within yourself - at what that means...)

 

The two of you need to come to an agreement about the common boundaries you both can live with, and it doesn't depend on somoene else's definition of "cheating" or "fun" or "breakfast." It depends on an open, honest discussion between the two of you about what is acceptable, and an attempt to reach an agreement. And I don't think that means locking you in, but I suspect neither does it allow for late-night breakfasts and texts to "sexy."

 

Without a willing meeting of the minds that you can both honestly live with, you will either replay this scenario over again as you push boundaries to get the "fun" you need, or you will resent him for holding you back. Either one is poison, don't you think?

 

 

I would agree that we are different in that aspect, but I make him break out of that damn shell, and he actually calms me down. I just don't think I should stay in the house 24/7. While I am not a jealous person, I don't see how on the weekends, and some week days that he gets his kids, he has NO PROBLEMS taking them where they want to go, because that's a parent's love to shower their kids with the things they want. But what is a potential husband's love? can he not SPRINKLE me with what I want from time to time?

 

He just gets discouraged by obstacles quickly and me? I'm ready to tuck and roll.

I think these are things you need to get a good handle on before dedicating your life to each other. If they are serious issues, and you are just assuming that he will change by sheer force of your will, you may end up quite disappointed somewhere down the road.

[LaDiva]

Well, La Diva I guess at best you can say you have learned a valuable lesson. On a positive note, I am sure that you and your man can overcome this, but you will have to take responsibilty of your actions. Remember, as I say this with utmost respect and understanding, you are 25 and he is 38. He does not go out and party, as you put it homebody, but you need to understand "He has been there and done that"- now he is a father and obviously wanting to start a family with you.

 

- Yes, he tells me that all of the time, "I've had those fun times, "been there, done that"." I want to be with him, so I will just have to take his word, and yours, and my family's word that its not all its cracked up to be. He wants to have more kids with me, and I would like to start a family as well as purchasing our first home.

 

I am more concerned not of what you did, but how you will prevent yourself from making the same/similar mistake in the future. Sure you were drunk but it seems as though you were filling a void with this man who complimented your sex appeal. Do you and your fiance not go out in which you feel you can dress up sexy?

 

- We most certainly do not. And I can wear cute/hot/sexy apparel... but only if we're together... and all we do together is laundromat, grocery store, shopping for the house. If I were to do any of those things by myself, he makes clipped remarks about what I'm wearing. That's all I really want is for him to take me somewhere, I do try to open him up and get him out of the house. We don't have to go to a club, we don't have to go to dinner and a movie, we don't have to go bowling, we don't even have to do anything that costs money.

 

I'm relatively new to the NYC area. He could take me around the corner, and it would be a new treat for me. Show me something I've never seen before... I know we're in a recession. But geez. Let me know that you care about my needs too. He can't say I don't care about his, because if we've been together since September 4 of 2008, and I've only gone out three times, what does that say?

 

It is important to still maintain healthy outings with the two of you. Going to a club when you are a hot mid 20 female unaccompanied with your fiance is not really healthy. After all, what do you think is going to happen? I know what would happen if I went to a club by myself dressed hot-quite frankly, I am over that whole thing. I would know what would happen like a movie that I have seen a hundred times.

 

-Ok... point taken, I never saw it that way... of course I know it will be a problem. And that it will be the same old story. DOTE! Clubs are the same here as in Boston, right?

 

In the future, you might want to consider the proper atmosphere to maintain a social life. Try going out to a mexican resturant with your girls for some margaritas. Buy some dominoes and bottles of wine and have them over once the kids are to bed. Ask one of your friends if they would mind babysitting for a couple hours while you and your man had some adult time out of the house. Just do not go to a club, hand out your number to any swinging dick who finds you remotely attractive, then allow them to take you out to breakfast when they are a complete stranger. You have got to start thinking about healthy things for the two of you to do or healthy things in which a engaged 25 yr old should do.

 

-Thank you very much for your positive words of encouragement. Really, thank you!

[LaDiva]

I am not an expert, but I can certainly help you answer this one. Did you cheat? Yes you did. Remember the definition of cheating:

 

"Anything you have done that you don't feel comfortable sharing with your partner".

 

-Whoa! In that case, according to your definition, I did not cheat!

 

If my SO would have let me tell him the story, it would've been like all other stories I've told him of my trysts in the club circuits, {Baby, can you believe some guy offered to pay for me and Darlene to have breakfast if I gave him my number??? Lmao! He was so ugly! yaddah yaddah yaddah) and he would've been miffed, but he would've gotten over it.

 

But he didn't even give me time, because he SNUCK and did it while I was sleeping. I don't hide anything? I don't lock my phone.

 

The fact that made him so mad, was that because of his own insecurities with stuff he's been found guilty of, he went through my phone and found the proof in the pudding so to speak. If he hadn't went through my cell looking for the messages, we'd both be laughing about this stupidness.

[Trimmer]

I don't feel my style of Flirting is sexual. If I wanted to have sex with someone I'd be more direct. Hi. I'm Diva. Let's Do It.

Well this is a huge disconnect. If you're reasonable looking enough to be getting that much attention at the club ("throwing shade" as Mr. Big Benz put it...) then the men you're flirting with aren't thinking of it as non-sexual. Not that the guy at Best Buy expects specifically to get sex from you, but you're probably giving him a little thrill, and you're either naive or disingenuous to suggest that it's non-sexual.

 

Your BF, being a guy, probably notices and has learned to live with it, but it may have heightened his sensitivity and concern about your behavior out.

 

And so maybe you could have made the case that "it's harmless, you can trust me", and your BF may have been gritting his teeth all this time, trying to be the understanding guy, and saying to himself "she's right, I've got to settle down and trust her," but then once Mr. Big Benz comes along and takes you out for breakfast and sends you the "sexy" text, it simply confirms all of the fears he was doing his best to suppress.

 

We guys know: Mr. Big Benz would rather have had sex with you than breakfast. Mr. Big Benz knows that, and your BF knows that, too. And instead of saying "no", you rewarded him with a consolation prize and your phone number. And he peed on your boyfriends fire hydrant by sending you the "sexy" text. If you don't get all of that, that's where you and your BF aren't understanding each other.

[LaDiva]

New posters need to be reminded 50 times before it gets though.

 

You know the answer LaDiva, you and him are in 2 different places. He wants to relax, you want to have fun. Worse than that you still need validation from people in the street because you feel youre not getting enough from him. (You gave the guy your number and hung out, thats validation - drunk isnt an excuse) You arent ready to settle down even though you think you are, at least not with this guy. He needs a woman who is ready to be a homebody like him.

 

You blew his trust with you, and unless you are ready to never go out again because he doesnt want to, you wont get it back. He knows young hot and horny women like you come with this contingency. As long as you want to go out and party when he doesnt, your relationship is doomed. Think about that. I say go find someone youre own age. Are you even IN love with this guy?

 

 

I just won't go out. I've said it before, I know how to sacrifice. This "young hot and horny woman" knows how to keep it at home, because that's how he likes it. But when he turns 45, he better not start talking about he's bored , midlife crisis, and wants to see other people, because we don't go out enough or we NEVER DO ANYTHING. I can see it now.

[Trimmer]

-Whoa! In that case, according to your definition, I did not cheat!

 

If my SO would have let me tell him the story, it would've been like all other stories I've told him of my trysts in the club circuits...

I'm still interested in why you told him not to call you right away. Would you have included that part in the story to your BF, and how would you have explained it if he asked about it? Or would you have kept that to yourself, you know, just not to cause any unnecessary waves...

 

And again, if he was so ugly and repulsive, why did you agree to exchange numbers in the first place again? I'm still trying to figure that one out.

 

In spite of your BF gritting his teeth and doing his best to live with it and pretending to laugh about it, I bet your BF has been having trouble figuring out more of this than you realize.

[LaDiva]

No, that's not it. You've been out, it sounds like, without serious objection on his part, so it's melodramatic of you to claim that he wants to "keep you locked up."

 

What he needs is not for you to be locked in, but to be comfortable with the boundaries you set for yourself. The times he gets concerned are not just from you going out. They are the times that you push close to a boundary (dancing with guys who get fresh, and would obviously go for you if they had the chance) or step over a boundary (exchanging numbers, having breakfast w/Mr. Big Body Benz...) that he is not comfortable with.

 

 

You may believe that, but seeing a text to you with the pet name "sexy" didn't do much to reinforce that notion with him.

 

 

A specific definition of the word isn't germane. The point is: do the two of you agree on where the boundaries are for you going out and "having fun?" It sounds like he has been reasonably comfortable with you going out, but that ending up having breakfast with someone you give your phone number to who ends up texting you calling you "sexy" is over the line. That's a boundary he would rather you not cross, and you did.

 

(Incidentally, does he know you told the guy not to call you for a while? I think you need to take a serious closer look - within yourself - at what that means...)

 

The two of you need to come to an agreement about the common boundaries you both can live with, and it doesn't depend on somoene else's definition of "cheating" or "fun" or "breakfast." It depends on an open, honest discussion between the two of you about what is acceptable, and an attempt to reach an agreement. And I don't think that means locking you in, but I suspect neither does it allow for late-night breakfasts and texts to "sexy."

 

Without a willing meeting of the minds that you can both honestly live with, you will either replay this scenario over again as you push boundaries to get the "fun" you need, or you will resent him for holding you back. Either one is poison, don't you think?

 

 

 

I think these are things you need to get a good handle on before dedicating your life to each other. If they are serious issues, and you are just assuming that he will change by sheer force of your will, you may end up quite disappointed somewhere down the road.

 

 

Oh my goodness, I would hug you, but I have to ask my SO about my boundaries first!

 

This was really good advice, especially on the last part.

[Trimmer]

I just won't go out. I've said it before, I know how to sacrifice. This "young hot and horny woman" knows how to keep it at home, because that's how he likes it. But when he turns 45, he better not start talking about he's bored , midlife crisis, and wants to see other people, because we don't go out enough or we NEVER DO ANYTHING. I can see it now.

I take no pleasure in pointing out that you're starting to resent him already... 7 years in advance, no less.

 

Without a willing meeting of the minds that you can both honestly live with, you will either replay this scenario over again as you push boundaries to get the "fun" you need, or you will resent him for holding you back. Either one is poison, don't you think?

[LaDiva]

Well this is a huge disconnect. If you're reasonable looking enough to be getting that much attention at the club ("throwing shade" as Mr. Big Benz put it...) then the men you're flirting with aren't thinking of it as non-sexual. Not that the guy at Best Buy expects specifically to get sex from you, but you're probably giving him a little thrill, and you're either naive or disingenuous to suggest that it's non-sexual.

 

Your BF, being a guy, probably notices and has learned to live with it, but it may have heightened his sensitivity and concern about your behavior out.

 

And so maybe you could have made the case that "it's harmless, you can trust me", and your BF may have been gritting his teeth all this time, trying to be the understanding guy, and saying to himself "she's right, I've got to settle down and trust her," but then once Mr. Big Benz comes along and takes you out for breakfast and sends you the "sexy" text, it simply confirms all of the fears he was doing his best to suppress.

 

We guys know: Mr. Big Benz would rather have had sex with you than breakfast. Mr. Big Benz knows that, and your BF knows that, too. And instead of saying "no", you rewarded him with a consolation prize and your phone number. And he peed on your boyfriends fire hydrant by sending you the "sexy" text. If you don't get all of that, that's where you and your BF aren't understanding each other.

 

 

For some reason, I didn't see this message until I replied to the latter message you posted.

 

"but then once Mr. Big Benz comes along and takes you out for breakfast and sends you the "sexy" text, it simply confirms all of the fears he was doing his best to suppress."

 

 

That's exactly what my BF said... I know that he was really upset, hurt and angry, but damnnnnnnnn. I now understand why he said those things.

 

Thanks for putting into perspective why he said that he knew I was too good to be true, and I was like all of the rest of the females in the world.

[alexxx]

-Whoa! In that case, according to your definition, I did not cheat!

 

If my SO would have let me tell him the story, it would've been like all other stories I've told him of my trysts in the club circuits, {Baby, can you believe some guy offered to pay for me and Darlene to have breakfast if I gave him my number??? Lmao! He was so ugly! yaddah yaddah yaddah) and he would've been miffed, but he would've gotten over it.

 

But he didn't even give me time, because he SNUCK and did it while I was sleeping. I don't hide anything? I don't lock my phone.

 

The fact that made him so mad, was that because of his own insecurities with stuff he's been found guilty of, he went through my phone and found the proof in the pudding so to speak. If he hadn't went through my cell looking for the messages, we'd both be laughing about this stupidness.

 

LaDiva, you are a good girl, and I hope your boyfriend is different from most of us. I, personally, would never take you back.

 

Back to the main topic: Did you cheat?

 

Sure you did. When you chill off (in a month or so, you cannot reason clearly right now), try thinking about roles reversed: Him going to a lunch with another woman and not telling you about it. Believe me, you'd go crazy.

[LaDiva]

I'm still interested in why you told him not to call you right away. Would you have included that part in the story to your BF, and how would you have explained it if he asked about it? Or would you have kept that to yourself, you know, just not to cause any unnecessary waves...

 

And again, if he was so ugly and repulsive, why did you agree to exchange numbers in the first place again? I'm still trying to figure that one out.

 

In spite of your BF gritting his teeth and doing his best to live with it and pretending to laugh about it, I bet your BF has been having trouble figuring out more of this than you realize.

 

like I said, it was dumb to allow agree to give him my number if he paid for breakfast. I was being a jerk, when I was like don't call me for a while...

 

I gave him a little glimmer of hope, so he wouldn't feel used for shelling out the money.

 

And his glimmer turned into a shard of glass.

[LaDiva]

I take no pleasure in pointing out that you're starting to resent him already... 7 years in advance, no less.

 

touché.

 

ouch.

 

okay so what exactly do I say in this boundary conversation?

 

Because I hurt him, do I get to make requests for boundaries as well?

[LaDiva]

Ok,

 

So I don't know if I told you guys that he's currently sleeping in the living room, and I blew up yesterday after he ate my lasagna and I told him that I don't like this separation bull stuff. He said he's not separating, he just wanted to watch different programming. SO I said you can watch different programming in the room with me, and he said, Diva, what are you worried about? Me and you? We're good. I just need time to get over this and process some stuff in my mind.

 

[then like i said i woke up and the family portrait was purposely turned about face]

 

I left him a note, and told him he will not move the picture again, because that is not helping either one of us cope with the situation.

 

I meant to come home and take it down after talking with Posters who said that I have to be humble and allow him to work this out his own way, but I didn't make it home before he did.

 

He was walking out the door and I said "Hi, can I have a kiss hello?" So he gave me a kiss and told me he was on his way to pick up his kids.

 

The kids came in: Mommy Diva? you feel better... yes my loves, I gave them baths, fed them and showed my oldest step-daughter what we got her for school clothes. He started speaking to me, and I damn near fainted. He told me that her mom is going to look for the paper for her school supply list, and that don't forget to let him hem her pants for school.

 

I damn near fainted.

 

I can see that he's warming back up, but then he gets cold all over again.

[Island Girl]

I can see that he's warming back up, but then he gets cold all over again.

 

I'm glad he is showing progress with working this out.

 

It would not have been a good idea for the kids to see the portrait like that especially since they have been through a divorce.

 

Patience - patience - patience.

 

The warming up is a good sign. Of course he is reminded of the hurt and withdraws a bit but that is WAAAAAY better than ranting at you.

 

It will work out. Just stay understanding. And be open to the conversation when it happens.

[Woggle]

I'm sorry that you feel that way. You make it seem as if I am a cat, and my fiancee is a catnip toy that I would tire of.

 

God bless.

 

Isn't that how most women treat relationships? You just seem like one of those women who is addicted to the initial chemical rush and bails when it comes time for a deeper level of commitment. Do him a favor and dump him.